Need Sleep Help!

I was having huge problems with my one son (his twin brother has no sleep issues) and came across a newscast that was talking about a book called Sleep Easy Solution. I immediately went out and bought it and 4 nights later my son was sleeping through the night without waking up. I believe this book is for children birth through 5. All information can be found at sleepyplanet.com. Good Luck!

Get him a new bed. Sometimes a new bed and sheets can motivate a child to sleep in it. It worked for me. :)

When you say won't go to sleep w/out you. What does that mean?
As for getting him water etc during the night. FORGET IT!!!
Give him water brush teeth then bed that's it. Leave him alone, check to see nothing is seriously wrong then go about your business.
Don't let him get into the habit of sleeping w/ you, bad news.
Kids tend to know how far to push and will do whatever you let them get away with. He needs to learn NO means NO. Be consistant!!!

Kids are like little adults the same things that you need they need. If you're sleepy enough you'll fall asleep. Training your baby starts in the first weeks making it easier for you to get them to follow a schedule.

Children will learn in fact they crave it, but it takes discipline not only for the child but for you. Yes that's right it takes a dedication on your part to train your children. You have to be persistent and stick to your plan. You are the adult your child does not run your home you do. Children need direction and discipline as much as they need love and affection. Train a child the way they should go and they will not depart from it.

These are things that take no more than 10 minutes.
Do not illuminate the room at night
Feed heavier foods before bedtime
A soothing warm bath
A short bedtime story
Bedtime at the same time every night
Give water before he goes to his room and say it's all until morning and mean it
Soothing music - classical
If you have a soothing voice, sing

If your child is still not ready for bedtime after you’ve done all you can do. They are dry, fed and loved; then kiss your little one goodnight and mean it. Letting them cry themselves to sleep is good parenting if you have made your child secure in knowing you are just in the next room. It won't take long and the next time they'll get the message that bedtime means just that.

However, (and I hate to go here) if you do not have a secure home for your child and your lifestyle is questionable meaning that you don’t have a set bedtime for yourself and people and/or situations make it hard for a child or anyone else to get to sleep at your home, then you hold that child until he falls sleeps creating a sense of security.

It is not always easy or fun to be a mom but that said, you are his first teacher. If you want him to curse and scream at adversity, then continue to model that behavior. He is probably having growing pains, possibly fear at something that he doesn't understand about his world, like his mom's losing it, or whatever. Get help quick, learn meditation, or simply focus on the gratitude that you have a child who can be with you in your world. Not all parents are so lucky.

I can tell you what our night routine is and maybe some of it will seem fit for you.
1. Bath time
2. Push play on the same meditation, relaxation cd with a nice womans voice singing, all night on repeat every night.
3. I sit with her for about 3-4 minutes in the dark talking quietly.
4. I say alright good night, I will see you in the morning, I love you.
4. Once we say good night, that is it. Our ped suggested the "cry it out" solution after many nights after an illness that began a middle of the night feeding pattern. You are training your son that his behavior gets the reaction that you give. Try changing your reaction, like letting him cry. I HATE that answer because it broke my heart but that was the only one that worked. It only took 3 nights and she started just going to sleep. And the cd is soothing if she does wake up in the night. Good luck!
I also think telling your child," you may cry but I will not be coming back in because I think you need to go to sleep now" is good, so they know you are hearing them, even if you don't come back.

Hi M.,

I am an alternative health practitioner and for your "l'il one" looking at a lot of different things is important to come to a solution. Do you have him on a children's multi vitamin? There could be a nutritional deficiency.Was his birth an easy one? Sometimes there is a need to look at the emotional makeup of the child to see if there are fears or feelings of abandonment that are triggering the behavior. I own Kay's Nutrition and Health lCenter on Yosemite and Los Angeales Avenue in Simi. Would love to talk to you more and see where we can help you. Our website is www.kaysnutrition.com.

I know how frustrating it is when you don't get enough sleep. I raised 4 boys the first 3 being very close to each other. Just to let you know there are solutions. It is important to just look deeply for them.

Blessings,

J. Sanders
Alternative Health Practitioner

My daughter does this also. Chiropractic adjustments have always helped her. She is much calmer and relaxed after an adjustment.

This is the part of motherhood no one told me about either. One time I told my hubby to take the kid or I was going to throw him up against the wall. He was just a baby and crying but nothing I did would make him stop. I changed him, fed him, and rocked him and he just kept on and on... I was going nuts! And I am a grouchy one when it comes to being tired!
We moms need a break now and then too. Try taking shifts with hubby,or something. Thinking back I remember we'd say, "It's your turn" when it was the middle of the night and the kids were up. It will get better.
My kids are now 14 and 15 and turned out fine. (as teens go) They went through that stage too. In fact, I used to let them sleep on my floor on nights when they were feeling really insecure, up until the age of 10 or 11. My hubby didn't like that, he said "I fed into their insecurities" and he kept telling them "no" but I didn't see the harm, so sometimes I'd make daddy let them sleep on the floor. Especially if they are feeling icky. Throwing up can be scary! I'd camp them out by the potty with a towel on the floor next to the toilet (making sure everything was clean down there first!) and a pillow, so I could go back to bed, and they would sit there until the nausea passed.
One day they'll be gone and moved out and we'll be wishing they were in our rooms on the floor sleeping again. (the floor was an agreement we made because we didn't want them in bed with us but I didn't mind them being close, sometimes I had to be careful climbing out of bed because there would be a kid right there. I had to climb off the back of my bed.)
I could forsee the future of my kids one day moving out, so I lived in the present, enjoying as much of them as I could. Good luck with the patience in this area.Remember, "This too shall pass" sometimes that gives comfort remembering that. Give him a hug for me! Be gentle in voice but firm in action. Tell him how you feel. "use your words" and let him know this is not allowed, but water is a good thing to have lots of so I wouldn't hold that back. Maybe keep water near by in a glass for ease on you. I sleep with water next to my bed all the time. I wake up with dry throat. When the kids were little it was the last thing I'd do for them, like a bed time ritual, I'd bring them water. They were well potty trained by then. Your son is a bit small yet, but one day you can just leave water next to their bed. Save you a trip.
Maybe try to create a new better habit. I used to read to mine to get them all settled into their bed. But before I read I told them that when I was done they were to lay down and go right to sleep, in their own bed, or I wouldn't read to them. Cat in the hat is my favorite. Need some? I have some! :)
Best wishes. Kids really are a handful, so we are allowed to blow up now and then. We're just kids in adult bodies remember?
Hugs!

We have a similar issue here. My son is a little over three. Since we moved into a new house and he's in a big boy bed he won't go to sleep by himself like he used to. Here are some things I've noticed. Regardless of how consistent I am with a bed time...
If he has a nap past 4pm he won't go to sleep until at least 10.
If he has an earlier nap he will go to sleep by 9
If he has no nap and has gotten up no later than 8 he'll be asleep by 8.
If he has a bath he goes to sleep easier. Seems to put into motion the "sleep routine".
If he's played hard that day. Like been to the park or had a play date with someone or we walked a lot, that seems to help.
If he's been at his preschool for the day, that also seems to help.
If he's knows at least 30 minutes ahead of time that bed time is coming that also seems to help.
If a light is left on he'll stay awake longer.
He always has some warm milk before bed and that seems like his comfort.
He still has a pacifier but only at bedtime. Without this, I think I would be up a lot during the night. I'm as addicted to thing more than he is.
He has a special blanket that he sleeps with. It's a non negotiable for him.
What I've started doing is taking a flashlight in with me, and reading by flashlight. He'll fall asleep faster because it's "almost" dark but he knows I'm there and that comforts him.
I DO NOT lay on his bed with him, instead sit on a little love seat in his room. If that weren't there, I'd sit on the floor. If I ever do lay on the bed, he fidgets and won't ever go to sleep.
I'm in the same boat as far as him going to sleep and needing someone there. Finding how to get him to sleep quickly without making him feel insecure is the trick I guess. I'm still trying to figure it out.
I know on the Nanny one time, she recommended that you sit with your child but each night move closer and closer to the door. And you don't talk if they talk to you once you've said your good nights and love yous. Then one night you sit outside the door. And then after that you're free. I had a friend who tried it and it worked. But since then they've moved and he shares a room with a sibling so I think that made the difference. He was four by the way.
I had another friend who dealt with him not sleeping through the night. They let him cry it out. It was only after they got him a big boy bed that he finally stopped crying and started sleeping better. He also was around 2 1/2.
I'm not sure any of this is helpful. But know you're not alone and we are dealing with a similar situation. It is about security. They don't feel secure. Maybe you can explore finding things that help him feel secure that don't include you in the room.
Hang in there,
C.

My son has this habit sometimes too at bedtime. For him, it's usually because he didn't get enough running around time during the day and he's wired at bedtime, so I try to get him out as much as possible during the afternoon. Sometimes, he actually hungry and just needs a good snack because he didn't eat all his dinner.

I cant tell you how common this is.I'm here to say it will all work out, maybe not as quickly as you like but every child is different. Be patient. It could be a little phase , it could be more. I think you are not really a parent until you walk down a hall way in the middle of the night cursing. lol. There are many ways to handle your situation and it really depends on the child.I cant stress this enough. Every child is different. I would ask your pediatrician . Talk to the doctor at length about the whole situation and see what advice you get and try it. If it doesnt work move on.Most of my friends who were in this situation slept in the room with their child (a few weeks or more) until their child felt comfortable. Also (and this is easier with an older kid who you can really talk and reason with) find out what he needs to feel safe. Stuffed animal, night light. My husband used to (and still does) wrestle/play with my son before bed. He was worn out and fell asleep quickly. It took what seemed like forever to get him to sleep in his room on his own the whole night. I know exactly how tired and frustrated you are. But as I said , some kids fall asleep fast and sail in dream land all night without a peep. I didnt have that child but I made it through. Good Luck!

Hi Maria. My son went through this same thing last year after he was really sick with the rota virus for ten days (he had just turned 3). we had to lie with him in his bed until he fell asleep and then he would come into our room wanting juice and to sleep with us, sometimes throwing a bit of a tantrum. for awhile we were so sleep deprived that we would do anything to get him back to sleep (either in bed with us or one of us back in the bed with him). it was starting to get really crazy and no one was getting a good nights sleep! I knew he needed to learn how to fall asleep on his own - i was actually doing him a disservice by sleeping with him. After I got pregnant with #2 i knew i had to get the situation under control! *but it went on for months). Anyway, I used the advice of two books: Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth and the Super Nanny Book by Jo Frost. I made a poster (bedtime star chart) with Sleep Rules (stay in bed, close our eyes, stay quiet and go to sleep), then I would read it every night and give him a treat in the morning when he stayed in bed. I did this combined with the controlled crying technique. All I can say is that after 3 or 4 nights there was a dramatic difference!!!! Now we have a rule where i lie and cuddle with him for ten minutes, then i leave while he is still awake and 90% of the time he goes to sleep alone and sleeps all night!!!!! I also stuck to a stricter bedtime routine (dinner, bath, 3 stories, lights out by 8:00). I think most kids seem to thrive on routine and if you stick with it, and don't cave in, they will get it and things will turn around. Anyway, sorry to ramble on, Good Luck! I am due with our little girl on tuesday so I am glad we got our situation under control. Although soon I am back to sleepness nights with a newborn! :)

Hi M.,
I have a 3 year old son and when he was a little over 1 year old we were having similar problems. I bought the book "Good Night Sleep Tight" By Kim West. Her techniques really worked for us. It is a great book becasue the chapters are broken down by the childs age group so you don't have to read the entire thing. the website for the book is www.sleeplady.com . I also had the same battle with my son wanting water at bedtime, since it won't hurt himto have I just give him a sippy cup of water when I am tucking him in. It is one less battle and one less thing he can use to get me to come back. I hope things work out for you soon, good luck.

:) E.

I wish I could offer advice but unfortunately we are in the same boat. My two and a half year old won't go to sleep without us either. We tried putting him to sleep by himself but he would stay up crying until he fell asleep out of exhaustion, and sometimes this would take hours. I couldn't take that. So instead we just shifted our bedtime routine so that he goes to bed a little later and my hubby who has to get up early for work just goes to bed at the same time with him. I know it's probably not the "best" solution out there, but it works for us.

(P.S. I know there are folks out there who will say that he will never learn to sleep on his own this way, but I have a hard time believing he will go off to college not knowing how to put himself to sleep. All will come in time.)

Dear M.,

I don't miss those days. Children like to feel the protection of their parents and the comfort they provide. Your son is responding normally to something nice you provided when he was ill.

Make sure he wears warm clothing when he is put to bed. Everyone's body temperature is different and although you may feel warm he may not. Children also are more restless sleepers and the covers may end up on the floor rather than on him.

Build routines before bedtime. Read a book, play quiet music, lay with him for a moment and let him know you will leave in a couple of minutes. He may fight you the first couple of times but once he knows you mean business he will understand their is no compromise.

Hope this helps in the meantime try to get some naptime in whenever possible.

It's a stage in my opinion. Had the same issues. I set the expectations each night as we lay snuggling in bed. "mommy's going to leave in a minute. You are going to ..." Every night I repeated that. She has a nightlight and listens to a white noise machine. I agree with the woman who said to tell him that you are NOT coming back in to his room no matter what, but stick to it. He'll test to see if you mean what you say. Leave a sippy cup of water within reach. Make sure he's not hungry when you put him to bed. Good luck. It will get better so try some things to see if they work but stick with them for at least 5 days because behavior will usually change in 3 for most kids and 5 will give you 2 extra days in case he is hard to convince that you mean business.