Need Opinions on Separation/custody Issue

I would be very upset, too. But if you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that his mom IS able to stay the night with the boys that he is supposed to be with them, you can look at it as HER time with her grandsons, and that's ok. If you still have a good relationship with her, it's ok to ask her how she's doing with the boys on those nights. If she's really not doing ok, then it's time to address it with your ex.

I think it would be a completely different story if he was hiring an overnight sitter on those nights, instead of calling his mom. It may also be that he's afraid he won't know what to do IF one of the boys got sick, and he's not about to tell YOU that!!! (Men can come up with the most bizarre "reasons" for doing some of the things they do!!)

At this point in your situation, there's not a whole lot you can do, except be thankful that he IS asking his mom to watch the boys on his night. If you proceed with the divorce, be sure and ask your attorney about stipulations for visitation, that would include your husband being required to stay at home on the nights the boys spend there. (The atty will tell you if you can request that stipulation from the judge, or not.)

I've been in your shoes once, and I'm so sorry you're having to wear them now. Feel free to call me or email me anytime, even if it's just to "vent" your frustrations!

Praying for you!
~J.~
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I agree w Cindy S.- Just let it go.
It all comes back to your first statement about him not growing up. This is it. My ex used to do the same thing only more extreme. He got the boys 1 week a month when they were little he picked them up and promptly depositied them at his mothers house, not to be seen again unti he had to bring them back to me.

The crappy part is, there is really nothing you can do about it. He isn't putting them in danger in any way, he is just not being a dad, and there is no law against that.

Yeah, it sucks, but you cant make him grow up no matter what you do, just cross your fingers and hope he does.

I don't think your overreacting at all.I understand why you are upset but in other peoples view it might be what he does with his time w/the kids is his business.

Just try not to worry and just be glad that they are taken care of.
It upset me when my ex goes out when he has our son when hebarely sees them but I much rather have his parents take care of our son cause my ex is Very irresponsible as well.

Good Luck to you and just try not to dwell on it. They more you do the harder it is, I know from experience. I now try to make the best of the times i have to myself and with my new boyfriend.

M.

Not meaning ot compare to the dregs of daddies, but at least he is seeing his kids and in their lives. Be thankful for what you do have. My kids' dad has seen them about 5 times in the last 6 years. He lives out of state. When I got divorce, I did modify the "usual stipulations" of visitation, especially since he is out of state, like not allowing the children to travel without a mutually approved chaparone, that he could not take the children for any extended period of time without first showing a pattern of consistency in visitation - all of which he has not done to date 6 years later. So moral of the story, although you may not be able to control what he does with kids now, you can try to exercise some legal control if you divorce - that's not to say he will even adhere to orders! Good luck - let it go if they are safe and he is there when they are awake and treats them well.

Turn loose. For your own sanity, just let it go.
He is the one who is missing out and probably hs the mentality that the boys will be young forever, but staying with Grandma will taper off naturally as they get older. He may feel this is a good compromise in sharing them with his mother...who knows. Just take your own head in a new direction if the boys are safe and well cared for. There is, after all, a reason you left him.
C. S.

Hmmm.. I don't think you are overreacting. I think your are reacting the way that a newly separated person does, mom or dad.
When things are new they are hard to understand, and it takes some getting used to.
You aren't separated because you were having a good time. Time will teach you most of the things you will need to survive this. In the mean time, don't sweat the small stuff.
The kids will grow up no matter how hard you or your husband try to screw it up. That is a joke.
This quote has helped me a lot. "over control of anything, is out of control behavior." When you stop trying to control things, you really feel much more relaxed.
Caring and controlling are similar and hard to separate.