Need Input on Holding Back Your Child in Kindergarten

I held my daughter back in first grade and it was the best thing I have ever done. My only regret is that I should have done it in Kindergarten but she has done fine!!

I have 5 kids and my youngest is 8 and in Second grade. I had him wait a year before starting kindergarten. He probably would have been fine going on, but, I didn't want him to be the youngest in the class and I wanted him to have a lot of self confidence. I decided on my own, and later, the pediatrician said I had made the right decision. Pre-school teachers had said to look for classroom readiness. I think if a child is struggling, that might be a red flag. Definitely get the teacher's and doctor's input.

My daughter is currently in PreK-4 and has the choice of going into a PreK-5 class or Kindergarten....I had alot of anxiety of what to do....I've polled EVERYONE!! I've talked to many teachers/administrators and read things...everything I've heard says that you'll never regret holding them back at this age but you could regret NOT holding them back. The whole phrase of a child "being ready or not"...I don't think that's really the question. My daughter knows all her letters, sounds, etc and has for over a year but emotionally I don't think she's ready. All the research says its better for the child to start school later...the way the teacher treats the child, the way the child thinks of themself, will carry all the way through their senior year and it's all setup in kindergarten....it's really hard to believe but it makes alot of sense. Obviously, I've decided to hold my daughter back to preK-5 (she turns 5 in June). I'm really at peace with my decision and I hope that you feel confident about your decision whichever way you go.

This is the same as my boys. I tell you I didn't do anythign with my oldest, he just was very interested in learning and my younger son could care less...he has much bigger fish to fry than reading!

I haven't held my son back though. As he matures ( he is in 1st now) he has gotten so much more out of it. My younger son does have some sleep issues and that really affected his learning but since we got his sleep under control it is much better. He also has some writing issues and this school has been really great about workign with him. I try working with him and I feel bad, but he and I bump heads and he doesn't want to do it the way I want him to and it is a mess. I really understand what you are talking about. I would ask them to have him evaluated further to see if he has any special ed issues that might play a role in him having problems. He could use the extra attention at school and my son really seems to absorb it better at school than at home..

I know I am not much help other than being able to relate. I don't think I would hold him back in kindergarten though... there can be a huge difference in how they mature through first grade. I am seeing it in my son!

Good luck...

I have several friends who did not hold their son's back in K or 1st grade and are now in HS and the kids are really struggling. You know your child best and it sounds like you already made up your mind. Keep him back now so you and he won't have to struggle in the future.

I taught elementary school for 5.5 years before becoming a stay at home mommy. Most, if not all, of the more immature boys I had in my class were summer birthdays like your son. Most of them struggled academically, although they were bright, and all of the struggled socially. I taught 5th grade mostly and this is a big year for social and emotional growth as many of the kids are beginning puberty. Boy brains, in general, mature more slowly than girl brains. This is also evident in 5th grade, lol. (ie the girls start showing their "hormones" more quickly than the boys). Also, many boys struggle in school, especially in learning to read until around 3rd grade or around 8 or 9 years old. Then all of the sudden they make HUGE gains and be caught up within 6 months. The problem is, that if a child like this is in public school, by third grade the child thinks he is stupid, can't do it and just hate school in general. There is A LOT of pressure on kids to perform (and on their teachers) and not a lot of room for these kids that don't "fit right in" or learn at the same rate as the majority.
So with all that being said, I would definitely hold him back. My son will be 5 this June and he is not going to kindergarten next year. An extra year, especially for the average boy, can only help.

also, after reading some other responses advising to consider testing him, for learning or other developmental difficulties... I don't think it is necessary at least from what you have described above. He sounds like an average little boy that is just a tad too young. I think you will be amazed at the difference a year makes, even how much difference 6 months makes! If he continues to have problems a couple of years down the road or you sense there is more to it, then you may consider having him tested. Good luck in your decision!

If your gut says 'hold him back' -- I think you should do it. Holding him back in kindergarten is a LOT easier than holding him back later, or pushing him too hard too soon.

I would also go with the advisement of some of the other ladies on this board to possibly get him evaluated. If he is having trouble with attention span and following directions, he may have a something else going on (e.g. sensory integration) that could be addressed through therapy now and help him a lot later on.

From my experience with my kids I would have him evaluated! I held my oldest back in first grade against the school's advice and it was the best thing I ever did. If you stop where they are not getting it and let them get it then they can progress from there. Also, I made sure she knew she was in the grade she was supposed to be in. I've had so many kids tell me "I'm in _ grade but supposed to be in _ grade", it breaks my heart! Hope this helps!!! L.

Hi C., my name is Julia and my 7 yr old is in 1st grade and was struggling in kinder. but with the after school program,it work for him and when he was at home we just work hard everyday and every where we went. But he still struggle a lil.And yet we still work all day and read comic books.But I have a friend who is a teacher and said dont ever hold them back. Just keep working with him. And ask for study book from his teacher that he can do at home.

I work at an elementary school and my advice is the same as a lot of others that have responded. When a child is this young having the problems that you described, holding them back is the BEST thing. I can't imagine ANY teacher saying not to hold them back EVER. Our teachers want them to be held back if they are having problems. Pushing them into the next grade when they are not ready will only make it harder for them and that is what ruins their self-esteem. Teachers want them to succeed and if that means having them another year then so be it. I have seen many children held back in many different grades (even HS) and I KNOW that the younger they are, the easier it is for them to adapt. I am a foster parent of an 8th grade repeater and she is having a VERY hard time with how she feels about herself. Hold him back. He will never notice years down the road.

Good Luck.

If you feel your child needs to be held back, then that is the right choice. Parents tend to know what is best for their children.

To help with next year start now on Hooked on Phonics. You can find the kits in bookstores, Sam's club, sometimes Big Lots. My son struggled with that stuff the summer before kindergarten, we bought the kindergarten HOP and he read his first book that day! He was so proud of himself now he is in 1st grade and has surpassed other kids and reads 2nd grade & some 3rd grade material. A friend also was having the same issues with her child, now whom has caught up.

My son is 9 now. He wasn't held back in kinder but was held back in pre-k, he has an August b-day. In Texas, while a teacher cannot require the child be held back, they can strongly recommend it. It made a world of difference for him. One or two of his friends also have summer b-days. Some opted to give their child an extra year, others not. It's not uncommon if a child, especially a boy, isn't one of those super accelerated kids to wait a year for the child to gain a bit of maturity so they won't be all over the place and struggling later on. Better to hold them back now, than at a recognized "grade" level where it counts against them from then on, and likely where they will always fight to catch up.
If at the end of the year, say the end of April or in May, he's still having trouble, then I'd worry about making a decision to hold him back. you'd be surprised how much difference a couple of months or sometimes even a couple of weeks or days can make in a child's education. They all learn at different speed, but sometimes it takes the repetitiveness of a few months to "get" it. Don't count him out just yet. Work with him at home in these areas. Ask if your child's school has a PPCD or similar program to help with the attention issues. These programs are designed to help get kids that extra boost and get them up to the same level as other kids in their grade/age group.

My oldest is a June baby and now in fourth. In some ways I wish I would have held him back, but that's water under the bridge. The being totally somewhere else when reading sounds like my oldest. It turns out that he has some visual perseptual issues. Issues that are NOT screened for in schools. There are two websites I'd like to suggest: www.irlen.com and www.lanelearningcenter.com Both have been invaluable help. Good luck!

Go with your gut feeling. Talk with his teacher and see if you can have him evaluated. He could have an underlying learning disability that they have not detected yet. If he does, it's best to catch it now so you can work with him so he doesn't get too far behind. My neice should have been held back but they are fighting it and she is suffering for it. She is the youngest in her class. She was born the last week of July (7 weeks early), so really she should have been in the class below her. She is struggling with so many things and she's only in second grade. She is also socially behind and that is h*** o* her friendships. Her dad was held back in 7th grade and that really affected his self-esteem a lot.Good luck, this is a hard decision.

I have a son who is a July baby, and started kindergarten, just weeks after turning 5. I went through some of the same issues, and as it got closer to the end of the year, his teacher suggested that I hold him back. I did not want to do that. I began taking just a little extra time with him, and introduced him to the public library, where he began to flourish. I let him read whatever he wanted as long as it kept him interested. I wish I had retained him, as he began his 2nd grade school year. He struggled in 2nd grade, but is now a bright 6th grader, and will be starting middle school this fall. I sure hope this helps...

We pulled our son from school last January when he was having trouble & are homeschooling. It's working great for us, he is getting hte one on one & individualized lessons he needs for his learning style (very creative/right brained).

I wouldn't worry about it. A lot of kids do not learn these until the end of 1st grade. He will catch up and holding him back this early might have long lasting implications that are not necessary. My dd didn't know hers until 1st grade and she graduated college just fine. Made straight a's all the way thru jr hi and college and is now working on her masters at 22. hth

My son was accademicaly way above but was very very immature. For that reason the teachers and us felt he was not ready to start first. He is a July child so he too started early. Well he is in first grade now and OMG it is amazing the difference this year. I am soooo glad we held him back. And because of his age there is no difference with the other kids.

This is a tough decision. My oldest has a June birthday and struggled through the first half of K, too. He never went to preK either. I wish I had just held him back because he had a hard time through 1st grade, too, with tons of reading, sight words, spelling, math papers, and writing to do each week. Homework in 1st grade took anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours everynight. I hated it, he hated it. Thankfully, 2nd grade is so much better. His teacher now only gives homework once in awhile or when he needs to correct a paper. He has 100 minutes of reading (any book of his choice) to do each week and spelling to study but that's it. His reading has taken off and he is starting to feel smart for the first time in his life. He has always been an A/B student through both of our blood, sweat and tears. I might have done things differently if I'd known that 1st grade would be so awful. It could've been the school he went to that year as well. Talk to some of the 1st grade teachers and try to feel them out about how they run their classroom and homework load before making the decision. He may just need some extra one on one with you through the Summer. His current teacher will let you know if he really needs to be held back.