Need Ideas for Effective, Reasonable Consequences

This one worked for me and my son, in regard to getting ready and out the door on time in the morning. Don't know if it will work for a group, but here's what we tried. After feeling frustrated and upset with the lack of cooperation, I found advice that said try to engage the child in the solution. My son was less than eager to offer a solution, so I suggested laying out the clothes the he wanted to wear the next morning, and I would do the same. When the next morning came and he wouldn't get dressed, I looked at the clock and the clothes, got a plastic bag, which I put the clothes and shoes in, and picked him up and carried him to the car. He was upset, but I remained calm and told him that he'd have to dress in the car, because we'd talked about the fact that we couldn't be late for work/school/appointment etc. I stress that I remained calm and sympathized with him that it was cold in the car, and I wished he'd been able to get dressed in the house too.
He talked about this in the afternoon and said he was still upset, I continued to remain calm and told him I agreed that it's much better to get dressed at home, as I didn't want him to be uncomfortable dressing in the car. He thought about it and said he had an idea: to lay out his clothes the night before! Things have run on time, for the most part, since then.

It's always hard to know what to do. i think for the morning problem, I would get them up earlier and let them know that when they can start being ready early, then they will get to sleep later. Also, have them get into the habit of getting their clothes out and their backpacks packed the night before. Especially with girls, the clothes thing really helps! As for breaking things, they may not be able to pay for them, but they can work off the cost. Each time they break something, assign chores with dollar amounts and they have to do enough chores to pay for the item. Good luck!

Try a fine-- just say, "OK, that's a quarter!" walk back to their room, and take the money-- it's immediate, and most kids love their money.

I try to use the Love and Logic approach which means I try to find a consequence that fits with the misbehavior. I think this fits the learning model best. For example in the situation of not being ready to go in the morning, you all go at the correct time. If she's not dressed she goes in her pajamas. I'd let her grab her clothes, or have a sack of clothes that I'd prepare ahead of time in the car, and get dressed in the car. I'd be aware that she's going to be very unhappy and stressed and prepare myself to have deaf ears to her complaints. Just telling her that this is what will happen may speed her up but don't be surprised if she tests it. This is a really hard one with which to follow thru.

I've not had 4 children with whom to deal and so I haven't had to use this. When I realized that my daughter wasn't going to be ready, I'd dress her and I've done that with my grandchildren. Once they're too big/strong for me to that and fight me I've told them that I'm leaving and head for the door. It's surprising how quickly they can get dressed.

If you don't have to be somewhere on time, let them be late. My mother did that with me. I was so embarrassed that after 2-3 times I hurried up.

My daughter let's her kids watch TV once they're dressed, eaten, and ready to go. She says that incentive works most of the time. The difficulty she has is trusting that they're ready when they're watching TV. She;'s found she has to check them to be sure.

Do you know why they don't get ready on time. Devise a consequence related to that. It helps to have outfits layed out the night before, homework in the back pack sitting next to the door, lunches made and in frig. Breakfast planned the night before. It might help to give the oldest 2 responsibility for doing those things and then giving them a reward ("payment" for the job) such an extra 30 minutes watching TV or playing on the computer.

Loss of privileges doesn't have to be immediate. If they aren't ready to leave then when they come home they have to do a chore related to what caused them to be late. Or if they didn't get up in time they do have to go to bed earlier. They don't have to go to sleep. They just have to rest away from the rest of the kids. If they couldn't find their shoes, they have to pair up all their shoes and put them in a specific place. IF they were squabbling, they have to be in separate rooms for a specified amount of time. When the consequence is related to the behavior it's still a learning experience when it's applied later.

Following instructions seems to be really difficult at these ages. A suggestion I've heard and read many times is to make a list of everything that's to be done in the morning. Have a separate list for each child. Make the list with each child. For the 6 and 7 yo, have them actually write down the list of things they need to do in the order they need to do it. If they have a sense of time, have a large visible clock and write down times each task is to be completed by. See if that helps.

I've noticed that most homes are chaotic in the mornings. If you can get some order going the kids will be better able to handle themselves. I remember when my daughter was getting herself ready and expecting the kids to get themselves ready at the same time. Now she tries to be mostly ready when she wakes up the kids so that she can participate with them in getting them ready. It's not a total solution but it helps.

Kids this young just do not have a good sense of time, how long it takes to complete things, or even the ability to focus in the midst of noise and confusion. They might hear but their minds don't hold onto what they've heard. And their minds aren't agile enough to consider several things at once.

My daughter fights a lot with her daughter over homework. She reminds, nags, gets cranky trying to get her daughter to get her homework done. In this sort of situation I believe that the parent's only responsibilities are to provide a quiet place and supplies to do the homework and to have a specific time to do it. Then be available for help if they're asked for it. There already is a natural consequence for not getting it done and that takes place at school. I would add that for incentive the parent can say that they can watch TV once the homework is done.

I remember, as a mother, I felt that my daughter had to have a good breakfast before school and so I'd nag to get that done. Now I think that it's important for the parent to have a good breakfast available but it's the 6 and 7 yo child's responsibility to eat it. Going to school hungry a couple of times would be an incentive to eat.

Same with homework. I'd take it to school when she forgot. Now I wouldn't.

It does help me to more quickly think of a natural consequence now because I've had more experience doing it. At first I was often caught at a loss at that point in time. I suggest thinking thru the misbehaviors you're most concerned about and making yourself a list of natural consequences

In a Love and Logic workshop they taught that it's OK to say to the child that I have to think about a consequence. Also it's OK to say to the child, what do you think the consequence should be? In fact it's sometimes best to sit down with the children and brainstorm together about consequences. They are often harder on themselves than we would be and when they've come up with the consequence it has more meaning to them.

About breaking things: Do you mean that they purposely break things or they're not being careful. There is a difference between the two causes. If it's because they're not being careful the natural consquence is that after they break the first thing they aren't allowed to use other breakable things. No more opening and closing the drapery. An immediate time out if you see them opening the drapery after that even tho they don't break it. How do they break a table?

It is expected that children as young as yours will be careless and break things that are fragile. Because of that I believe in child proofing a house as much as possible. I put away anything valuable or important to me. My venetian blinds are old and cranky. Kids do not touch them. My daughter did break a coffee table when she was rough housing and fell on it. She didn't get into trouble. Accidents do happen and I do allow rough housing. I did have her help me repair the table.

A friend of hers broke a hanging lamp shade by jumping and grabbing onto it. She felt bad and so I didn't do anything there either. Even tho she was 10 I understood that she didn't realize that the solid glass shade would break. Kids are careless. They are in the process of learning that things are breakable and how to prevent them. Prevention is my goal and so I calmly talk with them about what happened and how they can behave so that is less apt to happen again. I do cut eveyone, kids and adults, quite a bit of slack. An adult friend tripped and broke the plate she was carrying and a collector plate on the wall. It was an accident. I didn't expect her to pay for them.

Respect of both people and things is taught and mostly taught by example. That means to me, that I need to respect that accidents do happen and that kids are learning which means I show the kid respect by first assuming it was an accident and not getting angry. Then to talk with them in a respectful way about how to treat specific things. You might also have a rule that there is no rough play in the living room. If the item is broken because they violated that rule then a consequence could be that they sit down in that room in a quiet and respectful way. This is a variation of time out. Because you're having them do this in the living room and stating it's to be quiet and respectful in the manner expected it's also a learning experience.

I, too, have found that losing privileges at these ages has very little meaning. It's a more effective technique with tweens and teens.

One thing my daughter does is to give her kids another chore if they don't complete the assigned chore on time. To my surprise, my 9 yo granddaughter likes to do chores and so volunteers to do another chore. My daughter doesn't seem to have difficulty getting chores done. She doesn't give the kids very many chores anyway. She says they have one each per night but I've not seen that happen. :):)

Which reinforces my philosophy that I have a choice of whether or not I get upset about something. The more I can stay calm and use a respectful tone of voice the less often the kids seem to act out. This has been hard for me to develop. I came from a family that yells and yelling has been my first response all together too often. It's easier for me now than when I was the mother.

Consistency is important. Have consistent consequences happen is important. Have the same consequence all the time is not so important. The goal of consequences is to teach good behavior. A child may need to learn something different this time than they needed to learn last time. Flexibility is important.

Hi,
I see that you've received a lot of responses regarding getting your kids ready on time in the morning, but I didn't really see that much about your actual question. After reading your post it looks like the issue is obedience, not the lack of time.

You mention the idea of imediate consequences. I agree that imediate is best, but clearly they have figured out that in the mornings you don't have time for the usual consequences so they are now working that situation. Really, only the 2 year old needs imediate consequences. At that age they can really only 'get' imediate. However, the older three can certainly understand delayed consequences. If they don't seem to 'mind' the current consequences, it is time to up the ante. I would really think hard about what each of them is 'living for' currently. TV, toys, scouts, sports? You have to find what is a big deal to each them. What WILL they mind?

Another factor is that you and your hubby don't agree on what consequences should be. This is a big problem. Kids will play that for all it is worth! I'm not sure what he thinks is appropriate and what you think is too harsh, but you need to get on the same page about this. It will take compromise on both parts. Clearly the consequences you are using aren't working. Perhaps he may have a point. When coming up with consequences you can both live with please keep in mind the following:
Are the enforceable? Can you be consistent with them? Do each of the kids get the same consequence? (knowing that all kids are different, have different challenges, and respond to different things, my kids have different consequences. I only heard 'no fair!' once. I explained that it is ultimately unfair to treat them like they are all the same, to not see their uniqueness, and now they appreciate that I really see them and know them as individuals.) Do you have a plan B? C? D? 'If this doesn't work, where do we go from there?' You will need to have 4-5 layers of consequences. You may find that one kid gets it at level one, but another will have to get all the way to 'harsh' before they realize that obeying parents is not an option. Are they clearly communicated to each child individually? A family meeting to discuss the 'new deal' is neccessary, but a reinforcing one-on-one converstation with the three older ones is important and will help to eliminate any doubt about expectations.

Now for some concrete ideas on possible consequences. These may not work for your kids. Without knowing them it would be hard for anyone to come up with the best answer for your kids. Only you and your hubby can do that. :o) One of the best things for my girls was 'Cinderella Therapy'. Here is how I explained it to them. Cinderella had a pretty harsh life full of thankless drudgery, but her attitude was amazing! She wakes up singing, she is smiling and even sings while scrubbing the floors! This leads me to the conclusion that thankless drudgery equals amazing attitude. If your attitude is less than amazing (disrespect, disobedience, eye rolling, etc.), then it is all my fault for not providing you with enough thankless drudgery. I'll be fixing that! They both have spent a few afternoons of Cinderella Therapy early on (clean the floor, bathroom, windows, pull weeds, etc. with no thank you, or great job! between chores. Just work, then more work.), but now all I have to say is 'Do we need some Cinderella Therapy?' and they snap right to! This 'therapy' could work well for the older two and very soon for the next one. With the little one you really need imediate. Tone of voice is key. Not yelling, but a firm 'mommy's not kidding voice' will do wonders. Yelling won't work for any of them. The 'voice' combined with firm and abrubt removal from the situation will usually work well for this age. They will fuss and tantrum, but just follow through. 'You did not stop when I said to and now you will sit in your stroller while your sisters/brothers play on the playground.' 'Mommy said no (whatever. hitting, yelling, throwing toys, getting into something...) now you will sit in your crib alone.' If the behavior is dangerous (running into the street, pulling things off the counter, etc.) the consequence should be somewhat harsh. A quick swat on the bottom is far less harmfull than being hit by a car, or pulling boiling water or a sharp knife onto your head. This is usually a short lived stage of training and swats should not be used for all misbehavior or they will lose their power. Reserve them for danger and direct defiance. Other than that we find that 'Deprivation Therapy' (do you see a theme here?:o) ) is the best consequence all 'round. 'If you don't obey and do what you need to do when you are asked, you will be deprived of what is important to you.' This will probably be different for each of them. If one day without TV doesn't work, go for a week. Recently, my younger one was struggling with the concept of homework (not the homework, which was not really hard for her, but the idea of having to do it!). She had to be fully caught up on all assignments in all classes or she would not be allowed to try out for the softball team. That was an imediate and long-term consequence. No try-outs means 3 months of listening to her friends talk about the team and games and how much fun it all is. She of course thought it was soooooo unfair, but since I've been consistently enforcing consequences for 13 years with her, she knew I wouldn't hesitate to follow through with this one. The day before tryouts she brought me notes from each teacher acknowledging she was all caught up. She also knows if she falls behind again, she will be pulled from the team. My other one needs much less motivation. Just the idea of not having her phone, or computer, or dessert, or whatever, for just one day is enough to get her back in line. She's figured out that life goes her way when she does what she's asked when she's asked. The younger one needs more. It has to be big to get her attention. Different kids, different needs.

I hope this crazy long message is in some way helpful. :o)

Good luck on your continued adventure in parenting1

J.

I feel your pain! Our kids are 8, 6 1/2, & 5, and I have noticed that for me, when their choices repeatedly make us late for things, that is one of my grumpy-mommy triggers! A book that I have found to be tremendously helpful is "Creative Correction," by Lisa Whelchel. One reason I appreciate it so much is that it focuses on being consistent while at the same time acknowledging that each of your kids is very different (ie, what works for one kid may not work for another.). Also, I have been wanting to order the "If-Then Chart", put out by Doorposts (www.doorposts.com). It's a chart that your children can refer to that clearly explains the specific consequences for various misbehaviors (they give suggestions for possible consequences, but that column of the chart is left blank so you and your husband can write in your own agreed-upon consequences). They also offer a "Blessing Chart", that helps you to acknowledge and reward good attitudes and behavior. Each of those charts sells for only $6 or $7.
Hope this helps, and remember...you're not alone out there...a lot of us mommy's struggle with the same things. It sounds like you're doing the best you can, and I think it's great that you're looking for ways to be an even better parent...we never stop learning, do we? Good job, Mama!

You've received good answers. Just wanted to add that natural consequences are so so good.

As adults, nobody is going to put us in time out b/c we are late to work, but we will have to answer to a boss. So, get with the school and explain to them the issue...then when you are late, the girl/s have to explain why to whatever employee is there (teacher, vp, principal, etc. Let them OWN being late. Then ask the girls for a solution during a quiet, pleasant time (bath time maybe?). Get up earlier, get clothes out the night before, etc)

And I wouldn't argue, complain, yell or anything the next day. Just get up and get ready and out the door to face the consequences.

Also, I agree with Marda...specific lists. "Get ready on time" is comprised of a MILLION things that we, as adults, do easily, but kids may not. Get up, eat breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, brush hair, get backpack, put lunch in it...so a checklist would be great!

How about a game between the older ones....the one who gets their checklist complete first (and correctly) can pick the movie for Friday night. Make a BIIIIIGGGG deal out of that on Friday night. If the other one still completes her list, but not first, then she can pick out the "treat" for Friday night....or whatever you choose your reward to be! The little ones can get rewards for just completing their (shorter) lists.

As far as breaking things....that is harder. Natural consequence would be to apologize to the person whose item you broke and then not be allowed to play in that room if they can't play carefully. If they end up having a tiny space to play, then so be it for a while.

Good luck...this too shall pass! Hard to remember, but true!!!

Hi,
When we see unwanted behavior in our kids, we often jump to popular quick fix solutions such as punishment, reward, isolation (timeouts), forceful disapproval language (NO!), taking away privileges, etc. Since we possess parental role power, we may be able to get immediate short-term compliance but not positive permanent change in behavior. Our coercive tactics only make kids miserable, unhappy, and frustrated and instill guilt and fear in them. Guilt and fear result in repetition of unwanted behavior as we indirectly get our kids used to ‘unhappiness’ resulting from our punitive actions. Unknowingly, our kids confuse ‘unhappiness’ as ‘real happiness’ and unconsciously come to believe that their parents want them to be ‘unhappy’.

Learning is a long term ongoing process and we often cut it short by using quick methods due to lack of time, stress, and pressure on hand. However, we got to focus on our ultimate goal of raising happy and emotionally healthy children, not finding ways to pin them down while we can. A child should behave or do what we want them to do because that is the ‘right’ thing to do, not because there is a reward or punishment coming as a consequence. Rewards make children dependent on us and others to 'feel good' about themselves whereas punishment instills guilt, fear, or defiance. Either way, their self esteem is lowered as both teach poor self judgment. There should be logical consequences of unwanted behavior such as putting away the item if getting damaged and given ideas on what they can do. However, parental love and warm should still be present without any harsh language or punishment, such as taking away the hammer if pounding on coffee table and given other things to bang on or given a paper to write on if a kid is writing on the wall. Our kids do not start to do anything with the intent of causing damage but out of curiosity and developmental needs of their growing mind.

Raising a child requires us to learn many parenting skills and even re-parenting ourselves. We are not born with these skills, we got to learn them from our own experience. Having a child has caused me to read so many books on relationships, parenting, and even psychology. I learn something new about myself everyday and change the way I am conditioned to think and believe.

You may not have the time, but I urge you to make the time to read the following books that I highly recommend for positive discipline:
- Smart Love by Martha and William Pieper
- Raising your spirited child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
- How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
-Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
- How to raise your child's emotional intelligence: 101 ways to bring out the best in your children & yourself by Allen Nagy

My very best to you as you seem to have your heart in place and want to do the right thing.
-Rachna

I see Marda P. already mentioned this--and I'll add a a ditto to http://www.loveandlogic.com/ While no one parenting system is perfect for every situation, we've been so pleased with the audio CD's and website/emails. The main thing is that at a very young age they are making their own choices and being accountable for them. For example, when my daughter (just turned 4) dropped one of my earrings (and yes, I saw it really was on accident) into the toilet, I said, "Oh, no! Bummer--how are you going to fix that?". When she wouldn't stick her own hand in there, she asked Daddy to get it (through heavy tears). He got it and then she had to figure out how to 'repay' him. They settled on a hug, a kiss and a shoulder massage (her idea), but you could easily settle on something more (loss of toy or now she has to help Daddy with taking out the trash because he used so much 'energy' helping her...his is depleted). You'll see more of what I'm talking about.

It really helps to make them thinking, responsible young members of your family and society.

Good luck!

Sure, consequnces and privilages are important... but the most effective way to cut down on stress in your life is to be proactive. This may seem gross to some people, but my #1 tip for stress free mornings is my kids bathe at night and then get dressed in tomorrow's clothes. Backpacks are all packed and ready and by the front door, along with shoes. All my kids have to do in the morning is brush teeth, eat breakfast, grab shoes/backpack and we're out the door. Unbelievably low stress mornings when I don't have to yell at them to get dressed and try to wrestle a sleepy kid out of PJs and into clothes.

With the two oldest, they're old enough to take some responsibility. Set out their clothes and make their breakfast, but it's up to them to actually accomplish the tasks. If they don't, still head out the door on time. Our son has ADHD and his medication isn't working before school, so it can be a nightmare. But even with his condition, I make him responsible (with some periodic reminders thrown in). One time he was still in pajamas when it was time to leave and I just said, "OK, let's go. I'm sure the other kids will enjoy seeing you in pajamas at school!" Needless to say, he quickly got himself dressed. If your girls don't eat breakfast in time, they will discover just how hungry they are at school and I bet they don't repeat that mistake again. Those are consequences directly tied into their actions (or lack of).

I also agree with the proactive approach listed below and also suggest getting up earlier. Our son gets up an hour and 15 minutes before we leave for school because it takes him that long to get everything done before school. It takes the stress off of me as a mom if he has the extra time. We still have to rush around at times with two kids (I can only imagine the challenge with four), but it's much better with the buffer time in there.

Good luck!

I have boys and when they misbehave, I make them do push ups and have done so since they were about your two oldests ages. I realize yours are girls but you could have them do sit ups or leg lifts. It is an immediate punishment and one that doesn't require a spanking or yelling or much time. My boys, even now at ages 16 and 18, behave because they know the consequences. All I have to ask them is if they would like to do push ups instead, and of course they don't, so they do whatever it was they needed to do. They have turned out to be fine young men.

S.

when they are laly gagging and running late for school make all of the kids get up earlier the next day. The other 3 won't like it and peer pressure them. waking up at 4 am to go to school would suck. don't know if this is feasable for you or not. make the wake up time 30 minutes earlier or an hour earlier every time they are running late. No tv no computer no playing sit on the couch till school time and no sleeping.
When mine broke stuff they had to work to earn the money for it. extra chores till paid for. if you don't have any chores age compatible make them scrub the kitchen floor with a tooth brush. doesn't matter if its done right whos going to know. They technically can't pay for them but make them "earn" the money to pay for them. YOur pick of how. Or you can make them do something for an elderly person in the neighbor hood to earn the money of what they broke. Some how make them earn it. Realize at this age chores given to earn money probably won't be done right. That's not the point at this time. If the elderly person offers pay it is yours not thiers. most elderly have raised kids and totally understand. Even though they may sneak cookies or something to them because they feel sorry for them. :)

There are a lot of things going on -smile-but I will only comment on a few. First of all they must all get enough sleep because I learned the hard way that not enough sleep leads to chaos in the morning. They should also have strict routine every morning. Usually I make sure there are certain things done before they can come into the kitchen. Ie. they must have clothes on, shoes, hair brushed, teeth etc. The other thing is you must have Jackets and backpacks set up and ready to go before they go to bed. When they are finished with homework/reading etc. they put everything into the backpack and set it in a certain spot with their jacket on top. This is the last thing they grab on the way out in the morning and they all do it at the same time the same way every day. It is sort of fun confusion.
As far as damaging items in the house. They can pay for the items with chores. They could do several chores set up to equal the dollar amount for the broken item. Give them play money or real money each time they finish a chore and they put it in a jar that they use to pay you the set dollar amount for the broken item. It is more to teach them to respect the house but you have to also talk to them about that as well. Tell them that Mommy and Daddy work hard for the items that they have and make sure they know how much you expect them to appreciate and respect the household items. You have to have a lecture with them about this every time. All of them, even if they did not break the item. If that doesn't work, remove things from their room. And let them earn things for their room.
I still think you could add more positive things. If they do things right they get more play time, park time, get to go to an event. It doesn't have to be on a chart. They could be random moments. Make sure they don't always receive rewards for doing things right. Make sure they know this is expected. They may just get a big hug. When my son finally started bringing home his jackets from school (these were $45 jackets) I would give him a big hug and tell him how proud I was that he was becoming a big boy with more responsibility.
Good luck!!!!

For big offenses we take ALL of our son's toys away - box them up and hide them and make him earn them back one at a time. This is also a great way to see which toys he can live without and they "dissappear" if he doesn't miss them.
As for respecting your home - my son is proud of how our house looks and very proud of his room - Grandpa and Aunties helped paint it etc. I remind him when I get the excuse"Nick's mom lets him jump on the sofa..." I ask him if he wants our house to look like their house - the answer has always been no - so far! Have your older kids watch an episode of Clean House or How Clean is Your House? and point out that if we don't clean up and take care of our home it will very quickly look like the house on TV. My house is certainly not perfect - we have a newborn so the dust bunnies are the size of goats - BUT my son hasn't colored on the walls etc. since he was 2. He does need to be reminded once in a while that we don't run toys on the walls, furniture or cabinets etc. and feet and bottoms don't belong where people eat. Explain the rules and the WHY of the rules not just the consequences. Chores help kids feel proud of their home too - especially if you brag when they do a good job. I make sure my son hears me tell his Grandma that he helped me dust or set the table and what a great job he did - I can always tell he feels proud. ;)
As for getting ready - start 20 minutes before they really need to get ready & try to do things in the same order each morning so they know what to expect. Keep the TV off or on a "boring" channel like the local news or Martha Stewart so they don't stop to gawk.

Hello Mom, You and yours truly have your hands full!
But for me a mother of 7 and 2 grandchildren. My children are older now but I still have a couple in that age bracket!
What I did or what I finally did was limit sugar intake and only give treats a week at a time.
Like your star chart I had one and it will be beneficial in the long run. So since they share rooms I would make sure each had a chore rather it's having the older one clean the tub or take out the garbage. Then I would assign chores like picking up toys the night before. Also having them be responsible for breaking things having them work them off like washing walls.(just soap and water nothing harsh) Prepare the night before it always helped me. I do no yelling, screaming, or cursing I just ask them how can I help you have a good day and their 2 and 4 believe me they know there are limits. I have took TV privileges and other reasonable discipline. The most important thing that was so good is I had a day for each of my children just me and them and i would go over the chart, talk about school, discipline issues it just would be their time. Usually after school.
Another wonderful things was taking them to the parks as much as possible its free and you can make sandwiches, bring a ball, water and fruit. I know your a caring parent but in the long run someday they will remember and have plenty to laugh at!Besides you probably be laughing the most. Your okay and you know we bend the rules sometimes when it for our peace of mind. We are our greatest mentors to our children and they all grow up! You deserve an awardI hope that was helpful and beneficial.

Check out www.oneweekparentingmiracle.com. I have had some in depth training on this program and it works. The three family rules the program follows are 1) Mind the first time 2)Respect self, others and property and 3) Talk out problems rather than acting them out. Look into it and see what you think. I hope this helps you! Good luck!

I have had similar problems with my 7 year old son. Now I just tell him "that's 15 minutes off your bedtime." Then, when it is time to get out of the door, I say "The car is leaving." And, I leave. I left him one time and trust me, he gets it. It wasn't for school, but I would leave him for school as well. It is real world consequences that get their attention. Good luck!

Keep trying to figure out what is important to them and take it away for a clear certain amount of time. Do not let them go to parties, visits, etc. or wear favorite items. Of course they have to go to school, but lets say let the other two out of school and the perp stay in. Oh isnt this tough sometimes?

Just leave on time for school regardless of the readiness of the older child. It's a tough call on the younger kids, but maybe get them up earlier to give them more time? If they still aren't ready with the extended time and timer, then just leave as they are.

As they get older, you can just leave them at home....or as my mom would say to me, "get yourself to school". I think I failed my 1st period classes for a year because of tardiness.

I don't know how big your home is, but separating the child so they can't participate in family activities for the night or any other activities other than school work (which I guess is a version of time out, but for the whole night). Then sit down a talk with them to ask how they felt and what they will do to prevent it in the future.

As for broken items, for every item they break, take away something of their's and never give it back. Donate it, throw it out, whatever you want to do with it, just don't replace it. I was having a hard time getting my 4yo son to understand to treat others belongings nicely, and using his toys has worked the best so far for him...maybe it will work for you.

I feel your frustration! I hope you find a solution that works for you and your family =D

I just have one 7 year old, but she has a strong persistent streak.... so we have turned everything into choices. Time outs were not working for us as being 30 minutes late to school was fine by her. (She would love to go back to bed for 6 times of 6 minutes. It was like a mommy snooze button! What a win to putter around the house rather than go to school!)

And I kinda talk out loud: "Which will Katie choose? To get ready for school, or loose this collection of books for a week? I am going to start counting! ooonneeee..."
Often I can't come up with the consequence as she is making poor choices, so I say "okay, you need to make a better choice, and the counting is starting! 1, and what will it be for? Ah... the iPod! I will take the iPod for a day or two... after I get to three on that...." (looking around....) and start brainstorming other privileges lost. I have even been known to ask her what would be fair. Often I have to calmly take 3 things away (counting to 3 each) for her to realize this will just keep going until she has nothing left, so MOVE!
I still do a lot of the "positive parenting" stuff, but that honestly doesn't work with all kids, all the time. (Perhaps if you home schooled and being late wasn't an issue?)
That said, my daughter has made some hard choices, but it led to better behavior the next week. One issue is getting homework done, and it really did take missing Girl Scouts one week for her to know I was serious. (I have been criticized for that one, but really, if she isn't getting the homework that is due Friday done, then she needs to clear her schedule Thursday afternoon.) We set aside time to do homework, but she has been known too goof off rather than just do the work in front of her. Her teacher has also had to say "I need you to stop piddling around, or you will miss recess" and she knocks the work out in seconds.

We have the Tivo locked down with a password so I have control of the TV, and I regularly turn off the internet when she isn't looking (at the cable modem) to enforce what is a "must do" and what is a privilege. Also, her windows vista account has a lot of time limits (where she can't log in)

I take toys away. If your not ggoing to respect me or my things than I will take your favorite toys adding up to the damage they have caused. Your not listning than I will take toys away till you do listen. I have taken every thing out of my daughtors room including her bed (because she decided to jump on it ) and she had to show me she deservied things back. Sence they share a room you need to find a space in the house whare ther are no toys and that is whare they will spend their time if they can't follow your directions (after school) I had to do this in a 1 bedroom apartment it was really hard but she got the point really quickly. I hope this helped.

One thing that may work is to take away one of their favorite toys for a short time. Telling the child that they can have it back when they start behaving the way they should be. My Mom did this, and it worked ok.
Good Luck.

I have to wonder if your expectations are appropriate for their ages and if you are able to properly supervise them. Four kids under 7 must really be difficult to manage and I can only imagine how tired and burned out you must feel. I also wonder if your kids are desperate for attention because you're so busy. I'm not criticizing you but trying to point out how they may view their situation. I would suggest trying to spend some one-on-one time with each child and slow down your busy life, instead of expecting them to speed up to fit into your schedule. Once your youngest is in school things will get easier, though it might be even busier.

If you have a sticker chart, then presumably you have a great reward for sticker accumulation. (When I was growing up our allowance (.25c week) was dependent on the sticker chart.) An immediate consequence could be sticker removal. As far as property damage this is a big part of having children. Not a more pleasant part, but an acceptable price you pay. You could have a room that children are not allowed to play in. Me and my sibs weren't allowed in the living room. just the family room, (we did enough damage to that :-) ) so Mom and Dad had their room all nice for bible study or recitals or whatever. Your kids will learn that some things are valuable and not to be touched by children. As they grow, they will grow out of those limitations and feel a bigger sense of "growing up".