Need Help with Nine Year Old Daughter Not Caring About Hygiene

Updated on November 22, 2006
S.T. asks from Indianapolis, IN
9 answers

My daughter still wets the bed. She wears pull ups to bed and will leave them on her bed wet, and sleep in it the next night. She'll put them in her drawers, and we'll find them later. It's so disgusting. We don't get her in trouble for peeing the bed, so she's not scared. She just doesn't seem to care. She'll wear a wet pull up downstairs to eat breakfast! Why is this not gross to her? She is also very much a slob. Everything she touches throughout the day is left out. Stuff is left all over her room, lids off of containers, barrettes everywhere, stuff almost put away. It's ridiculous! I understand that kids at this age might not care too much about being clean, but sleeping in pee is another level. The other day I did her hair. I got done and told her to go put the hair things away. They go in her closet. Why did she take them upstairs and put them right outside of the closet? Why did she not take two more steps to put them where they actually go? Oh, and she loses EVERYTHING!!! Please help! She's really a good kid and wants to please us. I don't know how to get her to take care of herself and her things.

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answers from Indianapolis on

My 12 year old step daughter has the same problem. She would hide them and leave them on the floor too. We always told her it was not her fault that she still wet the bed but it was her job to clean up the mess. If she left them out or I found them hidden she would be grounded to her room for a day or two. That went on for a few months. We stopped having her wear pull ups it was like a crutch to her and she would drink late. She now throws the clothes and bed sheets down and doesn't drink late because she doesn't want to have accidents. I don't know if this will help you, I hope it does.

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answers from Charleston on

My sister who is now 25 wet the bed way into her teens. We tried everything, waking her up in the middle of the night, spankings, etc. We finally took her to the DR and found out that she had some sort of a bladder problem. I was young when all of this happened, but she eventually grew out of it.

I would seek medical advice and not be too aggressive when it comes to bed wetting. As for hygiene, I would do the taking things away trick that someone suggested. It seems like a good plan. Hope this helps and good luck.



answers from Lexington on

sounds like she is so embarrassed and disgusted with herself that she tries to pass it off as nothing she can do about the bedwetting so why care about the other things. my guess would be that this bedwetting problem is damaging your little girl's self esteem. talk to her doctor and get to the source of why she is wetting the bed at 9 yrs. old.



answers from Indianapolis on

Hi S.

My son, who is now 11, wet the bed until he was about 9. He would do very similiar things with his pull-ups. It wasn't until about 10 months or so ago, we were talking about general hygiene and the importance of it, when he disclosed to me that he knew it always upset us the way he would handle his pull-ups, but it made him feel really embarrassed that he still wet the bed, so that was how he tried to "play it off" that it didn't matter to him. So, maybe your daughter is acting the way she does with the pull-ups because of an embarrassment issue. He also did not get in trouble for wetting the bed, we understand that he couldn't help it...we also did not tolerate the other two boys making fun of him for it. We were as sensitive to his feelings as we could be, but it still did not keep him from feeling ashamed for it...

For us something that works pretty well in house for the boy's random clutter and sloppiness: Whenever they leave something out, if I or my husband have to pick it up~they don't get it back. We do the same thing with snacks and that sort of thing~like if you leave out the milk, well you didn't care if it spoiled on the counter, so I guess you didn't want to have any with your dinner...

It seems that taking their things away from them is the most effective; we also do not give them a set in stone time frame of when they will get it back. That is completely at our choosing; and when we feel like they have been doing real well at cleaning up after themselves they will get something back.

hope it helps




answers from South Bend on

Try the better behavior wheel. Google to find it!



answers from Sioux City on

You could try and start with getting her to stop wetting the bed. A freind of mine has a child that age and was having the same problem.
Her self esteem is low. There are thing you can do to help her quit wetting the bed. Don't alow any thing to drink 2 hours before bed. Wake her up half way through the night and make her use the bathroom. The major thing is get her out of pull ups. Put a plastic sheet on the bed , walmart sells them. I know it means more laundry but if she is laying in her own pee she will start to feel gross about it and try harder to solve the problem. Have her start helping with house work and laundry it will teach good habits. It will also give you more time to spend together as mother and daughter it is a great way to bond.



answers from Louisville on

I can understand your frustration. I would be upset as well. I would take her to your family doctor to discuss this problem and rule out some things. Good luck :)



answers from Indianapolis on

Cleaning up after yourself and taking care of your hygiene is a patterned behavior. It's something you learn by doing it. If she's not made to do it, she's not going to learn. It sounds like you need to watch her more closely and direct her to the appropriate behavior, instead of expecting her to do it right. When you see her getting up from the table or changing to a new activity without putting away the things she was just using, make her put them away. When you wake her up in the morning, check to see if her pull-up is wet. If it is, walk her through disposing of it appropriately. I realize she's 9 years old, and she should know this stuff already, but there needs to be some kind of follow-through. If there aren't any consequences for her things not being put away, she's not going to put them away.



answers from Des Moines on

Getting kids to learn what the need to do is sometimes very hard and you sometimes have to walk them through it. If she leaves it on the bed, do you walk up to her room with her and gently discuss that we can't leave dirty things laying around and have her pick it up or do you hope she'll remember it and do it herself? If she puts the box outside of the closet do you then go up with her and express that it was really great that she went this far, but why not got just a bit further and put it away. and wait there with her while she does. She may be looking for praise for doing something correctly and if she not getting that then "why do it" kind of attitude. She is the middle child now and many times the middle kid seems to get lost in the shuffle. you may need to go the extra effort to spend extra time with her and even helping her/praising her and encouraging the follow through. She may be feeling a little lost.

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