Need Help with Daughter Almost 3 Yrs. Old

Try ignoring her. Usually children do these things just for the attention (even if it's the wrong kind, they just love to get a rise out of you) As much as possible just walk away and ignore her. Maybe she will soon get the message that that kind of behavior will not get her anything.

I know you've already gotten over 40 replies, but I just had to give my two cents worth! I highly recommend Dr. Dobson's book, "The Strong Willed Child". It sounds like she might need a form of discipline that she actually dislikes (maybe a swat?).

I am having the same problem with my 5 year old. And feel like I have treid everything, I would love any advise you get. I am worried about when my daughter starts school next year so I need to get it under control too!

firm consistancy.
I have seven children. (ages 26 thru 9) All kids go through stages of pushing the limits. Since you mentioned how your husband feels and that she is not "his" it makes me think that there are some deeper issues. I had six kids with my first husband and one with the second. Step families are very tough to build. That she is still young means you have time to work with her. The biggest factor is being consistant. She has to learn that both of you are a united front on this. If she is able to control your husband with her bossieness then she will continus to do so. Be careful to discuss the matter fully with the two adults ALONE. Form your set of rules and consequences for her behavior and both of you stick to it. It is going to take time. BE PATIENT. Stick to it. And remember that as annoying as this is it is not a capital crime. Three to five minuets time out is lifetime to a child this age.
Hang in there.

A while back, I asked other members for discipline and child psychology books. Someone recommended Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. Of all the book recommendations I got, and other books that I picked up off of the library shelves, it seems the best.

It sheds a lot of light on the mind of a child, and how to work with her where she's at in order to meet your needs and hers. Once you see how Bailey's ideas work - she includes lots of examples - the discipline part gets so much easier.

The most important thing I've gotten out of it is that rudeness and misbehavior pinpoint where a child needs to learn the skills of how to appropriately get her wants and needs met (and sometimes there is an underlying need to a want that can be addressed, even if the want can't be fulfilled at the time. Bailey helps parents see what those needs are, like independence, security, a feeling of importance, etc.). Bailey points out that just saying "No, don't do that," and punishing children doesn't work in the long run because children are strangers in this land, so to speak. They must be taught the specifics of how to behave, not just what not to do.

It's also important, she says, to see the good in your child and to understand that her actions don't express disrespect but confusion and upset, which are very different things. Tantrums, too, are not a means to manipulate and be disrespectful. They're not a form of misbehavior, they're what happens when tough emotions become too much for a child to handle. Tantrums are very frightening and painful for children, and, like all acting out, will need empathy from the parent to calm the child and get her to listen. Just forcing a child to suppress such strong feelings is unhealthy for her because she learns to cut herself off from her feelings, which, if provided guidance, help her to internalize right from wrong and to discipline herself as the years go by.

Also: focus on what you want, not on what you don't want, because whatever you focus on, you get more of.

Really, get the book and the detailed descriptions will be so much more helpful than I can be here with a summary. I think you'll find it to be a big relief.

Good luck!
L.

I have twin boys that turn 3 in July. At this age, sometimes, all they need is your undivided attention. If you are in the same room as her, but focussed on your computer (for your online courses), she probably thinks you are ignoring her. And when she talks back to you, you are at least paying some attention to her by reprimanding her or talking to her about her time out.
Give her your positive and undivided attention at least for a few hours every day, for some days before she changes her behavior. Along with that, ignoring her when she talks back may defeat her purpose of attracting your attention. This should break her cycle of getting your negative attention. I don't know how much love & attention she gets from your husband. For the whole thing to work, he will also have to follow the same strategy. This works for my kids, so I hope it works for yours as well.

I detect a couple of problems with your daughter. #1 Your husband cannot get to the point where he cannot stand a 3 yr old...as a mature adult, he is not allowed that cop-out! Discipline should be left up to you, however this little girl owes him just as much respect as you. #2 Attention- plain and simple. There is a new baby sister, and half brother is on his way. You need one-on-one time with your daughter. Chose an activity on the same day of every week that is time for just the two of you, and base it on her behavior during the time in-between. (Don't cancel because of siblings or school either) I don't know if her biological family is a part of her life, but children can definitely feel a sense of not-belonging.
Three yr olds are merely testing boundaries and trying to find their place.

I know what you mean with the three year old daughter thinking she is the boss. I have a son who is four and a daughter that will be three in July 2008. she thinks that she is the boss and trys to get away with anything. It just started a month ago though. I think it is a phase that they go through. Just be firm with her and let her know that she does not run the show. Time outs don't work for my daughter, I normally ask my children who is the boss and they will say you and daddy. If they know that and can tell you that then when she starts trying to boss you or your husband just respond with "who is the boss?" she will eventually realize that you are not going to let her run the house and things will get better. Good Luck!

I also have a 10 month old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I have found that consistency is key to disciplining with timeouts which it what I use. Even timeouts in the store, other peoples houses any where that she starts acting like that. I always have a watch with me so that I can time the timeout.
Even your husband will need to participate. Everyone needs to be on the same page with what is acceptable and what is unacceptable.
Hope this helps

What is being disciplined? The fact that she is being bossy? Or is she throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way? Being bossy isn't that big of a deal, you don't have to do what she says. Why is it so important to have this under control before the 7 year old moves in?
I've found that when my daughter tries to engage in any kind of manipulations, she doesn't persist if I ignore, distract, or figure out a way to neutralize what she's saying (or doing). This is a natural part of her learning boundaries and limitations and may be a phase that you cannot halt for the sake of your husband or the 7 year old until it's run it's full course. She's learning the power of her words. Have you tried asking her, "Who's the mommy?" And when she answers, reply,"And mommy says it's time to ______." And don't wait for a verbal reaction, lead by example. Don't engage in any arguments with her, be very emphatic and resolute; of course making sure your expectations are reasonable for what she can accomplish. At 3 years old, she's still a toddler and she doesn't have much control over anything going on in her life. I agree with the others who suggested one on one time, as well. And take moments throughout the day to engage her in a positive manner. She wants to use words, do you guys have conversations? Ask her about her play activities. Ask her about what's going on in her favorite tv shows. She might be emulating behaviors she she sees, as it is very easy for parents to get into a rut of barking commands without really connecting with their children.

Dear K. h. You will probably hear this over and over.. She (The 3 year old) is displaying negative behavior because she is frightened about whethere or not she f__eels loved. Take your family back to church particularly one that emphasizes the loving God. Hugs

Hi ,
Now is the time to bring this to a close .... sounds like she needs some extra love, and attention , some firm disclipline ....more than just a chair to sit on .... the thing that she sits on needs a firm patting and let her know you will not put up with her behavoir in any way .... do it gently and softly ...screaming , being upset , or whatever will not help the situation at all, be firm , gentle , speak softly so she has to look at you to know what you said , have her full attention when you speak to her ..... a firm pat on the 'bahind' will not hurt her ...I know a gentle spanking helps more than anything else regardless what 'the powers that be say,' it;s a scriptural teaching , and can be applied without beating , whipping , or any kind of bruising ..... be firm , ....now is the time to nip it in the bud' and I think thats what she wants ..... children teach us adults lots of lessons ....by the way , I've raised our kids and it works ......

Hello, in answer to your problem with your 3 yr old, I need to ask how long you and your husband have been married. You stated that this child is not your husband's. Also, when did she begin to act up? Was it around the time the new baby came home and so much of your time, necessarily, went to the new child? A 3 yr old, or I guess 2 at the time of the 2nd baby's birth, is very susceptible to jealously of a new sibling. This is especially so if they are not allowed to "help" in taking care of the new baby. Have you tried letting the 3 yr old bring you diapers for the new baby, hold the baby, or some other minor responsiblity so that she will feel a part of the new family member's life? It is very hard for a small child to not feel resentful if they are pushed aside for a new child. And since your husband is upset with the 3 year old's ways already, the child probably senses this and that makes her feel even more not a part of this new family. Of course, I am not there so I don't know the situation really, but I have seen this happen so often, especially in blended familys.

I hope this helps!

C. Kelley

Read "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. It's not a quick fix, but it sounds like your daughter needs you to read it! I have several (okay, four) strong willed children and it has been a lifesaver. Our four year old is the strongest personality of them all and this book has really helped us help her.

The other thing is to make sure consequences for sassing you hurt (not physically, of course). Sometimes we have to remove computer or t.v. priviledges and sometimes we have to take away any candy treats and every once in a while we have to resort to taking away our 4 year old's very special puppy ... this is usually very traumatic, but very effective. The other thing is to make sure you are being consistent and not letting her get away with it EVER (not even in the grocery store). Be willing to leave and sit her in time out in the parking lot if you have to.

One last note. Try to remind your self that the qualities she is exhibiting now are frustrating and disrespectful, but if molded correctly are qualities that will make her a strong, independent woman someday. Good luck!

Try making her do exersises(like holding her arms out like an airplane), or put her hands on the wall and back her feet out to make her stretch. Then tell her to stay that way until you tell her she can move. Make her do it, and after a few times she will get the idea.
Tell her she is the child, that you and her stepdad are the adults, that she is to mind to two of you, not the other way around.
I have twins that this works on.
Hope it helps.
Y. B

with my son i started taking things away form him... the worse he got the more stuff i had in my closet.... at one point i thought it wasn't working but then when i thought my closet would overflow he came around he ended up with only a dresser and clothes and bed of course in his room a few small trucks i took it all... it was really embarassign to him when i brought his friends over to play and they had to share three cars.... you have to embarass them like they do you sometimes i know this seems drastic but nothing else was workig

I didn't quite understand what you mean't by the sauce statement? I know that children can try the nerves, so let me try an help. Ok a quick question, doe's your husband play as much or pay as much attention to the 3 yr old since the baby came?? I do know jealousy is a sad thing & worse in children. Maybe try a little extra attention with her, Talk to your husband about that Not only does she have to share the attention with a new baby, now she has a new Dad so she is confused in that as well,,,lots & lots of extra love. Play more games , daddy & 3 yr old share a day together no-one else let them really learn to love each other,,God Bless You

Try giving her choices, this worked with my daughter when she was young. She is deaf and now 16 and is a wonderful young lady.

example: If she asks for a drink, say:
Would you like it in the red cup or the yellow one?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like milk or juice?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the table?

Your goal should be to give her as many choices as possible, to only give her 2 choices where you are happy with whichever one she chooses. This helps her feel in control, instead of always being told what to do or choices being made for her. If she refuses to choose, then you make the choice based on the options given (and stick to it!), she will quickly learn to choose one of your options or the right to choose will be taken away and you will choose for her. This works with discipline too.

example: she misbehaves, you say:
That behaviour is unacceptable, would you rather sit in time out for 5 minutes in the dining room chair or on your bed? If she refuses to choose, you just add time and restate the question. It doesn't take them long to realize that if they don't choose, you will either choose for them or their consequences increase.

This worked wonders with our daughter, hope it helps you.

you need a book called "to train up a child" has alot of good stuff and should fix your problem

Now is the time she will start testing her limits with you two. STAND FIRM. She needs to know that you two are the parents, not her! I don't know how you were raised, but the fear of a spanking always helped me. I am certain it is a phase; however, the way you handle it now will mold the future. Always follow through with what you've promised as far as punishment goes. If you don't believe in spaking, take away something she really enjoys. Sitting in a chair or hot sauce doesn't make her miss anything she wants. Good luck!

to you a from G. F. I own a daycare and I have had plenty parents who have had this problem, so first of all you are not alone, being firm first is important, but now its time to put this child in a daycare or some kind of half day program away from the parents for part of the day so that she can learn structure and being with kids out side the home to learn that there are rules to follow normally kids will take instructions from others faster that their own parents and being with other kids and a routine of another enviroment will help them take instructions.
Try and see if this works.

Thank you:
G.F. (Concern Parent)

Dear K. H
I am a Social Worker who has specialized in children youth and families over the many years. It is very typical for little ones to be defiant at this age because they are trying to exert their autonomy. Consistency is the key to anything. I'll tell you what I did with my own children at this very trying time.
First, I worked very hard at being clear in what I wanted to convey with my kids. I never engaged in a tug of war with either of them. When I gave an option it was for example, "You can either pick up your toys put them away and we'll have a cookie afterwards Or you can stand in the corner? Which one do you want?" In other words I always limited there choice at that age to either do the task or pick the punishment which was stand in the corner, go to bed etc... If we went out, I always explained what kind of behavior I wanted to see from them before we went to the store, restaurant, friends house. I also told them they would get a reward if they were good ie. ride on the merry go round out side the store, ice cream etc, go to the park etc... If they didn't meet the expectation then no reward. Now remember that you will have to keep reminding her how to behave while your in the store by asking her what is expected. "How are little children suppose to behave in the store?" " Do adults like to see little children running, screaming and crying in the restaurant?" answer no.
So I hope that this helps you. Also if your counting to three stop. Counting to three before they get the punishment only gives time for kids to continue to mess up. If you consistently give the warning and then the discipline, she'll figure out very quickly that you mean business. By the way my kids are 18, and 16 now and very nice, self-disciplined people with great attitudes.

M.

You might need to be more stricked with her to let her know who is TRULY boss!!! If she doesn't respond to time outs, then take away her toys for a length of time. If that doesn't work then try to put her in the corner for a while or make her go to her room without being able to watch TV or listen to music, while she is in there tell her she cannot do anything but sit there and think about what she is doing. You have to make her understand that she isn't boss. When you are on the computer, do you pay attention to her or is she in charge of the baby? If she is left alone for a long period of time - then maybe she thinks that she has to take care of things because she feels like you are involved enough. The most important this is - is to pray without ceasing. You have to Fully Rely On God (FROG) when it comes to your children.

By sauce do you mean hot sauce? You might look into your local laws before doing that - at one point in time I found out that Tabasco was illegal because it could burn a youngsters esophagus. At the very least the practice can invit e the attentions of child welfare. I wouldn't do it because it wouldn't work on my son - he loves hot food and has since he was about two or three. He definitely gets that from my mom not me...I hate hot sauce and my mom only had to use it on my once - after that the bottle was enough to stop me in my tracks.

As for the back talk...you need to look at the circumstances in which it's happening. What is making your child think they wear the pants in the family? Change the circumstances and change your reaction when your child back talks. If I rise to the bait with my son it just escalates. If I remain calm when he back talks he eventually loses steam because there is no one to talk back to. I send him to his room and let him think about it. Then before he can resume his day he has to talk to me about what got him sent to his room in the first place. I have done this since he was very young and it works best for him. You are going to have to evaluate what works best for your childs personality and then stick to it. Consistency is key.

My two children are naughty like this sometimes. I have noticed it is worse when I have been busy throughout the day and haven't paid as much attention to them as usual. Do you think part of this may be because she knows she is going to have a "new" brother and she is scared she won't be getting as much attention anymore?? Have you talked to her about it?? I know at 3 my daughter amazed me at how smart she was and how much "grown up" stuff she really understood. Tell her how the back talk really hurts your feelings. Role-play. My daughter called me stupid one day - something I DO NOT tolerate. I sat her down and asked her what she would think if I called her stupid, etc, etc. She has not had a problem with that word since.

The other thing I have found on "back talking" is that they are testing you - big time. My daughter went through this too (and still is to a certain extent). I know you said you have tried time out. At our house we do several different disipline techniques. I have found that time out is only effective for us if the time out spot is not in a room with a lot of "action" in it. Our time out spot is at the end of the hallway by the bedrooms. There is nothing to look at but walls and carpet. They cannot get my attention because I am not in the hallway. My kids absolutely cannot stand having to be by themselves. They will go to their rooms and play by themselves but when they are being punished and have to be by themselves you would think the world is coming to an end.

I know this is long. Sorry. I hope some of this helps. I will be praying for you. Good luck.

What kind of discipline do you use? Time outs may work for certain things, but talking back may require a spanking. You have to show her who's the boss and establish that now. I know some things our children do (I have a 2 year old son) may not be right at that time and sometimes seem cute, but at the same time they are being disrespectful. Set some boundaries. Find punishment(s) that work for her, implement them and stick with them. Now you say, your husband can't stand her -- those are pretty strong words about a 3 year old. He needs to try to work with you on her discipline and also establish a relationship with her on his own. Oftentimes, children react differently to the father figure than the mother. Yall have to make this work as a family.

Make certain she is receiving lots of love and tell her that we ALL talk to each other nice not ugly and rude. If she yells or talks rudely, she will not be answered or listened to until the tone changes. It is hard to ignore them but when she starts talking ugly just hold your pointing finger up like a number one to point it out to her that she might as well stop right there and start again, in a nice tone. It stops you from fussing with her also and having to raise your voice. If she attends church and Sunday school they will also teach her about respecting others. Also, my mother popped me on the check one time when I was smart mouthing and it stunned (not hurt) me so much that it definitely made me think twice about it again. We have a great relationship. Also, in my family, if we had back talked and bossed around folks we would have gotten our bottom spanked. We all turned out just fine and have wonderful children of our own. As she's changing, when she talks nice, really brag on how sweet she sounded and give her a HUGE hug.

You have some great responses. My advice...watch Super Nanny for a few weeks. She has excelent ideas that really work and she deals with this kind of behavior weekly on her show.(Its on Wednesday nights at 8:00pm on ABC)

Your daughter is almost 3? When kids are this young they only know how to copy other people. She learns from the adults she is around or older kids so maybe you should try to figure out who she is copying and try to fix that problem be careful of what she sees on TV ... I know how hard it is to be home with little ones and sometimes it takes more patience then most of us have but at the same time you have to teach them how to be better adults by being a better adult... Remember WWJD

Sounds like she is in competition for some attention with your husbaznd and sister. Give her some prime time just you and her, like taking her with you to the store and leaving the others at home. Reassure her that she is still number one and that she acts nice then she can go again and maybe she is being a pill because you are on the computer alot and not playing with her. Give her some dos and donts and if she can adhere then reward her in some special way.

A friend of mine was having the same problem with her little girl, about the same age. She mixed up 1/2 vinegar, 1/2 water in a small spray bottle. When her daughter talked back or was sassy she would spray the vinegar mixture in her mouth. It tasted bad enough to be unpleasant, but couldn't hurt her b/c it was just a little vinegar. She said that it worked really well and cut back on the sassy attitude. Just an idea - good luck!

Also - I read the response about jealousy playing a part in her behavior. I have a 3 year old and a 17 month old, both girls. And i notice that whenver the younger one gets alot of attention my 3 year old really tends to act out more. I have also noticed that when I devote some extra time with the 3 yr old, it does improve her behavior. It doesn't totally fix it, but does help.

First of all, I highly recommend Kevin Leman's books. He is a common sense Christian psychologist with 4 or 5 kids. The book that comes to mind is "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." You can find most of his books used on half.com or amazon.com. The question that popped into my head was are you being completely consistent? Believe me, I know how hard it is especially when you have a baby that requires your attention also. When she is being sassy or bossy you might try teaching her to rephrase what she is saying in a way that is acceptable. She needs to have it spelled out for her that the way she just said it sounds like this (mimic her unless it brings about anger in her) and big girls need to sound like this (model appropriate speech). That way she knows you recognize she has a need, hopefully legitimate, and you want to meet the need but she has to accept responsiblity for saying it appropriately. If she refuses then she is being rebellious and then you can tell her something like "I'm sorry you have chosen to keep talking that way. It's not how big girls talk so you won't be able to __________. I wish you could." I've found out with my kids it's all about natural consequences. Hope this helps.

i used to be a foster mom i had three children
of my own at the time. but before that,my three year old, was a hand full also remarried, and my three year old did'nt like him to much. she started talking back throwing thing and so on. i tryed everything too. then one day i just said hay cee cee how would you like to help me do dishes? i wash? or you wash? now im not saying it takes care of all your problems but it helped me at times.
you can have them do just about any thing you do. you may need to do it over again,but who cares. cee cee had the most fun makeing her bed, please let me knew if this helps.
skeeter

Read some articles by Jane Nelson on this subject and try to think about why your daughter may feel threatened right now. New little sister, new Dad, new brother coming maybe she's feeling left out or not very important so she acts out to get attention. Her suggestions have really helped me with my grandson. This is her website: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/power.html

I am a mother of 4 girls, with 3 little ones still at home. Also, I am an early headstart teacher and work with 2's and 3's. The hardest thing to do it reteach yourself and your child. Remembering that a 3-year-old can be a very powerful little person, I have to remind myself that one day this power will come in handy for them. They have realized just how much they can affect the world and how much control they have. First of all, breath. You are the adult here...lol. We teach our children how to behave and reenforce that behavior, sometimes negative, by attending to it. Grab yourself a Becky Bailey book. This author is amazing. My favorite one is "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline". It helps you step by step, to reclaim your position as adult and parent. Somewhere in the realm of parenting we have to remember that there must be a happy medium between being a friend to your child and beating them every day, (dont beat them of course). I would bet that your little sweetie gets a lot of attention for her "bad" behavior. She probley hears the word "no" more times than you can count. Take that word out of your vocabulary. Tell her what you want her to do not what you dont want her to do. Bring attention to the good behavior you see her doing or want her to do. Model words and actions that you want her to have. Get your husband on board with this. It may seem silly but act out good behaviors with eachother so that see can see and hear it. "Oh honey, I like it when you talk nicely to me and ask me to pass you the carrots". Ignore the "negative" behaviors that your little one will pull you back into each chance she gets. You and your husband sit down and agree on what is not acceptable behavior. What behavior do you want to see? You must be developmentally appropriate about it. Dont expect her to start doing the laundry and have supper waiting...lol. But she can be part of it. She can help set the table, put out the cups, help clear the dishes, sort the silverware, sort clothes for the wash, fold washrags, pick up toys. Im guessing that she is a very smart little girl looking for something to fill her time. Ask her what she would like to help with. Give her a role in the family. This will make her feel important. I know it sounds like its all about her...but its not. You are trying to change a behavior for the better. You have to allow situations that build her up and point out the good things she is doing.
I became so frustrated with my toddlers behavior once that I told her that mommy was going to timeout and then I left the room for a few minutes. You should have seen the look on her face. She followed after me once I was out of sight just to see if I went to timeout. I told her this, "Mommy is very angry and I need to sit here for a minute so that I can find my happy face. I dont like it when you talk mean to me, so Im sitting here until I calm down...please walk away". She was very concerned and kept coming back to see if I was still in timeout, (I really needed to be there too). After my breathing calmed down and my knuckles werent white anymore, I got up and went to find my daughter. I sat down next to her and talk to her about it. We had quite a discussion.
Dont give her more power than she can handle. We have to be the ones in control. They need to know we are the parents. At the same time, children have to have control also. Decide what behavior you want from her and tell her. Use the word "no" sparingly. She is a smart little girl. Explain everything. Use words you want her to use. Talk the way you want her to talk. Act the way you want her to act. And love her for being a strong willed child.
Good luck

For one she shuld have never have been given the chance to even get out of control like that, and since it has happened it is going to be hard to get her to act like you want her to act because that is all that she knows and she thinks that it is okay for her to do that. It is terrible that your husband can't stand her anymore because she is only a toddler and she should not be getting negative feedback from an adult whether it be your husband or a perfect stranger. You really have to crack down on her and let her know who the adult is and that she has no say so in what goes on because she id not the parent. She is going to cry, but that is natural when transitioning from a know-it-all to a well-behaved child, because she is not used to doing what no one says. Good luck!!!

Consistency, consistency, consistency, is the key to putting this unwanted behavior to rest once and for all. At any age children are going to try you as much as they can and see how far this goes. However, we must let them know who runs the show. I would suggest one, having a little talk with her about her behavior and how this will no longer be allowed. Explain the consequence of her actions, no television for a day or even a hour or two. Removing her favorite toys, not allowing her to attend events that she would love to particpate with.

Explaning that when she behaves in a not so plesant way how she will not be allowed to do x, y, or z. However, PLEASE reward her with small incentives not all the time with items such as one on one time ice cream, blowing bubbles, etc. Because what you dont want her to think is she has to be rewarding if she behaves and that is not the case. She must behave because it's the right thing to do and she is allowed to do the things she enjoy as a reward.

I'm not sure if she may feel that her little sister may be getting all the attention from you and your husband. Think about it does she get enough attention from you guys when she is just being herself or when she does something good.
Because often children will act out if thats the only way they can get your attention is if they cut up.

Last thing, your husband is going to have to remember this is a child and children are all different and that he needs to put aside his feels of this child and treat her as if she was his owns and work on building a healthy and better relationship with a trying child.

Peace, love, and blessing with your family
S., New Orleans, LA

I am sure I will get some feed back on this.

When my oldest went throught that stage, and nothing else worked. I told my child if he didn't straighten up I was going to wash his mouth out with soap.

He pushed his limit and I carried out the punishment. One taste of that soap was enough to cure him. Sorry, I know this is harsh but it worked.

Take toys, dvds, or privileges away. Whatever you do, stick with it and consistency is key! You are the parent and you need to put your foot down and keep it there. Good Luck!

Hi, I am having similiar problems with my 2 yo daughter who wil be 3 in May. She is in Daycare and has new teachers, which my little girl will push ya til she can't push anymore. She is very independent, dramatic and attention oriented. She is the baby and will tell you she is the baby. I have learned at home she gets a spanking, then she sits in time out for 2 minutes. The whole time she may be screaming, yelling, kicking, but she will not get off the couch. I have to leave the room, because if I don't I would give in, but you have to ignore the bad behaivor and reward the good. I have found this to work really well. I had to also explain this to the daycare teachers because they thought she was just a bully, but at that age they are going to try ya. I hope this helps

S.

When my daughter was nearing 3, she acted the same way, as did all of my friend's daughters. I think it's just the age. They are changing from babies into kids and I think the transition is tough on them. They want to assert thier independence and test their boundries. Time out did not work for us, she thought it was a game. I don't know what sauce is. What did work for us was simply sending her to her room for down time. We are careful to practice gentle discipline, so for us, this was a good option. She didn't like being separated from the rest of us. I would take her in her room the minute she started acting out and explain to her that she was behaving inappropriately and when she was ready to be nice and respectful, she could come out and play with us. I had to do it for a couple of months, then she leveled out and we only have the occassional outbursts now when she's tired or bored.
Good luck!

Sorry, but there is no quick fix to this problem. I do believe it comes naturally to some degree for this age. My daughter is 4 and still demostrates these tendencies at times. Our peds doctor and others have told us that this is how most kids learn their independence. I often use timeout and have begun to take away toys, cartoons, or anything else my daughter enjoys in order to show her the results of her actions. Also, I have started using an incentive chart for when she does good things like pick up toys and practice good manners. I use ones that at the completion on the chart, she is able to cash it in for tokens at Chuck E Cheese. You can print these from their website. Wish I had more advice. Good luck!

Good news and bad news. It gets better, but for only a short while, because she then will become a teenager. I have three daughters of my own. Two of them are only 18mths apart. So, I have been there. She is just testing the waters. Boys do the same thing. But girls are just born with sassier mouths than boys. Do not give in to her. If she starts bossing her around, ignore her until she asked correctly and uses manners. Timeout chairs do not always help. Sit her on her bed and refuse to let her play with anything. This should be for one minute per year of age. Having to sit there and look at all of her toys and not able to touch them will(should) have a effect on her. No two kids can be disciplinined the same way. With each child I have had to learn what discipline actions work with which child. You might have to get creative if the sassy mouth keeps up. If she mouths off to during one of her favorite show, walk over to the tv and turn it off. If she throws a fit, ignore it. Most of the time if the get attention from, they will continue and each episode only gets work. Stand your ground and be consistent

Take ALL her toys away. Next time she does something tell her that you will be taking all her toys away and she will have nothing to play with. Then... DO IT. Good luck.

You need to get control of her and show her who is the boss. Take things away from her. Maybe get a chart and let her see it, and put stars when she does good, and when she does good she gets an award.
When she doesn't do good put a frown on that day, and she doesn't get to go certain things.
She is probably acting out for one to get your attention and your husbands from the 11 month old and she is just at that not so lovely age.
But your husband needs to find a way to take time with her on his own as well. If he is feeling negative thoughts about her that will not help.
So he needs to find a way to take her on his own to do little things if even just play a game she likes, read to her just him and her.
If he has these feelings for her now imagine how they will be when she is a teen.
And believe me you want their relationship to be good before she becomes a teen.
My hubby had the same issues with my son he is not his biolgical dad but he has been the only dad he has known since his passed away.
It took them awhile to become friends and respect each other but I put my foot down and told them both they will do this.
And my hubby went out of his way and my son saw that.
I hope things work out for you before the son gets there because being in a step parent home is not easy , you have to know the limits , etc.
It can be done but its not an easy road. Both parents have to figure who will do this, and that, and you both have to back up each other and form a united front. But at the same time let the child know you love them.
Take care.
S.