Need Help with Beds for Overweight Spouse... HELP!

Updated on April 16, 2016
R.T. asks from Allen, TX
17 answers

Hi moms,

I am wanting to ask you ladies if any of you have any experience with this. My fiancé is a big guy. He’s 6’5 350 lbs. I haven’t slept very good since we moved in with one another and I know its because of his weight on the bed.

When we sleep in the same bed together it feels like we are sleeping in a hole. We have a leather sleigh bed that is half solid wood and half leather but its poor design flaw on top of the pillow top matress being too soft.

The slats in the bed are all broken due to his weight but they were wooden , thin and crappy to begin with. I know we need a new mattress.

Someone suggested that we get twin XL matresses and that it would get rid of the problem that we are having. That way he only sleeps on his side and not mine and that I won’t be as interrupted.

Has anyone tried the TWIN XL mateess thing in replacement of the King size matress?

Besides a matress what is a good quality bedroom set ( BED ) that we can buy? I don’t want just a headboard or just a bed frame. I love big solid heavy wooden furniture. Someone suggested a platform bed but that seems like he’d break that one too.

I just want to have better nights sleep…. I am tired of sleeping at the other end of the bed so I don’t feel like I am sinking into a hole. I want to sleep and snuggle next to him.

Please help!

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So What Happened?

Update: the mattress we have is only a year and half old. It's a Simmons beauty rest. You can see the hole where he sleeps every night. We paid over 2,000 for the mattress and box spring. It's not very old :)

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answers from New York on

My parents did the twins and used king size sheets. But if you want to meet up in the middle you feel the mattresses. Apart from that how about a platform bed. Solid wood box and mattress on top. Or a steele based bed? I would also recommend going into a Sleepys or bed place try beds with the fiance and ask the professional their opinions theyb have come across this issue before.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Tulsa on

I've done the Twin XL instead of a king size bed. The problem I had is that the mattresses would try to separate in the middle. It wasn't as bad when you had king sheets on the bed instead of separate twin sheets, but it was still annoying. I'd say if you do that, try to get a bed frame that would make a box around the mattresses to help with that problem. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

A few things:

If your mattress is sagging, it's because you have a crappy mattress, not because of his weight. I have weighed over 300 pounds for years, and my mattress does not sag. My husband and I sleep on a king size mattress together perfectly fine.

Also- the slat beds are never good, even my seven-year-old broke hers. So I imagine it wouldn't be hard for a big guy to break his. I bought a big giant solid mahogany sleigh bed one time and it was very sturdy, never had any problems with it, but I got rid of it because it took up too much room.

I think if you used two twin mattresses, you would have problems with them separating in the middle and you would always have problems with that, so I definitely would not suggest doing that.

Purchase a better mattress and a more solid bed frame. LOTS of people have weight problems so it's not hard to find mattresses to support a lot of weight.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

This could get long:
I would get a Simmons mattress set, the individually pocketed coils help to prevent roll together and you won't disturb each other when you move around or need to get in or out while the other is sleeping. All mattresses are made 'firm' with comfort layers (pillow or plush top) on top. Remember memory foam does little for comfort but springs back so the bed doesn't look like it is sagging. Also memory foam is HOT. Get a high coil count, more coils to support his weight.
Mattresses and box springs are sold as a set and work together to provide a good nights rest.
The frame should be a heavy duty metal frame with a center support, holds up the center of the mattress set to prevent sagging. You can usually get an adapter to be able to use your current head/foot boards with the frame. Ask about it. Most furniture stores throw in a frame when you buy a mattress set. They should deliver and set up your new bed, some will dispose of the old set, at least they should carry it out for you.
A king sized bed is the same size as 2 extra long twins and the box springs or foundation, are always sold in pairs. This makes moving them easier since the box spring doesn't bend. (76 wide x 80 long)
You can look into getting a California King bed, but usually have to special order the size. (72x84) You will have more length for him to stretch out but the bed is not as wide. With a California King you may have to adapt your frame and most of the time order your sheets from an online store or a department store catalog. Penneys carries California King in their catalog/online store, if they have sheets on sale in the store and you order through the store you will get the sale price and no shipping if shipped to the store.
Another size to think about is an Olympic Queen, (66x80) 6 inches wider than a traditional queen. Simmons is the only company that makes it. I have one and love it but the extra 6 inches wide made quite a difference in fitting everything in my room. And the sheets are hard to find, I ended up using king sheets and just tucking them in more on the sides.
Before you go shopping measure your bedroom and consider the size of the room vs the size of the bed. If you decide to go with the California king, you may have to go without a footboard. Make sure you will have plenty of room to walk around the bed while getting ready for work and making the bed. Can you rearrange the other furnuture in the room if you need to? That extra 4 inches in length doesn't sound like much but the extra 6 inches in width of my bed (I went from a queen to the Olympic queen) made a huge difference in my bedroom.
Mattress sets only have a 10 yr warrenty and it sounds like your mattress set is very old. Plan to take a lot of time when you go mattress shopping. Both of you need to lay down on the mattress to see if you will like it. Remember ALL mattresses will feel great compared to the one you have so really test out a new mattress.
Finally if you don't get a spray on mattress protector at least get a waterproof mattress pad. It will extend the life of your mattress. Just don't put it in the dryer. You can get a mattress protector but I do not recommend a zippered one but one that fits like a contour sheet. A zippered one is difficult to get on and will hold any moisture, from the air or any spills in the mattress and mildew can grow in your mattress. Plan to spend from $2000-$3000 for a new mattress set but divide that by 10 years and 365 days and you will see that you are only spending about $1 a day for a good nights rest.

I saw your update and it's the bed frame that is causing this. You need to get a stronger frame.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I would think if you did the twin beds w/ a 2"-4" foam topper, thick king size mattress pad and king size sheets, you may not have the issue of feeling the middle or separation.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

my parents did 2 twin beds on top of a solid wooden platform that they then attached a headboard and footboard to each end.

On top of the 2 mattresses you add a feather (or foam) topper or extremely thick "mattress pad". You can get them at bed, bath and beyond.

You then have to buy the 'deep pocket' sheets, but most of them are deep now anyway.

then you can cuddle away!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I had a similar problem, I am a tiny person, my hubby is 6'4" and 240 lbs. He had to sleep corner to corner to keep his feet on the bed and I HATED that "falling into a hole" feeling. Keep your bed frame that you love, just have a handyman extend the length of the frame to accomodate the extra long mattress that you require then put a thick, solid wood bottom in the frame with a center support, probably 3/4" plywood will do the trick. Be sure to have the new wood primed and painted using a low VOC paint and let it dry for a couple of days before installing to keep the raw wood and paint chemicals from off-gassing into your bedroom. Next, go to United Mattress Company in Denton, TX, to purchase your mattress. They are extremely knowledgable and can help you with picking mattress materials that are best suited to your needs. They will let you see/feel the materials and decide for yourself what you want used as a topper for the innerspring as well as the finishing fabric, then they will custom make the mattress for you right there in their shop. They are very reasonably priced, better than any sale at any mattress store that I've shopped. I've had very good experiences with United Mattress Company and highly recommend them to anyone. By the way, a "box spring" no longer contains springs, it is simply a box made of wood slats and covered with fabric. A pedestal base bed, or solid bottom bed frame, works the same, no "box springs" required for anything other than a height adjustment if the pedestal and mattress are too low to the floor for your comfort. In addition, mattresses are not something that you can comparison shop "apples to apples," they are basically all the same but are manufatured for specific retailers bearing the retailers trade names, no two stores sell the same "brand name" of mattress, just different qualities of mattress. If you need a handyman to modify the bed frame and build the bottom, Drew Martin @ ###-###-####, is local, does high quality work and can provide references. As someone else stated, you will either have to special order your sheets for an extra long bed, or, speak to local alternations business people and get bids for altering regular department store sheets to fit your new mattress. I found that the alterations way is usually cheaper than ordering custom sheets. I purchase 2 flats and 1 fitted or 3 flats, then they use the extra "flat" to alter the length of the other two. Be sure to coordinate your required mattress length with your handyman so the modifications to the bed frame match the length of mattress you purchase. Good luck and good night!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

My husband and I have had the same bed for about 17 years. Way past time to replace, I know, but it's still in really great shape! It's a Firm Sealy Posturepedic and I bought it originally because I liked the idea of the steel enforced box springs rather than the wood. He's since lost weight, but at one point, my husband, who is also over 6', weighed 300 pounds, and I've always been overweight, but we have never had a problem with the "hole" you're talking about. We use a standard steel bed frame that has the one support bar across the middle and it has worked great for us. Our bed is queen size, so maybe a king size bed makes the problem with the hole more prevalent. When my mom was just coming out of the hospital and we had to stay with her for a week, we slept on her bed which was a newer Queen size Simmons Beautyrest and we hated it. I guess we just got lucky with our bed.

What a drag to have spent so much money on a bed only to have this problem less than 2 years later. Ours cost $450 which included the frame all those years ago and besides adding one of those 4" foam toppers during the winter (hubby gets too hot on it during the summer), and flipping the mattress about every 6 months, we've not had any problems with it at all. Good luck!




answers from New York on

My girlfriend had a back injury. Her and hubby have 2 twin matresses, which is the only way she can get any rest at night.



answers from Atlanta on

The twin XLs pushed together will help. You can also investigate the sleep number bed and find out what weight they will hold. My grandparents always had the twins pushed together. My parents had a California King -which is a bigger king bed, but still one mattress.



answers from Dallas on

what about the tempur-pedic? we are normal weight people, but i really can't feel hubby moving around.


answers from Rochester on

You might be better off going to a few sleep stores and explaining what you are looking for. My husband is also close to 300 pounds I think (he doesn't weigh himself, so I'm guessing) and very tall and we do have a platform frame. Our mattress was on the floor for years which was comfortable for sleeping, but not getting in and out of bed when you are pregnant. We bought an inexpensive platform frame, which was all we could afford at the time, and he hates it. The slats have not broken but they pop out of the frame and have to be put back in. That can happen from movement, sitting down roughly, etc. I keep meaning to try custom-fitting a few sheets of plywood and putting them in the casing over the slats, but haven't tried that yet. We have an inexpensive memory foam mattress with no box spring and I really like that. I do not roll onto him in the night usually so we can have our space or cuddle if we want. We would love a wider bed, so someday we'll be investing in a king. I have never thought of doubling up twin beds, but I think they make accessories that wrap them together if you try that.



answers from Dallas on

We love our Select Comfort Mattress...he set's his side and I set my side. We have a solid plywood sheet for the base of the bed (not slats) and then the "box springs" are also solid plywood instead of springs. It works great and we can meet in the middle to snuggle. I'd strongly recommend it. Good luck!



answers from Dallas on

2 Single Twin beds or separate rooms. Neither my husband or myself are overweight yet we have slept in separate rooms for about 4 years. Whatever the cause of a restless night is whether it is snoring, tossing or differences in weight that unlevels the bed, it all boils down to lack of rest. We have a very very close relationship and this works for us. We visit each others room for Play if you know what I mean. By the way, he might benefit from his box springs and mattress being directly on the floor. I hope you get some good rest soon.



answers from Dallas on

Tempurpedics are wonderful, but expensive. It might be worth it though! I don't ever feel my husband moving around and they are made to hold their shape. Love ours!



answers from San Francisco on

A thinner mattress may be firmer but will reduce the depth available for a 'hole' to develop.

To replace the slats with stronger ones (many slats are pine / softwood) - go to the local wood supplier and have them cut a strong hardwood; they usually sell by length and will cut for you, so it won't be expensive.

The quality and construction of the platform bed determines if he'd break it.
Stick with real wood which is stronger and lasts longer than cheap furniture. A well constructed platform bed or one with support to the floor all the way along the bottom should work, but you may find a bit low.
An open concept box spring has slats and would be a made to height, rails are designed to support weight and stay straight. Also replaces the bed frame.



answers from San Francisco on

Im not really sure if i am going to be any help, we don't have the same problem, but our cal. King mattress is designed that each side is not supposed to affect the other side. If that makes any sense... when one person wiggles around the other sides doesn't wiggle. We have a really firm mattress because we both have bad backs which I feel might also help you.
Go to a good mattress place and ask them, if they don't have good answers go somewhere else. I think they should know stuff like that.

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