Need Help with a Problem

Be Straight Forward, its obvious that they DON'T Want the kid or they'd be the ones taking care of him. Get child support on both of them. Go through legal aide and get custody and as far as I know where I live, You already have custody. Your the one that has the kid 24/7. Thats how it worked for us anyhow, when my sister left her 3 older kids with us while her and her bf took off for a few months, which was only suppose to be a month, they got medicade for their kids and food stamps for us to feed them, but NEVER LEFT US WITH NEEDS or MONEY for needs. At the time I was due to have my 3rd child. And very stressed out due to the fact at the time my fiance was in between jobs and we had all these bills to take care of, they never brought clothes suited for the SEASON (WINTER) and none of them had winter coats. So we had to come up with all of that on our own. I went after child support, and it was legal. Just make sure you have his birth certificate, social security card and get them to sign a paper stating that you have their son 24 hours 7days a week. ANd BOOM you got it! Good Luck!!

Hi T.
We have a simular problem, for us it is our 12mo. old granddaughter. We buy clothes,diapers, wipes, formula, food,toys. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. The baby is worth it!! We love her so much, even our 13 yr old daughter loves her like a sister!!
L.

Hi T. I know in the state of Indiana if a child is in your care for 6 months then you are their legal gard and can file for custody. just keep very good records when they come, what they bring, how long they keep him and how he acts when he leaves, comes back and when his parents aren't around. Alaso keep records of what you buy,and pay for. My husband had to fight his sons aunt for custody because she had had his son in her care for a year, Long story but you will have to prove to the judge why the child is better off with you. I also know you can't have them charged with abandinment unless they go a year without seeing the child. Good luck

Hay T., one of my good friends is a Lawyer she also my kids God mom. if you want me to give her your information I can. I don't know how much she charges but she would tell you that over the phone. let me know.

There is such a thing as family-based foster care, which sounds like what you're doing for your nephew. I'd call Children's services and ask them what you have to do to gain custody. Then, you will get money each month from the state to help with his care. Bless you and your hubby for taking him.

My first question is... why do you have this baby in the first place? Secondly, have you ever discussed with them about them giving up custody? Do you feel they will consider this? If you go through with this, make sure the custody papers give you sole discretion as to their visitation & involvement in the child's life. Also, who will be called Mom & Dad? Will they pay child support? All this needs to be decided beforehand. I am talking from experience. I am raising my niece. I've had custody of her since she was 8 1/2 years old. My brother is a severe alcoholic & was unable to raise her on his own. She didn't want to live with her mom at that time,{long story} so I offered to take her. My mom & I encouraged this since he was 500 miles away & we couldn't help with her any other way. Children's services was getting involved because of neglect too. You would think he'd be grateful, but because I won't let him be in charge & now can't even allow him to call the house{he's always drunk} he hates me. We were having major problems with him calling & talking about inappropiate issues with her so we had to stop the calls altogether. I'm not saying don't take the child in, just be prepared for problems. I wouldn't keep raising her without custody if I were you. By the way we are still aunt & uncle & they are still Mom & Dad. It stayed this way since she was older when we got her. Your circumstances are different. How involved do they want to be?

you may want to start with guardianship. It is much easier to get than custody but you basically make all the final decisions for the child. The parents still get to see the child and have thier parental rights.....they always seem to be worried about that.....i am in a situation similar but not the same. A child of a relative has been with me since she was 3...now almost 11. In order for the parents to have the child back they have to prove to the courts they are fit. I am also unsure where you live but states have abandonment laws...in IN it is 6 months no contact...you can get them for abandonment. In IL it is WAAAAAY less time.

Are they on drugs?Do they work alot?I would file for custody and keep all recepits for everything you buy for that child also keep a journal.Then you also will have it down and the dates ant time.Good luck,do not let them know when you file for custody or anything about it.

T.:

The first thing you need to do is talk to them about making you the legal guardians of the child. This is a simple thing to do, yes it may require an attorney and you will have to go to court. This gives you the right to seek medical care, insure the child, enroll the child in school, etc.

It will also give you the right to apply for medicaid, and Aid to Dependent Children.

I know this because prior to my husband's death he had guardianship of our foster daughter's son. After his death I was able to obtain it and list co-guardian's for the child without consulting either of the parent's because of my husband's will. The cost for me was $250.00, it has been well worth the money spent in the benefits he can receive.

P. R

contact a family law lawyer. file for adoption/custody of the child.

T.,
Why don't they have him more than you?? It sounds like your family is enabling their bad behavior as parents.What would happen if you said "NO don't bring him over!" They surely wouldn't leave him alone. Do they work? Do drugs? Are you afraid to leave him with his own parents?? I just can't imagine not having my son with me or not wanting him with me.
If you feel there is a good reason for you to have custody,then go ahead. I mean you already do anyway it's just not legal!!
Godd Luck!!
R.

Hi I truly feel for you. I understand and think that yes you should become his parent, but because you have had him for only 10 months, you must beware. The biological parents could and probably would come back and kick you in the pants. I would wait. Start documents and keeping track of all the care you give him . Keep track of their visitation as well. If you don't do this you will find out that the court systems usually try and keep the biological family together and they will keep your son/nephew from you. They still have power. Please be careful I know you want the best for your nephew/son, but his real parents will take ofense and start trouble for you, I have seen it before and can feel it in this case too. Wait a year at least, keep documents and have them ready for children's services, you most defiently want them in your corner. Which I feel you won't have any problem if you do this right. I truly do not want to see this child with his real parents, who obviously do not care about him or they would be there for him. Take care and May God Bless your little family. I have five of my own and can't imagine anyone else raising them but me. I just wanted you to be aware of what you are up against. I agree with the other posts about guardianship first, this shows much for your side when the time comes for the custody battle, if there is any. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS>

I feel for you. It is hard to figure out why people do the things they do. I am not telling you to file or not. That is left up to you and your husband. It is probably hard for your husband he dont wanta step on toes but I will pray that God will guide you and your husband and realatives.

First you need to talk to the brother in law and sister in law and find out why they do not keep their own baby- is it financial, don't want to be bothered, etc. Then, tell them, you love your nephew and are fine with keeping him, but you want to be the parent or just the once in a while babysitter. You can't do anything legally without their permission.

T.,

I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. My first question to you would be why are they leaving him at your house? If it is something like drug use, then if you contacted children's services, they would probably award you temporary custody immediately while they investigate. If that is not an issue, then by all means, I say get an attorney and file for custody. Before you do that, however, I would suggest that you go back as far as you possibly can remember and make a journal. Write down every time you had him and for how long. All of the Dr. appts you took him to (the office can give you the dates of all of his visits if you call as his "mother"). Keep documenting everything in this journal until you go infront of a judge and maybe even beyond then.

By the way, I think you are a wonderful person for doing what you are doing.

J.

First, you need to address the issue of why you are caring for this child full time and not the parents. NOW!!!!! I believe your only recourse is to consult with an attorney as to your next step. This child is legally belongs to its mother/father regardless of who is caring for him. An attorney can guide and advise you as to the correct legal steps to take.

It's a sad situation for sure, but I feel like your nephew is
better off with you, then with his parents. Since you seem to
be a better parent to him than they are. I would definitely see about getting custody of him, he has a lot better chance in life if he is with you. I know you will give him the love he needs. I'll be praying for you to make the right decision.
K.

I'm so happy that you and your husband have stepped up to take care of this child. I think the best thing you could do right now is keep all receipts for anything you buy for him, keep a log of when you call the parents to take him to Dr., for a day, etc. Write down EVERYTHING that takes place. You need to have some leverage to get this job done. The more things you have against them, the easier it will be. These people are very selfish and can only think of themselves. Your nephew is in good hands and very lucky to have your family to care and love him. Contact your attorney to ask questions. My brother went through this with his kids. He now has full custody of them. 3! I know this is a little different, but yet it's family. I hope this helps a little.
D. B.

I would love to help with advice, but your post left me with more questions than anything. Why are they leaving him at your house?? Are they working, or just irresponsible? You said they had another baby, does this mean there are more children living in other households?? Is the child insured by them?? That would be another reason to get legal custody if you could provide him with health benefits. If you are taking care of his needs and paying for all of his expenses, are you claiming him on your taxes?? I'm sorry, I guess I have more questions than answers for you now. IF the child is in a better place at your house, then do what you have to do to keep him there. I would love to know more, as I was in this position with my nephew several years ago, he was not a baby, but he needed a stable home. Feel free to send me a private email.

I wouldn't even know where to start, BUT I do work in healthcare and I know if his parents add you at his doctors on his disclosure list, you can take him to appts and even get information.
I agree getting custody would be better, from what you explained, but if that is not something they can agree to, at least they can do what I suggested.

Kinship Care refers to a temporary or permanent arrangement in which a relative or any non-relative adult who has a long-standing relationship or bond with the child and/or family, has taken over the full-time, substitute care of a child whose parents are unable or unwilling to do so. Kinship Care includes those relationships established through an informal arrangement, legal custody or guardianship order, a relative foster care placement or kinship adoption. Regardless of the type of kinship care arrangement, the kinship caregivers' voluntary commitment to devote their lives to the children in their care is a courageous, life-changing decision.

Kinship care represents the most desirable out-of-home placement option for children who cannot live with their parents. It offers the greatest level of stability by allowing children to maintain their sense of belonging and enhances their ability to identify with their family's culture and traditions.

For more information on resources available to kinship caregivers, please see the following resources:

http://www.pcsao.org/KinshipSupports.htm

Non-parents, such as grandparents and others, who are raising their relative's children may be eligible for financial assistance. The state Department of Jobs and Family Services provides financial aid for kinship care providers through Ohio Works First (OWF). There are payments to help in the support of children, regardless of the income of their caregivers, (child only cases), which you may receive until the child is 18, as well as benefits for low-income caregivers, for which you have to supply financial information about yourself. For more information, see the website at: http://www.odjfs.state.oh.us/forms/pdf/08146.pdf .

i understand what your going through and i'm sorry to say without their help your hands are tied i took care of my two nieces for two years both addicted to drugs her parents found out i was trying for full custody through the courts and children services and they came and got the girls and took them to her mothers and now it is hard to even see them so my advice truly is you are fed up but i know you love him even more then you are stressed weigh out the differences and don't make any choices that they would feel as if they are not the parents this situation is a very painful one i would maybe talk to them about signing custody papers and telling them if their was an emegency or even just for health care reasons and you were not trying to be his parents but that you all need to do what is best for him good luck and i hope your situation turns out better than mine did

That is so tough. Do you think you can talk to them about it without them feeling threatened that you are trying to "take" their child? I would hate to see them get angry and stop taking him to you, it sounds like you provide him with safety and stability he may not have otherwise. But you're right you do need to make it legal. You could look into legal guardianship, which is done through probate court. It is voluntary, and can be changed if both parties are in agreement. That might be less threatening to them than legal custody, which is intended to be until the child turns 18. Be careful about calling children services unless you are sure they have a serious problem. They could easily get upset and take him away from you. I am social worker and have seen this happen more times that I can count- the child is the one who suffers because the parents don't really want to take care of him, but take him away from the relative who called because they are angry. Hope this is helpful, you are doing a wonderful thing caring for this little guy!!

Sounds like you are going to need legal advice. We were on the brink of fighting a contested adoption about a year ago and the financial aspect alone would bring you to tears, not to mention the emotional turmoil. I would say do what you can to get them both to sign legal adoption papers, and/or seek legal council. I have some names of some adoption lawyers in the area if you are interested. We also have an adoption support group that meets at Panera in Clintonville once a month-second Sunday of every month from 2-4. I have received some good advice and information there. Once in awhile we even have an adoption lawyer come, as she is also an adoptive Mom. Maybe you could get some free advice from her if she is there, otherwise you are looking at about 100$ an hour just to talk. Hope that helps.