Need Help Weening 17 Month-old Son from Mama's Bed into His Own Bed

Updated on May 28, 2007
J.S. asks from Lewisville, TX
9 answers

I made the mistake, when my son was 9 months old, of letting him sleep in my bed nightly. When my husband and I got separated, I think it was more for me than him. On top of that, he never goes to bed before he's asleep unless I'm lying next to him in bed already. Now, he's 17 months old and has been sleeping in my bed for 8 months. How can I ween him gently back into his room? I realize it won't be an easy task, but I have got to get him on a schedule and I have to go get him comfortable sleeping without Mama. Any ideas?

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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

Don't feel bad my all means. You are living my life. I am a single mother of 2 boys that are 16 yrs old and a 24 month old.

I have been single again since I was 16 wks pregnant w/my 2 yr old and he was sick a lot w/acid reflux, ear infections, RSV so he slept in bed w/me a lot and has been since he was just a few months old but he would fall asleep in his bed but he wakes up every night crying to want to sleep w/me.

I love it but some night I do like sleeping alone. I am not really stressing over it.

Good Luck to you.
M.

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H.S.

answers from Dallas on

The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great book. Very non-judgemental and full of great advice and varied solutions for all kinds of sleeping challenges - and best of all, these solutions do not mean that your child (or you) has to "cry it out." This book has really helped me in my determination not to let my babies cry as a way to get them to sleep better (even though most people will tell you that is the only way). Another good option is the Baby Whisperer book - many of my friends swear by it. Hope that helps!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.R.

answers from Dallas on

I've SO been there! We took the side off of our DD's crib and placed it flush to our bed. I let her sleep in it next to me for a few weeks before putting the side up, but leaving the crib next to me. Then I gradually (every two weeks) moved her farther away and into her own room. The move from our room to hers was all at once, but not that bad cuz she was already used to her crib. She is going to have to learn to put herself to sleep though and if you have a regular bedtime routine it won't be all that bad. My DD did it in about 10 or 15 minutes the first night. Just be firm and calm with her when you say night-night and leave the room. We waited on this until she was in her own room for a couple of weeks. Good luck!!!

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S.W.

answers from Dallas on

I went through the same thing with my son. He slept with me from the time he was 13 months old- until 3 (while I was single) and then got married last year so he had a BIG change comming for him. It took about two weeks for him to get used to his own bed (he's always slept all night), and I just went and laid in his bed with him every night. I would try to lay there awake until he went to sleep, but half the time I would fall asleep myself and wake up in the worst pain from not moving at all in a twin bed, or if I did move to get up, he would wake up. It literally took about 2 weeks but after that he was fine and liked his BIG boy bed. Make his bed very personal to him. My son was huge into superheroe's. I made him all sorts of pillows for his bed, to make him more comfortable. We even named one pillow "Mommy", so he could snuggle up to it. He's now almost 5 and has no problems what-so-ever. You just need to do it. The longer you wait, the harder it will be on him. Be consistent with it too, don't cave in if he cries or because you get tired. That's why I always fell asleep with him.

Good luck!

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L.T.

answers from Dallas on

Get the book Mama Source. It helps solve sleeping isses from birth to toddlers. I am not big on parenting books but this one focuses on sleep.

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L.O.

answers from Dallas on

J.,
When my son turned two I decided that it was time he stopped falling asleep in my arms in his rocking chair. A little old, I know! But I loved reading to him and rocking him every night. I couldn't let go of that routine. Anyway, I read to him every night for a while before bed and then I put him in his bed and I sat in the rocker close enough so I could pat his back or touch his hand. I would tell him he was in his big boy bed and I was in the big girl chair. He would repeat this while he fell asleep reassuring himself. After a while of that I moved my chair away slowly - a foot or so every few nights. I would sit there until he fell asleep smiling at him and reassuring him. Mostly I just closed my eyes and looked sleepy so he would also sleep. Then I moved to the hallway just outside his door where I would read a book to myself while he fell asleep. Once he accepted that I would sit there and then go "do something real quick" and come back to sit, so he would get used to looking out of his door and sometimes seeing me and sometimes not. Eventually I could put him in his bed, kiss him goodnight, and go about my business. I really don't remember how long the whole process took, but for sure no more than a month. And each night he was asleep within 30 minutes. It worked for us, but I could see it being hard for a mom who's child takes a long time to fall asleep or is resistant to the gradual changes. For me, I liked the fact that my child was never stressed about the change and never had to cry himself to sleep. Good luck with whatever method you decide to try.
L.

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S.

answers from Dallas on

Not sure he's old enough for this to work, but when I wanted my twin girls to start sleeping in their own beds, I fixed up their room for them with Dora beds; called it the "big girl" room, and talked about how big girls sleep in their own beds. I never told them they had to start sleeping the beds. We visited the room and played in there and finally they asked could those be their beds? And they started sleeping in those beds. We still have to go through the ritual of making them get in their bed and threatening time out when they get out, etc., but eventually they do sleep in their beds - except when daddy is out of town for long periods and they get scared, in which case I have bent and let them sleep with mommy "so they can help me with the (twin) babies." good luck

S.

answers from Dallas on

i really don't have advice for you on moving your baby out of the bed.I have a 2 year old and expecting another in a month and we all cosleep and love it.

Please don't think having your kids with you in bed is a MISTAKE.
Other mamas may have some advice for you that may behelpful.
Good luck

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S.

answers from Dallas on

I would start by letting him set the tone for his bedroom. Meaning, he should be an enviroment that is most comfortable to him. If you can, make his room special to him by incorporating artwork, pictures, favorite cartoon characters, etc. Next step is to ready him for bed. My favorite tool for bedtime is a timer. I tell my kids(2 years & 11 mos) "bedtime is in 5 minutes"(keep the time short, attention spans...etc.)Once the timer goes off, it is time for bed. Obviously, your son is going to have issues for the first week, if not longer, about being left in his own bed. The best thing you can do is let him figure out the best way (for himself) to fall asleep on his own. It might take tears or full out wailing, but if you let him conquer this fear of sleeping alone, you will be helping him in the best way possible. Make sure to reassure him when you feel it is needed, but also make sure to back off and let him handle it himself. Good Luck and Best wishes!!!

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