Need Help Weaning My 16 Month Old Son

Hi J.. I'm also an attachment parenting, nurse-on-demand, co-sleeping mom. Just wanted to offer a few things because my son is almost 2.5. At about 15 months (seems like this is when we all start to lose it :)), I told him, "No more milk at night".....like your son, he was still nursing every few hours all night long and I couldn't take it anymore and still function properly during the day, and have the kind of energy I wanted to invest in our fun. It took about a week. If you're resolute, he'll feel it. And I talked to my son about it during the day from time to time, just to remind him. A lot of people told me I would not be able to continue to co-sleep and successfully wean him at night, so I just wanted you to know that is not true. I would not recommend that you wean at night and stop co-sleeping at the same time, I always find making one transition at a time works the best and is the easiest on everyone. We started putting him in his own bed about 3 months after he slept through the night with no nursing consistently. As far as that went, I did sleep in his bed with him at first (we have a full futon on the floor), just until he was really used to it (I think it took 2 weeks)...he was still nursing during the day quite a bit until his second birthday when I got pregnant again. I did my best to remove one nursing session/day each week over the last several months, just with distraction, water in his sippy cup, or snacks (grapes usually did the trick).Now we're down to once a day, in the mornings for about 20 minutes, although we've gone 3 days in a row without, so we may be done. I guess I'm sharing all this with you, because I want you to know it's possible to make these transitions so slowly and gently that it just feels very natural. I wish you and your son the absolute best, you've already given him something invaluable in my opinion. Also, you're going to feel SO much better once you've got the night weaning down :)

Hi J., Marla gave you some great advice. Be consistant is the best advice, develop a solid routine that's not too long and don't give up. Make sure bed time is early to prevent over-tiredness which will lead to more crying.
Good luck, you can do it!
K. Smith
Sleep Consultant and Parenting Coach
www.theindependentchild.com

You have some great advise!!
I say that consistency is the key. I got my child to go down to nap and bedtime with crying. It took about a week of a very strict routine. This is what I did.
1. bedtime and nap time are at the exact time every day.
2. I read the same 3 books to her in the same order. When I got to the third book I reminded her that after this book it was nap time or night-night time.
3. turned off light and said I love you, sweet dreams.
4.Walked out
Now, she knows what to expect and goes to sleep no problem.
Yes, she cried like crazy the first few days. Crying got less and less, and I had to go in her room less and less.
But, it worked. When you hear that kids do well with a set schedule, they weren't kidding!
Be consistent, and you will see that whatever schedule you set, it can be followed as long as you see it through.
Good luck!

Dear J.,
I too believe in attachment parenting. My daughter is 15 months and we have just started down this road. I work two nights a week so my husband puts her to sleep 2 nights a week. He feeds her gives her a bath and rocks her to sleep. Sometime there is crying sometime there is not.
I started to stop nursing her at night. I make sure she is well feed throughout the day. I nurse her or rock her to sleep. (Every once in ahwile.) I also talk to her about the fact that there is no Leche (mom's) mil at night because it I am sleeping. When she wakes up I rock her back to sleep and put her back in her crib. If I am already in bed I take her to bed with me. When we have had nights where she wants to go stay awake or wants boob I talk to her about sleep and everyone is sleeping. I offer her water if she is thirsty. I try to go to 6 am without giving it to her. Sometime at 4am she looses it. And if I can't calm her ( hugging, singing talking, rocking offering water, comforting HER doll or monkey and rocking them to sleep ((oddly enough this work well sometimes) ) then I usually feel she is hungry and give in but never before 4 (I make extra sure she is well feed in day). It has been three weeks she has slept straight from 8:30 to 4 am four or five times and putinhg her back to sleep when she wakes up has gotten (SOOOOO) much easier. We don't cry it out, but she sometime cries in our arms. It has taken longer but we are getting there.

I have also tried to cut down daytime feedings by offering her Daddy's (Cow's) milk when she asks for milk and only nursing when she first wakes up at one nap and sometimes at bedtime (7 out 10 times).

On the shirt lifting well we are just getting to that stage.. So we are discussing personal space sometime I distract her and sometime if she is hungry I offer her food or dad's milk instead.

Good Luck

Hi J.! I also have a 16 month old who is still nursing and is incredibly attached. I have not yet weaned her, but I can offer some insight that may be helpful for your little ones sleep & yours! When my daughter was about 14 months, after reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and other very gentle guides to get her to sleep we found that none of them yielded significant results for us, after much patience and persistence. It was at that point we decided to try the Ferber Cry it Out method. I never in a million years wanted to do this, but I was at my wits end!

We knew we wanted to do cry it out, because after trying every other way, we weren't left with any other options. We did it during a week when my husband was off (he's a teacher). If you can't do that (and who wants to spend vacation exhausted?!), you can start on a Friday.

I never did cry it out, because for the first 8 months of her life she was in our room, as we were in a 1 bedroom apartment. Then, when we moved to a 3 bedroom house, she was just so conditioned to being tended to immediately, that I just couldn't imagine having her cry. It really was out of complete desperation, strong encouragement from my very patient husband and me being so exhausted (I was a zombie, not socializing, had put on weight-it was just bad!)!

As for her sleeping, when she first went to bed we did her usual ritual which consists of the following:

6:00PM ish- dinner
6:30PM ish- bathtime
7:00PM- lotion up the baby, put on Pajamas, run around a little in the living room, read a few stories with daddy

7:30PM or 7:45PM- mommy read stories in her bedroom to baby for as little as 5 minutes as long as 15 minutes- nurse for 5-15 minutes, rock baby for a minute or two

8:00PM or 8:15PM-put her in her crib awake. We also use a white noise machine and have a small nightlight in her room, as it's very dark. Nothing bright, just enough light so she can see her surroundings

We would watch the clock and go in every 5, then 10, then 15 minutes. I could not personally go past 15 minutes (some don't go past 10, others continue to increase the minutes by 5 all the way up to an hour-you decide). She was crying so incredibly hard, saying "mama! UP! UUUUPP!" and clinching to the side of her crib. It was one of the most difficult times in my parenting career. She seemed to be less worked up when my husband would go in there. I think it's just because it's mom and I still nurse her. Anyway, when we would go in there, use "key words," which oddly is something I learned while reading the no cry sleep solution. Use short phrases and words, such as "Night Night Baby," "Go to bed," "Mommy loves you," "Time to sleep sweetie pie," etc. We would not pick her up, but would pat her back, kiss her forehead if she was standing. Basically, we would quickly reassure her, shower her with affection and get out fast. I would not linger tried to keep my visits to 20-30 seconds at tops, less if you can! We would use the same method for nighttime wakings, which were shorter than the initial time she laid down for the evening.

I haven't mastered naps yet, and often nap with her still. Lots of things that I have read say, be consistent. We are consistent at night, however she was crying through her entire naptime, so for me I will nurse her until she falls asleep and then carefully set her in her crib. We are also trying to transition from 2 short naps to 1 long nap, so I just wanted to make sure she was getting rest still during the day. I plan on having her cry it out during the day if we can't get her to be a better sleeper at naptime soon. With that being said, we are still very successful at night and are reaping the benefits during the day- she's often much easier to put to bed at naptime and she is less apt to be whiney/fussy when I leave the room or she's not getting what she wants.

It worked very well for us, but is not for everyone. I told my husband we would give it a week. Within 3-4 days of hard work, we saw results. I just felt like my poor little girl did not know how to go to sleep and was so, so tired. I hated hearing her cry, but knew that a well rested baby = a well rested mommy = a MUCH happier family all around. Feel free to email me with any other questions you have! Good luck to you!