Need Help for a Friend.. Social Service Issue!

Updated on August 16, 2011
M.A. asks from Saint Paul, MN
10 answers

This is a LONG story... I know you will all have lots of questions that I won't have given all information for but here goes....
I am worried for a gf of mine. She "was" in an abusive relationship and got out. went through Social services and they helped her by placing her in an older home (1930's?) The only reason the year of the home has anything to do with this is because the stairs are VERY steep to the second floor where her room is.
She has fallen down these very same stairs atleast 3 times and have had to go to the hospital. (part of her falling is due to her health, she has nueropathy and can't always feel her feet or at times they feel like a brick) This has been ongoing for atleast 1 1/2 years & she has asked the social workers to find her new housing (1 level) due to these falls.
Well Last week she fell AGAIN! Only this time she could have died had her roommate not been home. Cracked her skull, Something with her Vertabrae's (4 of them), sprained her neck.. The list could go on.
So She told them enough is enough I am giving my 30 day notice! Now they want to send her to a nursing home. She is NOT that old and is still not crazy in the head LOL Do any of you Mommas have any ideas how I can help her? I feel like there has to be a way I can help. It feels like they jsut want to ship her away and not deal with her any longer! :(

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So What Happened?

Update: I knew I would foget something important: She is on Disability & is also a Diabetic. She has been out of the hospital for almost a week now and in transitional care. The move to a nursing home is just that. That is where they want her "new" home to be. Not for Transitional pruposes.

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answers from Washington DC on

find an advocate for her or get a power of attorney to help her out...other than that - no, i'm sorry - I've never had to use the system so I wouldn't even know where to start in getting her appropriate living!!


1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Tulsa on

contact the hospital's patient advocate. tell them about it. they have connections and might know of options or a different social worker who could help.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cleveland on

The only part of this I can address is the neuropathy part. I thought I had neuromas, because one podiatrist told me that. But I decided to try another podiatrist because I just can't bear to live with this problem - I need it to be fixed. So the second podiatrist told me I have neuropathy, and since I'm not diabetic, it is coming from my spine. He suggested getting my chiropractor involved. So my chiropractor put me on the decompression table, and it has made a HUGE difference! I can now feel my feet and feel myself walking. I still have a little numbness, so I know I will eventually have to have an MRI to see how bad my back is, and what can be done about it. But for now, I'm okay with it.

So, once your friend is ready to, I suggest you take her to a chiropractor and get her back decompressed and see if it helps her feet. (Unless she has it because she's a diabetic; then of course, it won't help.)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

She needs to get a doctors letter stating that she needs a one level home due to a long term permanent disability. She can call the disability association, for advocacy help. If the house is not to her needs they have to help her but she is responsible for doing some of this on her own, finding a landlord that will accept her housing, finding something in her price range, etc....she needs to go apply to some other complexes and apartments that do the housing assistance or whatever program she is on.



answers from Chicago on

If she is still in the hospital, talk to a medical social worker. There are a few situations that could be at work here.

1) She could need rehab, as another poster mentioned, and this type of facility might be the most appropriate given her insurance, stamina and therapy goals.

2) Is she able to independently care for herself when discharged from the hospital? If not, then she need alternatives until she is able to do so. Discuss these alternatives with the hospital social workers.

3) Transitional housing (especially 'emergency' transitional housing) is EXTREMELY difficult to find and is often at the mercy of various funding bodies. And, as we know, governmental funding is in serious jeopardy given the government's financial crisis.

**It seems clear that her prior residence was unsafe. Even she acknowledges that. Depending on the size of the community, this might be her only option. Work with the staff at the nursing home to find a suitable place for her post discharge. Be her eyes and ears. Go visit facilities for her to help in her search. Make calls, ask questions and talk to people. If her community doesn't have such a place, maybe she needs to widen her search to a different area.**



answers from Dallas on

Thank you for helping your friend navigate the system. Going to a nursing home with a rehabilitation center would be a good idea for your friend. The social workers there can help her transition out to a better home circumstance when she is healthy enough to go. The social workers can work with housing to get something that meets her needs. Just make sure she is not just parked in a nursing home. The rehab services can help her with compensating for the neuropathy.


answers from Medford on

Theres a chance shes been placed in the nursing home for rehab and once she has enough time to heal, and physical therapy she will improve and be able to move out into a new home. She needs you to be there to visit and listen to and help her in whatever ways she may find she needs while there. She should be given a case worker and see what can be done to get her back to an independant life. Is she able to work or is she disabled to the point where the state has to care for her?


answers from St. Louis on

It really sounds like she needs to be in a nursing home. My uncle has been in one for a couple years now. Sure he is too young but unfortunately his health puts his needs on that level.

I think you need to get over the idea that nursing homes house people. My uncle has a blast there. He lost his leg due to the diabetes, so he has one of those scooters. My dad bought him a keyboard and speakers so he sits in the dining hall and entertains the other residents.

As you yourself said she could have died. That is too much to put on anyone except a professional staff.


answers from Kansas City on

It sounds to me that she really does need the extra care and nursing of a nursing home. She doesn't have to look at it like it's that bad. She can still leave if she's up to it and have friends over and some of them can be very nice so long as she doesn't have an incontinent roommate and hopefully she could have her own room.



answers from New York on

All nursing homes aren't created equally. Sounds to me like she could use the help. If you fall down the stairs once, that would be enough for me to start looking for something better for myself. It sounds to me like your friend may benefit from having an assisted living arrangement.

A friend of mine had an aunt that had both of her legs amputated from the knees down. She moved into an assisted living facility and had a blast. She was able to go on the daily outtings and shop and so much more. She told me once that she regretted not having done this when her first leg was taken. She spent the last 15 years of her life in assisted living and loved it.

Even though your friend is young she does need the help. They are there to help. It probably wouldn't be a bad thing.

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