Hi K.,
My heart aches while I read your request as I am all too familiar with this.
First and formost let me tell you, your marriage can survive this. It will depend a lot in how you handle this and of course in the ability and cominment of your husband to repair this. If he doeant get the fact that there is a primary desicion that must be made (which is recognizing his responsability in stepping out ofthe marriage and ending the affair) and his clearing out "confusion" it may be difficult.
It will also depend on your willingness or not to make it work. Before man AND most importantly God, you have grants for divorce.
This is hard and painful and I know how you must be feeling, if you would like to talk to me please do. I would love to at least provide you with an understanding ear and support...
Now the children...they are old enough to realize that something wrong is going on...you must be sicere with them, but and hear me well...as much as it takes two people for a marriage to have problems it takes only one to stray and be unfaithful, your husband alone made that desicion, THAT is HIS responsability, don't make the mistake to blame yourself in front of the children,( or out of their sight for that matter)or say that mommy and daddy don't love each oher but they love you...and is better this way...This part is difficult and is one of the first of the consecuences of this problems, and he needs to realize that. If you think that this is temporary and you are BOTH commited to rebuild your marriage there may be ways to spare the children the pain. If he travels for work for example...but if is inevitable I would definately seek the assistance of a family therapist. I wouldnt blame him directly in front of the children or tell them excactly what he did, but I would be honest in saying that their dad, although loves them very much, needs to work on some issues and has decided to do so out of the house (if thats the case)reassuring them of the (hopefully) constant precence of their father in THEIR life (him seeing the kids and doing things with them) and also if you are choosing this separation as a temporary messure, then you may tell them too...again, I would strongly advise you to find a therapyst.
Now lastly K., God can work in the heart of a man and a marriage and turn it around 180 for the better, and He may do that for you...or he can liberate you form a bad marriage..either way, you'll be ok, beleive me...but one thing is certaint, this can be survived but he cannot be in the middle, he needs to end this affair if he is ever going to try to save anything. And you also will survive this pain, ask God to make you strong and to give you ears to hear and words to speak, you will need them K....and please if you would like to talk to me please dont hesitate to call me...my husband had an affair 2 years ago and our marriage did survive it, it was hard and painful, probably the most painful thing I had ever to go through, and it took a whole lot of work...never ending work...a great therapyst and God's intervention (maybe I should have said that first), it did make us better...not the affair nor the aftermath of it, but what both of us learned about ourselves...it made me stronger,and enabled me to know excatly what I want and never settle for anything less, and tought him the value of the people that love him and what a second chance means in life and what Gods love for him looks like...he learned to let go of pride and what a great amunt of pain, work, time and love is needed to rebuild a broken heart and trust...
You may not see it now,through your pain and the uncertainty of it all, but even if you arenot together at the end, beleive it or not, something good will came out of this at the end...
Love
A.
