Need Help Dealing with a 4 Year Old That Won't Let Me Out of His Site.

I wish I could help, but sadly I can't. My son just turned 5 in July, and we decided we couldn't put him into school this year for the same problem. Mine dosen't sound quite as bad as your situation, but he insists on following me around all day, sleeping with me, and I believe he is developing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which runs in my family. I believe his insistence on always being with me is a control issue with him. He feels this is something he can control, so he tries. My husband, my parents, and I have all started a tough parenting approach. He cannot go with me to work and no amount of crying will change that. He cannot sleep with me even if he cries himself to sleep. I believe in my heart that this is harder on me than it is on him. Like I said before, this seems with my son to be a control issue. Maybe it is with you. Stick in there, it's working for us, and I hope this approach will work for your family as well.

All I can say is Welcome to my world. lol
My four year old son is very clingy as well. It seems as if the boys are more clingy than the girls. It is normal to a degree. Not much I can say except you can leave him, it is okay. He will cry for a minute or two and he will be fine. I hear that they grow out of it at some point, but not sure when that is so, good luck.
L.

My son is 2.4, and ever since he was 1 month old, from the careful suggestion of a developmental childcare specialist, I started letting him "play" in the middle of the floor on a blanket; I would go behind him so that he could not see me, so that way he was used to not seeing me. Once he started to sit up, he caught right on. You have to be able to let the child in their room by their selves at least a few hours a day, and check on them every 15mins or so. It also makes bedtime routines easier, because when they are used to playing on their own, when they are put to bed, they do not scream or yell as they usually do with no routine. Now at age 2, my son plays on his own. This may sound harsh, but at times I ignore him when he seeks my attention at the wrong times. There are specific times that we do play together, but it has helped him understand that I am not his waitress and/or servant, and many times from ignoring him, he goes off and plays. Then 10 minutes later, I will get what he wants, and he tends to forget, LOL! Most of the times, his toy has taken his attention away. So, leave your child in their room, as long as the outlets are plugged in, and there is no great danger. Close the door, etc. Let them tear up whatever they want, which is my son's favorite activity. Also, we have to be laid back as parents. Just because I have to clean his room full of ripped paper, he helps me put the trash in the bin, and also, it teaches him that he has his down time because as adults need down time, children need down time, too. I hope this was helpful; my son is very successful with this because of these techniques. Let the child explore throughout the whole house, and teach him what places are boundaries by re-directing him/her away. A great parenting teacher taught me that. We can not seclude our children to only the living room, etc. Good luck!

A.,
I would stear completely clear off the approach Robin offered. Sounds terrifying and counter productive in every way. I think my approach would be considered "reverse psychology". It's not as wierd as it sounds. I just mean let him do it and even encourage it sometimes. He'll get the sense that you want him around just as much as he needs you to. At first more then a little less and so on. You kind of have to start form scratch but it'll go faster this time. Then after he's gotten the reasurance he needs you can I was confused and frustrated with this for a couple months but then I read "How to Solve your Childs Sleep Problems" (because of a different thing) and everything started to become clear. It's not a control issue. It a security issue. I started to tell him where I was going (in the house) if I was changing floors or going outside and asking him if he was coming too. He is 5 1/2. Also of course remember it is age appropriate for yours, but that's not what you were asking. Anyway it's really working for me. Like you said - loving. By the way if this approach doesn't work for your family but something else does let me know K? (I have two friends who have much less patience.)

Sounds like a few of us are in the same boat. My 3 year little girl is the same way she will not let me leave a room without freaking out. And don't let me leave the house without her she screams and cries like crazy. I have been taking her to headstart since she was 1 year old, so I don't know how long this faze will last. I hope it is soon though.

I have a now 10 year old BOY who is still this way, I originally attributed it to my mom passing away, with whom he was very close to. Children are afraid that you will leave and not come back, I truly believe this. Being a single mom is even worse, he is with me 24/7. Follows me everywhere, used to sit on the bathroom floor while I showered, it didn't matter where I was, he was there. But I have found that talking with him about his fears and reassuring him that there are certain things I need to do ALONE and will be back has helped. It is a constant struggle, but they need to learn to be accepting of facts. My suggestion is everytime you need to go somewhere alone, show him on the clock when you will return and explain why he cannot go with you, even though you would love him too. My son has finally began (again age 10) to deal with this. He sees other moms and dads dropping their children off at activities, then going to do shopping, get gas, or whatever and then coming back to get their child. It is very difficult, but he will accept it over a period of time. It is always a struggle, takes alot of reassuring words, but will help with the transition into school etc. Mine still gives me grief, but I also do what I need to do. I can never get anything done if I cater too much. Hope I could help. BOYS will be clingers - all there life!

I just wanted to let you all know about a super awesome nanny I know who is looking for a job. She needs full time but doesn't mind splitting up days with more than 1 family. Her name is Najat Benanssa. She was so great with my 2 kids. She's very motherly, they loved her. She took them outside to play every day, twice a day. She played with them, she sings songs, she is a fun, responsible and nurturing lady. Her references are impeccable too. If you need someone I hope you will give her a call, She is a rare find and anyone who gets her will be very lucky!

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Thanks, R. Gagnon

I am an in-home daycare provider and we have had children that cry for a couple of minutes after their parents leave them, but we distract them by getting them involved in playing. I know it is hard to your child when they are crying, but as long as everyone is telling you that he is fine shortly after you leave, it maybe that your son cries when you are getting ready to leave because he misses you. My two year old cries when his father gets home from work. He misses him and does not quite understand the concept of missing someone. I have seen children cry when they are dropped off at our daycare, only to be unwilling to leave when their parent shows up to get them. I have seen other children cry when their parent shows up. I'm sure that they probably miss their parents, but your son may have an advantage when he starts school. He will be used to spending some time away from you, where other children may have been a parent 24/7.