Need Help Balancing Work and Home Life

Your husband needs to do his 50% of the home and child care. If you are working from home, you could get a nanny or put the kids in daycare. It is what you would do if you were working outside the home.

It will NOT eat up 50% of YOUR earnings. It will eat up 25% (or whatever the math comes out to be) of the household income. If your husband thinks that is too much - let him quit his job, switch to some other shift or flex time and let him do the child care.

There is ZERO reason your husband can't do 50% of the meal planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning. He is not 'pitching in' - he is taking his share of responsibility for having a home and family. The only thing he can't do long distance is the child care.

If your youngest is starting k in a year, even if you don't make much for the next year, hire help to hang on to this job. It does sound like too much now but I always say all the help I hire is still cheaper than me quitting and in your case, it's not for the next five years. In a year, you cut back on the help and you've kept this great job for maybe the next 20 years...

My parents gave all of us (4 kids) duties at home. Someone was responsible for kitchen, laundry, bathrooms and etc. We helped with cooking, grocery shopping (making a list of what was running low) and if we wanted to do something special like see a movie with friends or earn some money to just have in our pocket, took on a project. Maybe reorganized the garage, offered to clean out the youngest closet, baby sit while mom and dad or just mom had "me" time. My kids aren't old enough yet (one and four), but when they get old enough, the older ones got two years at most, lol...duties they shall have. I like some of the other responses to hire help (my dad always said kids are free help) and then I would also say to take a "me" day or couple of hours each day. Lock your bedroom door, watch a movie, lay upside down on the bed and listen to music, jump on your bed (don't fall!), go run, roll down a grassy hill (quite fun...and itchy), go see a movie with friends or hubby, date night. Anything that lets you "play" Even though you're busy doing something, it's something you enjoy and relaxes your mind and body. Have a pillow fight with your hubby, wtth your kids, poke hubby repeatedly :)

Added: PB&J we think alike!! We must have been typing our advice at the very same time!

Since it's summer time, is there a teenager in your neighborhood or in your family who could come and watch/play with the kids for the 5 hours you are working during the day? Heck, if they could stay 2 extra hours you could get your day's work in and still have your evenings with the kiddos & your hubby.

I don't know your neighborhood of course, but the teen helper could take the kids outside to play in your yard; is the school or a park nearby where they can play? Maybe even those pesty early visitors wanting to play with the kids could play then too.

I agree with LittleEs Mom..you need help & only you know which area would be the most helpful..someone to clean, or entertain the kids, make dinner, etc.

Or would your boss agree to cut your hours to maybe 1/2 of what you're doing now?

Sorry I'm rambling, I'm tired & stressed too & I'm typing as things come to my mind :)

What about a mother's helper? In between having them home, and a nanny. Ask a local teen/college student if she will take your kids (or at least the two younger ones) to the park, or somewhere else local, every weekday from 8-12? Or even play with them outside - the helper could make them pick up their toys when the change activities. That way, they are out of the house or at least picking up so you don't have a huge mess every day. And you can concentrate more on your work until 11, and then have an hour workout and get a shower. It would only cost you about $40/day (depending on the rate in your area).

Also, about every 6 months, I take a Saturday and cook big batches of meals that I can split into portions and freeze. So once a week, when I'm feeling stressed I can skip on really making dinner and just pull something out of the freezer and heat it up. It helps.

Finally, ask your husband to take over at least one thing. You should not be doing everything alone. And you shouldn't have to ask him to 'pitch in'. Would he prefer to do a load of laundry every day? Or clean the bathroom once a week? Talk with him to find out what he's willing to do, and make that his permanent responsibility, without your having to ask.

Have you thought about hiring a teenager to babysit for a few hours while you work? Even if it's just a couple days a week, it could do wonders for your sanity and not be as expensive as daycare. There has to be a kid in your neighborhood that would like a chance to earn a few bucks over the summer, I hope??

I have the same situation as you. And for most of the same reasons I do not feel like I can quit my job -- but my husband doesn't even think that's an option. But there are two life savers. 1. I have a "mother's helper" for my kids SOME of the time I am working (about 60% of the time in the summer, about 30% in the school year). She only does one thing: play with my kids. She takes them outside, makes sure they don't fight with each other, etc. She's not expensive. She started working for me at 13 and is 16 now. It's one of the best investments I make and my kids love her.
Even with her, I was still overwhelmed with trying to keep up on the housework. My work commitments are slightly less than yours only 5.5 hours a day, so I can imagine 7 hours every day is even more overwhelming. I got to a point where we could keep things picked up (I think it's important that my kids learn to clean up after themselves) but there was always still dusting, vacuuming, mopping, kitchen chores, cleaning bathrooms, and more. I just couldn't get it done and I kept feeling like I had to. I would get to the end of each day out of energy and still have a mountain of chores facing me. It was a great recipe for unending stress. So I got a housekeeper. She comes once a week for 2 hours and does all the cleaning stuff that I can never get to. Since she started coming my stress levels have plummeted. I feel more in control. One thing that I realized -- I only have so many hours in the day and since I spend some of them working, I shouldn't have to spend any of them cleaning. I firmly believe that any woman who works and has children needs a mother's helper and a housekeeper. Good luck to you. We can do anything, we just can't do everything.

Hire some help and get your husband to take on more, even just a little more. We women think we can handle everything and don't ask for help. It is worth spending some of your income to keep your sanity. Pick whatever would reduce your stress the most. Can you trade kid watching with a neighbor? Hire a young teen to play with them at home? Have someone come in once a week or so to clean? All these are inexpensive, but stress relieving. Don't quit your job. Good jobs are hard to find.

Haha - I could have written this! Also a working mom of 3 overdoing my share and with kids about the same age as yours (also one more year to K for the youngest)! Don't let go of the job - it's so hard to find flexibility! I second the suggestion of finding a teenager who can commit to a couple of days a week so you can work and do whatever else you need to do. I have a friend's daughter doing that now (for the summer), and it's working out wonderfully! If you do decide to hire other help, go with housekeeping. You can work on increasing family contribution while getting a break, and I know that I much prefer having someone else do the grunt work (e.g., laundry!) vs. taking my place for the fun stuff! Above all, make sure you take time for yourself - you need it and you deserve it! Best of luck!

Hire yourself some help! You are only ONE person. By being responsible for all this by yourself you cannot be the best mom, wife, and employee that you can be. Pick what would help you the most, nanny, housekeeper, whatever you need and give yourself a break!

Start with hiring a weekly house cleaner. You sound like you are actually managing a lot quite wel. It is just a lot. Have the kids prepare one meal a week..this will take more time at first, but it will pay off hugely very soon. It would be a fun activity for them to do together and even if it isn't a help to you. Ask your husband to do one meal during the week. I think the best thing is that quitting is an option..so maybe you make due on a little less money and actually pay for help, until you get to a place where the kids are all in school. I understand how you feel. I think that the best thing you can do is carve out time for yourself every weekend, when your husband is home and make yourself spend a block of time just for yourself. You will be better to and for everyone.

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Start with hiring a weekly house cleaner. You sound like you are actually managing a lot quite wel. It is just a lot. Have the kids prepare one meal a week..this will take more time at first, but it will pay off hugely very soon. It would be a fun activity for them to do together and even if it isn't a help to you. Ask your husband to do one meal during the week. I think the best thing is that quitting is an option..so maybe you make due on a little less money and actually pay for help, until you get to a place where the kids are all in school. I understand how you feel. I think that the best thing you can do is carve out time for yourself every weekend, when your husband is home and make yourself spend a block of time just for yourself. You will be better to and for everyone.

I would cut back on the hours for a short period of time, you say you have a kind boss. And for the summer I would hire someone to help with the kids.
I don't work and we can afford to send 2 of my kids for two months to what I call summer day camp well the Daycare calls it that too! I did a lot of research, number crunching, till I found a fit for my family. They go for 5 days a week 9am till 1pm sometimes till two because they take them swimming once a week. It gives me time to clean house, groom myself, workout, run errands, shop, cook, every once in a while I just sit and do nothing or answer questions on mamapedia! My husband has a much happier wife to come home too and it helps me a lot too because he travels a lot with his job!

Years ago I landed a very well paying job my husband was so happy and we had lots of money, but I was like you, I could do the job, it was not difficult but it did have long hours and i could take it or leave it type feeling about the work, so one day I was like this is not worth it I could never be happy in this job, and I up and quit. my husband did not understand and at first & was like REALLY! I insisted it was best for everyone and landed a less paying easy job with steady hours and no work to take home with me ( I loved the job), when I was home I was home and could concentrate on my kids, my husband, and myself, the house was clean, and I was able to cook most nights if not then we had take out, so what! lol
Its hard trying to find the balance it takes work and sacrifice to be happy sometimes, you'll figure it out and have some great advise ideas posted here already!
Good Luck!

Aw honey I just said this but being an active participant vs existing in your life-which is more important? When my oldest was little my house always stayed clean, laundry always done and we had wonderful dinners. Now with my little ones my house is surface cleaned until the weekend, kids sometimes eat macaroni and cheese and may have to go to day care for a few hours when I am off cause I need me time. Find a balance, don't sweat the small stuff, and know we've all been there. My suggestion is to look at the local programs in your area and enroll your kids in a few fun classes. Most are low cost and will allow them to have fun while your working.

I think you are doing awesome! I work from home also, but my youngest is 9, so I don't have to "watch" them as much. I think the KEY to what you need to learn is to WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER. For example, I don't know your cleaning habits, but say you dust the bookcase every day...do you really NEED to? Things like that you can cut back on. Also, find some super easy recipes. I have gotten into freezer to crockpot meals. I spent 1.5 hours in the kitchen and I have 8 meals in the freezer right now where before I go to bed, I just pull it out, leave it on the counter to thaw overnight then put in the crock in the morning...dinner is DONE! So I think if you can find a few things like this to do, it will really help in the big picture of things. Otherwise, I think you are doing great, don't be so h*** o* yourself. Things will get easier as the kids get older and they can help out more. Like my son is 9, he does all the trash, takes it out every day and down to the street and back. And my 12 yo dtr loads and unloads the dishwasher every day. Both kids are learning to do their own laundry. Hubs does our laundry, the floors and takes care of the dog, and anything else he sees needs to be done. I do all the shopping and cooking and kitchen. So I think you just need to figure out a few things and you'll be good. Good luck!

I feel you girl!!! Here is what I would do, go part time at your job and get a housecleaner. Not too tough and you get the best of both worlds. = )

Enjoy.

"I like having a little extra money for fun things and so I do not have to stress out about buying gas and groceries."
Extra money is nice, and it's also nice to not have to worry about gas and groceries, but it sounds to me like it would be easier to buy less fun things, and learn how to cook a little more on the cheap, than go through the stress that you are currently dealing with. My husband and I went through a financially strapped period a couple of years ago (I'm a SAHM). I learned how to be more creative with food staples (rice, beans, etc.) and we bought less fun things for the kids. Bills were sometime hard to make, but honestly, I only really remember that I learned to cook more efficiently and my kids got less knick-knacks. Not a big deal, really.
Do away with your job, or reduce your hours if possible, learn to make more with what you already have, and I think you'll feel better.

How much do you make (don't tell ME, just get that number in your head). Let's lowball $1000 a month.

Your husband is essentially saying he would rather pay $1000 a month than hire a maid for $250 a month and put the kids in halfday camp so you can bust through your work, have a clean house, happy & tired kids. That math just doesn't add up.

School year, of course, it's just the cost of a maid.

Or alternatively, that he would pay $1000 a month (whatever your salary is) NOT to shop, cook, or clean.

Breath!! :)
I am in a similar position, but I work from home one day a week, the rest in the office. I have two boys, 6 and 8. My husband also works full time. The first thing I notice is your husband is not helping much. You need to enlist his help with my house work dinner prep, etc.

That being said, I am struggling seriously right now to stay motivated to be at work. I feel like I am running nonstop and missing it. We do so much with our kids, but I long to just be there with them, and hang out.

My husband says I should quit, but find something part time to do while the kids are in school, but still thinks I can bring in the 66K I am now...Back to reality, that is simply not going to happen. We are debt free except for the mortgage and student loans, and I too am a worry wart about financial stability and putting all of the onus on my husband to support us.

After some discussion, we are going Dave Ramsey style (Sort of) and paying off all student loans by the end of the year, then saving like mad and I'm done the end of the school year. At that point, I'm going to have my first real summer vacation since high school, then look for something part time that brings in some money, that I actually, OMG, enjoy doing!! Who would have thought!

I plan to start volunteering (Yes, adding one more thing to my plate) this year, so that I am established by the time I need a part time position. I plan to supplement that with some crazy couponing and just plain living more simply. And enjoy my husband and children while they are under one roof.

Breath, talk to your husband, come up with a plan, and work together.
I understand you think it's a great job and you may not have that opportunity again. You should think that. It sounds like a great arrangement! (I'd love to know who you work for and if they are hiring)

But if you propose a part time arrangement, and if that is turned down, then leave gracefully, and let them know why. You should be able to come back in the future on good terms.
Life happens fast, don't blink. :)