Need Divorce Advice FAST

Updated on April 20, 2011
K.F. asks from Helotes, TX
17 answers

my husband just told me last night that he will close out his TSP account (military 401K) to clear our ccard and car loans, so it'll be easier to split everything up. he also said he will be downloading ppwork to begin proceedings w/ the state for divorce.

what can i do to stop this?i have been married 16 yrs as of 4/29, and a SAHM for 8yrs. i homeschool my 2 kids. I don't want to lose my whole life!

we've been to counseling (i still go_ he stopped)

he is army reseve w/ 17 yrs active/reserve time.
who do i call?
UPDATE: i googled divorce + 401K and got great informationi. he can't close the acct w/o me, as i am beneficiary. if he were to do it anyway, somehow, a judge can order him to pay me . the acct, while in his name is property of the marriage and as such has to be divided.without paying the withdraw tax b/c of circumstances. i don't think suzy orman would advise he do this at all. i don't think he's thinking. In the meantime, some friends have sent attny names. If you know anyone who is a barracuda, please send. . also, what should i ask an attny before hiring? obviously they would work in divorce, but beyond that???

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Definitely call a lawyer right now and do NOT let him close anything out until you consult with him.

5 moms found this helpful

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answers from Modesto on

you better get legal things going right now, they arent allowed to close accounts during legal proceedings. If he's doing it now, you should have to sign some of his paperwork in order to close out his retirement since he had to add a beneficiary to it and you are probably that person. I suppose you could refuse to sign, and I believe that is exactly what you should do... otherwise you wont see a dime of that money that you have also earned. Just tell him you wont sign anything until you talk to your attorney.
Sorry you are going through this... prayers to you.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

Call his commanding officer or the local JAG office. There's nothing you can do to stop a divorce if your husband is determined, but you can protect yourself and your children financially if it's going to happen.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

He cannot take tsp without your permission. TSP is a bit different than a 401k. There are forms that need to be signed by you. Contact JAG at the closest base. Also military one source is a good place to contact. Your Family Readiness Group should have other info. Good luck......

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Call his commanding officer

5 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Wow. Sorry K., it's hard. Been there, done that. Only I wasn't with him 17 years.

You can't stop him from divorcing you, I guess, so prepare to lose your life as you know it. But you can try contacting the military people (can't remember what they are called), and/or an attorney.

I'm no expert, but he shouldn't be closing accounts on you. I hope you have a good handle on the finances.

Sorry for what you're about to go through, but there's another, better life in store for you. It'll just take a while to get there.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Eau Claire on

You won't get any of his 401K if he uses it to pay the bills. Maybe that's what he's trying to do. Make sure you find the statement that tells how much he is withdrawing. We are borrowing a chunk from my hubbys 401K and he sent the info in to them and I haven't had to sign anything yet. I would have it froze fast. You are intitled to half of that.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

I don't think that he can withdraw any funds from it without your signature. Call the TSP and ask.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Albany on

Find yourself a BARRACUDA attorney, ASAP, yesterday, put a retainer on a joint credit card, or use a joint account. Know any other military Moms who've used an attorney? Ask them now. Get an appt.

Don't panic. Really, don't panic.

Peace to you.


3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I am not sure what to advice since I am not familiar with the documents (TSP) but I know that even in the friendly divorce is good idea to ask for advice to a lawyer, you may don't need it to go to court but you should ask him about all this important questions.
Sorry mama, and good luck.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Try to talk him out of cashing the 401K. You guys will have to pay 10% taxes on the money if he does. There are other ways to split up the assets without having to pay the tax. When you type "401k + divorce" into google you will find some really helpful information.

I would go to an attorney as soon as possible to make your interests are protected. Unfortunately, if he wants a divorce, there isn't really much you can do about it.

Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

You need an attorney. There are many that will reduce their fees, etc.

Is your name on the 401K? Then he'll need your signature for one. If not, then the attorney should be able to give you tips on how to freeze assets before your husband takes/does anything. OR, if he does, in the end the judge can rule what he has to give back to you.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on

Call an attorney tomorrow morning and get an injunction on those accounts. They should be part yours and you have a right to say where the money is spent. Yes, bills should be paid off but you get a say in what is paid where and where the left over money goes.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I would be getting an attorney and discussing this and other matters with him/her.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

try to get copies of all bank statements, 401ks, etc so you have proof of what was in there. he is going to make this very ugly. i'm sorry you're going thru this. i did my divorce myself and am now married to the most wonderful man who is great with my kids. i'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. do everything you can to protect you and your kids. and he HAS to pay for your support and that of his not settle for less. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Salt Lake City on

I'm so sorry, so sorry. There will be some difficult times ahead, but you can do hard things.

I'd agree to not cashing out the 401K w/o careful thought. To cash out before retirement, it will incur a 10% PENALTY PLUS taxes at your marginal tax rate. So that can be an expensive way to finance debt paydown.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

Find a good divorce attorney right away. Contact a domestic violence shelter or hotline and find out exactly what your rights are, they differ in each state. If you can, take half of all money in the bank and put in an account in your name only.
Start job hunting, now.
Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful
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