Need Advise on Getting My 3 Month Old to Sleep

Hi W.,

You've probably been recommended a thousand books since becoming pregnant - but, I have found "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth to be unbelievably helpful. It has great tips and information about sleeping habits of babies and children. I think it would help you out a lot with the problems you are describing.

Good luck! C.

I also highly recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I have friends that refer to it as the sleep bible! I only got around to using it when my son was 6 mos, but boy he has slept 11-12 hours a night since I used the methods described in the book. I read it once and then went back and highlighted and marked all of the pages that pertained to us.

Baby Whisperer and Babywise were great books too, and a much easier read, but they just did not work for us. Turns out the console methods and checking in at regular intervals just upset our son even more, so we had to resort to crying it out. First night he cried for nearly 1.5 hours and then the next night for 20 minutes and since then, with the exception of an off night here and there, we've had sleep-filled nights.

Good luck. The sleep area was the toughest hurdle for us!

***W., I just chimed in on your sleep question. I failed to notice and comment on the fact that your baby is 3 months old. I don't believe doctors and experts recommend the cry it out method for babies until they are older. Might want to ask your pediatrician or research further. It would have been grueling to allow my 3 month old cry it out. It was hard enough at 6 mos. Again, good luck.

W.,
At the risk of being ousted by everyone else on here, I think your situation sounds a lot like mine was and I have a few other tips, pretty opposite the others on here.

One thing no one else has mentioned is checking for any medical issues. My son ended up having reflux and milk intolerance, which causes night waking and very frequent nursing. I tried most every tip given on here including a top off formula bottle with rice (GI said to to help it stay down) and NOTHING helped. We swaddled until 7 months when he could no longer fit into his custim made swaddle blanket! Some kids have apnea too!

The book I recommend is William Sears' night time parenting. It is published by LLL. My son still wakes once or twice at 15 mo and you know what? I go in there! He does now put himself to sleep and takes a wonderful 2.5-3 hr nap. But, some kids just aren't programmed to sleep all night until much later. I read all the books listed so far, and I would add to that list the less harsh No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley.

Please, please don't let him CIO yet, as he's not old enough!!

If you get really desperate though, and want to do the babywise, schedule kind of thing, you can check out this lady:
http://www.nannyfornewborns.com/

Good luck, and feel free to email me if you want to talk to someone who won't pressure you to have him CIO like EVERYONE did for me!
R.

Check out the Miracle Blanket. Have you been swaddling? Also, The Sleep Lady (Kim West) counsels via phone and she is AWESOME! Check her out at www.Sleeplady.com.

Best to you! I know how miserable that can be.

S.

My advice to you is try not to let him get over tired. Babies who sleep a lot sleep more and babies who are over tired have a harder time falling asleep and staying asleep for a long time.
You might want to give him a bath right before bedtime. My routine for my son is playtime, dinner,we go for a walk(depending on weather)bathtime, read a book, bed time. Try giving him a bath w/lavendar baby wash and rub him down in lavendar lotion when you change him right before bedtime. Make sure it's not too warm in the room. Babies sleep better in room that is cool.
I don't believe in the cry it out method especially at 3 months. I tried to have my son cry it out but he threw up and from that night i would go in the room and give him his paci and his lovey(soft blankie that has a sheep attached with a rattle inside) and he has ALWAYS had lullybye, soft classical cd on.
It could be something medical just like Rachel N mentioned. My son was diagnosed with severe Acid reflux, milk intolerance as well as VERY bad colic at 7 wks and still wakes up in the middle of the night at 15 1/2 months even though he has gotten A LOT better he still wakes up 2-5 times in the middle of the night and I am ALWAYS there when he needs me.
He always takes anywhere from a 2-4 hr nap.

I know it is VERY exhausting when you have to go to wake up in a few hrs for work. I only had 2-3 hrs of sleep for 4 months straight with no help from nobody being that I had been a single mother since I was 4 1/2 months pregnant. Yes, It was VERY rough and still is. I have had my challenges but it's all worth it at the end and this too shall pass.

I hope that I have eased your anxiety a little and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to email me
____@____.com

Thanks

My husband and I also have a wonderful 3 month old son (he was a true miracle for us, too)!! One thing I have realized after talking with other moms is that finding what works for your child is the key...but it is so frustrating until you do! I tried using the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child with my son. It's not a rigid schedule book, but it gives advice on loosely setting routine for your baby based on his naps. It promotes shorter wakeful periods during the day and learning how to read his tired signals before he is too tired to wind himself down.

It may also depend on where he is during the day to see if his caretaker can follow through with the routine while y'all are working. Anyway...we thought it may just be another one of those dreaded books to toss after a few weeks, but we liked the plan. Our son manages to sleep about 6 hours during the night after using the advice, so it worked pretty well for him. The book suggests starting when your child is 12-16 weeks old, so now is perfect to establish his sleep habits (and get some sleep yourself...I'm sure)!

Hope that helps some...I know it's not easy and the book may not solve a thing for you, but it's another thing to try out. Good luck!

Who is watching your little sleepless one during the day? This may be the problem in itself - have them try to keep him up more often and active. I had the same thing happen to me and popped in to my daughter's daycare at diffrent times of the day to find out they were letting her sleep ALL day long....I requested that for my sanity that they change her schedule around. Good luck - I know how hard it is!

Hi!

We bought a book called Baby Whisperer, and it was great! Our daughter is now 18 months and has been sleeping from 7:00pm to 9:00am since she was around three months! I know all babies are different, but I took the books' advise to heart and it worked for us.

Good Luck!

Wish I had more time to write at the moment, but don't. I do feel the need to caution you against the recommendations to leave him to cry, as numerous studies now show this to be psychologically detrimental. I would be cautious of Babywise and the Ezzos in particular; for info on why see www.ezzo.info.

Some books I *would* recommend are The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantely, the aforementioned Nighttime Parenting by William Sears, and also The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. I don't totally agree with Dr. Karp's opinion on things, but his overall ideas are good.

One other thing just as a quick note - babies don't fall soundly asleep right off the bat. Usually holding them for 10-15 minutes or so after they doze off helps them to have really settled down and they are less likely to wake when you lie them down.

W.,

I have a four year old and an 18 month old. I used the book called "On Becoming Babywise" to help with the schedule, I used it for both of my daughters from the time they were born and both have slept through the night since about 9 weeks old. Many people had recommended it to me and I have since recommended it to many people. It also talks about starting if your infant is a couple of months old already. It makes a lot of sense and answers many questions. Hope it helps if you decide to use it. H.

W., I am an older mom and went thru the same thing with my first child. It was horrible. Finally my pediatrician told me to not rock him to sleep, (which was really hard, because I love to rock), but to put him in bed still awake. This is the hard part. I was told to let him cry. Twenty mins is the limit. If he was still awake, I was to go in and reassure him, but not pick him up, and leave the room once again. The very first time my husband and I tried this it worked. Within 20 mins, he had stopped crying and was fast asleep. What I have been told and seems to make since to me, is that by continuing to pick him up, rock him, and play with him, YOU are setting the pattern and giving the baby the idea that this is what we do. He knows that every time he crys you are going to come running. If you know he is fed, dry and not ill, then give it a try. But I must warn you, it is terribly hard to listen to your child cry like that, so if you don't think you can handle it, don't start, because they are smart enough to know that you have just raised the bar and all they have to do is cry harder or longer to get what they want. They are smarter than we think.

God Bless You

As a mother of three and a grandmother of one the best advice I could ever give you on this subject is this- When YOU are ready put him in his crib and let him go to sleep on his own. He is going to cry, scream, throw a fit but you have to ignore as he will eventually wear himself out. I know its hard especially as he is only 3 months old but some children cannot do the hold me until I fall asleep routine. You may have a week or two of fit throwing but in the end he will adjust to a sleep schedule that works for everyone. If he is taking two naps a day you may need to try to keep him awake and allow only one good nap of 2-3 hours. First time parents never believe a baby knows how to manipulate but beleive thay are smart little devils. And dont let anyone convince you that this is bad for your baby and will cause him undue distress. As my Mother always told me a baby is nothing more than a miniature human being. Heres hoping for a Good Night and Pleasant dreams soon.

More advice. Maybe your child is waking in the night so he can get more awake time with you. He loves you already and wants more of you. For help look at the book Babywise. It sets a schedule for the whole day. I also believe that the more sleep a baby gets they more they want to sleep. Also the more predictable the sleep times are the better their sleep natural rhythm will take over. Good Luck mother of two children that sleep 15 to 16 hours a day.

W.,
I think swaddling is the key to how well your baby sleeps at night, as well as the routine you are doing. The first few months, babies have very little control of their arms. They are constantly hitting themselves in the face and waking themselves up. Swaddling helps eliminate that, as well as giving the baby a secure feeling, much like they had in the womb. Its not too late to try that. Letting a baby this small "cry it out" is very damaging. Babies turn out to be good, but disconnected, having already given up on getting thier basic needs met. It also produces very clingy toddlers, fearful of their mother leaving.
I have had personal experience with this, having two children with one using the EZZO method and the other one feeding on demand, swaddling, etc.
Of course, all babies manage to survive. Just go with your "gut" feeling on this, and you will be OK.
Mother of five, six grandkids, also I am a doula.

I also believe in the Baby Whisperer Method. I followed it to a "t" and all three of my kids were sleeping through the night before 10 weeks. The lady actually passed away in 2004 but her family still keeps the books and website going: www.babywhisperer.com

Also it sounds like your child may be "over tired" by the time you are putting him down. I have found that when a child is "over tired" it's harder to get them to go to bed at night. If they are taking their 2 to 3 naps during the day, with it being more than 45 minutes at each nap then they go to bed so much easier.

Good luck.
C.

W.,

You have recieved a lot of advice from a lot of mom's that have gone thru the same things. It is truly helpful to know that you are in the boat with many others, but it still isn't getting you to sleep at night.
I teach new mom's how to begin a schedule as early as 2 weeks. But we let the baby lead it thru feedings, particularly if breastfeeding and use a swaddling, movement and white noise technique that Dr Karp offers in The Happiest Baby on the Block. Crying it out just does not effectively happen at 3 mo's of age and only leads to frustrated babies and parents.
I have seen children as old as 1 year continue to benefit from swaddling as a great non verbal communication tool. I also hear from every new mom I counsel that thier babies are Houdini's that don't like swaddling because they struggle against the blankets in the same way they did the uterus before birth. However, if we do what we know is best for them, they soon relax into this cue for comfortable sleep time. Also loud white noise while they are sleeping seems to help many small babies.
Good luck with the various techniques and you can always call or email me for any further suggestions or implementations ideas.
K. Willis RN, IBCLC, HBOBE
The Nesting Place

At night time after I nursed my daughter my husband would do a 'top off' of a few ounces of formula. We found that in the evenings I wasn't producing a lot so the formula helped in giving her a full tummy which helped her sleep better. After we started doing this she always went right to sleep when we put her in the bed. Around 3 months old we also started using the miracle blanket (we got ours at The Nesting Place in Grapevine) and that helped her start sleeping longer. She would go from about 9 till 4, I would nurse her again, wrap her in the blanket, put her in bed and she would go to sleep within about 15 minutes. Besides those two ideas I would also start trying to put your son to bed while he is still awake. This way he learns to start putting himself to sleep and you won't have to deal with putting him down while asleep and hope he doesn't wake up. My daughter will sometimes put up a pretty good fight, especially at naptime, but never more than 5 minutes before she starts babbling to herself or keeping herself occupied till she falls asleep. The last thing I would say is that you might be keeping him up to long before going to bed. He ends up getting a 'second wind' and it's all downhill from there. We were so guilty of this and finally figured out the balance of awake time and sleep time for naps and bedtime. Hang in there you and your husband will figure out what works best for all of you and you'll be able to get a little more sleep.

I also have a 3 month old that is not sleeping through the night. However, she sleeps on our bed. When she starts to get hungry, I can give her the breast, she never fully wakes up and I can go back to sleep. Even if you aren't nursing, you can get them back to sleep much easier when they are in your bed. I know co-sleeping is one of those contraversial topics, however, when you need sleep to make it through the day at work, you might want to consider it. My guess is your baby misses you during the day and wants to be near you at night. It's absolutely normal.

Best wishes,

I do the same routine as you except I feed him in his nursery in the complete dark. I think this helps him get a little sleepy b/c he is usually wide awake before I feed him. A couple of times I wouldn't feed him in the dark and he wouldn't go down. Hope this helps and you get to get some sleep soon.

I know you have gotten lots of responses-- lucky you! I have not seen anyone say what I did though, so thought I would chime in, too. When I read the Baby Whisperer, she said that you should put your baby to bed while he is still awake. That is what we did with our two daughters, now almost 3 years and 16 monhts old, and we have had very few sleep issues. We always did the bath, cuddling with stories, swaddling as babies, then put them in their cribs with a soft lullabye CD. We did not have to let them cry it out, because they really did not cry. We put them in their beds happy from the beginning and it seemed to work. It may have something to do wtih temperment, but our girls are both adopted and share no biology, so I think there must be some sort of logic behind this method. Good luck-- and although it is really very hard, I promise it won't last forever!

A.

My little girl is 6 months old as is FINALLY learning to sleep through the night. I recommend a good swaddling blanket, you wouldn't think it makes a difference but it is AMAZING! We bought one from www.beyondbabybasics.com when they were at the Baby Expo and it worked wonders. Then she learned to get out of it so we would swaddle her in that and the swaddle me blanket at Babies R' Us (the one with velcro). She started sleeping great and then we slowly weaned her from the blankets and now she sleeps like a big girl.. Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle

Hi W.,
I have a 3 month old that was doing the same thing and would not sleep in his cradle, just in my arms. I decided to go back to work and we have found a schedule that works great. Nurse (or give bottles) all you can from 6:00 until about 8:30 to get their food source in (breast milk starts to diminish in the evening and I have been told that the nutrient level does as well). Then we play on his back in the activity center or tummy time. 9:00 is bath time and we play in there until he looks sleepy, night cloths kisses and right into the cradle. The first 3 weeks of this equaled about 30-45 minutes of crying before he would fall asleep (I checked on him and burped him every 20 minutes) but it just got better. Now, he doesn�t cry at all and wakes between 2:30 and 4:00 to eat and then when I wake him at 6:30. Please let me know if you have any questions. We simply just had to put our foot down!

Good Luck!
E.