Hello,
Just want to hear from someone who has dealt with the same problem I am having. Tonight I went to pick up my soon to be stepson from my soon to me mother-in-laws home. She picks him up from the school bus and keeps him until I get home. I was talking to her for a few minutes tonight and my son and my soon to be stepson went outside. I was standing in front of the door and could see what they were doing. My son is 4 and stepson is 6. Ilooked away for a minute. I then got the boys into the car and went home. Once I got home I got a call from my soon to be mother inlaw stating that we had a big problem. She told me that a neighbor down the street saw my boys throwing rocks at my soon to be mother inlaws next door neighbors new truck. I was totally in shock. The rest of the night has been crazy. The neighbor whose truck they got is very very good friends with my soon to be mother inlaw, and has a little boy who is 4 and plays with my son when we are over visiting. I am afraid that these people will never talk to any of us anymore. I am also very upset about the way people are going to "label" my boys as bad boys. The neighbor wanted the police to come and talk to the boys but they said the kids were to little and wouldn't even file a police report. I wanted to take the boys over and have them tell the neighbors they were sorry, but the neighbors said no. I just want things to be normal for everyone and no hard feelings when the boys are around. If anyone has been in a similar situition please let me know how to deal with all of this on top of feeling like the world's worst parent.
What i would make them do ie write letter saying they are sorry and telling what they did. I know that they may not be able to write have them tell you and you write what they say. I would have them hand deliver it to them. I would also ask if there is anyting that the boy could do to make up for what they did like wash the truck or some thing.
Ok, first of all relax, unfortunately this will be the first of many future incidents with your kiddos! Even if they are the best kids in the world. Whether or not the neighbors wanted you to or not I would still take them over to apologize, if they won't answer the door or whatever then maybe you could have them write a letter, they are still pretty young so you might have to write it for them and have them sign their names. That would avoid any confrontation if the neighbors are still mad about it!
Hope this helps.
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. It sounds like the neighbors may have overreacted a bit. I too would be upset if children were throwing rocks at my car, but would not have called the cops on them. (They ARE too young.) It sounds like you have made a great effort to rectify things. Was there any damage to the truck? Have you offered to pay for it if so? Other than that there is not a lot you can do if they will not accept your kid's apology. You have to remember that you are only in charge of your feelings and actions and even though you may do the "right things" to rectify the situation, if they will not accept them, that is their own shortcomings. I know it is difficult because of the relationships involved, but there is not alot more you can do if you have apologized (or for your kids to) and offered monetary compensation for any damage. Just try to be civil when/if in contact with them and hope it blows over with time. If you have sincerely done all you cane to rectify things and they reject your attempts, then they are the one's with the problem...best of luck.
K., Kids do stupid things. It's unfortunately a fact of life. It is not the end of the world. Whether or not there was damage to the truck it was wrong, but if you and your fiancee have spoken to the boys about this and punished accordingly, then you've carried out your biggest responsibility. Did they damage the vehicle? If so, I suppose you could offer to help the neighbor pay for repairs. If no damage was done, the neighbors just need to chill. It's amazing what kids can get into even if you've just looked away for 10 seconds. Don't beat yourself up over this. If it is they worst thing they do before they're grown consider yourself lucky.
I personally think if they will be childish enough to not except an appology then dont worry about it, besides if they are going to be that way now, later on if things get better between you guys, they may not be so nice to your kids, worry about your kids first, dont stress so much on what they will think and about calling the police thats alittle to much they are children, your right they wont understand anyways, and besides that might scare the kids, you dont want that to happen, you have to teach them that Police Officers are there to help you. Hope this helps!!!
Am I reading this right that the neghbors whose truck had the rocks thrown at it, were not the ones who called the police, it was another neighbor who called, and won't accept an appology? If that's the case, you have nothing to appoligize to them for. They need to butt out. If you have rectified or attempted to rectify the situation with the immediate neighbor, and talked with your kids, which it sounds like you have, then you've done all that you need to do.
I would find a way for them to "pay" for any damage they may have caused. For instance, help with the dishes, washing the table, etc. for an allowance soley for the purpose of paying for the damage. It is important that they realize everything has a cost. This will help your boys to respect things. My in laws are finally able to have nice things since all of the kids are out of the house, but they never taught there kids to take care of anything and the furniture and carpet were always in really bad shape... even there appliances. You want to teach them to take care of things before they are in a bad habbit of abusing them.
Did the kids admit they did it? I think talking to the kids and letting them know that what they did was wrong along with apologizing to the neighbors seems VERY reasonable. What is not reasonable is the neighbors not taking an apology. They're 4 and 6 not 14 and 16! I would have the kids write an apology letter (you may have to write it for them and have them sign it) and then take away a privilage as punishment. That is enough to get the point across. If the neighbors are not grown up enough to be able to accept the apology, that's on THEM. As for them not talking to you in the future over this...I'd say you are better off.
well, I believe half the kids around the world has been caught throwing rocks @ things or people they shouldn't be throwing at...but we gotta keep our side of the street clean..meaning that we have to go and apologize for our actions and do better the next time...so my suggestion is you get the boys together, and make them become humble...by taking them to the neighbors house and apologizing, and also ask if there is anything you all can do to rectify the situation..if the neighbors won't except the apology, then it's on them...you did all you could do...but just in case, things coould turn out worse and they try to hold a grudge and again, that would be on them, because by apologizing to these people you have " cleaned your side of the street"...how they react to the apology is they're problem..it's all about doing the next right thing.
Hopefully, the neighbors understand that your children make their own choices and do not judge you for their behavior. I'm sure you did not tell them to throw rocks at the truck.
I think all you can do (since they don't want an appology) is to discuss with your children, at an age-appropriate level, where it is ok to throw rocks and where it is not ok. I don't think you will ever get them to stop throwing! Tell them to throw onto the ground or in a puddle or through a hoop but not at things or people.
You could also have them 'write' an appology note. You do the actual writing and ask your children to dictate it. You , of course, will lead the conversation. I think your 6 year old will understand what he is doing and why he was wrong. You can give it to the neighbors or not. The important thing is that your children learn that they were wrong, not how the neighbors feel about you.
I'm glad the police didn't come over. You want them to think the police are their friends and there to help them not scare the pants off of them!
R.
