Need Advice on Sexual Questions

Get the book "It's Perfectly Normal" I got that book for my daughter when she started asking more detailed questions about what sex was. As you read each chapter discuss things with him and always always remind him that what is said between you and him is special mommy son private time talk and not something that needs to be shared with his friends or younger siblings. If you could I try to have a talk with his friends parents and let them know what is going on, It could be that they don't know their older children are sharing such information with their younger kids.

Well you could go yto you sons friends parents and asking them to ask there kid to not talk about that situation..... Tell him bits and pieces and then wait til there older to explain it to him more... when he is in his teen year explain the birds and the bees and the factors of unprotected sex

Be glad he is asking you to verify or contradict what his friends tell him! Keep that open! Go to the library and ask the librarian to recommend some books that will give you the language you want to explain things. You can discuss adult sexuality in general terms without discussing specifically what Mommy and Daddy do. It reinforces that these are private matters for adults. It also will encourage him not to talk to other kids about it - kids should be learning this from their parents, facts plus values. Tell him you know he and his friends talk about it, but that the other kids don't always have the facts right. Also tell him that others don't appreciate hearing about this all the time. Tell him that he is older and able to handle info that his younger siblings cannot, and that they will get info from you and Dad when they are at the right age. Other parents are not going to appreciate his telling their kids either, so try to urge him to keep a lid on it. It's important to realize that, at 9 and 10, girls are developing and the boys are noticing it, but they don't have the maturity to really handle it. Also, this is a good time to let him know that the pictures he sees in magazines are airbrushed and touched up, that women don't really look like this.

Good luck. It's challenging!

Check out www.sexrespect.com. It is a website with books by Colleen Kelly Mast. She has written some wonderful books talking about how to explain sex to children in an accurate and dignified way without taking away their innocence.

the questions are the hardest... and being honest is hard.. i bought the book where do babies come from.. very helpful... read it with first then read it with your dson.. tell him to ask any questions when you are done reading it with him.. my kids asked a few questions.. but i made it clear.. that this was between parents and kids.. and if they had questions.. i would be honest.. because what you hear from your freinds isnt always right.. i want to be availbable for my kids.. the book helped me be honest about baby making... and so on... I told them when you are married and truely love someone that love is beautiful.. it's not sex.. it's love... good luck..

Get the books "Isn't it Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" and go through them with him and answer all his questions honestly and completely. He's obviously old enough to ask, so he's old enough to know the truth. My daughter is 8 and we've been through the books. I've always answered all her questions about sex and she will let me know if she's heard enough detail. He will talk about sex with his brother and sister, so you want him to be telling the truth, not what he's heard at school.

only answer the question he asks, and in as simple terms as you can.

its likely the humor is to avoid or mask the discomfort he actually has talking about these things.

never offer up information, and i think you have done a great job so far of just answering what hes asking, and trying to keep it as simple as possible.

hope you got tons of other great advice!

I think it's great that your son is coming to you with questions! I also like that you are keeping your answers in line with your personal family morals.

Now might be a good time to introduce the topic of puberty to your son. Browse the book store to get some ideas. I like "What is Happening to Me." which deals with both boy and girl puberty. I think that part of the reason he is so interested is that his own body is going through some changes that he doesn't understand.

Good luck!

There is a book for kids about my changing body and another on how babies are made. I can't think of the names of them- they are paperback with character drawings- pretty anatomically specific- nearly over the top- BUT, sounds like your son is already getting the education anyway, so it really ought to be supplemented properly at home. I had to start with my son when he was 6! Due to friends with older siblings- and a little girl who liked to mimmick what she knew from them- WOW! it was quite the experience for me! If I think of it and can find the name of the books I will email you- By they way, I LOVE the farm animal answer below! that is an awesome way to handle reproduction- etc- we also covered that at the fair this year!

Unfortunately, you can't keep him from hearing what others say. I would check with your pediatrician and/or go to a bookstore and purchase a book with appropriate illustrations that is written for a 9 yr. old and so that it can be read by a nine year old. Tell him this is his book to keep to look up answers to questions he might have about sex, and that he can always continue coming to you.

I say you should tell him about any questions he has. If he does not learn from you he will learn from others as you have found out. Your son asked you if you and yur husband did stuff. I think you should have told him yes, but that was something that happens between married couples in the privacy of their bedroom or in private. Also explain that he can't tell his sibling that you need to tell them when they are ready. He is 9 and it won't be long before he starts changing with puberty things. Has he has sex education in school? He will soon and will learn some different information. Have you has a puberty talk yet? If not I would start with that.

First of all I want to congratulate you. You are obviously doing something right for him to be comfortable enough to come to you and ask. My kids are still young for this discussion (3 &5) hopefully. I've always just heard answer their questions directly and truthfully. Also, If he is asking answer him. If you don't he will get answers from somewhere and they may not be right. A previous poster said to wait until he is in his teens for the in depth conversations. I would not wait that long. It is sad but in todays society kids are having sex younger and younger. 13 is not uncommon. So, if you wait until later in teens it may be too late. Good Luck. I am just waiting for those questions to come.... and not necessarily looking forward to it....

WoW!! At nine? I would really want to know who is feeding him this information because what you have explained thus far does not express the beauty of what that union is truly suppose to be. I would be mad if my kid was getting misinformed in such a disrespectful way. It isn't that just grownup should or do these things. That act is a total self giving of a man and wife in the context of marriage. It is a sacred act that is not to be discussed as casually as a baseball game. It is wonderful that you child has come to you for information, but very concerning that he has first been misguided about what it is. I would say you correct the misinformation and figure out where it's coming from and stop it.

My son was also receiving some mis-information from older kids and kids with older siblings, so we had this talk a little earlier than I would have liked (summer before second grade). I started by getting him a cute book I remembered from when I was a kid (they have it at Barnes & Noble).
"Where Did I Come From?: A Guide for Children and Parents"
by Peter Mayle, Arthur Robbins (Illustrator), Paul Walter (Illustrator)

He read the book...giggled..and when I explained that it was kid of funny when you think about a lot of it. I asked him what he thought was so funny. He said, "It just dawned on me that you and dad HAD to do that TWO TIMES!!!" (we have two kids)

After we talked about it, I explained that many kids do have the wrong ideas so 1)This isn't a topic you want to discuss with your friends because you may not get the right information, 2) It isn't a topic for you to share because I told him we felt "he" was mature enough to handle it and keep it to himself...but many parents do not feel children his age should have that information, so it wasn't our son's job to give them that infomation, 3) he is welcome to ask us anything at all, and we will try to give him as much information as possible.
Since then he has been tested...my friend's son begged him to explain what it was at a park one day (my friend overheard the conversation and was quite impressed that her son badgered mine for over an hour off and on about it, and my son refused to tell him). The same friend of my son's, months later, went on to tell my son he "knew what sex was, but that his mom (my friend) was old, and had kind of forgotten what it was," and asked my son to give him more information so that he could tell his mom "privately so she wouldn't be embarrassed about forgetting." He said he knew what it was, but wanted to get the details right so not to confuse his mom. My son didn't fall for it, but man have we laughed over that one.

Mind you, two years after our big talk, he had some new questions: how do boys have sex with each other (he was hearing boys pee in each other's mouths), and how do girls have sex with each other? I felt a bit squeamish about the topics, but I felt it was more important for him to have a comfort in talking to us, and to know the true facts. It has since led into questions of a more personal nature which I have responded that "yes we (dad and I) do have sex more than once a year, but that it is a private matter on how often, etc. and I didn't feel it was germane to know those details about anyone.

I think you have to be candid and honest. A good book you feel comfortable with can start the topic. We gave him the big picture, told him about love and responsibility, also talked about kids doing things before they are ready and even kids having kids and how it alters your life so much that it may keep you from doing and being who you want to be because of responsibility. In fact, we spent a lot of the talk on kids having sex and how that impacts the rest of your life. We then told him to ask us anything, anytime and we would do our best to give him the information.

always be honest with him..and the rest of the kids....guess what?? they will talk about it when your not around-and dicuss what friends say about sex...went thru it twice....alls you can do is be honest with them...

My sister was young - like 7 or 8 when she asked about sex (not in a direct way but we were on our way to see my friend who had just had a baby - I was 19 at the time) and I was explaining she may be breastfeeding and my sister asked if her husband would be in there and see her naked. I said yes and asked how she thought she got pregnant in the first place? Well one question led to another and I basically explained the physics of sex - man has this part, woman has this part - they come together and a baby can be made. Basically this grossed her out and she said she was NEVER having babies. I would say to be honest - maybe get a book and let him read it so it's not embarrasing for the two of you. Or have dad talk to him about that! Or grandpa, uncle, etc?

I actually like Diane B's response the best. She helped me with that answer! My daughter is 7. She's not asking about intimate specifics yet, but she's starting to ask some questions.

I wholeheartedly agree with trying to explain that sometimes other kids may be wrong and that it's good to ask mom and dad about it for clarity.

I think it's super awesome that he's coming to you.

I also think that's it's a perfect idea to explain that sex is something that adults do to show their love and affection (maybe add preferrably after marriage). I'm pretty sure that if my mother had explained that sex is very special and it's best to wait until older and save it for the one you love, my life would've been very different. My mother acted like sex is like blowing your nose... She still acts like that.