I am hoping someone has some good advice for me - we just brought home our newborn yesterday and my 26 month old wants to be holding him all the time. We let her hold him but obviously she can't be holding him at all times. Whenever she is not holding him there are tantrums. We of course are doing as many things as we can to distract her and give her some special privledges while she makes the adjustment (a little more favorite tv shows than usual, more juice than usual, etc.). I feel so guilty that her world has changed but I know it is something every older sibling goes through. What also makes it harder is that I had a c-section so I can't pick her up right now and my activities are limited. I know there is an adjustment period and I am hoping to be able to find some things to make it easier on her. Or at least to hear that this gets better!
Yes, there is an adjustment period. Keep the routine as normal as possible, try not allow too many extras, this may bight you later. What about getting her a doll that she can treat like her own and carry it around like you carry her brother. They even make little diapers for dolls now. Have fun with both kids!
Congrats on your new baby. This is just a phase, and after a bit, she will not be so interested in him. Here are some of the things we did...
- When holding the baby on the sofa, I let my older child sit next to me, with his hands on the baby's back, helping me to 'support' the baby.
- When I needed to get a wipe of blanket, and had to lay the baby on the couch while I reached across the room for something, I had the older child put his hands on her so that she wouldn't move.
- If I was trying to dress that baby, I would let the older child, while sitting on the couch, help prop the baby up so that I could change her.
- when it was time to change a diaper, the older child helped entertain baby.
There are things that your daughter can help with. Getting diapers, wipes, cotton balls, snuggling. Short-term holding should always be while sitting on a couch or floor, and with Mom or Dad close by.
Good luck
M.
My oldest was a little over 2 when my son was born. We would let her help pick out his clothes for the day, or "help" change the diaper, and have her "help" make the bottles. Also my son was born right before x-mas so for that x-mas my parents got her a baby that cried and laughed. She thought it was just like her brother and so when I was doing things with "my baby" she would get "her baby" and mimic what I was doing. She will out grow the novelty of it soon enough, until then just hang in there! and Congrats on the birth of your baby!!!
My 2 year old was the same. What really worked best was picking our battles and keeping all boundaries. She got some extras but the problem becomes that then they expect it. Try to keep her life as normal and usual as possible. Ours loves to help and hold him and we decide when it is appropriate. Let her have the tantrums she will get over it and move on. Have her be helpful in other ways. It us 2 months later and we seem to be doing great (except when she wakes him up!)
one other thing, although she can be rough, we let her put his pacifier in his mouth and we let her help change his diaper. It takes away from the holding him. Good luck.
Hi J.,
We went through this when we brought my dd, now 3 home and my ds was 5 at the time.
Maybe get some gifts for your daughter 'from' your new baby. Things she loves and can do alone...blocks, puzzles, etc. Also, let her pick out a special gift for the baby...a rattle, etc. Maybe getting her a very special new baby doll would help, they you could be taking care of your 'babies' together.
I would try to avoid more juice and TV, since both those can cause more problems, the extra sugar and the extra TV stimulation. But do give other goodies.
Also, this is a good time to reach out for help, especially while you recover from the C section. Let friends take her for play dates to the playground, etc. Getting her tuckered out may help too. And you give you some quiet time with the baby. Oh, and make sure everyone that comes around including dad make just as big a fuss over her (if not bigger) than the new baby, that will help her to not feel left out. I kept a box of small gifts wrapped so when someone came with something for the baby she got something too.
Good luck, it gets better with time too :)
S.
There are a lot of good suggestions already from other posters, but I did want to mention two things.
First, something that worked for us is that we got my older daughter a babydoll-in-a-bag set that she could use when I was doing things with her sister - it has a diaper and pretend wipes and lotions containers, fake paci, those little doll bottles that the liquid level in them changes, etc. I encouraged her to do for her 'baby' what we were doing for her sister. I also let her help with some things, of course, and she was an enthusiastic helper, but I also encouraged her to do on her own with the doll.
The other thing I wanted to mention is not to leave your 2-yr old alone with the baby while she's in this new 'want to hold her' phase, at least not if the baby is somewhere she can reach (that includes bouncy seats and bumbos). A friend walked in to the living room of her house after going to the kitchen quickly to find her older daughter trying to pick the newborn up out of the bouncy seat, which was on the floor. They don't mean any harm, but they don't understand how delicate a newborn's neck, etc. are, either.
Supervised holding of her new brother, with pillows on the couch, and direction to her that that is the only way she is to hold her brother will also help.
It's wonderful that she wants to love on her brother, but important to monitor it, since at that age, she really doesn't understand that the baby is not a toy. I'm sure she will be a wonderful big sister!
Good luck!
Hang in there - it gets better. It is all very new and exciting for them right now.
hi i have a 3 mos old and a 3 yr old (well turns 3 monday) anyway from the 2nd day erin was here we had james help.i think that helped a lot. whether i was pulling the tabs off of the diaper, holding the bottle while we fed her, getting a diaper or the wipes. involve the older sibling as much aspossible. if your toddler likes to help as much as mine does have them help w/other ways around the house like putting the silverware away and w/their lunches. and unless you are feeding the newborn never say i can't do something b/c u r w/the newborn. they never want to hear the baby comes before then unless u are feeding the baby. i hope this helps. also we didn't change our routine either. james still went to daycare and if he had tantrums we still put him in timeout. letting him know because the baby was he life didn't change. now that erin is 3 mos james does want to be held but that is the only thing towards jealousy that we have approached so far. knock on wood.
