Need Advice on Bringing Home Baby #2

Hello M.,
I made a big deal out of my second son's birth. I bought my older son a gift so he wouldn't feel left out. It was a little different because my husband was in Korea with the military when my second child was born. I really had to make it special for my older son. It's hard but be patient.
J.

My son was 3 years and one month when my daughter was born. I had read somewhere that it is a good idea to buy a gift for the older sibling to give to him from the new baby when he first meets him/her. My son fell in love with my daughter after that. He is sweet anyways, but it made it a definite positive to get a gift from her on a day that was all about her and I.

I stay home and run an in home daycare, a home photo gifts biz, and an local support organization that I founded for Parents in my county. Currently I am trying to expand it and create chapters in other counties. Oh did I mention I also homeschool.

A few things that are important are that you don't rely on him all the time to help you take care of the baby. He will enjoy being a helper some of the time, just not full time. Set aside time for each child to have individual time with you and/or your spouse.

The biggest challenge I have is staying organized, on a schedule, and focused. Make daily to do lists. Commit long and short term goals on paper. Make sure not to get to busy to play with your kids. These times are only here once, don't miss them. Delegate some things to your spouse.

Don't forget you time. Don't overdue it, and don't forget it. Pamper you. Participate in your hobbies, include the kids if you need to.

Enjoy it!

Hi M.-

I had the exact situation 7 months ago. My oldest was 3 1/2 when I had my second son. What I did was talk about the baby with Jordan as soon as the bump started to apear. We related to the baby as his little brother or baby brother. I told him how he was going to be my "Big" Helper. He would rub on the tummy and ask his baby brother to come out soon. I continued to do all the things we would normally, we even had him help pick out things for the baby and help with the room. He loved it. It made him feel important and never left out, and when the baby's arrival was getting near I told my oldest that his baby was going to be coming out soon. Once we brought the baby home. I introduced Jordan to "his" baby brother... Note: Never the new baby. Make sure your son understand he will always be the love of your life... and that you all are getting an added love! Hope this helps. As far as daycare goes I understand (I'm a Day Care Provider) :)
Adult interaction: Make it a point to meet mothers that have similar situations as your own and have play dates. (Walks i the park, the mall, or even brunch or lunch) This helps you permit time with your children without pulling your hair out from adult deprivation! Good Luck and Congrats on the soon to be new addition and Little Helper! Boys are fun!

I recently had baby #2 and our daughter adjusted much better than I thought she would. Before her sister was born we talked a lot about what life would be like once the baby arrived. We told her babies cry a lot. They cry when they are hungry, tired, wet, want attention... And babies are very fragile. At first her sister would just eat, sleep and cry. But after a while it will be fun to have a sister to play with. Also, we got her involved in naming the baby and picking out a coming home outfit. We had the new baby buy a gift for our oldest. I also tried to keep our oldest on her regular schedule. I was lucky enough to have my husband home for 2 weeks and then help a few days a week for the next two weeks. That way our oldest could still go to her classes and playgroup without much interruption. When we went to the hospital we had family stay at our house with her.

As far as staying home, I make sure to get out of the house every day. I either go for a walk, go to the park, shopping.... Also, being a part of a mom's group is a wonderful way to stay sane! I was never good at asking for help, but when the second arrived I sucked up my pride and took as much help as people would give. It made a HUGE difference.

Good luck!
J.

He will be fine - there will be good days and bad days - but if he is excited - that's the most important thing. If you haven't selected the baby's name yet - let him have an input. Make sure to give him his "mommy time" - when the baby naps get all excited and tell him it's his "mommy time" and do a favorite activity with him - make sure to get this in at least a few times a week - bathe him like a "baby" when he wants - give him powder and lotion after his bath just like the baby gets - he'll love it and ask for it... (warning might ask for it for years)

I am a single mother of 4 - it's hard without the adult interaction at times - try to find someone to walk with - you can get a double stroller and take the kids with - you will get some exercise and adult conversation as well.

Good Luck and enjoy your babies...

I brought home baby #2 when my oldest son was 2 yrs old. As with you my older son seemed excited for the baby...as much as a 2 yr old can be!, we talked about what would happen when the baby was born and he helped prepare the house for the new baby...washing baby clothes, separating the infant toys from his toy box for the new baby, ect. Once the baby was home he did go through a difficult transition, he didn't get all of mom and dads' attention. He seemed to act out most when I was breastfeeding..the times when I couldn't stop what I was doing to help him! A suggestion given to me was to have a couple "special" books for the older child to look at and read to him while I was breastfeeding but that didn't usually work with my older child, it may be worth a try every child is different. Sometimes I had to let him have his fit while I fed the baby. During other times of the day I tried to involve him as much as possible, getting diapers, wipes, showing the baby toys, ect. That seemed to help. When the baby is a newborn and during the early infant stage they are not mobile yet, if in a secure spot like a strapped into a bouncy seat, or when the baby is sleeping you can still give special attention to the older child. It's a hard transition especially when you're recovering from the delivery. I had my mother in town to help but my older child still wanted me most of the time. With all that said it's still worth it no doubt...not that you can back out of it now! My older child soon learned that the baby was staying and learned to deal with it, the jealousy tapered off after a few wks. They are now 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and for the most part get along very well...both boys. We're now preparing for baby #3, another boy in October.

a few people had given me the advice to make sure my older daughter was involved with the new baby. Make her feel a part of it, let her touch or hold the baby (with help of course!), let her help with simple things like getting diapers or picking out the baby's clothes. This really worked. My older daughter adores her little sister. She'll share her toys and she comes over to kiss her and hug her all the time. She told me the other day that her little sister was her best friend. (so cute!)

If the baby comes home and he's off limits to your older son -- not allowed to touch/hold the baby, always having to be quiet so the baby can sleep, baby always takes priority over the things he wants to do (play, read, etc.) then he will resent the baby. Make sure when the baby is asleep that you spend quality time with your oldest.

Try www.meetup.com to find a local playgroup. it's a great way to get the kids out to play with others their age, but it's also nice to have other adults to talk and relate to.

hope that helps!

D.
www.WAHUnow.com

My son was about to turn 3, three weeks after my daughter was born. He did great!! As long as you have mom time with him each day when the baby is napping, he'll adjust fine!! One time, when she was crying he said, "put her in the swing, and read to me!" LOL I'm sure you'll have some of those times, as well.

Currently, I'm a full time WAHM, which allows me to both meet my personal/spiritual goals as raising my kids & having time for my family as well as earning income to meet financial obligations. It's also a great way to network with other WAHM's online on my team!! Congratulations on your new little one!!
J.
www.workngfrmhome.com

Consider joining a mom's club (go to www.momsclub.org) or if you have a church, find a mom's play group. I have 3 boys and the adult interaction is nice! Because of how active the boys are, it's challenging to get anything done or have a peaceful moment. You really have to let go of a lot of expectations. But keeping them busy as much as possible seems to work best for them.

Hello M.,

Just get into the habit of taking the kids with you, drag the baby along too. They are not made of porcelain. It will be good for them to see you interacting with your friends - go anywhere with them. Church, preschool, park, friends homes, shopping, but keep in mind they can't stay away from bed and food too long. It will be fun, and you can take a nap when they do. We took my gr grandson to preschool when he was 2 weeks old, and he became everyone's 'brother'. The kids went home and told their dads that they had a new brother at school. Have fun, read good books when they take naps, and make sure that they do nap or rest - for many years to come. Don't let them get into the habit of not resting, esp. in the p.m.
C. N.

Hi M.,

My son was 3 years old when I brought my daughter home. Before she came we kept telling him about his sister and read big brother stories to him. We would have him talk to his sister in my belly. Just silly things, but he loved it. When the time she came someone told me to make sure when my son comes in the room don't be holding the baby make sure you greet your son first with a big hug, then introduce your new baby to him. We let my son hold her with help of course. He just loved every minute of it. We said this is your baby sister. In the three days of the hospital stay he would say her name and said that is my baby sister. When we got home we gave him a gift saying it was from his sister and he just loved it. That seemed to really work wonders. I got some other advice and that is when you talk to your baby say things like "oh your big brother is so helpful." Praise your older son to your new baby and say things like "your big brother is going to teach you how to run and play so well like he does." Come up with your own of course..LOL Also what I did a lot is let my son hold the baby with me there of course. When he asked I let him. My son to this day loves his sister and likes to play with her. She follows him every where in the house, it's so cute to watch. I hope this helps you. I wish you the best. As for adult interaction you can join a club The Sierra Moms it's located in Folsom Ca. not sure where you are. You can check with your city to see if they have clubs for moms. Take Care! I just started staying home and it's a transition. I worked all my life. I miss my co-workers the social aspect of working. It's a blessing having my kids so I won't complain too much..;-)