Need Advice on a 21 Month Old That Throw Everything

When my daughter threw things, I simply took it away. I did not give it back. They don't get it back, they lose it, it goes away. Toys cups and so on. If he throws food, it goes away for a while....then it can come back...so on. Its hard to retrain them but its easier now then when they are older. It worked with my daughter. good luck

Otter

The best way to get children to stop doing something is to show them and practice what to do. Make a game of finding different things around the house and ask what they are used for - spoon, pretend to eat; brush, brush hair. "Plant" a few balls around the house. When you come to one of them, get all excited and say, "Oh we can go outside and throw this to each other, can't we!!" Go out and do that for a few minutes, then come back and find a few non-balls, but this time ask, "Should we throw this? No, we wear socks on our feet!" Continue until the fun is gone, but do it again the next day, once hopefully before he throws something and again immediately after he has thrown something. Pick up his sippy cup and say, "Is this a ball? No, it's not for throwing, is it? Let's go find something that's for throwing!" After about three training sessions like that, I would warn him (and follow through) that the next time (and every time) he throws something not for throwing he will be spanked (or whatever consequence you use for disobedience, such as a time out). Teach, practice, practice, practice, discipline.

I am a mom of 8 kids. I had the same problem with two or three of my kids throwing things. We got to a point that what ever was thrown was taken away for the day. and then given back the next day. If it was thrown again then it was taken away for a longer period of time.one of my sons had a pound purry. He was always throwing it at his baby sister.Its name was mean kitty. So we would tell him mean kitty had to go in time out for awhile. We would also put the child in the play pen with no toys or any thing that could be thrown.Kind of a time out.If food was thrown at meal time or sippy cups were thrown then the cups were taken and put up where the child could not reach them and they could only have it when we gave it to them and we helped hold it.when food was thrown they were taken down from there high chair or removed from the table and couldn't come back till they were ready to behave them selves.Some times it took for us to feed the child.Which the child did not like that.Removeing them from the rest of the family helps to.Send them to there room for a bit. We had to do that one alot.If the child is where he isn't gonna get the attention for others for his behavior, it helps stop it.Why do some thing if others are not around to watch and the child can get attention. The child needs to learn he isn't gonna get attention for negative things.Room time worked good with my kids to. And when they our grew the play pen there was a lot of room time. and they were told they could come out when they could be good. Good luck

This has worked for my own children and the children I babysit:

Firmly grab their hands and say "No Throw!" in a stern voice (but don't yell-kids may view that as funny or attention). Then put away the item that was thrown. When putting it away, say "You can't have this because you threw it". Using the same words, tone, and consequences is important with little. Emotional reactions can cause kids to repeat the behavior to see the reaction again. If you are firm and consistent, the behavior will usually go away in time.

Good Luck!!

Sometimes the best thing to do in this case is just to ignore, ignore, ignore. Tell your older children to do the same, they are probably experts at dodging objects by now anyway. It may just be a plea for attention either from you or his siblings or both.

Dear A.,

It all depends on how long he's been doing this. Toddlers love to throw things to watch us parents/caregivers pick it up, just to have them throw it again. It is a game to them.

If he is hurting family members because his aim is deadly accurate, this can not be allowed. Buy him a glove and ball, they have the little plastic gloves that have velcro and a soft squishy ball that has velcro on it. This will be "HIS" throwing time and no other throwing is allowed, especially if it hurts.

He is acting out mom. If this doesn't work, then there are other issues at hand. Investigate...has there been any change in his schedule? Could a kid in daycare be pinching or hitting him?

Good luck!!

P.

Hi A.! I also have a 21 month old that likes to throw things. What I do with her, though, is first ask her to pick it up on her own. She will almost always walk away. When she does, I take her by the hand and lead her to the item(s) that she threw and ask her to pick them up. If she does it I praise her and tell her she's a big girl. If she doesn't pick them up, I then take her hand in mine and make her pick them up. The key is to be consistent in whatever method you choose to use; they're pretty smart at this age and know when they're getting away with something. *laugh*

I just wanted to let you know that the response you got from Janet R works. I did that with my boys now 8,6,and 4. After I went thru with it with my oldest he helped me with my middle child by letting him now what was wrong and not he had fun with that and the same with my 6 year old after teaching him he helped with my youngest. Kids at that young age I think love to learn and when learned love to teach what they learned.

Also I would set some time aside for him and you to play ball outside if you have not already.

I think he is going to be a wonderful boy.

I had one of my children like that #2, I think we stayed home for 2 years...like you, we only felt safe when he slept! HA! HA! Sorry, nothing I ever did worked with him. I can remember sitting, running for 3 hours trying to make him stick with time out, multiple times, I finally gave in, I never made it. Now he is so sweet, go figure.

Does he throw the item when he is finished with it?
My sons threw things when they were done with them or mad. My daughter throws anything she has when she wants to make the point that she is not happy about something. She is 2 and 1/2.
L.

I have a now 6 year old boy who was a big thrower. I tried the verbal and popping the hands. It is just the stage. Try to get the soft toys and a target for him to throw at and redirect him to that. I took the food away when he threw- it was usually when he was done anyway. If he isn't though, he will learn to eat his food and not throw it if you take it away enough- don't make a big deal- just say no throwing, we eat our food" and take the plate. If the plate and food got onto the floor before I got to it, I just silently cleaned it up, left him in his high chair and calmly said no more food- we don't throw our food." He stopped but I had to stay on him. He does play baseball and football now with such a great arm that it sometimes scares me, so keep redirecting and good luck!

I don't recommend popping or hitting or spanking your son(not recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics). He will copy you and think that the way to solve a problem is through these methods. I suggest you first give him a verbal warning (be brief) and if he throws again, put him in time out. You will need to be extremely consistant with this approach. I usually put my 2 YO son on a bottom step and call it the naughty step. The length of time for a time out is one minute for each year old (ex. 2years = 2 minutes). When you take him out of time out tell him the reason you put him in time out and ask if he is ready to stop. Then engage him immediately in a positive activity and show enthusiaum. I hope this helps. It sounds like he is vying for attention. Try to engage him in an activity he enjoys and make certain he is getting enough exercise.

A.,
I believe that the best person to remedy your concern is you. You know EXACTLY what type of correction your child responds to better than anyone. For some parents a child has to be punished by spanking and time out, your child might only need simple correction with repetition. In my opinion, you should find what type of corrective behavior works best for your child and then be consistent. You do that thing over and over and over, when your tired when you would rather not get up and deal with it, when you are busy doing something else. Don't give up! Also, don't forget to reward good behaviors too. When you make that break through with your child, make it a point to praise him.

Hi A.,

Man. that little guy sounds like a real handful! I would just offer the fact that kids repeat whatever gets them attention. Youngest children get lots of attention, but don't feel very powerful. Sounds like Joshua has found a way to get lots of attention and power. I always try to figure out what's behind any undesirable behavior. Does Joshua always throw stuff when he's bored or wants you attention? Maybe you can give him some preemptive POSITIVE attention. Any time he does ANYTHING right, even the most expected kind of good behavior, really lay on the praise- fuss over how GOOD he is, and try to make that behavior more rewarding than the target practice. Take him in the backyard and let him wow you with his skill in a setting that is appropriate. Good luck!

have you tried showing him the difference between what is okay to throw and what isn't?
Like when he goes to throw something say NO! and then give him a soft ball?
Or take him into the yard and throw the ball around and give him lots of praise.
But if he throws, say his cup, when inside he gets a time out.

just a thought
~ M.

I would use Jim Fay's "Uh-Oh Song". It's a Love and Logic Consequence. When your child throws something, say (smiling)"Uh-oh, looks like you need a little bedroom time. You can come out again when you can be sweet." Then give him a series of choices. "Do you want to use your feet or my feet to get to your room?" If he can't decide in 10 seconds, decide for him. "Looks like you chose Mommy's feet." As you arrive in the room repeat, "We'll see you when you're sweet." If he comes out replace him in the room and give him the choice: Can you stay in here with the door open or do you need it closed?" Finally, when he "is sweet" (not tantruming)bring him out and celebrate his return. In a busy day of the Uh-Oh song, you can eliminate a bad behavior, and in the future, just use the key "Uh-Oh" to cue a child to examine and correct his behavior. Good luck.

Put everything in time out. When he runs out of things to throw, it will impress on him there is a consequence. Make sure that there is nothing else of yours down low that he can reach and confine him to one room or play area. If you have no other alternative, try time out with him.If you have a playpen that you can confine him to when he is throwing, it might help.

It's important to remember that 21 months is frequently too young for logical consequences. The perfect strategy for a child of two and a half or three will not work for a kidlet whose baby brain is still learning to process language. (See _Teaching With the Brain in Mind_, SECOND edition)

"Pitcher" is getting a lot of attention from his behavior. In Texas we can take kids to the park 12 months a year. Pitcher might need more outside, fresh air time (most high-motor boys do). Playing catch - 10 or 15 minutes at a time - could be a healthy outlet. However, what you really want is for Pitcher to stop throwing everything. You may not like this advice, but - quit returning anything he throws, and otherwise - ignore the throwing. If you can't duck, pretend it didn't hurt. Tippee cup? Give it to him for 10 - 30 seconds at a time, then move it out of reach. Back for another few seconds for the opportunity to have another sip before taking it out of reach again. Plastic everything. Throws food? Shower curtain under the high chair. He won't go hungry. No happy, healthy, well-adjusted chikd will starve him/herself. Kids this age live on air anyway. YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK IF THE THROWING GETS WORSE. (It's called the Extinction Paradigm). Be strong, keep ignoring the inappropriate behavior and it really will go away. Pitcher's payoff is your reaction. No reaction? You remove the payoff. Of course, as a high-motor boy, he will try another way to bug you.

Of course, free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. A little about me - mother of 4 (3 sons and a daughter), all now grown, public school teacher as my second career. Good luck!

Hey,
Look at it this way-he isn't even 2 yet so he is just warming up for the big leagues. Perhaps don't squelch his pitching arm, you might get a "Hi, Mom" from the camera at Yankee Stadium after his team has won the World Series and all the world adores him.