Need Advice Now!!!!

My heart goes out to you, I completely understand the conflict that you are feeling. Part of me would love to have a 4th child, but we are so financially strapped I would be devastated and happy all at once if I were pregnant. You and your husband obviously love one another, your family and you unborn child. Right in that you have all you really need. It seems to me that you were destined to have this baby. I don't know if you are spiritual or not, but there is a saying that God gives you as much as he knows you can handle. He has faith in you. Please have faith in yourself and one another.
I have a few suggestions that might help. First, by the time you have your 3rd, your oldest should be ready for preschool. Some school systems have free preschool, look into that. If not, see if your city has a head start, that is often sliding scale. Daycare is often cheaper the older the child is, this way your mom could still watch the other two. Don't be embarrassed to apply for assistance such as WIC which covers formula, milk, bread, cereal, food stamps, energy assistance, child care assistance and even health care assistance. Church is often the best place for support, emotional and otherwise. I clothe my kids with hand me downs, Salvation Army and Goodwill, and none of their friends can even tell. I do the same for myself and my husband. We shop with coupons, in bulk and at stores like Aldi and Save A Lot. You can do this!!

S. - I'm not here to judge. If ANYTHING I say comes across as unduly harsh, I'm really sorry: I'm days away from delivering my baby, and a little punchy. :-)

First of all, congrats on your two healthy fabulous children..and congrats on your third!

I've never been in a situation like yours, so take this for what it is worth - I am so very happy that you and your husband agree being conceived was not the baby's fault.

I know what I say can't really change your mind, ultimately, but here's my two cents:
Please don't abort this baby. He deserves to live. If you truly and deeply feel that you cannot care for this baby, please give someone else the opportunity to raise the baby.

I don't know if you are church-going people, but I would pray about it - I don't think God would allow you to give birth to a child and your family simply NOT be able to take care of it! There will be a way.

Good luck, and Merry Christmas.

I was a single mom of two engaged to someone when our protection failed. I ended up again a single mom, but of 3. I worked two jobs and still do. I paid half my paycheck to daycare every week for three kids-five days a week-nine hours a day. I got on the wic program. I had basic phone, no cable tv, no magazine or paper subscriptions, no drycleaning, not even a car. I had two twin beds and a crib for the four of us so the baby slept in a dresser drawer till I got a double bed from a neighbor who was moving. We survived on mac and cheese, pb&j, and spaghetti. Ramen noodles were a cheap way to change things up. If we ate out(which was about once a year), it was to McDonalds where they shared a happy meal and I watched them eat. There were times when I ran out of heating oil in the winter and we all camped in Mommy's bed with a kerosene heater in the room. I used to buy their Christmas/Easter/Sunday school outfits at the Salvation Army and doll them up with bits and bobs I had from other outfits. I'd keep the buttons, ribbons, and lace off raggedy clothes so if I had to replace it, I'd have some.

I made too much money to get assistance from the county, but not enough to live comfortably year round. We lived that way for 15 years. Me being everything for them and to them - they being my all.

I know rough times! Through it all, I had three happy smiling faces who looked at me like I was Wonder Woman and Super Man all in one. Their love made all the work and sacrifice worth the pain and struggle.

I am now married to a wonderful man who loves us. We're trying for a child so he can have one of his own to pass on his family name and I couldn't be happier.

My situation was different from yours, but I want to encourage you to stick it out. It's not forever. Things do get better. Hand-me-downs are just as effective as new, and eventually when things improve you get to do for your kids the way you always wanted to. Focus on the important part of this - a beautiful creation of your love for each other and a wonderful blessing from God.

Bless you both.

S., Think of it this way, this baby on the way has a mighty purpose that you or your husband or a little pill are not in control of. WOW, think of the wonder it him or her. God put that child there, just as he did the others, thisone you just werent ready for yet. I know its scary, I have three kids, my husband works two jobs and one he has to leave. We are losing money and having to pay a higher rent, but I know that God knew this would happen and i'd rather be poor with the wonderful treasures (hubby & kids) than not having them. God is giving you a gift and he doesnt need our permission, He knows best and he loves you and loves this baby. He picked you and your husband for this baby. After 2 extremely difficult miscarriages, a life is precious and if a life makes it into this world, that life is purposed to do so. Hey and its Christmas, Jesus was presented with three gifts and here is your third. This is a life worth living. Consider this also, if you dont feel as if you can be parents to another, think of putting him/her up for adoption. I adopted two of my kids and gave birth to my third. My heart ached for a baby and there are many out there whose does as well. THen maybe a few months into pregnancy your heart will be bursting with joy. Email if you want and i'll be praying for you. If you dont want this baby, please deliver him or her, We would adopt him or her. One more thing, think about your two kids outside the womb, what would life be like without them, what if they came at the "wrong" time???
H. B. ____@____.com Mother of 11yr old twins and a 10 month old son

S.,

I totally agree with Nicole and I was going to write the same thing before I read her response. Things happen for a reason. If you do end up having a successful pregnancy then he/she was just meant to be. Like she said, by the time your little one is born, your oldest will be ready for school so then maybe your mother can now watch the newborn and your 2nd youngest. when I was unemployed and pregnant, I went on WIC and it helped ALOT. It cut down my food bill about 40-50 bucks and then when the baby is born it will bye all of the formula. Used clothes are great, check out ebay, you can find clothes for sale by the lots. Talk it over with your husband again abd just really sit back and think about everything. I think if you do decide to keep the baby, you will do fine. Theres nothing you cant handle, even it sometimes its a big struggle. Trust me Ive been there and have been through alot of ups and down over the past 2 yrs. Just as I thought I hit rock bottom, things worked itself out. Good luck!

A good friend of mine got pregnant three times using multiple forms of birth control. They couldn't afford three children either, but they had them a trusted that God, their church and their family and friends would come through to help them. It wasn't easy; they both worked full-time to pay the bills, but they had three beautiful boys. Let your mom watch the two older children and find someone else to watch the baby, or see if you can find someone to come in and help your mom part-time so she can take care of all three. You have time to brainstorm how to make this work -- and you'll have a lot of great suggestions from the other moms here or how to stretch your pennies. Do what you think best but I think that you really want to keep this baby. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking all of us how to make it work. Pray, trust in God, and reach out to as many people as you can for help.

Hi S.,
First of all I just want to say, THANK YOU!! Thank you for having this pressure on your shoulders and NOT aborting, your right it is never the babies fault, and you will never, ever regret having this baby! I PROMISE. I know this is hard, but it is well worth it. Finacially, you will just have to be more careful, but it will ALWAYS work out. I have 4 kids and it's tough sometimes finacially, but we don't have a lot of clutter in our lives, like cable, or too many materialistic items, we make food, rather than go out all the time. And for Christmas or birthdays WE LOVE Gift Certificates! My family is closer because of it! You can ask my kids what would they rather do, Chuck E cheese or have family night, with popcorn and a movie, and make a dessert. The ALWAYS pick family night. How awesome do you think that makes my husband and I feel?!?! You are very blessed to have another baby on the way. You can read about plenty of woman on this site who can't! Good luck, Good job and Congratulations!
~D.

Dear S.,

I am not here to judge you I completely understand how you are feeling. I was a single mother after divorce when my son was 19 months old. We were superintendents of an apartment complex so not only was I jobless, but soon to be homeless. I had no car I was in pretty bad shape financially. My wonderful family fed my son and I and with the tiny bit of child support I was able to afford my rent. My stress level was so high and my son was so active and at times difficult (I had no help from his dad) I swore I would never have another child. I met my current husband when my son was 3 and told him I was not having any more children, he was devastated. I was so tired and burnt out that I had no desire to have another child. Needless to say I became pregnant and I thought just like you I can't do this I was beside myself. So my husband and I went to center to confirm my pregnancy and while I sat there I sat with women who were about to abort their babies and women there for prenatal care. Something came over me and I said to him lets get out of here. I knew I could never do what I thought I wanted to do. It was only a consultation but I knew then there was no way I wanted to abort my baby. It took me a day or two to get used to the idea and then my fear turned into joy. Needless to say she is now 19 years old and along with my 24 year old son a true joy in my life. Point being if you sit down on paper and figure out how you are going to do things it never seems to work out. However I agree with Nicole God always provides and finds a way for us to cope. Just give yourself a day or two to get used to the idea and once you can think clearly you will come up with a solution. I own a daycare center which I just opened last year and although it is a great idea it takes money and is a lot of work for you with three small children. My kids are grown now so I can completely give 100% to my business. However have you considered watching another child in your home and putting your three year old into daycare. You can charge as much as $200.00 per week for an infant. I know it will be hard, but you would be able to be home with your children and make money at the same time. I did it for years before opening my own center. I am not sure where you live but in NJ you can care for 5 children in your home without state licensing. Some mom's do not want to go to centers and love home care. I would take care of teachers children this way they leave by 4 p.m. and you have summers off to enjoy your family. I hope this helps. Have a great holiday!!

I have no idea what you do for a job, but maybe you should look into starting your own day care. Just a couple of small children a week would suppliment your income and then you could stay at home with your kids and not have any day care to worry about. small is preschool, not necessarily infants. Food for thought. I feel that babies are blessings and meant to be loved, and if you took precautions, then i would think the man upstairs gave you this child. T.

We were very scared when we got pregnant with the third also. I am a stay at home mom, so we are barely making it on one salary. To top it all off, I found out I was pregnant the same week my then one year old was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It was a difficult time, to say the least! I was even afraid I'd miscarry with all the stress and travelling to the hospital to be with my baby while he was in intensive care for a week in a hosp more than 2 hours from our home (we needed to keep him with specialists which we have none by where we live).

Fast forward to now, my third child, a boy, just turned one last month. I have never regretted him, not even once. He brought such a special love with him, an energy that wasn't in this family before. I don't know if it's because I'm more experienced now or patient or what, but this third baby is WONDERFUL.

Financially? I don't know how, but somehow we're still making it. LOL I think the new baby integrates into the family unit so gradually you just adjust as time goes on. Plus, cloth diapers and breastfeeding save TONS of money.

And honestly, I am not sure exactly why, but 3 kids is easier for me to handle than when I only had 2. I mentioned this at our last well child check to my doctor, who also has 3 children, and she said the same thing!

I wish you the absolute best. You'll be fine!!

When my parents got pregnant and times were very tight, my grandfather said to them, "Don't worry, every baby is born with a loaf of bread under its arm." And surprisingly as each one of their three children were born, my father received a pay increase. If you are religious, maybe scripture will bring you comfort.

Mat 6:26
Behold the birds of the heaven, that they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; and your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are not ye of much more value then they?

You will find a way, love always does. Let the desire of your heart drown out your worries. Times are troublesome, but our needs are known to the One who made us. Everything will be fine.

Hi S.,

I know what it feels like to deal with a surprise pregnancy while being financially strapped. I am now 6 months pregnant with #6, conceived while using birth control. We live on a very small income...as a matter of fact my husband just got a job after being unemployed for 7 months. All I can say is that it can and does work out. With that many children under school age, it will probably be better financially if you stay home with the kids and find a home based business that can supplement your husband's income. That is what we do and I'd be happy to tell you more about what we do to make ends meet.

Every little life is such a huge blessing. Of course I worry about how we will handle it all, but as I look at our 5 amazing children, I cannot imagine how our life would be without even 1 of them. Have faith...in yourself that you can handle this...in God that He knows what He is doing and believes you are ready for this baby (there is a reason that He is giving you another little life to love and raise). Without faith, I wouldn't survive!

I do laugh at our incredible trust in birth control...I always thought I could "control" when and if I had another child. After 3 surprise pregnancies, all while using birth control (different kinds each time) I have come to understand that we don't really have the "control" we think we have. God is the one in control, and if he wants us to have another life, we will have it. Unless, of course, there is no uterus! I know plenty of people who have children after having vasectomies...even 15 years later, so, don't blame yourself for this pregnancy. I'm sure you'll be richly blessed by this new life. You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed by a surprise pregnancy. I'm always here if you need to talk...I'm just an email away!

D.

Hi S.-

I am a mom w. two kids. All the wonderful things the other respondents are saying about kids are true. However I personally couldn't imagine having another child right now. I find maintaining a family is the hardest, most stressful job in the world. By family I mean kids, house, bills, husband, marriage, self. Any major decision should not be taken lightly- that includes going forth with this as if everything will be perfectly fine. Don't go through with this pregnancy if it's going to tip you and your husband over the edge. You have two kids that are already here and need the best you can offer. You tried your best at prevention and it failed. Alternatively, don't terminate the pregnancy if you're going to live a life full of guilt and regret.

Again- it's your decision. I personally do not judge you either way. And what would that matter anyway? You're the one who's going to have to live with the result either way.

Your oldest is 3 and old enough for a pre-school program. Check out Head Start in your area. Then go to your local Social Services office and find out if there is any aid you qualify for. Perhaps food stamps or W.I.C. can help with your food bill. Many churches have thrift stores with almost new clothes for the entire family. Also is your husbands mom near by? Maybe she can watch the kids some days to give your mom a break.
OR if you feel up to it maybe you could baby-sit for other moms and make money that way while being able to stay home with your babies. Remember they are only little for a very short time and you will find a way to manage.
BTW AFTER this little one is born you might consider a safer method of birth control. Go to a birth control clinic and ask.
And Bless you and your little family.

I know exactly how you feel....my first and 5th were not planned...My first..well my doctor said I wasn't going to get pregnant....surpise, surprise, and the 5th...well nothing is 100%....my husband was let go from his job they day before I gave birth to our last son...got to love compassionate people(a lot of people were let go, but they also knew I was being induced the next day as my husband had requested time off)...okay enough about me...think about when baby comes...you're 3 year old will be 4 or almost 4 and there are a ton of preschool optons out there that could help out your mom...and besides that my only thought is you can do it, it won't be easy, but if you truly want the baby keep the baby...otherwise you will live with regret and anger and that's a lot harder to deal with...the answers will come...you guys will make sacrifices and it will be worth it!

We have 4 kids and are planning more. My husband works and I stay home. He makes good money, but not great. People always ask us how we can afford so many kids.
#1 We breastfeed exclusively and NEVER use formula. Not only is it a huge added expense, but its just not healthy anyway.
#2 We cloth diaper and use cloth wipes. Huge expense gone. Its a bit of a cost upfront, but you make your money back in 2-5 months.
#3 I dont give my babies any processed or packaged foods once they start solids. I puree fresh foods and feed them what we eat.
#4 Save everything from your other kids. Clothes, toys, books, furniture, etc... and pack it away. Rarely new things need to be bought.
#5 Accept hand-me-downs. They are a life saver!
#6 When you do shop for clothing, shop at the end of the season and buy anything that is the next years size or higher. I get most of my stuff from JC Penney's and I wont pay more than $1.97 per item.
You can do it. Keep, raise and love your baby. Its in your heart already to do just that. Good luck!

Congratulations, I can understand your worry though. My Family is also financially strapped with 2 kids, we both work full time yet we live paycheck to paycheck. You might be able to find a way to make it work. Youve gotten a lot of good suggestions. With 3 kids your family size has increased and you may qualify for some financial assistance you didn't qualify for before, whether it be WIC, heating or daycare assistance. Utimately the decision is up to you but I would suggest maybe calling 211 and getting information about programs that could help you before you make a decision you might forever regret. What ever you decide good luck!

You have already received so many wonderful and supportive responses. I just want to add that you can look up your local pregnancy resource center and churches if you ever need the emotional, financial support. You don't have to believe anything in particular to ask for help. Please just trust your heart that you know this baby is meant to be here. Bless you, you will have what you need.

Hi S.. I didn't read the other responses so forgive me if I am repetitive. Although money is tight these days and that can be very stressful, the love of a child is priceless. Call me a dreamer but I truly believe that where there's love and family, then everything else will work out. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but definitely worth it! Reach out to family members for help if you are able to. Cut back on spending where you can. Children don't need all of the fancy expensive things that are out there today. Since you have 2 kids already you probably have a lot of baby stuff for hand me downs right? You could even ask your local church for help. If both your husband and you want to keep the baby, you should keep the baby. If you let money be the deciding factor in this you may regret it later. Good luck and God bless!

Hi S.,
My immediate thought...there is a reason that this baby is here....There is already a plan for that little one. We are not on this Earth to judge anyone... But although times are tough, that little one is meant to have you as their parents. Lots of luck and prayers for you.
C.

Hi S.,
A gift from God. As my mother has always told me. Things will always work out in the end.
Her advice has always been right.
Maybe you can put the 3 year old in a full day preschool and then your mom could just watch the 2 small children.
This baby will be the best of the 3.
Good Luck.
J.

No one has a right to judge you if you were on bc and happened to be the lucky 'unlucky" precentile.
Now, to the worries you have...if the two of you are doubting you ability to provide for the new child as well as your older two, you are diamonds among people. That alone will make it easier to provide for the new baby along with your family. Surprisingly, your older children will require less and less as they grow. Sit down and create a good budget, and figure out where you can skim a little money here and there to put towards the new baby budget. A LOT of baby items and needs you can get throuw various give-away sources, and you can always call Healthy Start and get someone to help you out. Healthy Start gives you someone to talk to who is connected with numerous agencies that help and support families in need, and they might know of a group that can help your situation.
Now, when you say "keep this baby" do you mean you'd consider adopting out this baby or more drastic measures? If you'd consider adopting out the baby you may want to start seeking adoptive parents now, you could get help covering your medical expenses and household bills during your pregnancy if this is the case.
Either way, I wish you the best. It's a tough call to make, but you and your husband seem to have the best interests of your children near your hearts, and that makes you both diamonds in a world of semi-precious stones.

You must be completely freaked out right now! Please please please don't feel guilty about that. It's so normal, and such an unexpected combo of gift/challenge!

You can do this. It will be hard at first, but completely worth it. Your three year old will be well into preschool by then, and then kindergarten's right around the corner. So your mom might find that afternoons with a 4 year old aren't nearly as challenging as she may think. In fact, a 4 year old might be pretty helpful! That 10 month old will be almost 2 by then, and able to play much more independently, often with the 4 year old's help.

Again, it won't be easy. But it'll still be fun! And yeah, you guys will have to shop carefully and eat sandwiches instead of steak.... :) But you sound like a wonderful mom, and clearly your children are #1 in your heart. (And your husband's, too!) So have faith in that- it's all that really matters. Stay patient with yourself, forgive yourself, and enjoy this new life in your belly.

You will love this new baby, too. Just give yourself time to find peace with this big change!

This just happened to a friend of mine and although it was a shock, they are now looking forward to their new baby in April. There are many ways to make it work with buying things second hand and you probably have most of the baby stuff. Also as hard as the next few years will be, it will fly by and soon you will have 3 beautiful children who will fill your heart with joy and love. I don't have any profound advice, just that it has been done. My neighbor also had it happen and they started selling anything they could from their house to help with the bills. You do what you can. Best of luck!

Hi S.
I know it is late in the day and you have probably read all the responses you can stand. I did not read the other answers. Maybe everyone is saying the same thing but hopefully you will have time to read one more.
Congrats on a lovely family. A new baby is on the way. With it comes all the blessings and love of the rest of you. What is he going to do? What wonderful thing has the Lord placed in his genes? Maybe he knows the cure for AIDS? cancer?
No one thinks they can afford any child, and always the money spreads. No one thinks they have enough love for another child but it is always there.
A neighbor story: She had her tubes tied after her second baby, and found herself pregnant with the third. He decided to have surgery and taking all the protection. 2 years later she found herself pregnant again. Now the ins. co. got into the mix not wanting to pay. So paternity testing had to be done. OK it is his and obviously hers. MD says it must have been too soon etc. When she found herself pregnant with # 5, OB says it is nothing short of miraculous. God gives children when he wants you to have them. They are grown today and very successful. Mom and Dad serve the Lord and enjoy all their lovely children.
He knows what is ahead.
God bless you with rest and joy in the days ahead.
K. SAHM married 38 years---- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married with our only grandchild, and twins 18 in college, on in art and the other journalism. Homeschooled !! til college. Unplanned children are lots of fun!!!

Congrats! Don't be upset.. God has meant for you to have this baby. First cut back on spending..which i know is hard to do.. but.. buy a lot of chop meat.. make casseroles.. buy a lot of chicken.. so many ways to make chicken. Shut lights off when not in use.. cut a minute off a shower... you'll be surprised how much you can save. Your mom is right.. when she tells you she can't handle them all... maybe see if a 8th grader or high schooler can come after school to help out.. they usually don't charge a lot.. and this might help your mom. Good luck.. and may you be blessed!! things will work out!!!

I know it's REALLY hard to see it now, but this is a good thing that happened. When the kids start to get really fun (5+ years old), you will be really glad you have all three of them, and they have each other (they will eventually give you both MORE time later ironically)!! Also, be glad you have a mother to help take care of them, many of us don't. I think if she is taking care of 2, then the idea of 3 will be okay if you can shower her with extra love, attention and care so that the burden is not so great. And as far as $$, clothes don't have to be knew, toys they can share, (public) school is free, and ask on this website for whatever other help you need--you will be surprised at how much help you will get if you ask!!! Also, do try abstinence for a while if possible--it works (and I'm not religious)!! Believe me-you will REGRET (maybe even resent) if you do anything just because you think you can't afford to keep it.

"please moms help me and again don't judge me...." "Please moms don't judge me."

Hey ladies. How horrible is it that she had to say this twice?? Why as women are we constantly judging one another. Stay at home mothers vs working moms, breast feeding vs bottle feeding. day care vs nannys. abortion vs having a baby. Its horrible how bad we tear one another up. As mothers we should be supportive of one another no matter what decision she makes. It doesnt matter if we agree or not. Its her decision. That being said...why bring God into this? Did she? No. I can understand if she mentioned it, but a few of you just HAD to say it in order to put that guilt in there!! What is wrong with this society that we have to beg people to give us advice and not hurt us doing so......

That being said...S. M...this is my advice..which is just my opinion..with is worth squat!!

I too was in the exact situation!! I considered abortion!! I had the appt and everything. Then something happened. I thought.."Wow..I got pg on the pill". I did not think this was GOD or anything like that (I do believe in God..by the way to all you religous people who will assume that i do not..my opinion on him is quite different as yours..thats all). I just thought...thats kind of crazy. Anyway...I went to the doctor..had the u/s and made the decision that I would make it work. And we did. I sometimes think how much easier would it be on us with only two...but I love my daughter with all my heart. She is amazing. S....do what you feel is right. You will make it work whatever way you decide. Good luck!!

And to end...I would like to say to all the mothers who are going to be insulted...I am not judging you. Just stating the facts that we as women...as mothers..need to come together and not judge one another...we should be united...

I think this baby is "meant to be" and you will find a way to manage all three children. Just love this baby as you love your others and everything will alright. Hope this helps you make your decision. wishing you peace and happiness.

I would try your local agencies, there is birthright that offers diapers, formula and clothes for free. There is a wic program, and a food stamps program. Try to see if there is like a Head Start where you are, they can really help with this. They provide transporationect. Also, get your health insurnce on the way, there are lots out there. This will help to do all these things while pregnant, then your not thinking this was a mistake. Those darn pills... Take care and good luck.

This is a very hard decission that only you and your husband can decide on. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO JUDGE YOUR DECISSION.

If having another child at this time is going to painfully turn your life upside down then seek an abortion and get on with it...

or have the baby and look into ways to help provide for it. Most importantly if you go up this road make sure you can do it HAPPILY without it depressing you as depression will not only effect the baby but your other children and your relationship with your husband as well..

There's welfare, Hud, food stamps, medicade and child day care services our government might provide to help...Call these agencies and see what is avalible to you. Also check out other family members who would be willing to help Mom watch your children. Get creative with your thinking about all of this as many families do survive being poor...

On the other hand, It's a difficult world today and if I were just making it with 2 young children...I for one would have the obortion. But like I said, no one but you and your husband can make this decission and NO ONE has the right to judge.
Take care and good luck with what ever you decide to do....

You've already been given such wonderful advice and warm thoughts. The biggest thing I could have added to that is to join freecycle and I see someone has already suggested that. You can find your local freecycle group through yahoo groups. People give away cribs, and baby clothes everyday! Sometimes these things are in perfect condition because some people feel it's easier to give something away then to find the time and energy to sell it. You can go on there and ask for pretty much anything you want. You just have to be able to get to their house to pick it up.

I know you still aren't completely decided if you are going to keep the baby or not, but I'd bet that you do keep him/her. There's always a way. By the time this third child is born you won't need formula anymore for the second child so that expense is just going to be the same, and you may even be able to potty train that one early as well, so the diapers won't be an extra expense. Just put it all down on paper, and see where you stand. I bet it won't be as bad as you think.

the same thing happened to me. i was perfectly happy with 2 boys ages 3 and 10 months when I decided to have my tubes tied. when got the call from the hospital after my preadmission testing, they told me that i would either have to cancel my surgery or add an additional procedure because i was pregnant. i was in shock for 2 weeks. we decided to have the baby, my husband was unsure if we could handle it. turns out my daughter (now 14)is our angel. she is an old soul and actually keeps me in line. she is the nicest person and will do anything for anyone without having to ask her. i can't imagine my life without her. God wanted her here for a reason and I almost blew his plan. you manage somehow because you have to. since then my husband turned to drinking and i was left to raise the kids who at the time were 5, 7 and 9. Luckily, i was able to stay in my house because i met someone who has been an amazing dad to them. I had my doubts when this all happened but HE has a plan and it will work out. C.

S.,
Nothing in life is guaranteed, I am so happy you want to try to make this work, not only for the baby, but for your family. You are going to do so well with all of them!

One thing I can give you - try to go cloth diapering, if you haven't already.

I don't know what your financial situation is, but perhaps you can cut back on some things to enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom. My husband has been amazed at how we could get by without me having to work (and very happy that our baby has been sick so little!).

How to feel confident: Each day find something little to make your children and husband smile, and relax. Each day, watch over your finances and look to see where you can NIP something that is unnecessary. (we nipped movie rentals a long time ago - the libraries in Monroe county all communicate - and they do have inter-library loan, as well as a fairly up-to-date and eclectic collection).

How to feel confident: You are ONLY 26! Quite a few Moms find themselves in this situation, and they are older. You may not have boundless energy, but you haven't got the beginnings of arthritis, either, it sounds like. :)

Count the things you have on your side/baby-to-be's side. 3 squares a day. A roof (rented or rent-to-own). Clothes (hand-me-downs, hand-me-ups, or hand-me-overs :) or if you are truly blessed, new!) Friends who will help out when you have your baby by letting you get a little rest.

Check out a Mommies group if there is one in your area. See what there is to spark up your home and get ready for baby-to-be.

Good Luck, and congratulations! We never know what our choices bring, but life is truly blessed!

M.

Congratulatioins!!! Things don't always work out the way we plan them. I don't think any of my 3 pregnancies were at very convenient times. My husband was deployed after we got pregnant with the first and third. The second was career change and moving!!! They are each a blessing and have found ways to make it work for us and you will to.
T.

I would say the first thing to do is write down all of your expenses and start cutting. sometimes tracking your spending for a month or so will tell you where the "leaks" are. There are many ways to save money without too much effort, like using cloth diapers, 2nd hand clothes and eating at home instead of fast food places. There are tons of web sites and newsletters geared towards saving money, just do a search. I recommend the Tightwad Gazette as a worthwhile investment. Good luck to you and enjoy your new addition.

Hi S.
I am only able to offer words of encouragement, as I am not in your situation. We have had our share of tough times. My husband was laid off for two years. We were living off of a thousand dollars a month plus a little help from my mom. It's not easy, and it definatly sucks, but you can do it. Only you know what your not able to give your kids, monatarily, they don't have a clue. So make due with what you can. Thankfully, the things they need most are free...your love and attention! There is a web site called freecycle.com You can get all sorts of things from people for free, in your area. Also, someone else mentioned sending you oldest child to day care, I know that is an expence too. But depending on when your child will be four, and when the baby is born, and your maternity leave, you may be able to work out something. Your child should be able to go to public pre-k at age four. It's free!Yeaah! Then your mom could watch the younger two. Because you are married, you prob. don't qualify for much in the way of benefits, I know I didn't. You should be able to get WIC. That would at least help. Love always finds a way, so you will make it if you want to. It might be hard for a while, but it will work out.I hope you are a little encouraged by the responces you receive here. That's what we are here for, never to judge! I will keep you in my prayers. Wishing you the best of everything.

Hello Dear!

I know you're scared. I know you're confused. I feel anxious for you when I read your request. I was 26 with two kids the same ages as your. So I can simpothize greatly. I am a firm believer in 'Everything Happens For A Reason'. Believe in yourself and know that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Not only are you Post-Pardum, but nervous to. Give yourself and your husband more credit. You will find a way to make it happen. With two beautiful blessing that you have now, there's no way you'll come to an alternative to keeping it. Abortion isn't in your heart, especially looking at your babies now and adoption would probably set you into a depression. You can make the most of this situation when you least expect it. There are so many people out here who log on to see is they can help another mom or give someone a ray of hope through advice. You need clothes, put a request in. Most of us moms do the hand-me-down thing. You're looking for baby items, put a request in. Register for WIC. Ask the Social Services in your area if there are any grants available. But keep your head up and take a breath. Everything IS GOING TO WORK OUT THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO.