Need Advice from Other Busy Moms

I agree with the person who told you to visit FlyLady! It saved me! I love that I get a daily task to do and a weekly one. The emails and list really help me stay on track. No, I am not perfect and it doesn't have to be perfect. But, it helps me stay on task so I am not going to room to room and starting and not finishing. I really recommend it. You won't be sorry and it will save you and household!!

I must thank you for this post. I have always felt so guilty if somebody stopped by my house because my clean laundry is folded on the couch, but hasn't been put away, the floor hasn't been swept (maybe more than one day). I don't invite company over because I never feel proud of my home. But, I am a divorced mom with eight children (24, 21, 15, 13, 11, 9, 4 and 2 - the youngest six still at home). Two of those are extended family members who have been in foster care and I am now adopting. On top of those little tasks, until this past weekend, the last 18 months I had a friend staying with us who was recovering from a massive stroke. I don't strive for "clean" as hard as I used to - I just go for liveable. The kids all pitch in, but with afterschool activities (sports, orchestra, etc.) sometimes none of us have time in the evenings or we're just too tired to care. But I know my messy house hasn't been what has influenced my children. Recently when I ready my oldest daughter's (who's 24) "My space" profile, I see where she listed me as her greatest hero. My kids will always come first, but it doesn't ease the embarassment when somebody comes by and the house is a mess. Outside help isn't an option, the budget just won't support anything extra. But at least reading these posts, I guess I'm not the only one with this problem.

I'm a mother of 3 I'm not really a neat freak but, I like my house clean Since I'm a stay at home mom and student I find it helpful to make lists.. Lists that you can follow and can actually accomplished, My house is cleaned to my liking I'm a pack rat so every month I throw stuff away i havent used in a month or more.. Helps bring down the clutter... Heres a tip I've seen on tv.. I used pretty baskets to keep toys hidden in the living room.. I place them under my Coffee table and one end table no one realizes they are for toys unless they ask.. also helps to have some type of Ottoman that opens to help hide more toys or etc.. Hope I could have helped out a little.

An empty house stays cleaner. I do FlyLady's cleaning routine at FlyLady.net. You just do a little at a time and the big stuff is done Sunday evening just as you prepare to start your work week.

Since I stay home, I do a lot more than she suggests, mainly because I have pick up after the baby who is home all day and likes to make messes.

our routine is this.
dishes after ds#2 gets on the bus
laundry
put away stuff that gets left in the wrong places
vaccum

then there's the stuff I only do once a week.
Monday- Kitchen
Tuesday- extra Laundry blankets, sheets and towels as well as the boys' clothes
Wednesday- Bathrooms
Thursday- work clothes and towels from the bathroom clean up
Friday- Living room/office
Saturday- Bedrooms
Sunday- is another dusting, vaccuming doing the floors throughout the house, cleaning mirrors, doors and windows.

Good luck

Lol I will be keeping up on this one for sure. I am the same way. It seems I no sooner get one room done and I turn around it's destroyed. I know I didn't offer any advice but I wanted to let you know your not alone in this.
P.

I am a mother of two, teenagers, It seems like I never stop. I work all day. Run to sporting events in the evenings and weekends. I barely have time to fix dinner more less clean up after it. I am totally lost on how to solve this problem and get very frustrated when I see someone who is in the same situation but thier home is neat and tidy. How do they do it?

First of all, enjoy your little ones and don't worry about a clean house. They will grow up so soon...I have a magnet on my refridgerator that says "Cleaning the house while the kids are growing is like shoveling snow when it's still snowing" But, one thing I do is set my timer for 15 minutes. I play a game with myself, and I say, how much can I do in this room in 15 minutes? I do that several times throughout the day and it seems to work. I also have empty laundry baskets around and sometimes I just go through the house and fill a laundry basket with all the "stuff" and I put it in the corner and get to it another time. It gives me the feeling that I've cleaned, or at least accomplished something. And, last but not least, I did recently hire a cleaning crew. They come once a month. I pay 4 people $98.00 (I use The Maids) and they are here for 2 hours. I figure that is 8 hours of cleaning. It is well worth it to be to have clean bathrooms all the time. Good luck. Oh, I just thought of something...I had a child psychologist say to me one time "Your children won't remember whether your living room was clean or not or whether your furniture came from Ethan Allen or Wal Mart, but they will remember the tone of your living room."

You get a schedule and you stick to it, as much as possible anyway. You also realize that you will have to go to bed with things that are not done. You house will not always be clean, I mean come on you have 3 kids!! Get your two older kids involved with helping clean the house, chores that they can handle at thier age and then give them bigger responsibilities as they get older. Reward them with a little cash or whatever will keep them motivated. We have chore nights at our house, that is Tues Thurs and Sat for us and I give my kids 5.00 each week for doing their chores, they have 3 groups of chores and they alternate them. It helps me out tremendously, gives them some extra cash of which I make them save half in their savings account.

I understand totally where you are coming from...I have 3 kids 11,10 and 7. My 11 year old is in girl scouts which is Thurs night 7-9, and other nights throughout the month that they have special events. My 10 year old is in boy scouts and flag football, scouts are on Monday 7-8, Flag football practice is Tues night 6-7:30. My 7 year old is in cub scouts and I am the leader for his group that is on Monday 7-8 as well. So Wednesday is the only night I can get anything done!! And there is no way to get everything done in one night so it waits until the weekend.

Like I said, your house will not always be clean, there will always be piles of laundry, there will always be dishes and toys on the floor. I have also found that cooking things in the crock pot makes for a lot less stress full dinner time as you throw it in in the morning and then it is ready at dinner (Chili, Stew, Roast, Ribs, etc.)

If you want to send me a message, I would love to get to know another overwhelmed stretched to the max mom!!!

S.

You have three children, you work part-time and you go to school. Relax when you can & be proud of yourself!
I have one child (3 yr old) and I work part-time and volunteer at my church. I used to feel guilty when I did not do more. Now I relax with my family & enjoy it!

I can definitely relate. To combat this problem facing many people, I started my own business as a Personal Assistant. I help busy people by doing all the things they wish they had time for, like running errands and waiting for delivery people. With the holiday season apprpoaching, I'm also able to help with shopping and party planning. I'd be happy to help you out, feel free to give me a call, 913/706-6926.

N.,
It sounds like you have your hands full.
I'm sure many people will give you this advice, please check out www.flylady.net
Make a commitment to give it a try...99% of the people love it!! It has made all the difference in the world to me.

D.

Since you have such a little one it is harder now. My suggestion is to rest when the baby rests and see if you can't find a preteen or teen to come a few times a week for 1-2 hours. You can pay $2 per hour and you would be surprised what they can do for you! I did this when I became a single mom unexpectedly via divorce with an infant. There are not enough hours in the day. If you feel like you are rested enough from night rest then you could try doing laundry and cleaning when the kids are napping. The 5 year old should be able to play on his own but I bet the naps are not at the same times just yet. Try to let some of it go, there will be lots of time for cleaning as they get older but not much for loving! They are only little once. Let your husband help (I was so glad to read that he does, the ones that don't should all try to be home sometime!). Soon your 5 year old will be in school and maybe the 3 year old in preschool? You might consider 1/2 day kindergarten this year (if old enough) and maybe 2 ams a week prek if you can afford it and want to do it but my vote is you be the mom. There is no one else who can fill those shoes!! Anyone can clean, just decide who! Hope that helps. Hang in there - you have about 5 jobs now -- mom, wife, employee, house cleaner and student! So give yourself a break :):)
L.

I swear I have to get up like 2 hours before my husband and my child to even have a chance at leaving on time in the morning. And I only have one child (4mths) Congrats on doing all of your stuff with 3 kids. Ummmm, I have found that if you decide what your going to wear and what your kids are going to wear the night before and get everything layed out for the next day that does help. Also a piece of advice from my sister in law (she has 3 kids 11 months apart. nick 2 and 1 yr old twins) If you take 15 to 20 mins after the kids have gone to bed at night and just pick up the house throw a load of clothes into wash load the dishwasher, you will get alot more done. And trust me I only have one and I don't see how anyone can keep up. I always feel unorganized, like i am forgetting something, forgetting to do something, call someone, go somewhere. My husband is in school full time and works full time and I work full time. So we have pretty busy lives also. So anyways good luck. If you ever just need to vent or anything you can always email me at ____@____.com.

N.,

I have enough trouble trying to get everything done staying home with my one year-old, but something that has really helped me is flylady.net. Check it out if you think routines and reminders would help you get organized and get it all done.

A.

I don't have advice, but I know where you are coming from. I work, go to school full time and take care of my husband, house and son... and I am six months pregnant with our second son. My house is also a mess, I have no time to do anything, clean anything... it is crazy. Hang in there!

Your cry for help resonated with me! I raised two daughters and managed to make it through law school and now I am trying to get a Ph.D with a new step-family and I can't get ANYTHING done at all! I've decided the difference was that I had NO MAN AROUND! Men take so much time. LOL. They want you to stop what you're doing and do something for them, or they want you to stop reading so you can watch some stupid show with them that you could care less about (and it is not acceptable to simply sit next to them and read while they are watching!). They make extra messes, they eat at odd hours and leave food supplies everywhere, they blast the music way up while you are trying to concentrate, and they clean out the contents of their totally trashed-out cars right into your family room - and LEAVE IT THERE! But I'd rather have him than not!!!

I will be watching your answers to see if anyone has a better idea than getting rid of your MAN!

OH YEAH - my big secret is having a WONDERFUL cleaning lady once a week. I don't remember how I lived without her... Last Wednesday the two of us cleaned side-by-side all morning (I don't usually do that) and the house is now DEEP CLEANED!

S.

I hear ya lady. I am busy all day too!! Alot of the time I can't get anything done because I am trying to get EVERYTHING done at the same time. What I have started doing (and seems to be helping at least a little) is making a list the night before of everything that I need to do the next day. Be specific. If you don't ever have time to take a shower and fix your hair, put it on the list. After that, put a number next to each item listing it's importance. I go to school full time as well, so sometimes studying for a calculus test is more important than folding the laundry. If you have a list that has 25 items on it, be reasonable and drop a few of the smaller things off. You would be suprised how efficient you are when you have a clearer plan of what needs to be done and how important it is in the scheme of things. Oh, and make a menu for you dinners for the week. And schedule in leftover nights when you won't have time to cook. That way you can thaw out the chicken for dinner tomorrow night in the fridge, or make sure everyone knows what they need to do to help mom out. I know the to do list is neverending. And from what I've heard it doesn't get any better, but don't be afraid to let the house get DIRTY if it means your family stays HAPPY!

I felt the same way about a year ago! Then I stumbled upon an incredible website: www.flylady.net. It is fantastic. She teaches you what you need to do & routines to keep doing it. It is wonderful! She has you go about it in "babysteps" so it's not overwhelming at all. My husband says that the Flylady is the best thing to happen to our marriage! :)

I would recommend flylady.net. She's the bomb and it's free. Not only does she help set up routines for keeping house but she reminds you to take care of yourself too. My house was choas tell I found her and know I have a really nice house it's not perfect (nothing ever is especially with a 2yr old) but i can have people drop in and not be bothered by it. If your looking for help this is the place and again it's FREE. Also don't get freaked by the emails just delete the ones that don't apply to you that's what I do. Hope this helps you.

I work full time and have a 4month old, husband, and 3 cats to clean up after. Although not the same as 3 kids, it's still a lot. I've started using some of the cleaning tips at this website:
http://www.flylady.com

there's daily schedules, weekly, monthly etc. The idea is to make some small things part of your daily routine slowly so that you don't even notice they are getting done.

good luck!

From the looks of your profile you are VERY busy!!!

I am a SAHM of 5. My kid's are 18, 16, 11, 5, and 3. There is not a dull moment in my house from the time I wake up until I finally get the 5 and 3 year olds in bed at night. I am constantly doing laundry and and going to the grocery store.

The only way I can stay organized and also keep the house picked up (notice I didn't say cleaned up)is by keeping a family organizer. My favorite is Amy Knapp's Christain Family Organizer. You can get it from Walmart. It has a full monthly calander for each month and then separately list the week of month with a weekely menu and grocery planning list that you can tear out. It is my life saver. It also has inspirational quotes, and a place you can write out monthly projects that you want to get completed. I could go on and on about this planner.

Also, I assign the little chores, like trash emptying, playroom picking up, clorox wiping counter tops down, setting the table, clearing the table, putting laundry away and making their own bed's to my 5 and 3 year old. This is a wonderful age for this, because they actual like doing these chores, because it makes them feel as if they are helping you! Your 5 year old would probably love to give the 5 month old a bottle or entertain him/her while you are fixing supper or folding laundry.

I also always lay out the girls clothes for the next day the night before. I do this even if we aren't leaving the house the next morning. This makes it easy for them to quickly get themselves dressed. My 5yr old now likes to do her own hair and brush her teeth by herself. At first the hair do was not GREAT, but it was something that I could live with, but she is getting better every day.

Also you have to remember that they are little only once!!! So what if your house is messy or unorganized. As long as you are spending quality time with your children and they are nutured and fed with good family values, and christian morales you are doing a GREAT JOB! There will always be time later to have a spotless house.

I hope this helps.
W.

N. I have the same problem at times to, and i just have one. When i seem to get overwhelmed i try to make myself a list of what i need to do, and i either cross things off or add as i need to. Also there are some things that your 5 and 3 yr old might be able to help with, like my 4 yr old loves to help me make my bed, and to put the dishes in the dishwasher, or sweep( not that he is great) but we make it a sort of mom kid time and make it fun...
i also see you go to school, if you dont mind where at? i am going back to Okccc now that my hubby has graduated, and will be going half-full time in the spring.

Do you have your 5 and 3 year old help you with house cleaning? My daughter is two and she picks up all her toys. "helps" with laundry she brings me the clothes. She also likes to "help" with dishes as in I put a dirty dish in the dish washer she takes it out. It is a fun and frustrating "game." She loves it so I can really complain. I just tell her that it is dirty and needs to go back in the dishwasher and she puts it back. We make clean up a game. I work full time as well so I do get a "break" during the day it really helps for me to refreshed when I am with her and take the time that I don't think I would if I spent all day everyday with her. I would think if you set up a retien that would help. If you have to take the five year old to school you could also go grocery shopping in that trip and to the dry cleaners (if you do that) and get gas or what ever else you need to do. It is helpful if you head out to do one chore to add two or three other chores that need to be done out of the house in that trip. Also going shopping early in the morning there will be fewer others so you may have the store to yourself and be able to get it done quicker. We normally go between 7 and 8 on friday night since everyone else is out drinking we rarely have to wait in line. If we do it is one person deap. However, when we used to go Saturday morning we would have to wait in line for ever and there would be about 10 -15 people in each line. Other then those things I really don't know what else to suggest. Just do it one day at a time and have your kids help. :)

Check out flylady.net. The Flylady (Marla Cilley) helps millions of people organize and stay on top of their lives. She also has a book called "Sink Reflections", which is excellent. If you are feeling overwhelmed, check her out and TRUST her because she may sound crazy until you actually try what she tells you to do.

M. G

N.,
Just know that your are not alone or abnormal. Being a mother is the toughest job ever. You work and go to school too, that's awesome, you are trying to better yourself and that's great for you and your family. Don't worry about the messy house, your kids won't remember the house when they are grown they'll only remember the time they got to spend with mom and dad.

God Bless,
B.

my O my I love this group! I am a mom of 5,ages just turned 16 today, 14,13, will be 8 sat the 4th of nov. and a 3 year old, a volenteer firefighter, and go to school 2 nights a week. yea clean house whats that lol. I keep my house (picked up to) it is not spotless nd never will be with 5 children. I have the older ones help me out and the 3 year old welllll I love to let her help but most of the time she just makes more of a mess and I have more to clean. So I no how yoy feel. I have football baseball plays flags dance and thats not including if they have a freind with a birthday or anything. I feel at times that I can't breath much less keep a clean house. I to don't like to have people come over because I just don't no what they will say about my laundry that is clean and folded but still on the couch lol. but as long as my children are happy I guess i will get my happieness when they grow up have kids and my house is sparkeling clean and theres is not because of there kids lol can't wait.
GOOD LUCK
and remember it will get better.

i also work part-time. two of my days i only work half days, but i still use the babysitter all day. i try to do the cleaning and organing and other things on those days. hopefully this could help if it's an option. good luck!!!
or maybe , if you could take them to a friend or relative for a few hours that could be good.
N. k

Dear N., My 3 and 5 year olds are now 18 and 20, take some advice from "been there done that" in 10 or 15 years from now is the messy house going to be what you remember? No! have fun with those babies now the time you spend with them is what is the most important. Here are a few tips I remember, give them their popcyles in the bathtub, their room is their room ( as long as the door is shut company can't see) keep front room and kitchen simple. And alway eat dinner at the table ( no tv ). You should be proud of yourself.

You have 3 kids, I only have 1 and my house is in complete disarray. I started school full time this year, while daughter is in school full time and I feel like I need about 5 more waking hours. I feel though that spending what time I have with my kid is more important than a clean and organized house. I want to be judged on how well my daughter was raised not on how clean my house was. Just take it one day at a time and create lots of lists (that eventually get lost...lol) I am reading a book called I am not Wonder Woman but God made me Wonderful. Puts things into perspective. Sorry I don't have any solutions.