Need Advice for Son While at Hospital with New Baby

Updated on December 31, 2008
C.I. asks from Lake Jackson, TX
44 answers

I have the most wonderful 2-year old son. He is happy, sweet, loving, and attached to his Mommy and Daddy. We have been so blessed. And, now we are being blessed again. We are set to have a C-Section on January 12th for baby #2. My problem is, I don't know what to do to help out my little boy. He has never spent a night away from us, and even though I know it is usually frowned upon, we share a family bed, so it will be that much harder for him. My husband will need to stay with me in the hospital as I won't be any good for manipulating around the room to do things to help the baby, and the nurses at the hospital, while competant, are not timely with coming to help the patients or babies. I know most people will suggest that we leave our son with a grandparent, but due to medical reasons, that can't happen. SO, we have two very good sets of friends with 4-year olds who are going to watch my son for the 4 days and three nights we have to be at the hospital. During the day he will still go to daycare, but I think the evenings will really put a toll on him. I don't know what to do. Do I have him come visit or would that make it harder on him since we are all going to stay except him? My husband can't take him back and forth as the hospital is an hour from home. I don't want my son to feel abandoned or to hurt. I've tried explaining several times that when Baby comes Mommy will be sick and have to stay at the doctor and he's going to stay with his aunt, but as he literally is just 24-months old, I don't think he gets it. Any ideas on helping him to understand that we still love him and will be back and/or how to make this time easier for him? Thanks in advance for the advice!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.J.

answers from Houston on

Put a big boy bed in his room NOW! Teach him to sleep there in the room "where he and his new baby will sleep" this way he will feel included. I realize you will not likely have a newborn in their own room, since you follow a family bed senerio...... but you can see what a pickle this has caused.
If he knows NOW, that he gets to be the one to share the room with the baby, that they each get their own bed in the KIDS room, I think a child that age would be ok with it. Build it up. Build something up. Don't just wait til the delivery to drop it on him! If he is going to someones house overnight, have him do it at least once a week til the 12th.
I hope you can take some steps now, as it will only get harder for you, and more of a BAM on him if you wait.
Good luck..........

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Houston on

C.,

If he has a special blankie or stuffed animal, send it with him. If he doesn't have one, buy him something to take with him as a special comfort and let him pick it out at the store. He understands more than you think, so don't make a big deal of it. You are going to have a baby and when you and daddy come back, the baby will be with you. It would help if he could visit once while you are in the hospital.

Good luck,
C.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.H.

answers from Killeen on

HI C.,,
i've always been told and have used this with my boys when they were young.You tell him what is going to happen which you did ,,did he ask any questions?? If not great he excepts what is going on.If he has questions answer thennm as simply as you can they have short memerys .Call him every day that you are there let him talk to the new baby .I really think all is going to be fine just explain it to him the day before you go .Best of luck
L.

More Answers

K.N.

answers from Austin on

Hey C.... Bless you heart for stressing over this. My 2 cents: Your son will not remember being left at his aunt's. He's too young to hold on to memories of you being gone for those days. He will barely remember meeting the new baby for the first time. The harder task will be to juggle/mitigate any sibling rivalry towards the baby over the next 12 months.

Make sure he has several of his favorite toys and lovies when he's at his aunts. Hopefully his aunt can keep the routine that he is used to... However, a few new toys given to him at his aunt's (maybe one each day that he is there?) will be a good distraction. Schedule phone calls to the aunts house 2-3 times a day to 'talk' to him, even if its just him listening to you or your husband's voice for a minute or so; maybe Daddy can call on the drive to the hospital or when you're not able to. And, not sure where your 10-year old will be, but if she is there with him that it might help too (by keeping as much familiarity around him).

On a separate note, although I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your step-daughter, I thought I'd share something my sister told me... My sister is 8 years older than me (the child of my mother's first marriage). When she was in her mid-30's, she confessed that, although the birth of my older brother was not emotionally hard for her, my birth was because she had this feeling that, since another girl was entering the family, she was no longer going to be "the daughter", as in "since daddy now had a new daughter (with his current wife), she would unimportant or pushed out". Just thought I'd add that in case you want to make an extra effort with your step-daughter, just to alleviate anything she might be worried about but not necessarily vocalizing.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.E.

answers from Houston on

you are too anxious!!!Don't worry about it he will probably be too occupied playing with his friends to give it too much thought. Please don't tell him you will be sick, just tell him you are bringing home a baby sister to play with him. show him your scar too!! He is only 2 and he will not remember and will get over it. You are worrying too much, enjoy your children and they will be fine.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Austin on

I went through a very similar situation. Our solution was to have my husband stay at home with our 2 year old. You will be fine without him there constantly, and really, it is your last chance at some semblance of peace before you take home the new baby. Believe me when I say that was my last rest period. My boys are now 2 and 3, my 3 year old wasn't hurt by not seeing me for a couple of days. You really are going to have to learn how to tell your 2 year old no and disappoint him.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.B.

answers from Houston on

First, stop telling him you are sick. Childbirth is not a sickness, and he just needs to know that you are going to bring him a baby sister and when you come back you will all be together. He will be light and relaxed about it if you are. Tell him you love him at every opportunity---and play, sing, and laugh each day with him.
Pick one of the two couples to have your son for the whole 4 days/nights. Have the second couple in the wings as a backup in case of an emergency with the first family. Pick the couple that will nurture him, accept him into their bed and keep the routines he's used to. Pack his favorite pjs, books, toys, and a photo of you. If he is familiar with the phone, you could plan to call and speak with him on the phone, but it's not necessary as they have no sense of days going by at that age. They are in the now. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.K.

answers from Austin on

Hi C., Your situation sounds very similar to mine (however, my son had just turned three when my daughter was born). We prepared him for the change by talking about it as much as possible. My mother was able to come and stay with him in his own home (you don't mention where he will be staying). I hate to tell you this but I think the change will be somewhat hard on him. Any change in a child's routine will be hard on them but just remember it's a part of life. This experience will help him grow; it will just reinforce the idea that mommy will come back to him. He may not be able to communicate much but I'm sure he understands what you are saying. I would start talking about this change as often as you can. Make a calendar and have him help you mark off each day. If you set his expectations, he will feel more in control of his life. Another thing I suggest is making these 4 days sound very exciting! I had a c-section with both of my children as well. It definitely makes life harder. I had planned on having my husband stay in the hospital with me the entire time. However, I ended up having my husband spend the last two nights at home. I felt too guilty waking him up to bring me the baby anyway so I just stayed on my pain killers and did it myself. It wasn't so bad. They want us up and about for healing anyway (I also enjoyed the time alone with our baby). Not to mention, the nurses are in and out of the room 20x in the middle of the night and neither of us were getting any sleep. One of us needed some rest. Anyway, this might not work for you but I just wanted to let you know that we had the same plan you did but it worked out better having my hubby home. I will say, our son had an EXTREMELY hard time with me not being around. He had scary temper tantrums. When my husband came home, he was mean to him but if my husband would leave, he would beg him not to go. He was very confused and it was a hard time for us but it all worked out just fine in the end. On another note, our biggest concern was how our son would feel when our daughter came home. We gave him a little stuffed baby doll (before she was born) that he quickly became attached to and he called it by his sister's name. We also had him pick out a gift for his sister (and bought one from her to him). They exchanged them after she was born. We read books about bringing home a new baby. We also asked family and friends who came to visit to always acknowledge him first. Lastly, we called her "his baby" and made the idea of becoming a big brother very exciting. Your son is a little younger but my girlfriend did the same with her 2 year old and she did pretty well with the change too. All of these constant reminders of the change to come really helped him! He loved her from the get go and never showed any aggression towards her. He was jealous and acted out in other ways but never towards her. Congratulations to you! Just give him as much attention and love as possible...and remember there is going to be at least some jealousy, no matter what. He'll get through your hospital visit. Try not to worry too much. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.C.

answers from College Station on

I really feel for/with you. My family has been the family-bed type for the longest time (up to a elementary school age or so).

I had my three boys by ceasarean. And I was terribly upset with the hospital that they had this rule that the older sibling couldn't stay with me and my husband at the hospital. I mean, why not?

My suggestion, given your situation and distance from home, would be to have your 2-year-old and a friend or family member stay at a hotel (there is usually something within, like, a block of a major hospital). I was able to arrange for my husband to get the older to bed and comfy with grandparents, then come back to the hospital to me. Even though it was "after visiting hours" he was allowed in through the Emergency department.

If you choose to leave him with your friends in your home town, please plan a "treat" night where he can spend a night there while you are close, aka, at home BEFORE your trip to the hospital. And, I have found that telling the sibling that I would be sick for a while and have to stay at the hospital actually worried my son more, with that awful sounding word "sick". It would be better to call it "doctor's orders" for the "best care" of the newborn sibling.

If you find yourself, in a worse-case scenario like having to rush to the hospital because your water broke early, and your 2-year-old has to stay with his Aunt, please just pray. Realize that there is no other arrangement available and that you can't change things. Your 24-month-old may cry and may miss you terribly but you will have to live with that.

Have you considered having your husband return home with your 24-month-old at the end of the day the baby is born and have the Aunt stay with you? Ask your husband about this idea.

Anyway, good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.F.

answers from El Paso on

I know this is a difficult situation for you, but you are doing what is best for your son and yourself and husband and the new little one. You have to hold on to that thought. Your 24 month old will survive! Send him with photos, and have his caregivers give him a note from you frequently or a treat/toy, talk to him on the phone daily - I promise he will be so busy with the 4 year old, he will barely notice your absence. Please feel good about your decision.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.R.

answers from Houston on

Maybe you could arrange a sleep-over for 1 night before the baby comes. Make it a late drop-off and early pick-up with lots of postitve rewards (hugs and reassurances that he will have fun) Let him know you expect a positive outcome.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.A.

answers from Houston on

I just had a c-section in September.. My mom stayed with me so my husband can be home with the dogs... Honestly, I didn't need my mom at all.. I sent the baby to the nursery about 10pm, went to sleep, and the nurses constantly check on you-- my poor mom slept on a very uncomfortable couch for no reason.. My hubby was suppose to stay the second night, but I told him to go home and get good rest because I was going home the next day, and I needed him fully rested so he can take care of me and our baby... Honestly, you will be on painkillers, and the nurses will be a big help.. Just have your husband go home with your son so everyone can get some good sleep.. Your husband will need it!!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.J.

answers from Austin on

My son was 21 months old when our youngest were born. We were lucky because we had grandparents in the equation, but I too still felt worried about him feeling abandoned. So a few things we did that may be applicable for you...

First, have him at the hopital with you as much as possible. More time with you even if he is leaving is better than really being abandoned and not seeing you. Our oldest even napped in our room and would just be taken on walks by grandparents (or a helpful friend) when being confined got too much.

Second, have your husband take him to the friends house from the hospital when it is time or near time for bed and have him put your son through his regular routine and put him to sleep. He won't be in bed with you, but at least he would have that security. Then your husband can come back and be with you at night. I know you will be alone for awhile, but for that short blip you should be able to manage with nurses, or ask a friend or someone to stay with you while he is gone. We did this, my dad stayed with me while my husband and mom went back to our house to put our eldest to sleep.

Third, have him at the hospital when the baby is "born" even if he is in a waiting room with a friend. I had a friend willing to do this for us since with the old-fashioned method of birthing we weren't sure when the baby would come and if my mom could be there. Then have him meet the baby and come in the room with you as soon as possible. He doesn't have to stay long, but that will help reassure him.

Fourth, have a new toy for him "from the baby" for every day you are in the hospital. It doesn't have to be big, even a matchbox car or something, but having a new toy will make the baby being here and mommy being gone more pleasent and help him feel part of the action. Others have used "big brother" shirts or books.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Austin on

Kids understand more than you think. I've had 3 c-sections and my girls are all 20 months apart from each other. They visited me in the hospital and yes, maybe they wanted mommy to come home then also, but by the time they got to the car they were fine. Why are you telling your son that your sick when you have the baby? I think that would scare him even more. Does your husband really have to stay with you? The nurses do help you if you need it.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

My kids came to visit for a short while every day and they made me things (cards, etc.) to bring me and the baby. They cried when leaving, but after that were fine. They survived. That's awesome that you have friends that are willing to do that for you! He can also stay with you at the hospital, but I don't think he will have much fun for that long. So, you're doing the right thing. He will survive. Whatever you do, do not act anxious or tell him you're sorry in any way. Stay strong yourself and talk about much fun he will have. Act completely normal and not apologetic in any way. Or you will add to any anxiety he may have. This will be good for him.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Austin on

C.,

your son will miss you but he will recover. My oldest (18 year old daughter) was 2 and a half when her brother was born and she was more excited about having a new baby than anything else (she just told me so). If you trust your friends, then he will be fine. Make sure he comes to see the new baby at the hospital as soon as you feel up to it. My husband went to get our daughter and took her out to dinner and to buy a gift for me and her her brother and we gave her a baby doll to hold as well the same day her brother was born. Enjoy your family bed. We did and we have two well rounded, accomplished, confident teens. Good luck and blessings on your new year with a new baby.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Waco on

Hi C.,
How blessed you are in having your children. It will be a trauma for your little two year old and I am glad to see you recognize that. Just be sure he has his favorite things around him and that will help him be more comfortable- maybe Daddy could go to the house he is staying at perhaps at bedtime and put him to bed- take him some baby pics- and be sure and call him daily so he can hear your voice and know that you are nearby- it might be a good idea, if possible to have someone come stay at your home the first day or two you and baby are back-just to care for baby while you spend your time with your two year old- I am sure he will know how much you love him and any discomfort he may have will subside in a very short time. Good luck and god bless

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.E.

answers from Longview on

WELL I WOULD THINK I WOULD HAVE HIM GO SPEND A NIGHT NOW FOR A TRIAL RUN, AS THEY SAY. & YOU WOULD BE CLOSE BY IF NEEDED TO GET HIM OR HELP OUT WITH HIM. GO VISIT & THEN THE 2 OF YOU GET READY TO LEAVE & SEE HOW HE TAKES THAT.& THEN KIND OF JUST SLIP OUT WHILE HE IS PLAYING. PLAY IT UP TO HIM BEFORE HE GOES OVER THERE & TELL HIM WHAT SUCH A BIG BOY HE IS BEING.
D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Houston on

Is there any way to have a girl friend come stay with you at the hospital over night? Or a couple of friends that can take turns? That way your husband will be able stay with your son.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.J.

answers from Killeen on

Your friend might need to sleep with your son since he has never been away from home and is used to sleeping with you. I would go over there with him the day before you will leave him and have him help you set up his bed with his favorite blankets and stuffed toys. Have him show you his favorite cars, books, etc. that he wants to take and he can pack them in a suitcase. I would even stock your friend's fridge with his favorite snacks and even take some of his cups and plates so he feels like everything is still mostly the same in his world. I would have your husband take him to the hospital after a couple days so he can see that you are fine and the baby is here (and have a big brother present ready for him there!) and then let him know that you are fine, just very tired and you need to stay and rest a couple more days and daddy needs to stay to help you. have your hubby take him somewhere special to eat on the way back to the friend's house. then he can assure your son that you will be back to take him home in a couple days. also, have a set time for him to call you each day.
i think you will find that he does better than you expect him to! kids are very resiliant and even if he cries for you, he will get distracted quickly and be just fine.
PS my daughter had just turned 2 when I had my 2nd daughter and she barely even missed us LOL and she stayed with friends also b/c we were far away from our parents

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

P.H.

answers from Austin on

Wow! You are going to be busy! My first two are 23 months apart, so I know how that goes. Here's the good news: The tough part about balancing your hospital stay with care for your son will fly by and be the "easiest" part of the first year! Once you are home is when the real work begins! :)
The other thing I think you may want to reconsider is having daddy visit your son at some point each day. Even if it's a long drive, don't you think your son's needs are worth it? You will forever be trying to be in two places at the same time now that you have more than one child!
Thank goodness for your lovely friends who will help out while you are in the hospital. You should also get help lined up for when you get home. I feel lucky I never had a C-section recovery to add to newborn baby care, plus toddler, home, etc. Everyone who offers something, take them up on it for cooking, cleaning, whatever they can do for you in that first month or so. Sit back and enjoy your babies...yes, now you will have two!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.C.

answers from Houston on

C. as a single mom of seven, you can make it alone at the hospital. Many women do. It's so unfair to the son to leave him cold turkey. He may resent the new baby if you all do that.

He has had a lot of attention and advantages since he's been born and I believe he may be tramatized if he can't stay with dad or a very close relative that you all associate with.

I would allow dad to be with the son at night and up until time for daycare. Then come and be with you or go to work first and then come be with you for a while, or pick up your son from daycare when he gets off work and let your son come see mom and his baby sibling. Emotional and physical bonding early is just as important as it is for the parent's with the new baby.

It won't be easy those few nights for you at the hospital without your hubby, but it's best for your son and the newborn to do it this way. You are paying the hospital to care for you, therefore, and you should take advantage of that and make everyone in the family's life as less stressful as possible. You will be fine.

Congratulations to you and the family, as well. God bless.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from Houston on

Congrats! I have had 4 c-sections, my oldest was only 13 months old when I had my second one, and then I had a 2 year old and 15 months old, and then a 4 YO, 3 YO and 2 YO when baby number 4 was born. So I certainly know this problem very well!

I know that it's awful trying to care for yourself and a newborn in the hospital on your own, but I felt that my children came first and hubby needed to be with them. So I had a babysitter for the surgery (that was a must) and after we knew the baby and I were OK hubby went back home. The first two times he did that the babies were in the NICU so I only had to care for myself. But then with the fourth child I found it terribly difficult to care for myself AND the baby while recovering from major abdominal surgery (my incision is naval to and inch or two below the pubic line!!)

If I have another c-section (I'm planning a home birth) I will have a friend stay with me in the hospital when hubby leaves. That way I will have someone to help me when the nurse can't!

If you don't have a friend who can drop everything for the birth (she has no kids and her mom is her boss) see about a friend's teenager, maybe a teen or young woman from church.

I wish you all the best, no complications, and a quick recovery!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.D.

answers from Austin on

I know you have had a lot of advise, but I wanted to reiterate what some have said. We also did the co-sleeping and loved it. We did have our little one in her crib before the second was born, but it is a little late for that as you need all the sleep you can get before baby arrives. You could try putting the crib mattress on the floor in your room and making a little sleep pad for you guys to use for your 2 year old. My friends actually let their 2 year old continue to sleep with them and put their newborn in the crib to start the baby off sleeping independently. We used a co-sleeper attached to the bed.

I think leaving your 2 year old at home at night for 4 days is a lot with your family's current set-up. Even my 2 year old that sleeps in her big girl bed would be traumatized by 4 nights. Maybe you can have your husband stay with you the first night or first 2 nights. Ask a friend to stay with you or you can even see about a post-partum doula if you can afford one. You will be able to get through it much better then your 2 year old. I kicked my husband out of the bed when my friend had her baby so her 2 year old could sleep with me, so see if your friend is willing to do that. Any friend that knows your parenting style and respects it will try to honor you if they can. Her husband can suck it up for a couple nights :) You might also use the words "mommy always comes back" when picking him up from day care and when you leave him and then have your husband use them also, and say them when picking him up from your friends house.

One other thing. If you and baby are doing okay, they may let you leave at 3 days instead of 4. Talk this over now with your doctor. Tell him you will stay in bed at home (and really do that). I got my doctor to let me leave in 12 hours after my birth, but of course i didn't have a c-section.

Whatever you do don't leave him out of the process with the baby and such. You haven't done that so far with your parenting style, don't do it now. Love him, include him the best you can. Take one day at a time. Congratulations!

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Maybe your son could spend a day and night over at the cousins a couple of times before the C section. They will have so much fun and it will not be such a surprise when he stays for 2 nights. He will know you are coming back to get him..

Take him to purchase a sleeping bag. Let him pick it out. Tell him it is "Only" for when he stays at other peoples houses. He can sleep in it on top of a bed or in a playpen or on the floor at the cousins house. Make sure he takes his lovey. Tell him you will talk with him on the phone while he is staying away.

Also get some books about mommy going to the hospital to have a baby. They will usually explain that he will not be at the hospital while all of this is going on.

Have a blessed birth. Congratulations to all of you.

A.W.

answers from Houston on

Can your husband stay at home with him? Maybe then have a close friend/s take shifts staying with you at the hospital? When my son was born, the 1st night after my c/s they made my husband leave b/c I didn't have a private room. It was awful being there in that state all alone. But I got through it, even with a terrible nurse. Our 2nd baby is due in June & we are going to try for a vbac. Our son will be 23 mos. We haven't discussed what we will do with him but I guess my husband will be staying home with him. Though we don't do the family bed thing, I doubt my mil will be willing to keep him for that long, especially if I end up with a repeat c/s. But no matter what you decide, it's only a few days & he will be ok. I was 5 & 7 when my siblings were born & I barely remember the 2nd siblings birth when I was 7. You'll be back home with him soon & I know he will be ok while you are away. Definitely have him visit when possible.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.M.

answers from Austin on

Children do well with play as an understanding my recommendation is to get a brand new baby, baby blanket, baby bottle, diaper and a basket to put the baby in so he can walk around with it and put the baby to bed next to him. You should of course tell him that you would like him to practice and take care of his baby and that Mommy will be bringing his sister home so he can help after your tummy gets better from the medicine from the Dr. This way he can have a special toy to play with while your gone for distraction, think he is being helpful by practicing with his own baby everyday while your gone and get used to adjusting to a baby that is coming home to share attention with. Ask your son to name his baby when you give it to him, show him how to feed, and carry the baby in the basket and say" oh the baby is tired she needs a nap in her basket" When you call him ask about how his baby"name" is doing, and tell him everyday you are taking your medicine and your tummy is almost better. Hope these ideas help, I am Early Childhood certified and when ever we have Children with new siblings we always try to weed out jealous feelings, make the children feel important and what a help they are, and show them how they can love their sibling.

I recommend leaving a picture of the 3 of you with him or a couple of pictures that his Aunt can show him when he gets fussy for the 4 days as well At two if your missing they think you are gone forever. Playing peek a boo with the picture of you and your husband will be just the trick to perk him up if he gets lonely or sad.
I also recommend Dad make a random appearance when he can during the day or before his bed asking about his baby doll and just so your son knows you still exist,maybe with the first photo of baby sister and Mommy in the hospital so he knows you are at the doctors getting your medicine.
Best Wishes and Congratulations how exciting for the New Year!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.B.

answers from Killeen on

First of all, congrats on the new baby.
I just recently went through this ordeal but grandparents were the option I had available for babysitting..and we don't cosleep, but that's beside the point.

This is a time of joy and happiness. Your little boy will see this, BUT he will be jealous after a few days. The first days will be an adjustment, but I think he'll be too concentrated on playing with his cousins to even realize you're gone. I sure hope so for your sake!! Keep reassuring him that mommy WILL be back AND yes yes yes! Let him come to the hospital to see you..and baby even. He may be upset when he leaves but I'm sure he'll get back into play mode around the other child rather quickly!

Good luck Dear!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.K.

answers from Houston on

you dont have much time now, but you need to have a "dry run", and let your son spend the night, or a couple of nights with whomever he is going to be staying with.
make it a super fun time, maybe the first night you could stay until he went to bed, then the second night leave him there.
we all have this "first time" to leave our children when we have to do something, i think my son was about a year old when i first left him with my mother, he was fine, he acually woke up less than when he was at home!
having had a c section myself i know this is probably going to be for a few days, and you are agonising over whether he should come and visit, i think this depends on the nature of your child. if he is a clingy sort then it would probably be way too stressful for him to see you then get taken away again, so maybe leave the visitations.

keep telling him each day that you will be gone for a few days while you have the baby - its surprising how much he will take in about this.
also you are at an advantage in that he is used to being away from you during the day anyway, so he is used to you leaving and coming back, i doubt he will feel abandonded for this reason.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.T.

answers from San Antonio on

My son was 15 months old when my daughter was born, so he was a big younger. He had not spent the night away from us and slept in our bed. My mom came to stay with him and he was just fine. She slept in bed with him.

If either set of friends is willing, I would see if they would sleep with him. It may help. I think I would have him visit at some point, you will want to see him. You could have friends bring him up the day you go home, so he can just go with you. If they are willing to discharge you early, that may be something you want to consider. I know with my daughter, I was dressed and ready when my 24 hours were up.

This is the most difficult part of adding the next child, figuring out what to do while you are gone. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.B.

answers from Odessa on

We just had a C-section Nov. 20 and have a three year old son. He stayed with my mother for three days. He had done numerous overnights with her before, but never more than one night. He did come to the hospital to see us. It was in the same town, though. I do think that helped. He had some really strong separation anxiety going on and we are still dealing with that. He freaks when he's not with us. He did go to day care during the day. I would have his daddy be with him as much as possible. I had a really rough go of it the first day for about seven hours and was not really able to take care of the baby. My sister stayed with me in the hospital until I was coherent. After that, I was fully able to take care of the baby by myself and she never had to go to the nursery. I was even extremely low on blood and anemic. I would spare daddy as much as you can to be with your son. We explained to him that I was going to go to the hospital to have his baby sister taken out of my belly and that I would have a booboo after. I was very surprised how well he understood things. However, he is a year older than yours. He really grasped onto the booboo part and he seems to be acting out still on that front. He has been fixated on band-aids since. It's an easy way to address the emotions he's going through and give him extra special loves when he asks for a band-aid.

Congratulations on your new baby and it will all play itself out. Expect him to be freaked out a little by it all and be prepared to give him extra special love when you get home.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from San Angelo on

C.-
I think it will be a good idea to have your son come visit you while youri in the hospital. I have 3 children and had each of them come visit after the birth of the other. I am expecting my 4th child next month, and think my 2 year old will do okay w/ me being gone for a few days. But think he'll do okay w/ coming to visit at the hospital. I would just cont to talk to him, and hopfully you have someone to care for him at home while your gone.
Good luck and congratulations on the new addition.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.S.

answers from Houston on

I just had a little girl 11/28, my son turned 18 months 12/3, he has never spent a night away from me n barely leave him, what we did was have a grandparent come into town to be with him while I had the baby then my husband went home to be with him, n he came to visit me. We wanted each kid to have a parent, n dad knows our routine well. I worried more about leaving my son than I did about having the baby. He was fine barely noticed I was gone, when he came to visit me once he was more interested in pushing the bottuns on the bed n left just fine. He is really attached to me too which is why I worried so much. He'll probably have a great time, n if he had a rough night the first night dad can go home, n you'll have the nurses to help you. Eat good n sleep as much as you can it'll make a huge difference when you get home and have 2 little ones.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.V.

answers from Houston on

I had my third, the week after Ike at Bayshore in Pasadena. I had planned a midwife birth, my second, but baby was breach and try as we may we couldn't get turned... so off to the hospital I go. Drat! Because of restrictions at the hospital my husband couldn't even stay the night and my children were NOT allowed period, per the hospital's administration. I felt horrible that my 21 month old would hate me, but we had prepped as best possible talking about baby and baby's coming home, we didn't have a name totally picked out. Long story short, all is well. With that being said, I think your kiddo will be fine whatever happens. Keep him with you as long as you reasonably can and make going with you friends a fun adventure for him. You'll be home with your hands full soon enough!

In HIM,
T.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.B.

answers from College Station on

My son was 28 months when his baby sister was born, and we also family-bedded. Though he had spent an occasional night away from home, I felt it was important to have my husband stay at home with him at night rather than having him spend the night somewhere else, in part because I didn't want him to come home from someone else's home to discover that a baby had arrived at his house, and in part to make the transition for him as smooth as possible by keeping most of his usual routines. We also had our son up at the hospital several times a day (much easier, I know, when you live only 5 minutes from the hospital) so he could see me and his baby sister, and he was with the family when she left the hospital.
I also had a little present for him (I didn't say it was from the baby, but I know others who have). I bought him the book Love you Forever to remind him that he would always be my baby. I would also suggest getting him a baby doll (Little Mommy makes a boy infant doll) that he can take care of while you're taking care of the new baby. Just don't be too surprised (if you're nursing) if he decides to nurse his baby, too! Congratulations to you and your family for your coming addition!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Houston on

Been there.... When I had kid #2, I had no family around. He came 6 weeks early and I HAD to go to the hospital. First son had to stay with a neighbor's kid, he was 18 or so at the time. My son had never been with anyone. He was hysterical, me too. I HAD to do it. My neighbor took time off of work for me to watch my son until family from out of state could help. It was hard on everyone. It made it really hard for me to bond with the second child. But it all works out. Now those boys are inseperable. Just know it will not be easy but it will work out and be over fast. Hang in there and good luck!! Happy New Year.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.E.

answers from Austin on

Why don't you have your husband take/drop off at daycare, and he stay at the hospital with you? I did this with our son when we had our daughter. Just pack him some activities. The hospital was kind enough to take the chair/bed out of the room and bring in two long cots. We put the together and my husband and son slept on them together.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.K.

answers from Austin on

Why are you scheduled to have a c-section? VBAC's are much safer than having a repeat c-section. Depending on your situation I would re-consider having a c-section. If you have a vaginal birth you would be home much faster and be able to move around much sooner than if you have major surgery.

Lisa

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Killeen on

I'm not sure where you are having your baby, but I would check with the hospital about the baby actually staying in your room over night. I had to have two C-sections and neither of my babies were allowed to stay over night without nurses coming in every few hours to get them. Not to mention the fact that I was up walking around less than an hour after the birth. I nursed both of my children while in the hospital and the nurses would bring them to me and help me get adjusted when it was feeding time. Mothers and babies are kept in the hospital longer for C-sections for medical reasons, and most hospitals do not allow babies to stay in the room all night since nurses have to check vitals on a regular basis. I know the nurses come in and took mine out every few hours. They only way they came back to my room during the night was if the nurse brought them for feeding, or I went to the nursery to get them. I understand that your husband wants to be there with you, but if you think him staying is going to be so negitive on your son, then maybe he should return home at night. After daycare, your husband can bring your son to the hospital for a few hours, and give him a chance to get to know his sister before she comes home. Then dad can take him home, giving him the reassurance that he's not being replaced by the baby. My son spent the days at the hospital with me and when sister came home, he was fine. Of course now at 13 and 10 is a different story, ha ha..........

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Austin on

When I left my daughter for one night when she was just under 2 with a friend with older kids, she did great until bedtime. However, let the friend know what your bed time routine is, (does he like rocking, music, etc. to get to sleep?) When we went to pick her up the next day, she didn't want to go home with us!
However, if you can afford it, I agree with another post to see if you can get a friend to bring him at night to sleep with daddy at a hotel, or ask if the hospital has family rooms to use. The hospital I stayed in had queen size beds and the family could stay over. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.R.

answers from Beaumont on

Is there any way someone can stay with you and your husband say home with your son at night. My husband stayed with our oldest boy the first night I was in the hsopital and then the next night he stayed with his grandparents. I was worried the first night that he would not go to sleep well caus ehe had never stayed any other place either. We also share a family bed with him.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Beaumont on

My two boys are 19 1/2mos apart. After the labor of my second son my mom stayed at the hospital with me. My husband stayed at home with my first son because he knew our routines. You might see if someone else could stay with you and let your husband stay at home. We let my son visit me and he was fine with leaving. The hospital halls were an adventure to him. Hope this helps and good luck with the girl!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.T.

answers from Houston on

I would be worried about my little boy, too! Is is possible that you could spend a few nights at "his aunts" house before the big day? That way you can explain to him where he is going to sleep, and get him a little comfortable with the situation while you are around. Also, isn't it possible for your husband to visit or sleep with him when he is not required to be at the hospital? Good luck, I know it's hard to make sure that everyone is happy.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.S.

answers from Austin on

My husband stayed home with our girl while I was in the hospital with the new baby.
My sister came to help out at the house so my husband could come up to the hopsital to visit.... other than that, I winged it and it was fine. The nurses were great and totaly understood the family thing.
Good luck.
T.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches