Need Advice for Preschoolers Long Hair

Updated on July 05, 2008
J.R. asks from Sparta, TN
48 answers

I have a couple of questions. My 4 yo has long wavy hair that is down past her bottom. She hates wearing her hair down and has since she was a baby. I have been putting it up in a pony tail or pig tails for the past couple of years, but I have noticed that she now has a permanent ring in her hair. I use the no break hair bands in her hair but her hair has broken off around her face. Also, we have noticed that the baby and kids shampoos are drying out her hair. Does anyone know of a shampoo for her hair that wont weigh it down? And please don't tell me to try french braiding, I cant do it. Have been trying for the past year and I just cant get it down. Also she and my hubby refuse to let me take her to go and get her hair cut or styled. Sorry if this is long but wanted to give you all the information I could.

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So What Happened?

First and foremost.....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You all are a bunch of wonderful people. I can't believe the number of responses I have received in such a short time. Everyone has given me alot of suggestions and I can't wait to try them out. I do want to clarify one point though, some of you got very upset the way I worded something. I want to say that my husband does attempt to do my daughters hair, but I can't stand to watch him do it. He has not forbidden me from cutting her hair, he just doesn't want it done. He didn't want me to cut my hair either, when mine was down past my waist and now mine is above my shoulders and he loves it. I also had donated my hair to lock of love and have talked to her about it. I personally would do it again in a heartbeat and when she gets older and decided to cut it off, we will do it again. As for my daughter, she is most likely traumatized about hair cutting because my son makes such a stink about getting his hair cut. But he likes to be a drama king about most things. I am going to take her to my stylist and see about getting her some layers, a trim and a conditioning pack done. Thanks to all of you who sent me the websites with the videos. I am going to attempt the french brading again as well as some other styles. We have done the high pony tails, low pointails, pig tails both braided and unbraided. Her favorite style right now is a bun due to the hot weather we are having. Again thank you all so much...Mamasource Rules!! :)

More Answers

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J.D.

answers from Johnson City on

Hey J.!
You could try Garnier Fructis. That's what we had to use on my niece, who had the same problems as your daughter, and it worked perfectly. As for styling, have you tried looser ponytails, or just simple braids? Those both keep her hair up, but not too tight where it could break. Hope you get it solved soon!

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E.R.

answers from Jacksonville on

Sounds to me like your husband just got himself a job!! Let him and your daughter be responsible for the care and maintenance of her hair. It may change their minds quickly. Long hair is pretty but sometimes it can be TOO long and it doesn't look pretty after it reaches a certain length. It sounds like your daughter's hair has reached that point and since you are apparently the primary hair dresser I say YOU get to decide if it is long or shortER otherwise refer to statement number 1 above!!

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R.H.

answers from Raleigh on

My niece went through this, and her dad was the stumbling block.
Three things come to mind. (1) Use a high protein shampoo and a leave-in conditioner on the ends. It isn't good to always have a hair in rubber bands. Paul Mitchell carries a product that helps prevent breakage; it's also a leave-in product.
(2) Put the hubby in charge of taking care of the hair for awhile. If he balks, it gets cut.
(3)As for your daughter, tell her that she can talk to the stylist about caring for her hair, how she would like it cut, etc, and that she has to learn to take care of her hair herself; it's part of growing up. Look through some magazines to get ideas. Make it a girl thing. Good luck!

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M.T.

answers from Nashville on

If cutting and styling it is out of the question, how about putting it up in a totally different way. If you go to wal mart they have these contraptions that are in the same area as the pony tail holders. It is about 5 or 6 inches long and when it is open it looks like jaws. It is on the same line of product as the hair combs. In fact, it is a like a hair comb that opens and closes. Have her bend over, brush her hair really good while bending over, open the jaw combs and then clamp them back. When she comes up, her hair will be out of her eyes and it will even lay different. It will be more up and down rather than in a ball like the pony tail holders. You can make it look really dressy by putting a curling iron to it OR you can just wear it plain.
Hope this helps. I was a hair dresser for 26 yrs.
Also, you may have to go to the beauty supply to get these or you can make them. It is nothing more than wire with material around it. You take it and wrap it around the hair. You can do it anyway, in and out of the hair or twist it but you can wiggle the hair around it and then you can ty it and it just twists. It is really hard to explain it. That is something more that I would have to show you and show you how to get the hair up in it.
But do try the jaws things. I am sorry that I don't know what they are called. But it does look really cute and alot easier on the hair.
And as far as the shampoo, there are many products that I would recommend for her hair. I would need to know if it is thick or fine or course or thin and then I would pick out a good shampoo and rinse from the beauty supply house.
I notice that you are from Sparta. If you are ever in the Murfreesboro area, write me and I will meet you at the beauty supply house and I will help you pick something out and even let you buy it on my wholesale cost.
Good luck.

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R.N.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hey, J.. I am not sure what the texture of your daughter's hair is, but I can tell you what I would use on my 4 y/o daughter's hair if it were to break off. I swear by Biosilk products. They are a bit expensive, but worth every penny. I use them for myself, from the shampoo to the conditioner and mousse and hairspray. If you don't want to use the whole line, they have one product that is the bomb and could truly infuse an amazing amount of moisture into her hair, and you can choose a smaller bottle for a cheaper price. It is called Biosilk Silk Therapy. It is an oil that you rub into your hair when it is damp after washing and towel drying. I use it sometimes after only shampooing and in place of conditioner. My hair is so healthy, I get compliments all of the time about how healthy and shiny my hair is, even though I now have a very short haircut. You can get Biosilk stuff (made by Farouk laboratories) at places like Trade Secret in malls, sometimes CVS or Walgreens or Rite Aid, places like that will carry Biosilk products. In the past I know that Target did carry the whole line as well. I get my hairspray at Fantastic Sams, and my shampoo at the salon at my local super Wal-Mart. If all else fails most of the line can be ordered from drugstore.com. It is really a great product line. I am not sure if there are any allergens in it. On that sode if the coin, I have a high sesnsitivity to smells causing blinding headaches due to a brain tumor that I had, so this product line (I was already using it before the tumor and subsequent 2 surgeries to remove it)was, and still is, the perfect choice for me. I have always taken particular care of my hair. As you may have guessed, after my brain surgery (both times) there was a time of about 14 days that I could not get my head wet (brutal torture for me) and my hair looked and smelled terrible and dry and sticky and oily all at the same time. Well, they wanted me to use baby shampoo the first time I washed because of the incision where they had actually cut into my head to gain access for the surgery. I couldn't do it. I just could not use anything other than my old stand-by. My biosilk was there and I had to use it. My husband was furious with me (out of love and desperate emotion, of course) for not being more careful with myself. But, that Biosilk shampoo washed away every bit of the stench of the hospital, of the betadine, all of the sticky whatever was in my hair from all of the leads during the surgery (they only shaved a very small triangular area of hair away on the bottom right rear of my skull for the surgery). It also washed away all of the oily residue from just laying in the hospital bed for 9 days, and it mended what appeared to be broken hair from having been tied back haphazardly by some unknown person with a brown rubberband (you know the type-you usually either flick it at your cat's a** to see how high he can jump or find a green one around your paper in the morning) while I was in the intensive care unit just after the surgery and then laid on by me for 9 days. Yeah-the Biosilk-with just ONE visit to the shower fixed ALL that for me. The silk therapy shampoo and the silk therapy oil. Not a large amount, just a normal amount that you would use for a normal hair washing-maybe even a little less. The oil should be used sparingly-a little goes a long way. At that time my hair was down to my bra in the back, well it was all one length. I needed to use only a drop about half the size of a dime of the silk therapy oil to mend those "broken" areas from that rubber band. At any rate hope this helps you. Have a great day-god bless!

Hope this helps.

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T.C.

answers from Nashville on

I use suave shampoo and conditioner for adults on my daughter and niece and works awesome. My neice's hair is also past her bottom. I put the conditioner in and let it sit for a couple of minutes, then use my fingers like a rake to get the big tangles, then an ouchless comb, then rinse. no tangles in the morning either! As for styling, you can roll her hair on the sides back to a point, and put it in a ponytail or barrett. I would love to teach you how to french braid if you want to come to my house! Also when you take her to get a trim, ask the stylist for easy hair dos!

http://www.littlegirlhairstyles.com/girls_easy_hair_style...

http://www.expertvillage.com/video-series/253_hair-styles...

But in the end if it is too much work all around I would consider cutting it shorter. Just be prepared for some tears (all around!)

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B.S.

answers from Louisville on

how about a loose bun??? those are fairly simple to do and would eliminate the need for a rubberband. And if her hair is that long, try trimming an inch off or persuading her that it needs to be trimmed in order to stay healthy.

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P.B.

answers from Raleigh on

IF her hair is breaking off like that it sounds more like a nutritional issue. Is she getting a multi-vitamin? Vitamin E is excellent for that, but consult your pediatrician about it, first.

Try Braiding it to give her hair a break from the elastics.

My children both enjoy long hair (boy & a girl - 5 & 3) I tell them they can keep it long but still need to have it trimmed to keep it healthy. Do you think your husband could bear to let go of what ever it is long enough to allow your daughter have her hair trimmed so it looks nice? It does not have to mean shorter, just healthier!

Good luck with that!

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K.M.

answers from Jacksonville on

I had the same issue with my youngest daughter. I used a salon conditioner on her hair and it really helped with dryness.

If you want your daughter to cut her hair you can go the locks for love website and show her pictures of kids who have cancer and how by donating your hair those kids can get wigs. My daughter agreed to do it in kindergarten, then let her hair grow out long just to donate it and had it cut again in 3rd grade. She is already letting it grow out a 3rd time to donate. It's a great way to start teaching you daughter about how to help others at an early age.

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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

If her hear is breaking its dead hair and it will become a huge pain soon. do her a favor and get her hair cut! go to fantastic sams or someplace like that where they donate the hair to locks of love for kids who need wigs from cancer. it feels great to know you helped a child( i know ive done it and am growing it out to do it again!)have fun!

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M.E.

answers from Lexington on

i have been a hairstylist for the last 7 years. take it forma pro. you need to get it cut. there is no reason for her hair to be long if it is going to be broken off and unhealthy. even if you use the "no break" hair elastics they still put stress on the hair, especially if used every day. loreal makes a line of good kids hair care products...she is old enough now to use a separate shampoo and condtioner. also great clips(that's where I work) has a line of childrens haircare products. they also perticipate in the locks of love program. you can donate her long hair to make wigs for sick children.

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A.H.

answers from Pine Bluff on

Another option would be to get a hair clip or large barrette, twist it up, and fasten it with the clip. It might have to be fixed several times during the day, but it won't be as hard on her hair.

There might be a way to begin introducing the idea of cutting it from a different perspective. My daughter, who absolutely LOVED her hair, had no interest in cutting it whatsoever until some friends of hers started talking about donating their hair to Locks of Love (www.locksoflove.org). They make wigs from real hair for children who have no hair. My daughter woke up on her seventh birthday this past year and was ready to do it! We all cried - she'd had long hair for forever - but we were so very proud of her. Your daughter might not have the maturity and desire to do that for a couple of more years, but it might be a long-term solution.

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D.J.

answers from Charlotte on

Hi J.,

Oxyfresh has a wonderful shampoo and conditioner that does not have the waxes in them. They are good for the hair, no alcohol in it, and it won't weight it down or coat the hair shaft. I am an ex cosmetologist and was thrilled to find this.
www.Oxyfresh.com/D.
Contact me for more info, and please check out my member perk. I will also offer any first time purchase at my price, a good bit less than retail.

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J.L.

answers from Jackson on

i had that long long hair when i was growing up, have ur tried the head bands,they don't have those spkies on each side like they did when i was growing up, also a large pretty barrett in the back, I found agter washing hair with garnier, i keep a bit of conditioner in my hair and work it in, it stays in my hair, and keeps it soft and from breaking off.Shame that u can't get her hair styled. The long long hair, i had was very thick and it gave me headaches.also u coulduse the scrunches in a pony tail like u do, and then add a simple braid not a french braid the rest of the way down.or just use the differnt color schrunces all the way down in 4 inches fro each, and maybe bringing in hair style magazines every now and then for young girls. hope this helps a bit, J.

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D.P.

answers from Asheville on

Oh, brother, why do people think that long hair is healthy for youngsters? The mindset that the hair mustn't be cut, shaped, groomed, and properly conditioned is way outdated.
My own daughter has had extremely thick, coarse, curly, and dry hair all her life. I found out early on that her hair was better kept short to medium length, and it looked better, was easier to manage, and was healthier. I used a leave in conditioner like Biolage, or Paul Mitchell, in a spray mist that I used on her hair everyday. Make sure you get a shampoo that has no harsh chemicals or drying agents.
The other thing I would do is to put your hubby in charge of her hair care. While you're at work in the evening, he needs to take out the headband(s), barettes, braids, and brush the hair out thouroughly for at least a full five minutes, preferably ten. Apply the leave in conditioner, then for bedtime try having her wear a satin nightcap.
She probably refuses to have her hair cut because of daddy. At 4 years old, she wants to please the love of her life and will pick up on what HE wants. That being said, a four year old shouldn't be telling you as her mom that she refuses to do anything. Even cutting off an inch or two, having it shaped and styled by a professional would make a big difference in managing her hair, and this should ideally be done about twice a year. You might also insist that your son is not allowed to get his hair cut or groomed!! Drastic action I know, but sometimes to get things across to others, it may be necessary.
BTW, what would your dh do if you went to the salon and had your precious daughter's tresses worked on?? Is it a control issue between you and your husband?
I guarantee that once your little girl was able to take a more active part in the care of her hair, she would agree to go to the beauty salon a couple times a year. You could make it a "girls day out", a special time for mommy and daughter, go for a lunch, or take in a movie, buy her new hair bows, etc. Don't let her hair go untamed as it's not healthy, will NOT be pretty as she gets older, it'll just be long.

D. in NC

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J.A.

answers from Raleigh on

I have gone through the same thing that you are going through. My daughter dad is black and I am white so her hair is extremely unbearable. I have tried every shampoo mine works the best on her hair and I also hate putting up everyday becasue it takes a while and my husband also was refusing me to get her hair cut I finally just took the scissors and cut it myself no experience have you and it came out wonderful I did not tell my husband when he came home he loved it and boy has it made my life easier. hey he doesn't have to brush it he doesn't know how frustrating it can be. So I guess my point is there are no shampoos to help once you get that first cut it will be amazingly managable again. She probably has alot of split ends that at least need an inch or 2 off . My daughter is 6 it took me that long to finally say enough with this. hope this helps

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C.D.

answers from Chattanooga on

If I were you, I'd work on trying to convince your husband to get it cut. It's just going to look less and less healthy the longer it gets. I wouldn't be too concerned about what your daughter wants, as terrible as that sounds. She's 4; she can make those decisions when she's older. As one commenter already suggested, Locks of Love is a wonderful organization. Maybe donating her hair would entice your husband to give in. I donated my hair to the organization last year, and it really is a great cause, and many salons will cut the hair for free if you're donating it.

But back to your original question...if I were you I'd try a leave in conditioner treatment every few days to try to avoid further damage. My mom is a salon owner and hair stylist, and she's always said that baby shampoos are extremely harsh on anyone's hair. Have you tried Paul Mitchell's kid shampoo? How about any other salon graded kid shampoos? That's where I'd start, but it's going to be very hard to recover the hair that's already damaged, hence the need for a cut. At least starting to use better products now will help the hair that will be growing, but you'll still probably have some breakage from the damaged ends moving up the shaft of the hair.

Good luck!

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T.H.

answers from Raleigh on

To be honest it would be best to take her to a nice salon. Let them give her a deep conditioning treatment and trim it. They could also advise you on the type of products to use in her hair. Nexus is something you could get at a grocery store. I personally like to buy Redkin hair products. Just buy according to her hair type. You should talk to your husband b/c if she does not get a consistent trim eventually her hair will break off to the point that you will have to cut it all anyway. Don't put her hair in a tight pony tail. Try pulling her sides up and leaving the rest down. Scrunchies might be easier on her hair too. Good Luck!

R.V.

answers from Jacksonville on

Hi J.,

I know you've already gotten lots of great responses but I just wanted to add "my two cents" as well. I have always had long curly hair myself and never wanted to get it cut but recently was inspired by a few close friends who did it themselves to donate my hair to Locks of Love (locksoflove.org). It is highly rewarding and, as someone else already mentioned, would be a wonderful way to teach your daughter about helping and giving to others. Whether you go that route or not though, you really do need to keep her hair healthy and at least trim the ends every couple of months or she'll always have split ends and brittle hair. That said, I found a great product that I use on my daughter and we both love it. It's called The Original Sprout (originalsprout.com) and their products are all organic and have none of the harsh chemicals that dry out and damage hair. The best part is you can use it too. They have everything from hair clips & bands to shampoos & conditioners to styling products like mousse, gel and hair balms... all designed especially for kids. It is a bit more expensive than your average shampoos but, I believe, well worth the expense. Good Luck!

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S.W.

answers from Chattanooga on

U have to get her to a salon and have her hair trimmed just a tiny bit to get the dead ends off. Also have it shaped.and or layered. This wont hurt the length, actually it will help her hair be stronger.Large baretts at the hair line should help instead of using scrunchies. A good shampoo for her,is one for dry flyaway hair, Im sure there is one by Johnsons, that wont weigh it down. My husband is a barber stylist, has been for the past 31 yrs, and this is some of what he tells other moms. Good luck.

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M.Z.

answers from Charlotte on

I would get it cut to shoulder length. My daughter has long hair because it just fits her personality-- before she could walk she loves hair bows and so on-- so I let her have it shoulder length because it is manageable -- every couple of months we get it trimmed up-- so that it is just long enough for a pony tail-- it's hot in the south so I keep it up. It's not healthy the way that it is-- the cutting helps to keep it healthy. I actually use a kids shampoo and condition and I use a spray leave-in conditioner when I brush it at night.

Good luck

Mel

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S.M.

answers from Greensboro on

My daughter's hair was getting to that point last year. It was a big problem when there were bathroom issues involved, and the comb-outs sometimes produced a screaming fit. It also had gotten to the point that it just looked unhealthy. The best detangling product I found was Johnson & Johnson's leave in conditioner. It comes in an orange tube.
I have another suggestion: Locks of Love. Go to their website. Let your daughter and husband view it too. You can print off a form from their site to mail in with the hair donation. I took my daughter to Great Clips for the big event. They also have forms. They cut off 10", and we mailed it in to Locks of Love. Her hair is still long, and it looks 100% better! I did forget to take my camera, so if you decide to do this, take you camera. The cut is also free if you donate the hair. Have your envelope ready, and go to the post office to drop it off - take a picture there too. We made pictures at home after the event with her holding up her envelope. Great clips also has a great detangling product for kids - sunflower and cammomile. If you decide to keep the length - try simple braids down each side.

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B.M.

answers from Johnson City on

Honestly, I'd cut it. My 3 year old has very thick but fine hair, and after dealing with the tangles and knots and sweaty head, I recently gave her a bob. My husband tiffed when I mentioned cutting off her hair, but when he came home to our cute little girl who looked like she had just stepped out a 1920's catalog, he was smitten lol.

Really though, if you are having a hard time taking care of it, then the best thing for everyone is to trim it off. Hair grows back, but for now she's 4 and if you are doing most of the maitnence, then you have the right to say "we're getting her hair cut.".

If you just absolutely cannot do this, then a good conditioning rinse is 2 tbsp' of apple cider vinegar per 2 cups of warm water. You can adjust depending on the hair length, but you pour this over the hair, massage through and rinse with luke-warm or cool water. Dont wash her hair every day, this can cause it to dry out quicker, and once every two weeks use a hot oil treatment. And take her to a hair dresser and get someone to teach you how to french braid, once you get the hang of it, its pretty easy. ;D

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M.W.

answers from Huntington on

Re: shampoos -
How often are you shampooing her hair? Shouldn't be more than once a week. try "Tail and Mane" shampoo, weekly, then once every a month or two, use a dandruff shampoo instead. A hot oil tx once or twice a yr helps restore the oils removed by frequent shampooing.

Re: the permanent kink:
try varying the point of contact; a high ponytail one day, a low one the next, two braids the next. Cornrows or dreads are also a possibility, if you're into that.

Re: the broken ends:
More protein in her diet will make her hair stronger, as well as using the Tail & Mane shampoo. Also jello. Avoiding a stress point (barrett or band) will also help, but then you have messy hair... using a bandana, scarf or hairband can help keep it under control without a stress point. Using those scrunchies rather than a narrow hair tie, helps spread the point of contact, therefore the stress point.
Another important point not many realize is that hair shafts contain water. which freezes, and damages the hair shaft when you go out in freezing weather, Keeping all your (her) hair under a warm hat when it goes below freezing helps protect the hair from such damage.
As far as the possibility of cutting it, maybe offering it to "locks of love" could change their minds about it, or just threatening to let dreadlocks take over might convince them ;)
God luck!

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E.P.

answers from Jackson on

you could try braiding it by starting the braid at the base of ther head and go down from there. For protecting the hair it gives the effects of a french braid, without having to get the hair against the head braided. You can also try using clippies, putting up her hair like it is in a french twist all you do is find a clippie that is large enuff to hold her hair and twist the hair at the base of the head and pull up on it then put the clip around the hair and into the hair next to the head inorder to keep it in. hope this helps.

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S.S.

answers from Lexington on

my daughter uses jasons organic shampoo and conditioner. it is an adult shampoo and conditioner, so it is much more moisturizing and leaves her very long hair soft and manageable. also, because it is organic, it does not have the heavy chemicals that weigh down hair. my daughters hair has never been better. we buy ours at target, but it is also available at whole foods or good foods co-op here in lexington. i also can not french braid. what i do, my daughter calls jasmin hair.(like jasmine from Alladin.) i pull it back like a half ponytail, and secure with a band, then pull back the next layer down and secure it to the first pony tail with a band and so on, until it is all in. it looks like a french braid, and keeps even the short pieces from around her face up. i think it may sound more confusing when i try to explain it than it actually is when you do it.

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D.P.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi J., I am not sure what type of children's shampoo you are using, but even though they say they are for kids or babies they still may contain harsh ingredients like Q15 (quaternium 15) which is a very harsh preservative (it is a formaldehyde releaser) and is the leading cause of contact dermititis.

We have been shopping with an on-line store for over 4 years that uses safer ingredients for their products compared to most store brands. See www.switchingstores.com/danipen
You can request more information if you like.

Good luck, D.

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P.L.

answers from Greensboro on

Hi J.!
I am a Cosmetologist @ Hair Profiles in Greensboro. Maybe I can help!
By the sound of it, Your daughter has beautiful long hair! And because you've been putting it up all these years she will have a permanant hair ring no matter what kind of hair tie you put in it. The reason is because her hair is still "young" baby hair. Her hair is now trained to go back into the ponytail. It's not a bad thing. I would suggest you letting her wear it down for a few days, but you already said she hates it. Maybe if you put a cloth headband on? Also I really hope your not put putting her hair up when it's wet or when she goes to bed. This what may be the appearance of her hair being so dry. It's breakage. Which is caused by wet hair in a pony tail, her hair should be completely dry first. Her hair will stretch when wet and break off. And sleeping in it would break her hair too.
There IS solution to this! Right now, with her hair so long, baby shampoos aren't good for her. Use a light moisterizing shampoo (I like Biolage Hydrating) and a light Detangling conditioner(Biolage Detangling). Also use a wide tooth comb or Pick and comb the detangeler through her hair before you rinse it. It keeps the conditioner off her scalp (which causes oiliness) and distributes evenly through her hair, leaving it feeling really soft! With her hair feeling SO soft, she may WANT to leave it down sometimes. I have a salon ad up if you want to bring her into the shop, I can show you other hair ideas for you and your husband that wont be as difficult as braiding.
It's not a bad thing to have a little girl with really long hair. It's not bad that you nor your husband wants it cut. It looks beautiful long right? And the idea of having it all cut off IS heart breaking! But she will need a trim every now and then to avoid split ends (which CAN split all the way to the scalp!). It doesn't have to be much! A good stylist can entertain her (and you) as she's trimming so no one feels uncomfortable with the task.
Locks of Love might be a program you'll be interested in, in the future. It's a good cause and teaches your child how help others in need. Now, I'm not saying that's something to look into now, but later on, for when and IF You DO decide to cut it.
Good Luck!!!

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B.C.

answers from Nashville on

First of all you are doing the right thing by trying to keep her hair put up. It is a disruption to her in trying to play and color and interact with school children. This is not to mention the possiblity of her getting lice from other children. Shampoos may work for a while but it sound to me the only solution is cutting it. First of all who does her hair you or your husband. You don't need to be letting a 4 year old tell you you can't have it cut and styled. As for the husband, he'll get over it. You have to to what is best for the child. Sound to me like it has just outgrown itself. Another tip, when my daughter was little I learned to french braid on a Barbie. That way the child does not have to suffer through the training. Hope this helps.

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L.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

Dear J.,

what is going on in your house? YOur huband won't ALLOW you to take her to a hair professional to get her hair styled? she's only 4 - she's not in charge, but your husband needs to get a clue. He's not the one taking care of her hair. She most definitely needs a trim, even if we're only talking less than an inch. It's obvious her hair is already damaged. The longer you wait to get it trimmed, the more the damage will move farther up into her hair and then she will need more cut! Unless your husband is planning on going to cosmotology school, he needs to butt out. She's starting to get old enough to wash and take care of her own hair - is she really capable of doing that? Are you really prepared to be her personal hair stylist? If her hair is already severly damaged, no shampoo in the world is going to fix it. She needs to see a hair professional immediately, even if it's only for a consultation - no cutting the first visit. Oh, and make your husband go with you to the visit - he needs a wake-up call about women'd hair. Is he this controlling about everything? Good luck. It sounds as if you're going to need it. Best Wishes. L.

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S.D.

answers from Nashville on

Starting at about age 2 I stopped using the baby shampoos because they dried my kids hair out too. I use the same shampoo and conditioner on the kids that I use on my own hair. Ask your beautician for suggestions on a shampoo and conditioner that will work well for the whole family.

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T.A.

answers from Charleston on

I learned to french braid my daughter's hair in a unique way. Someone else had french braided it and I slowly took it out paying great attention to how it was done. I then braided it again several times myself to practice. After hair has been braided for awhile, it has a tendency to go back to that same pattern. Good luck!

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V.R.

answers from Lexington on

Hi J.!
Reading your post was like looking listening to myself 16 years ago! Talk about dejavu! My now 20 year old daughter had her hair trimmed regularly, but would never let us do more than trim her waist length hair. Like your daughter's hair it was wavy and BE-autiful, but she always wore it back in a pony tail.

I did learn to French braid (and you can too...don't give up! It's just like braiding, but you keep adding the new sections of hair to the middle section of the braid.) If you have a patient adult--or teen--friend, practice on them before trying to work with a wiggly 4 year old.

It's too hard to try to explain all of the alternate hair styles that we used to keep my daughter's hair from always being pulled back in the same place, but there are lots of easy "twists" and alternate braids. Check your local library or book store for books. I know Kutz has one out for sure.

Even just dividing your daughter's hair into three sections and holding it up toward the middle of the back of her head when you begin a regular braid will give you an alternate style (without the hair fasteners that are breaking her hair).

Another idea is to gather your daughter's hair at the nape of her neck and holding it close to her scalp twist it over and over until you can clip it with a large French twist clip (butterfly clip).

We always used a salon shampoo on my daughter's hair...even when she was a toddler. I'd ask your stylest for a recommendation for a good shampoo and conditioner. They do cost a bit more, but your daughter's hair is going to be around for a long, long time and,if you want it to look healthy, the extra money is worth it. (And the plus side is that these products go a really long way)

I always insisted that my daughter get her hair trimmed every six months. My husband and daughter, like yours, were deadset against it but I stuck to my guns. I always referred to the outing as a "Girls day out"...and to the process as a "TRIM"---not a cut! My daughter would help me plan the day...when she was little it was McDonalds or the park, (when she got older it was a trip to the mall or getting our nails done.) =0)

The first few times we did this, I would call ahead to my stylest and explain that my daughter was terrified of losing "length" and I asked her to take off as much as was needed to make her hair look healthy and...as she did so to occassionally sweep the hair (so that my daughter couldn't look down and see visiable evidence of how much she was taking off). When I arrived at the salon, I would give my "instructions" to 'take "just enough" off to make her hair look healthy' (but never gave any indication of whether or not that would be a 1/4 inch or 2 inches) in front of my daughter. My stylest would talk to my daughter non-stop thru out the trim and cut as much as she needed to cut ---but either let the hair drop into a pocket on her smock or casually sweep it up out of sight while my daughter was facing away or had her head tipped down with her hair combed forward.

After the first two or three trims, we really didn't have to have more than 1/4 of an inch or so cut off each time...but the first few trims we had to be a little sneaky in order to get her hair back into shape. Had we not done so, her hair would have broken too badly to ever be repaired by just trimming it.

My daughter is now 20. She donated 10 inches of hair to Locks of Love at the end of middle school, another 10 inches after she graduated from high school and donated a third time just last week! Her hair is shoulder length for the first time ever!!

She looked up just yesterday and said, "Why didn't I do this a LONG time ago??? No more headaches and my neck doesn/t ache all the time!!" She still wears it back ALL the time, but now (with the shorter length) she can do all of those fun styles herself!!!

Do watch your daughter for headaches...always wearing a heavy pony tail can really put extra weight on the neck!

Also, remind your husband that if he puts too much emphasis on not cutting your daughter's hair, she may think it is the only thing that he "values" her for or the only part of her that he thinks is pretty. I didn't get my own hair cut until I was in college because my Dad always talked about it. I thought I would "hurt him" if I cut my hair. I suffered thru years of headaches before I finally gave up. When I finally got it cut, my dad was the first to tell me how much better it looked and to ask why I hadn't done it before!! (All those years, I had worried for nothing!) =0/

Hope this is of some help,
V.

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K.K.

answers from Memphis on

Coming from someone who has long hair herself, there is no way I would keep my dd's hair this long at such a young age. They don't care about hair right now. And trust me it is HOT! Get her hair cut and when she is a teenager she can decide if she wants it grown out.

If you need some ideas on how to style her hair check out http://girlydos.blogspot.com/

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R.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

i know you said that you can't french braid, but what about regular braids to give her hair a break from the hair ties. also you may want to try buying a doll for yourself that you can practice french braiding on, i know i have given this advice to a few friends and it has worked for them.

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J.C.

answers from Greensboro on

just in case you & she do decide to cut her hair, take a picture of her and upload it to makeoversolutions.com... you can try new hairstyles on her face for free. My daughter loved doing this before she decides to cut her hair. good luck.

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N.

answers from Memphis on

I have a five year old that has long hair. We just got it trimmed (very little). She has very blond fine hair. The hair stylist told me that baby shampoo and 2-1 kids shampoos are the worst. He said to use adult shampoo and a separate conditioner. We have noticed a huge difference. As for styling we do the ponytail on top of the head or put it up in a bun. I have gotten creative. I hope that this helps.

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V.C.

answers from Wheeling on

Didn't read your other responses (yet), but had an idea (or two!)

Ever try twisting it into a 'rope', and then making a 'bun'? It could probably be held on top of her head with (open) hair pins or bobby pins with no elastic band (like the 'little old ladies' used to do). Maybe even put the elastic band around the bun after it's formed just for security.

Have HUBBY learn to French braid! If he's so 'into' her having long hair, maybe HE should have some of the responsibility of caring for/dealing with it!

P.S. I have very straight, silky hair, and my mom wouldn't let me grow it past my shoulders until I started taking care of it myself (which she FINALLY let me do when I was 12 and in 7th grade! LOL)

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K.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

Then tell your husband it is now his job to take care of her hair. My husband used to refuse to let me get my daughters hair cut. Then I had to go somewhere for 2 days with my youngest son and he had to take care of our daughter. After having to wash, dry, and put up her hair (she had a double cow lick and about the only thing you could do with her hair was put it up), he was ready to get it cut as soon as I got back. She also used to put it behind her ear, my hair dresser said it would push her ears out to where she would have dumbo ears. She has a permanant "swish" in her hair from all the head bands to keep it out of her face. When she starts school, unless you live in a perfect world, the other kids will pull her hair just because it is there. Plus, you need to be careful, a family friend of ours refused to let their daughter get her hair cut until she was in High School. The weight of her hair pulled to where she has a receding hair line from wearing it in pony tails so much.

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C.S.

answers from Chattanooga on

I know exactly what you mean but my daughter is the complete opposite she hates for her hair to be up!! Being that it is summer I just plain braid it I cannot french braid either and this works just as good as for the shampoos and conditioners I would look at the ingredients being used in them and start trying different ones I use Aussie on my little girls hair and it has worked with tangles and fuzziness:) I hope this helps

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E.R.

answers from Jackson on

sounds like she has beautiful hair yet you are the one that has to take care of it.baby shampoo is very drying so you might try somthing like swave rather than a drying shampoo.and since you said you cant french braid than can you just make braids it would give her a change and yet be up without much breakage.I was a licensed beautition for 20 years.

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L.M.

answers from Nashville on

have you thought of donating her hair. My 4 year old just recently donated 11" of her hair to Locks of Love. Perhaps since it would go to such a good cause (usually making wigs for cancer patients) the two wouldn't be so much against a hair cut. One rule I use with my daughter is , once she can take care of her hair herself is when she can choose a style, long , short, bangs, etc. .

good luck

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K.S.

answers from Raleigh on

The sects that don't allow cutting keep little girls hair in braids. I would have it cut to a manageable size and they put it in a pony tail. Good luck.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

Try using a spray, leave in conditioner to give it moisture. I use those kids shampoos that are for their body too...not just a shampoo. Can you do a regular braid? That would leave the rubberband only at the very bottom of her hair. You can also do headbands or bows in the top and leave it long in the back. You may even try a similar item to the banana clips we used to use.....just clip it up like the stylists do while they are cutting underneath. Don't make the pony or pig tails so tight, just enough to lift it off of her bottom, a loose tail. What about a bun? They have cute hair things that can do that for you.....

If she hates it down, why won't she let you cut it?? It is healthier to cut it every so often, make sure to tell your husband that. Plus, it may be hot for her.... when men wear a hat too much, their hair starts to fall out. You can ask your stylist what he/she thinks, the breaking may not be a good sign. Just get some thoughts from a pro so you can talk to your husband. Cutting it does not have to mean short, just healthy.

W.

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K.S.

answers from Greensboro on

http://www.carolsdaughter.com/category/hair.do

Try these products!! They have worked wonders on my 5yo daughter. Although her hair is not as long as your daughter's it is thick and naturally curly. Combing it use to be a nightmare. Now she has no problems with it being combed or washed and the daily usage of the hair milk has made a world of difference in her otherwise dry hair.

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A.B.

answers from Nashville on

We love "Baby Don't Cry" by Paul Mitchell. It is tear free and great. We also like the American Girl shampoo that is manufactured by Bath & Body Works. It is called "creamy" and it is great with a good vanilla scent. Maybe it will help.

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L.K.

answers from Nashville on

My Daughter has the same problem and we use Herbal Essence Long Term Relationship and we have have the whole line of products. The results have been awesome!!

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T.B.

answers from Nashville on

I recommend Arbonne Baby Hair and Body Wash...it's botanically based and nourishes and conditions hair and no tears. I'm a SAHM, pharmacist with a biz from home. I have a 20% off MamaPerk...email me for discount [email protected]____.com or visit my website www.teresabennett.myarbonne.com Sincerely, T. Bennett

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