Need Advice - Oceanside,NY

Updated on November 14, 2008
M.B. asks from Oceanside, NY
15 answers

I have an almost two year old girl that is enthusiastic about her 1 month old brother. Problem is, if anytime I pick him up to feed him or change him, she starts throwing a temper tantrum and yelling hold me, hold me. She was almost potty trained and that changed quickly and she had stopped using a bottle almost 6 months ago and now all she wants is one. Can someone tell me how to handle this, my 1 month old is collacky and now this, I am ready to pull my hair out.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers



answers from New York on

I suggest a simple solution,

15 to 20 minutes PRIOR to feeding or changing the Baby, Give your daughter attention, play a game or read to her for those 15 minutes, when the 15 minutes are up, set up a snack for her at the table, and THEN start the feeding.Try feeding the baby at the table aswell this way your eating as a family.
you could even set out a plate of fruit and juice for yourself.

Same goes for Diapering, 15 minutes before diapering,you give your daughter 10 to 15 miutes of attention, and then play a movie on the TV.

Change the diaper in the same room as the TV.

IF your daughter starts you send her to get the diaper, and then the wipes, and then to toss the diaper in the trash.

praise her when she listens.

As for the potty training, its a process,
just try watching the potty video everyday,

first thing in the morning, put on her big girl undies,
( she may pee her pants)
and sit her on the potty,

if she pees and poos give her some candy and do the potty dance while singing a song. Pee pee in the potty pee pee in the potty, call gramma on the phone and everyone you know to brag about her success.

then set an eggtimer for 1hour,
tell your daughter when it rings its time to sit on the potty

and then when it rings have her sit on the potty.

Collicky babies, I would suggest you use a snuglie, to hold your baby on your chest,this way your hands are free.
when he is awake and needs to be held

when he is sleeping, use a PILLOW to elevate his head & back , and keep him in an upright position.this helps with reflux.

burp him after his feedings so he burps the gas out.

aqua sounds by fisher price, is a great musical sound machine for the crib, it soothes them.


your daughter is still just a baby, not even 2 years old, so its ok to treat her as one.

give her the silicone straw bottle looking sippy cup,
there is nothing wrong with that.

take a deep breath and realize you cannot do it all, you need help, so ask for it.

this is the link to a moms group in your area, I suggest you join one ,for support and friendship.

Good luck MOM,


1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Hi M.--my mom told me she got my older brother to stop the bottle nonsense by giving him a bottle filled with formula. He gagged and never asked for it again. As for the pick me up issue, is there some task you can give her to help? (grab a diaper, hold a burp cloth?) maybe if she felt included in your attention that might help.
good luck!



answers from Syracuse on

I made my 2yr old my helper when my now 9 month old was born. We would sit together and talk about what we were going to play when she was big enough, how she needed my attention now and that she (2 yr old) had mommy time when she was a baby. I would have her help me get the baby ready for feedings, I had her find toys to she her, had her help with changing diapers. My daughter wanted to be included and feel like part of the whole picture. You can tell she loves her little sister, she still helps look for her binky, finds her blanket, ext.
I think you just need to include your 2 yr old in the whole expirance (sp.).



answers from New York on

Hi M.,

I so feel your pain--I have 2 boys (now 7 and 3) and my younger one was collicky, too. For the collick, here are my suggestions: have you tried a baby sling? This was absolutely my saving grace--as long as I "wore" him in the sling, he would stop crying. My other thought (which is alittle bit harder to do) is to eliminate dairy from your diet if you're breastfeeding (or switch to non-dairy formula if you're not). I'm reading more and more lately that there could be a link between dairy consumption in babies and collick.

As for your toddler, I think she's experiencing some very normal regression since her baby brother entered her life and now she has to share Mommy. Try setting aside some special time for just you and her (I know, easier said than done--can you hire a sitter? can you leave the baby with Daddy for an hour?). I teach Kindermusik and have actually found that the classes are a great bonding opporunity for mom and child. Plus, the beauty of it is, you can do some of the activities with your daughter at home while you're feeding or changing the baby. So it keeps her engaged and feeling connected to you while you're still doind what you need to for the baby.

Sorry for such a long-winder response, but I hope this will help a little. Hang in there!! It gets better--




answers from Rochester on

Try giving her time to herself with you, and then try having her help with the babe. Only things I can think of at the moment. I'm sure you'll get others that will help too. :)

Good Luck,



answers from New York on

Have you tried making her your "big helper". Make her involved in everything. When changing a diaper have her get you the wipes, the new diaper, the powder. When you sit down to feed him, have her get you a stack of her favorite books and read to her. Try to get her more involved. I'd stop worrying about the potty training bit right now, give her some time to get settled.



answers from New York on

My best advice is to really play up the things that she can do because shes a BIG GIRL!! Point out the things she can do that the baby cannot and perhaps get her a doll that she can feed and change while you're doing the same. Also, I had a colicky baby and I realize that it is very difficult but try really hard to spend time with just your daughter. Enlist a babysitter - grandma - dad - whoever can help you. Even a little bit of mommy and me time will make a world of difference. she just doesn't want to be left out and is too young to tell you she's afraid she's being replaced.



answers from New York on

Dear M., Congratulations and welcome to sibling rivalry. I had my first 2, 13 months apart and the next after 15 monthe. I had 2 boys and they each had a bottle and a baby doll to feed. I'm sure the other moms will have some good advice. Grandma Mary



answers from New York on

My children are 23 months apart. I have memories of nursing the baby with my other child also in my lap with a bottle. I was actually very sweet. My baby also had collic and I was becoming tense and exhausted, so for a period of time I hired one of my friends to come help me some afternoons. I would take care of one and she would take care of the other.

I think that if your older child feels part of the whole baby thing and not excluded they will relax and be less demanding.



answers from New York on

M., she's probably just feeling left out and jealous... try including her in the activities as much as you can... when changing him, include her.. make her responsible... make her hold his clothes, diaper, lotion etc. Keep the towel at arms reach and ask her to bring it to you...Make sure you tell her that you need can't do this alone... Are you bottle feeding him? If so, she might be imitating him to get your attention (baby drinks from a bottle, mama gives him attention.. so if I drink from the bottle, mama will give me more attention)... try involving her in the bottle preps... but most importantly i think is making sure she understands that its cooler to be the older one... positive reinforcement goes a long way.... somehow try and make her life sound more fun... and I know its tough with a collacky baby, but make sure u're spending some alone time with her during the day... even if its for just 10 minutes, where she feels she has your undivided attention... you think this is hard for you.. imagine her... she was the center of your attention up until now and all of a sudden this little thing comes by and she has to share you with him... she is young herself so doesn't understand her emotions well enough either.

oh and last thing.. always remember, when both of them are crying, pick up the older one first... she is likely to stop faster and will always remember you gave her attention first... your baby will not know the difference...

good luck!



answers from New York on

Hi M.,
Congrats on the new baby! Sorry you're having a tough time. I agree with Mary - if you know pretty well when baby will eat and need a diaper change, plan some cuddle time with her 20 minutes or so beforehand. When he is napping, do an activity with her. Have a basket of special toys that only come out during baby's feeding times. Also, when my son was born, if I was doing something with my daughter and he started fussing, I'd announce, "Mommy will be there in a minute, you need to wait, I am doing something with K right now" pointing out to the older child that she was the priority, not dropping what we were doing immediately to tend to the baby.
The other thing I would suggest would be to enlist dad, a grandparent or a sitter for an hour or so when you can, so that you can have some time just with your daughter. When my son was a newborn, before I went back to work, on weekends I would leave a pumped bottle with hubby and take 4 year old to the playground or to lunch at McDonalds or a playdate at a friend's with no baby along.
Good luck!



answers from Utica on

First Congrats and Blessings on your new baby.
Second sounds like a typical 2 year old reaction to the new baby to me. She sees the baby as taking her time. She does not have words to express all the different emotions she is feeling so she reverts to younger more comfortable times when you spent more time with her. Trust me it will go away, but take time with her which I am sure you are.
Giving in to temper tantrums is not a good idea. They continue when you do. Yelling doesn't help, and her yelling should not get her her way. Perhaps before you have to feed the new baby you could take that time with her, so she is more ready for her space when your time is filled with the baby.
I read stories with my 4 year old when the new baby came. Don't know if that works with 2 year olds. Later, the 14 year old really understood.
Since I am old enough to be your mom, I usually say talk to mom, she may have great stories and great ideas.
God bless you and your family
K. SAHM married 38 years -- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer(and new dad), and 18 year old twins. The girls are in college this year: one majoring in art, the other journalism.
Empty nester and new grandma



answers from Syracuse on

My son is going through this right now too, he's 22 months and his sister is almost 9 months. Anytime I'm holding her, same thing - crying, whining, carrying on "Mommy up?" endlessly. It actually makes me feel crazy. What I've learned is rather than saying no, tell him when I WILL pick him up. If we have something fun planned later in the day, I talk to him about how much fun we're going to have when we do X. When I was nursing her, I would plan to do so when he would be unlikely to freak out - like I would sit him down for a snack, I would involve him with a task like coloring, I would switch things up (go into his bedroom and take a toy or some books with us). I also have been known to "encourage" (some would say "bribe") good behavior with rewards like Blues Clues or Jack's Big Music Show, and occassionally, something like M&Ms or a cookie. Remember: You are exhausted, healing, and human. I'm SO anti-TV for children, but there are moments where turning on Blues Clues makes me a better mom than not (like if I'm going to lose it).

We do not allow him to use a bottle at all, nor a pacifier ("those things are for babies and you're a big boy!"), but if he wants to pick up a bottle and taste the breastmilk or formula, we don't get alarmed, we let him and then try to get it away without a battle. Don't worry about the potty training - once your daughter adjusts to her brother, she'll be interested in being a big girl. I would just praise her a lot for the "big girl" stuff she does. Enlist her assistance occassionally but remember she's really too little to be a helper full time, and she'll resent it in the long term. My son loves to put stuff in the garbage!

Lastly, when you're feeling up to it, leave the baby with Daddy or someone else, and schedule special outings just for you and your daughter. She'll love the one-on-one attention, and she'll feel so spoiled. Good luck!



answers from New York on

She's frustrated and no longer the center of attention. Get her to help. Have her get you a diaper and the wipes, a burp rag, a toy for the baby and each time she does it right praise her for being SUCH a big girl and such a big help. Regression is to be expected, especially potty training and the bottle. Dont give her a bottle, tell her thats just for babies and she is SUCH a big girl. When you change the baby, make a big deal out of the mess and tell her how awful it is that he dirties his diaper and how you wish he was big like her and went potty. When people come to see the baby make sure they pay attention to her and remark at how big she is and what a help she is.


answers from New York on

I love the formula in the bottle idea. She'll stop those bottles really fast if there's yucky formula in it.

I had 4 kids in 5 1/2 yrs and what I always did was play up all the great stuff the older kid could do that the poor little baby couldn't do at all. Two yr olds can pretend to fly like an airplane, color, hop on one foot, have teeth, sing songs, go on the potty. Make it into a fun time of all the things she can do that the baby just can't.

As for babies with colic can you put him in a front sling so he's close by but your hands are free to do other things?

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions