Need a Princess

Updated on October 03, 2009
E.A. asks from El Monte, CA
16 answers

Recently, my boys started school, my little one is in preschool and the older one is in 1st grade, and I thought I wouldn't want to get pregnant again because two boys are a handful, however, I am wanting to have a baby girl. My husband is ok with two children but told me we could try for another "sometime"! I feel like Im not getting younger and the gap in age between the next baby will be too many years! Im just scared that we will either not get pregnant or have another boy. I think three children will complete us wether its a boy/girl but do you know what I can try to do to have greater odds of conceiving a girl and should I rush or wait due to my age (my hubby is 33???

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the great advise. Im truely blessed to have my 2 boys and after talking with my husband he is all for a third child regardless of the sex. I am too. We realized that we should wait a couple of months before trying because we comfortable right now with our lives. I was just getting scared we were never going to try for a third child but I now know he is all for it. We are going to let nature take its course and see what we get. If we are meant to have a girl we will. God only knows how much I want a baby girl and I know that we would be happy with what he blesses us with. God bless

Featured Answers



answers from Santa Barbara on

If you really want a girl, would you consider adoption? You have 2 wonderful boys and there are plenty of babies that need good homes out there. Maybe something to consider...

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answers from Los Angeles on

E. - congrats on your two boys! First of all, you can just stop with the age thing. You are young. I just had my third boy last year and I'm 37... so stop with that.
Now - on to the bigger picture.
Two kids is fabulous. Especially if you have a "hands-on" daddy. When you go somewhere, each of you has a pair of eyes on one and the system works pretty well. I went for the girl and got another boy (but honestly, I truely think there is a reason that I am not a mother to a girl). Regardless of the gender, a third child just throws you over the top. You think it wouldn't be that much harder, but one of you has two kids all the time! Think about how life is now and how good it feels when you can be with just one of your children and give them your full attention. And now think about how it is when you have both of your kids and you're trying to get something accomplished and you wish your hubby was around so he could just take them for 5 minutes. For me it was very rare that my hubby would take all three and I would still have one and trying to getstuff done with even just one can sometimes be impossible. Don't get me wrong- my hubby is a fabulous dad and does take them often, but I do think he would take ALL of them more if all of them were only 2.
That being said, please understand. I love being the mother of 3. It is absolutely chaotic and crazy and I tend to lose my patience almost daily, but I don't regret having my third. And I will tell you this... 1 is easy, 2 is fun, 3 is crazy, but once you're there, you may as well have 10 because the time is all theirs anyway and your doing everything for them anyway and if you had more - at least the older ones would be able to help out a bit.
I'm sure that didn't help at all. Hey, at your age you should go for the girl and if you get a boy you can always try again because you are SUPER YOUNG!!! Stop thinking of yourself as old. Otherwise, by the time you get to be my age you'll have one foot in the grave already.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Diego on

Dear E.,
I had a good laugh, sorry at reading your blog. I have 4 kids, ages 27, 25, 20, and 14 1/2. Girl, Boy, girl, boy. I was married at 25 and had my kids - girl, boy, 2.5 yrs apart. We were fine. Had two and when that little boy was in preschool, I began to feel like you. I thought of that little princess. I wanted another child. Boy or girl was fine. Husbands are usually fine with it. Its a change to have the 4 or 5 years apart, but you can do it. Its different is all I can offer as advice. People can be cruel and have said so over the years. Comments like you had two why have more? For me, they ask if my youngest is my grandson and I am 53. Most of my friends from high school are grandparents now! Imagine how I feel when their teenagers are their grandchildren. I love being a mom so I say OK! I know I won't suffer from empty nest syndrome, but I made that choice when I had my last child at 38. I know that sounds old to you now, but I don't regret it for a minute and neither does my husband. Yes, you drive a mini van or SUV for a long time, but the way I look at it, by the time I stop hiding easter eggs or talking about Santa, the grandkids will be coming and I wouldn't have it any other way. You are always going to have nieces or nephews, or friends babies or godchildren but its not the same. So I say go girl! Try and if God blesses you, its all good! GOD will let you know and give you the signs you are doing the right thing.

A mom who has been in your shoes and loves it.



answers from Los Angeles on

Don't worry so much about your age and the age difference. I was 35 when I delivered my third child. My other two were 10 and 7.

Worry more about will you accept another boy? Can you family accommodate 3 kids? Can you afford it financially? etc.



answers from Los Angeles on

look up: chinese lunar calender... its silly but totally worked for me!!



answers from Los Angeles on

The only absolute way to guarantee a girl is IVF with PGD. Pretty costly and painful way to try and do gender balancing. I did 9 cycles, but not for gender preference. Believe me, if we could have conceived our kids the old fashioned way, we'd be much richer and would have had the kids much younger.

BTW, a lot of REs won't do it simply for gender balancing. PGD was developed to help screen for fatal or devastating chromosomal disorders.



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, E.,

You and your husband are still quite young! My husband and I had our second (a surprise, especially after a couple miscarriages and a couple of years of trying to have a child through multiple rounds of high-tech fertility treatment) at nearly 42.

A lot of people claim that one can determine the gender of a baby through various means. Anyone can claim and sell almost anything these days. Lots of people are illogical and very uninformed about how their bodies work. (People like to say, "See I stood on my head and chanted Stairway to Heaven backwards five times and I got the boy/girl/fill in the blank I wanted!" or some other nonsense. That is not proof!!! The odds of somebody guessing right in this situation is 50/50! These people fail to tell you how often they've guessed wrong.)

The only way and the only scientifically-supported way to virtually guarantee the sex of the baby is to get PGD, which is offered at fertility clinics. (By the way, I do not work in the fertility business.) Expect to pay 3 to 5 thousand for the chance. I could not do that with my "fertility baby" because I did not produce enough eggs of enough cells. Even if I had had enough eggs with enough cells, I would not have done it. As a mother who has two wonderful boys but wanted at least one girl, like you, I wouldn't bother. High-tech fertility treatment is expensive and somewhat painful. You and I are way better off than some of my friends who have lost their children and are now permanently childless!

Good luck to you and your family!

Lynne E



answers from San Diego on

Hi E.-

I was trying for a boy and I used the book, "How to choose the sex of your baby" and it worked for me. I understand it's harder to chart for the girl, and there are no guarantees. You & your husband are not too old at all, I was 34 and my husband was 35 when we had our son.

Good luck!


answers from Los Angeles on

Ignore age. I had my boys at 37 and 39. You have PLENTY of time.

Find out if your DH thinks "sometime" because he really doesn't want 3 children. If that's the case, you two need to really have some talks, because it's not something you can compromise on.

If he's okay with 3 (generally), then you need to really search your heart to make sure you're truly okay if you have another boy (because it's very likely). If there's even a chance that your disappointment in a boy will be less than temporary, then pause.

After all that, if you both still want a child, I'd say "sometime" is now.

So much good luck to you.



answers from Honolulu on

I have 3 friends, who felt as you do and wanted a girl.
But, on their 3rd try, they had boys, again. So they all now have 3 boys.

I have heard of methods to conceive a certain gender, but I don't know what these methods are.
Some have success, some don't.
YOu can try, but there is no hard guarantee, I don't think.

The thing is, do you want another baby, regardless of the gender? If so, then you can try for another baby. But if you only want a 'girl'... then you need to see how 'disappointed' you will be, IF you do not have a girl. Or not.

Then, you have to be on the same page, with your Husband about having 3 kids. Regardless of the gender. He has to be 'happy' about having 3 kids too.

You are not 'old' to get pregnant, nor your Husband.
My friend, conceived when she was about 45 years old.

All the best,



answers from Los Angeles on

What a joy to expand your family! My husband and I went to a fertility doctor and asked him how we could increase our chances of having a girl this time around. He stated that there are many ideas out there, but there are no guarantees. I know some say you can time things so that you can increase the chance. My understanding is that you would have "time together" before your ovulation begins. For a girl you would stop the moment your ovulation begins. This did not work for us, but I know others who say it did work. You might want to get the book "Taking Charge of Your Own Fertility" by Toni Weschler. That is the book which outlines what I just shared and other methods. Again, our fertility doc said there are no guarantees.

As far as the gap in age goes, my oldest brother was 7 years older than me. We had and have a great relationship. Growing up he was my hero. We had absolutely no sibling rivalry issues. Not so with the brother who was closer in age. I do love him as much as my oldest, we just did have a lot of sibling rivalry issues.

As far as your age, again no guarantees. People can have fertility issues at any age. If you want another child go for it now. You just don't know how quickly it will happen or how long it will take. The only age that matters is yours. Your husband's age has relatively no bearing. These are the things our fertility doctor has shared with us. He also wanted us to know that we have a wonderful family and to enjoy what we have. He wanted us to focus on what we do have and not become too focused on what we don't have. I remember those words so often and they keep me focused on my wonderful son. All the best to you as you seek to expand your family. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.



answers from Los Angeles on

Douche a few days in a row and then 4 hours before sex:

Use baking soda and water for a boy
Use Apple Cider vinegar for a girl



answers from Los Angeles on

Good morning.
There is a chart I have. You can Google "Chinese Birth Chart" and it will tell you, for your age, the month to conceive to have a boy or girl. I didn't actually plan my 3 kids around the chart, but once I found out I was pregnant, I checked it, and in nine months it proved to be accurate. I also checked my sisters and some friends, with the month they conceived and the sex of their child after the fact, and it was accurate. So who knows? Something to maybe try.



answers from Los Angeles on

I had two boys and always dreamed of having a princess too. We read the book below, followed it, looked at the chinese calendar online and also When the "stars" alligned and they all agreed it would be a baby girl we went for it. I'm happy to report we got our princess in December of 2008. I wish for you the success we had. Good Luck!!!



answers from San Diego on

You two are still very young, so you have lots of time to have another baby. Men can be much older than women and still be fertile. I have heard that once you have two babies of the same sex, the third is about 70% likely to be the same gender again. I don't know how true that is. I have two girls, and I read the book How to Choose the Sex of your Baby. This was 15 years ago, so it's probably been revised, but I'm sure it's basically the same. First you need to take your temp for several months to find out exactly when you ovulate. When you are pretty sure, have sex about 3-4 days before you ovulate, and the chances are greater for having a girl, but it's not guaranteed. For boys, having sex on the day of or 1 day before ovulation is what the book said. We tried for a girl the first time and got one, tried for a boy the second time and got another girl, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Love them both dearly. I wish you luck!



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi E.,

Just wanted to tell you about a woman I used to work with. She had five boys, ages 6 to 16, and really, really wanted a girl. After much thought, she and her husband got pregnant again . . .and had . . .another boy. (Six boys!!)

Also, you are a spring chicken, not old AT ALL.

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