Need a Break from Hosting Christmas Party

Do give some thought re: what you are hoping to accomplish. Do you want a one year hiatus from hosting? Are you willing to host, but need to make it a less costly enterprise? Are you willing to "pass the torch" and forever give up Christmas to another relative? If you announce that you want the break, and no one takes it on, are you willing to accept that if people all make alternative plans, you might never again have the extended family Christmas that you are used to.

Do clarify what you are hoping to achieve, and then, by all means, start making your intentions known as soon as possible.

-even the elves need a break.

Hi J., This will be my 19th year hosting Christmas, This year I'm still hosting but recruited my sister inlaw as my co-host. Christmas has always been my favorite Holiday, and things have changed sense the kids were little, but now they are a big part of what i did as far as preperation, if it is something you really enjoy keep doing it, my mom did it until she was just not able to anymore (health issues). Is there a reason you always do it? bigger house, everything you need to be a great hostess? that's one of the reason why I do it, and you know what even though my kids are grown they still love having everyone come over for dinner, friends of theirs who have no where to go come by, and it's great, Talk to the women in your family let them know how you are feeling, they will probably have some really good ideas. J.

However you handle it, be sure to get the info out early. If this is a tradition that has gone on for 20 years, people already are making plans around it.

It sounds like you are done. Or is it just THIS year that you need a break?

I would put out the info that "We just aren't up to doing it this year, so if anyone else wants to host a get together this year, feel free. " That you'd love to see everyone, but just aren't up to hosting this year. Make sure you include that you'd be glad to help them out any way you can: with ideas, with recipes, bringing a dish, etc.

That way, others can have time to decide if they want to jump in and plan something, or not. AND, they will have time to make alternate plans that may or may NOT include the entire family. If your family is scattered around, it might be a relief to some of them not to have to feel obligated to travel right then.

And, since you won't be spending as much time prepping for this big party and hosting it, you may even end up freeing yourself up to accept some invites from non-family members during the holidays.

I would tell them early. Start asking if anyone else would like to take a turn. Or maybe do an Open House with a 6 hr window for people to drop by....ask for a dessert, appetizer, etc.....
My SIL has done Thanksgiving forEVER and O. year--no early invite, as she usually does...turns out, they were going out of town for the holiday and I think she was too chicken to say so...that year she just didn't make the usual calls (previously, it was always like "you know we always DO Thanksgiving--you can plan on it!). I think that made for some bad feelings--not b/c she needed a break but b/c she just avoided the issue and split. So, I'd be pretty forthright in announcing your plans.

All of the leading ladies in our family (we're adults and those leading roles are our moms/grandmoms/aunts) used to do the family holiday gatherings until we became adults and homes of our own and then they HAPPILY informed us it was now a tradition passed to one of US! I vote you call everyone (the wives because for most of us the husbands enjoy the food but don't get involved much in the planning/cooking, etc.). You could send out a mass email or note card and tell them it's now their time to start the hosting and you will be glad to help by bringing a dish. That's what we all do, every family brings 2-3 dishes (could be just rolls/tea/napkins for those that don't cook). The hostess gets the priviledge of making the menu and then she assigns the dishes to the others. It's easy. Everyone brings their food in dishes that can be tossed away or they take them in the kitchen and wash them after everyone is finished. The transition worked great for us and each year before everyone goes home, we make the decision on the next year's hostess. Sometimes it's the same for several years and sometimes a cousin or someone wants to do it at their house.

Maybe nobody has ever volunteered before because they just assumed you would always have the party. Try asking a few "eligible" people and see if they would be up for it. My sister-in-law is the major cook in our family, and I always assumed that she loved to host T-giving. When we moved to a large house with a pool (we live in Hawaii) I threw it out there - why don't we have Thanksgiving at my house this year? She was thrilled to have a break and it worked out well. I'm sure we'll have the discussion from now on about who's the host. It doesn't hurt to ask. I bet someone will come forward and you can bring the appetizer!

Plan a holiday somewhere else!!! This way you'll go to that place you' ve always dreamed of going (if you can afford it, that is) and nobody can make any comment because you are simply NOT there. Next year, you'll see, this year you have at least (graciously) broken a tradition that has become heavier on you. Do you have family/friends that live abroad or out of State? It's your chance to go visit.

You have options.. Put it out there as soon as possible. See if others have ideas. You may be surprised with what they come up with.

Consider holding it at a local hotel by renting a small reception room.
Consider holding it at a State park in a group cabin.
Maybe rent a house in town for a week.. Encourage your kids to host it there..

In our family our events are held at my moms house. She has the largest space. We help her get the house decorated. She tells us what main course she would like to serve and the rest of us tell her what we will contribute.

The men wash all of the dishes.

We do not stay all day. We get there a little early , we have the meal and stay for a couple of hours afterward.. Some family comes and goes cause they have other families the need to visit..

Christmas is on a Saturday this year (2010) so how about a Christmas Eve Open House -- a few snacks and some punch (or whatever your family favorites are before the Christmas dinner) or a Sunday brunch after the big day. In the hiatus between small children and small grandchildren we often gve up tradtional celebrations to take a family trip (or renewed our couple relationship with a cruise -- anyone could come along if they wished -- or hotels often offer a weekend retreat at discount prices) to a favorite place (became a replacement tradition) and let someone else do the big day cooking. Additionally, as a older teen or when in my early 20's (before kids) I often wanted to take a ski or other trip with my friends but was always pulled back by my Christmas obligations... Take a concensus and see what the others would like to do instead... It doesn't have to be the traditional dinner at your house (or anyone else's) does it?

I would just do an email to everyone and put the exact words in it that you just wrote! Most caring people would understand. I know I would. If they get offended, oh well, that's their problem, not yours. If no one else plans a party, do like our family does and go to a restaurant a few days before Christmas. My parents used to host but they are too old and worn out now, and the rest of us are all spread around, so it's easiest to go to a restaurant near our parents' house since they don't travel far anymore. If someone in your family really wants to keep the tradition going, they need to have it at their house!

Talk to the other moms in the family (those that normally come to your home) and see if they would be interested in hosting this year. Another option is if a few of them want to co-host...have it at one home and several people do the work.

we go to a large family party hosted by one of two people on christmas eve. they take turns. the issue often comes up "who will do it in the future" referring only to those of us who have a house large enough to fit everyone. there are 8 aunts and uncles, who have been doing this forever, but honestly, none of the cousins want to host it, and the fear is if they do it once, they will forever be in the rotation. i myself like the relaxing of holidays and have no desire to plan, host, and clean up a party for 65+ people, all the night before christmas. i think this is especially true of those of us with little kids who have to make sure christmas morning is set up. imo, it would be easier if my kids were grown.

based on my own experience, i see nothing wrong with you just honestly telling everyone well in advance that you have hosted a wonderful tradition for over 20 years,but arent up to it anymore. you may pick one reason if you feel the need to give it, but i wouldnt necessarily go into everything to make someone feel bad.

but remember, you wanted to host the party, which was great, but it was your choice. its not up to you to make any else feel obligated or guilty to follow the same tradition. if someone offers up, great, but i think it would be very unfair to put others on the spot.

there is a chance that for the last 20 years, some have told other invites no, when they really wanted to go. there is a chance that some may be relieved to finally break this obligation. there is a chance that everyone may go their separate ways. just be prepared for that. i usually see families getting together with their immediate members only once the traditional party ends. but once your kids are married with kids, you can start your own traditions with them and their spouses, which will be much more managable.

there is also a completely different way to go about it, i know some people go away on a holiday to break the tradition. nothing crazy, just for 2 nights. then the next year, they proceed with different plans. all is takes is one year of something different.

good luck. the holidays for me cause a lot of stress in my marriage, and im already cringing at the thought!!!

ETA-just wanted to add, this is my inlaws, so maybe i would feel different if this was a party i had been going to since childhood. the majorty of adult relatives are male which does make a difference. (cousins 3 woman,14 men and 2 aunts, 6 uncles), so most of the women are by marriage and are only here a few years to see the tradition. i also think if it werent christmas eve, more people would be willing to host!