Need a Book on Anger Management for 6 Year Old

Updated on July 03, 2007
C.B. asks from Saint Paul, MN
6 answers

My 6 year old daughter has some awful temper tantrums. She doesn't have them often but when she does they are pretty severe. I want to find some childrens books about anger and how to control it. There are so many books on the subject and I would really appreciate any recomendations. Also any books for parents to help deal with it would be great as well. The throwing and breaking things has to stop.

Uddate: My daughters teacher had suggested that she may be asynchronous, which is common in gifted children. Her teacher believes she is on the gifted side, she's very artistic and is very good with math related problems. I've found information online and plan on hitting the library to find literature for both her and I to help understand her problem. Thank you so much for the comments and sugestions, I think we are at least heading in a more positive direction.

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So What Happened?

We went to the library and got the book "When Sophie gets Angry, Really Really Angry" yesterday and I read it to my kids after dinner last night. And my daughter said to me "Mom, that's like me" I was so proud that she recognized that. We talked a lot about being angry and I made sure she knows it's ok to be angry sometimes but it's how you handle it that can make it not so good. We talked a lot about what she can do when she gets angry and what she shouldn't do. I looked for 123...Magic but they didn't have it. I a book called "Sensory Smart" and a book on ADD/ADHD "Power Parenting" (even though she is neither) and read a lot about time outs and getting a childs attention. Time outs were working somewhat ok for us but now that I understand it's more of a cool off time than a punishment, it should be much better. I think with consistancy and communication we should be able to make it through the next melt down. Or maybe even avoid it all together. Thank you to everyone who has posted suggestions, I really appriciate your knowledge. Any other suggestions would be great too, especially for books that I can read with my daughter.

More Answers



answers from Minneapolis on

I would try perhaps a referance book regarding Attention Deficite Disorder. Not saying your child has that, but, they probably have some very original and specific directions and suggestions for dealing with those awful tantrums.(Which I'm told that some children with ADD have.) Strategies that would probably be different than just the normal punishments like taking something away from them, or a time-out,etc. because you're probably tried some of those already. Good luck. :)



answers from Minneapolis on

Dear C.,
You are not alone! Behavior is such a tricky topic. I am not sure what school district you are in, but the school social worker can be very helpful too. He/She may have a copy of 1-2-3 magic that you could check out. Your local ECFE may have a copy in their Parent Lending Library.
Also, parenting books that could be helpful (depending on the root or the tantrums) are "Raising a Spirited Child" and Ross Green's "Treating the Explosive Child" (It is a new release that talks about collaborative problem-solving.) It teaches adults how to teach kids problem-solving strategies. All the children's books that have been suggested are excellent also. No new ones to add.
Best Wishes!!



answers from Minneapolis on

Good books to read to kids: When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry; and, Don't Pop Your Cork on Monday (and other books in this series). Hope this helps!



answers from Milwaukee on

1 2 3 ... Magic It was recommened to me by a family holistic therapist. I can recommend him to. He's been a great help.



answers from Minneapolis on

I would concentrate on communication lots of it and try differnt ways to communicate. That's the number 1 reason why babies throw tantrums... they aren't talking yet...

I use to be a very angry hurt person.(bad childhood) I didn't know how to communicate effectively and wasn't assertive at all. I would hold it all in and explode. About 6 years ago I found a anger mgmt. class and absolutely loved it. I've been able to use what I learned on a daily basis as well as raising my child and teaching her to communicate effectively. It's just about teaching how to get what's bothering them out there in a different way that's not physical or angry.

I always say "It's not what you said, it's how you said it"

Same goes with "It's not what you were upset about, it's how you showed us you were upset"



answers from Appleton on

I am the mother of 3. My oldest is 7 and has high-functioning autism(very bright, skilled, but has a very rough time workingthrough emotions. My daughter is 4 and is very bright(too bright) and spirited, to put it nicely. My 2 yr old is wonderfully/terribly 2.

A friend of mine recommended a "Fix it Plan" recently. We are trying it with our kids and I am suprised at the results.
What we are doing is a 3 step plan.
1. What's the problem
2. How does it make me feel
3. How can I "fix it"

It was recommended to me to write each of these down with the child. Perhaps with a small dry-erase board. It may work verbally though, depending on the child. It is really important and helpful for the child to answer these questions.
I find that I have to offer some help on the 3rd one.

You can offer tokens for each successful "Fix it Plan" to eventually recieve a small reward.
With luck you may even get your daughter's teacher on board with the plan.
The plan offers much needed space between the child and the problem, time to breathe and cool down. They feel that someone is hearing them and understanding how they feel. They learn how to better identify their emotions and the emotions of others. Best of all they are learning, and coming up with positive replacement behaviors.

The big problem with punishing a child for a negative behavior is that they are rarely given an appropriate replacement behavior. Yes, most children know what they are not supposed to do. Do they know what they are supposed to do? Life is about choices. How can we expect little ones to come up with apropriate responses to rage when most adults don't know how to react. Punishing them for their rage also just adds fuel to the fire and makes them feel even worse.

If my kids make a really unhealthy choice, like hitting, we do still enforce time-outs in a chair to think, and sometimes they go up to their room until they calm down and are able to do the plan. They do have to learn that unhealthy choices have consequences. But they are in trouble because they made a bad choice, not because they are bad.

Everyone gets angry, that's not always a choice. How we express our anger is though. Give your daughter appropriate ways to express her anger. Give her lots of healthy choices.
I am amazed at how much my kids cool down just while working on the plan.
Right now I have to innitiate the "Fix it Plan", but I am hoping soon my kids will be able to let me know when they need one.

My son also likes to read "When I feel Angry", written by Cornelia Maude Spelman, ill. by Nancy Cote. I ordered it through Scholastic. He picks it out for a bedtime story when he has had a rough day. It's a great read. It explains very well what anger feels like and all of the appropriate ways we can work through it.
Good luck with whatever you try. You will find something that works for you daughter.

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