Naming Your Baby and Hurting a Family Members Feelings.

Updated on March 31, 2011
M.B. asks from Detroit, MI
43 answers

Arrrg! This name thing is killing me!
Ok, our first daughter's middle name is Lynn. We decided on Lynn because its my sister's, MIL's and SIL's middle name. Now. we are having another Daughter. My other sister's middle name is Ann and she keeps mentioning she wants this little girl to have her middle name. My son's middle name is my fathers name. Its important for me to name my kids after family. So, if we dont have the middle name Ann, my other sister will probably feel left out and hurt by it. My baby's first name will be Karli, and I think Karli Ann would be really cute, but my husband HATES it! He said it reminds him a Ragedy Ann. Weird, I know. My husband and I both love the name Nicole and he wants to name her Karli Nicole, which I DO like, I just dont know if I can hurt my sister's feelings like that. What should I do???? I cant please both of them. And 3 names is not an option for us, I just think its weird!

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So What Happened?

My sister cant have babies. :(

WHOA Erin! LOL! Hun the name is important to me, sorry. :)

Featured Answers

A.G.

answers from Houston on

I wouldnt worry about my sisters opinion on the name of my baby........i would consider my husbands.

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Detroit on

I have no idea if this has been suggested or not....but what about Karli ANN Marie.....Its not really like having two middles names because AnnMarie can technically be one name. My middle name is Marie and my SIL's (who passed away) middle name was Ann.....This was how hubby and I would have combined the two had we ever had a girl.

HTH

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J.C.

answers from St. Louis on

I haven't read the other responses, but what about a middle name with Ann in it. Names are hard...there's so much to them...family value...the kids have them for the rest of their lives....Anyways, just a few suggestions...
Adrianne
Annabelle
Annalise
Annette
Audrianna
Cheyanne
Hannah
Joann
Julianna
Leann
Marianna
Roseanna
Savannah
Susanne
Tyann
Vannah
Vivianne
I'm not saying these all go with the first name you have...just trying to give you a place to start.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

Maybe you could find a name that has Ann in it... like Karli Leeanna, Annalise, or something.

7 moms found this helpful

L.S.

answers from Dallas on

I think Karli Ann is super cute! Of course Im biased since my name is L. Ann. Karleann Nicole is cute too! Whats your sisters full name? Maybe you could include some other part of her name. Oh and BTW names are very important! And even if Erin doesn't think they are her comment was extremely inappropriate and useless to your question.

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J.B.

answers from Denver on

so... if you don't give your child your sister's middle name, why not make her godmother to your children? surely, you'd trust your sister to raise your children if you and your husband were unable to?

good luck =D

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C.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

Hmm, some of the BEST advice I have ever gotten was NOT to discuss the baby's name until after the baby is born. Glad I listened to that, so much less drama and unwanted input.

Go with your gut feeling. Name YOUR child what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want to.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

I like Karliann Nicole! :)

4 moms found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

your baby=your name. You gave up YOUR body for 9 months, YOU get to name her.
My son's name is Oliver and my mom was dead set on my naming him Oliver Hardy then our last name. (oliver hardy as in my great-great-great uncle and the black and white actor) I wanted to honor his dad's side so I was bullied everyday to change it and go for hardy vs Jordan. I stuck with my guns and I am sooo glad I did.
Yes, you sister can't have children, but she can have adopted ones, right? So there could potentially be something there for her to name herself.
As much as it is nice to name family names, a child needs to be an individual, right? Is there potential for you to have more children and MAYBE the next one could have her name??

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

What about names that have Ann in them, like Marianne (or spell it Mariann), LeAnn (as in LeAnn Rimes, or you can spell it Leann or Leanne) and Annabelle? So you have Karlie Marianne, Karli Leanne, and Karli Annabelle. I like Karli Annabelle and Karli Leanne. I also like Karli Nicole, too. Just like you said - you can't please everyone, and don't ever forget that your husband's feelings come before anybody's, including your sister's. So, is your sister prepared to reciprocate and name her kids after you?? Make sure her anwer is yes before you choose to honor her. Hopefully your husband will like Marianne, Leanne or Annabelle and then everyone will be happy! Also, I'm sure there are many more names with ann in them, so keep looking if you don't like my names.

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W.M.

answers from Nashville on

wow, I would normally say that you name your children what you wish and jsut nicely tell your sis that Ann is not one that was a favorite that flows with Karli. Although I think Karli Ann is very cute too. but with you naming your other two children with so many family names and making a point to say you like family names, makes it harder for you to tell your sister that you don't want to use a family name now. You have to decide which name you like better and tell your sister that it has nothing to do with how much you love her, it is naming YOUR child, that is a huge thing. does she have children? Can she name her own child Ann someday? or, did she name her child after you??? Karliann Nicole is cute as one mom mentioned.
and ps/ naming a baby IS an important thing so ignore those with anger issues! seriously???

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L.S.

answers from Spokane on

This is your and your husband's child. The TWO of you need to decide what to name your baby girl. What's wrong with Nicole Ann? Or make her first name Karliann and her middle name Nicole? Karliann Nicole sounds cute and you could just call her Karli "for short".

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

OK -this is your child AND your husband's child -not your sister's child. I'm sorry she can't have babies if she wants them (perhaps adoption?), but still -if your husband doesn't like it, then it's off the table. His and your desires when it comes to naming your children completely trump anyone else.

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A.G.

answers from Atlanta on

Molly,

I have struggled with this too. I am pregnant with my first child, and due to a lot of fertility issues, it will proably be my only child. I have always loved traditional names, and loved the idea of using family names. However, that is kind of challenging in my family because we have some really great names to work with- Frances, Ramona, Uvadel, etc, etc. For a long time, I wanted a Caroline because my mom's name is Carolyn and it is my grandmother's and sister's middle name. I myself, am named after my great-grandmother. Or Lillian, my husband's grandmother's name. Then came the explosion of Carolines and Lilli's. I liked William (Will for a boy) after my dad, but Will is a cousin, my dad and grandfather. Then I worried about excluding one side of the family or another. So, after a lot of thought, I put it all aside and we decided on names that WE loved. If we have a boy, his middle name will be Huntley after my husband's dad's middle name (he passed away several years ago). We both love this name- I would even use it for a girl, but hubs doesn't want to. Pick a name you and your husband love and that is right for your baby.
As a bonus- if you're Catholic, she can always pick Ann for her saint's name at confirmation.....

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Name your baby what you and your husband like. Anyone who gets their panties in a wad because you didn't name your baby after her needs to go find some REAL problems to worry about.

2 moms found this helpful

D.G.

answers from Lincoln on

KarliAnn Nicole. Then call her Karli! LOL But really I think you have to go with what you like best. Is there a different family name you could use? Or is Nicole a family name too? Your middle name or his (assuming it could be a girls name too) Otherwise she'll be the one w/o a family name!

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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

You just have to come to terms with it, and realize that its okay not to please everyone. Decide which one You like best, and go from there. If you like Ann better than tell your darling that and tell him it would mean so much to you if he could understand, and same goes with your sister. I'm sure that she would understand if you didnt use her middle name.
Or go with something completely different lol. Like Karli Rose, or Karli Louise, or Karli Marie, something different you know.

Or if you are awesomely talented, find a way to mix the two names together so then everyone is happy.

Good luck! Just remember to do what you want to do and not what you feel others want you to do. Everything will work out!

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

I have a little different perspective because I dealt with infertility for a loooong time before we had kids. I was on an emotional rollercoaster for 7 years as friends, family and coworkers were having babies left and right. I think Red had a great idea.
Of course it is up to you and your husband but it may not be as easy as you think for your sister to get over this. It's an open wound, trust me. JMO

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think your husband's opinion trumps your sister's, sorry. He is the Dad. I would tell your sister you are sorry, but DH strongly prefers another name, which you also like, so you do not plan to use "Ann" in your baby's name. You are the parents, the name should be the special one that both you and DH choose, period. Other people will just have to understand that. Your sister will be hurt for awhile, but she'll come around. Because she should know her telling YOU how to name YOU and your DH's baby is out of line. Honestly, would you go around holding a grudge and not being a part of your sister and neice's life if they didn't name their baby after you? No, that is silly, unless your sister is totally selfish and unreasonable. She will be disappointed, sure, maybe upset with you for a time, but she really should understand.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

what about ann nicole sounds cool but i personally like karli ann or you can go karli leann or karli anna

just a thought karleann nicole but i dont really like it but you might

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

What about Anna--it's close to Ann.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

You do what YOU and your Husband want.
That's it.
There is no decision.

It is you and your Husband that decide.
Not a 'guilt trip' deciding for you.
No matter who it is.

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M.3.

answers from Chicago on

That is a big decision. I know this sounds silly but put the names in a hat, that way no one gets hurt.

1 mom found this helpful

K.E.

answers from Birmingham on

Karliann Nicole would be the perfect compromise I think, but it's up to you AND your husband. An aunt shouldn't get to pick a name over the father.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

your baby. your choice.
sorry, sister.
khairete
S.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

My husband has 3 brothers and a sister and I have 3 sisters and a brother. We named our children after me, my husband, my sister and two of his brothers. I dont' know if anyone felt left out but we couldn't name after everyone... =)

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I think Karli Nicole sounds harsh, too many hard K sounds. But Karlianne Nicole sounds nice.

I was always careful in naming my kids my grandpa was Senoir my dad Junior my brother the 3rd, talk about mail, bank accounts medical records getting mixed up. I was named for my grandma, until I married we had the same last name again a chance of everything getting mixed up. So I didn't name my kids after anyone, I had my son's peds office pull his file one time just to check his immunizations and it was mixed up with a teenaged boy with the same name. Ahhh you can't win everytime.

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M.C.

answers from Pocatello on

Sometimes you have to go with what you want. To name the baby "karli nicole-ann" would be a nice compromise, but you don't HAVE to comprimise...

I am sorry that your sister cannot have children... but that doesn't have to push a name through that you don't like! Out of curiousity, how does your sister's FIRST name (or a variation) sound with the name Karli? Just because you did the middles on your first daughter's name, that doesn't mean you have to do the same with your second.

I am naming my second daughter "Zoie Marie"- Marie is my grandmother's name. My first daughter was Rhiannon Bailey, and her name is completely "original"- not after anyone, but it honors her father's heritage.

What matters most is that love and care went into the naming of your baby. If it "honors" someone that is a bonus.

You could make a name hybrid: Like Colanne or Annicole or Nicolann if you like those types of things... OR the meaning of Ann is "He (God) has favored me"... maybe a name with the same meaning or a similar meaning will work to honor your sister's name. Also, "ann" is a name of hebrew origin, perhaps another "n" name of hebrew origin could work to honor your sister and come closer to the name "nicole" like these:

http://www.thinkbabynames.com/search/0/hebrew/16

In the end, go with what you want! Decide what matters MOST to you as a couple. If it hurts you sister's feeling that really is to bad, but if we had to please ALL of our family members every time we had a baby, we would either have 20 names for each child, or 20 children!

Good Luck to You!
-M.

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S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with Lynn M and think I answered this once before, but Karlianne is so cute and ONE name and you can shorten it to 'Karli'. Then have Nicole as the middle name and problem solved. You have Karliann(e), called Karli, Nicole and all is good. I also agree though with Christine J that you should pick a name after the baby comes and have a second or third name picked as a backup. I had names picked several times and after seeing the baby changed it as it didn't seem to 'fit'. It's up to you and your husband though. You both get first choice. Karliann Nicole sounds fine and not like 3 names if you see it and think of it as one name. My name S. is one name just two syllables compared to three.

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J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I LOVE the name Karli.
I think Karli Ann sounds cute, and I like Karli Nicole too. I sort of like Karli Ann better though.
What about Karli-Anna? Karli Nikana? Karli Analisa? Karli Lana? What about using your sisters first name or a variation of it as a middle name? Or her maiden name, a different family name? A nickname?
My question is...you said it's important to you to name your kids after family...is Nicole a family name? If it's not then I would stick true to what you feel is important and pick a family name.
Hope you find a solution!

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L.J.

answers from Boca Raton on

What is your sisters middle name?

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A.H.

answers from Omaha on

What about Karli Ann Nicole? That sounds pretty together. My kids actually have 4 names in their official name because I wanted my maiden name to be part of it since I am the only girl in my family. It is never used but does appear on my kids' birth certificates.
Have you mentioned this to your sister and that it is causing you a lot of stress? It sounds like you are not intentionally trying to exclude her, but you have to go with the name you feel is best for your child. It is the name she has to live with for life after all! I bet your sister would be more understanding than you might think. It also sounds like you wouldn't have chosen Lynn had so many people in your family share that name. So you weren't really playing favorites in that case either. Good luck! I think Karli Ann and Karli Nicole are both pretty names! I like Nicole Ann too! ;-)
A.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

Molly:

CONGRATULATIONS!!! On your upcoming bundle of joy!!

I can tell you right now that it's YOUR choice. YOUR FAMILY. You are MARRIED to your husband. You say your sister MAY feel left out - have you personally spoken to her about this? Have you told her what you would LIKE to do? Are you just getting nervous because this is what you PERCEIVE to happen? You won't know until you ask her. Talk to her. DO NOT GUESS! DO NOT ASSUME!!!!

I'm totally sorry that your sister can't have kids - but seriously?! She can adopt. She can be your daughter's GodMother - but you DO NOT have to name your child after her. Yes, you started a "tradition" okay- but it doesn't work for what YOU want right now.

I personally don't like the Karli - I have a GF named that with a C and she HATES her name - she says as a kid it was "cute" but as an adult - NO ONE takes her seriously in the business world...or people drop the i off and call her Karl.....this is what she tells me. Some have even called her "Lee" instead of Karli.

Just like the name Katie - I have some GFs in the business world and they don't feel that men take them as seriously with a "cutsie" name. So they go by Kate.

If you are hell bent on doing this - then Karlianne (like Marianne) might work for you guys and you can just call her Karli.

Bottom line - don't assume anything. TALK to your sister. Maybe she doesn't want it. Come right out and ask and have a frank discussion with her.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

you know, I didn't even read the other responses. I remember you asking this question recently.

My answer is still the same....honor your sister. You've already honored one sister....to not honor the other is hurtful. & I think you know it!

Nichole Ann is a very nice name.

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H.W.

answers from Albany on

Your husband will get over it. You can't do that to your sister. There is nothing wrong with the way Karli Ann sounds.

I think it's a tiny bit rude that shes telling you what she wants in YOUR childs name. But regardless, you guys set yourselves up for this by following that trend.
I avoided it by using non-related middle names! Much to my father's dismay as we are German and I have two middle names. Which isn't weird, you just find it strange because it's not what you're used to.

Karli Ann for the win!

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C.F.

answers from Portland on

I wanted family names for my kid as well.
We knew we only wanted one child.
So we decided the only way to do it was with 3 names.
We ended up having a daughter. Her name is Natania Deborah Ann.
Natania is Jewish, has LOTS of historical meaning for his family. Deborah is his moms name. Ann is my moms middle name.

If we had had a boy it was going to be Gershon James Douglas.
Gershon, again is Jewish with lots of historical meaning.
James is my dads name, and Douglas is both my hubby and his dads name.
Also I was going to be sneaky if it was a boy, one of my favorite singers, Jim Morrison has the full name of James Douglas Morrison. :)

There are ways to do it, and maybe you would disagree, but I think the 3 names I picked work well., good luck.
:)

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

I think you should honor your sister...and stick with Karli Anne! I think the name is adorable. Keep working with your hubby on the emmotional asepct of that. I know when we were naming names...my Dad was having an absolute fit. as we used J names for all three and then the middle names were family names...ugh....

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L.M.

answers from Dover on

I like Karlianne Nicole (nice compromise for all involved...Ann, Nicole and not three names).

What about Cheyenne Nicole (it doesn't have "Ann" but it sounds like it).

Otherwise, you and your hubby need to find a name you both like. As sweet as it is to want to name your child after your sister, you are not obligated and it is YOUR child not your sister's.

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J.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree with most comments here and would just reaffirm that this should be a decison made by you and your husband. My husband and I JUST went through this with my side of the family when our son was born in December. My mom went as far as to tell us she wants to know in advance if the baby's name would hurt her feelings. I really wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but knew the name we decided on wasn't what she had hoped for so I spoke to her individually about it. The jolt was not as big as I thought it would be for her. Maybe there is another way to honor your sister. What is her first name? Does it work better than Ann. My husband's mother is deceased and I don't "love" her name so we used the letters in her name to create a new name we fell in love with and now we can tell our daughter she's named after her Mammaw. Make her a Godmother? Good luck! I know this is a tough decision, but try to remember it's just between you and your husband. It's obvious you're not trying to hurt her and I think she'll get that...ultimately. Congrats on the new baby!

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H.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I think Karliann Nicole is cute.. also Karli Ann-Nicole. I have heard Ann-Nicole together many times as a middle name. Karli Nicole is very cute too. If you decide not to have ann in her name then just let your sister know it is not intentional to hurt her, but that you and your hubby really like Karli Nicole and that it hurts you that she feels left out.

Even though my kids have similar names to family members we didn't make a bid deal that they may be named after family. We just picked names and didn't really think about it.

my mom's name is Sharlene, named my daughter Shayleen. similar but didn't really name her after my mom, I just always liked the name Shay and came up with Shayleen last minute because I originally wanted to name her Shaylynn but didn't like the 2 y's that close together. hubby's step-dad's name is James. We used James as a middle name. his mom's middle name is Jo we used Joseph as a middle name. Wasn't really intentional to use family names, I have 2 brothers and hubby has a sister. We didn't use any of their names and no one feels left out.
kids names are Kelly James (Kelly is a boy's name and was listed in baby book for both), Shayleen Elizabeth, and Brandon Joseph
They just sounded good together. I also liked Kolton Scott, Kolton Michael, and Kaitlyn Renee which were some more names we had on our list.

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J.Y.

answers from San Francisco on

I know how hard naming a baby can be! I tried to consider all the opinionated relatives' comments when naming my first child and, in the end, I didn't use what I really wanted and still regret it to this day. Naming a new baby is such a special privilege we get when we have children. It should really be between the mother and father who created the child. It's unbelievable to me that others want to put in their two cents, (or two dollars in some cases)!

Can you use your sister's first name as Karli's middle name?

Good luck!

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D.L.

answers from Kansas City on

this is the whole reason why i kept my daughter's name a secret until she was born. it is ultimately yours and your husband's decision - others will always have a input in it. you may end up hurting a family member but you and your husband have the decision to make. good luck with it - i couldnt decide on a name for my daughter so i ended up with 3 names :)

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