Name Help

I'm so sorry for your loss!

When I was 2 months pregnant with our first son my cousin was killed in a car accident. We were going to name him Chase Christopher until the day Eliot died. Eliot was 6 weeks younger than I and we pretty much grew up together. When I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant I wrote my aunt a letter explaining that because Eliot meant so much to me and was such a huge part of my life I would love to use his name as a middle name for our son as a tribute but only if she would be ok with that. I waited for her permission and she did give it to us...so now our almost 14 year old son has the name Chase Eliot and actually looks a bit like my cousin.

It might be easier for your aunt if you write a letter so she doesn't have to decide right away if you were to have a face to face or phone conversation. You might want to ask her a few months before your son is due to give your aunt time to get used to the idea. If your aunt is not ok with it, that's ok too. Maybe you could plant a tree in his memory as a tribute which is something else we did for my cousin.

my 16 yr old step son died in a car wreck we are totally expecting his brother to name his first boy after him. ( we are not going to suggest it though) I think it would be an honor but ask you aunt. it kinda depends how much time has passed and what triggers her emotions. little things can trigger their emotions on something like this so don't be offended if she says no. something like their social security card can send them down. ray found kennys ss card the other day and had to talk to me for 2 hours before he felt better. if you ask and she starts crying just talk to her it could be a happy or sad cry depends on her triggers.

ask your aunt -all she can say is that she would prefer you not use his name...

Hello C.,

You know what your reasons are for choosing a name. If you want to honor your cousin and use his name for the middle name, you should do it without having to ask! I know that if I were to ever have a girl her middle name would be Nicole after a relative of mine who was killed in her own home by a Burglar at the age of 11. I unfortunately never had a girl, but have 2 boys.

Silas Matthew is a nice name and you should not have to change it because your father of all people is making a fuss. Take care and remember this is your child, not anyone else's. Don't let others push you around when it comes to naming. Choose what you like and nobody needs to know the reason for the name. You can keep that to yourself if you want to.

D. P.

I think you should ask your aunt if it would be ok to honor your cousin's memory by using his name. I personally would think it would be touching if someone wanted to honor my son's memory that way. Just because they are gone they are not forgotten. It is all in the phrasing of the question to your aunt but I would definitely ask for her blessing!

My brother, also named Matthew, died in a car accident in May 2007 (he was 28). My younger cousin found out she was pregnant about 2 months later. When she had her ultrasound and found out it was a boy, she called me and my parents and asked if we would mind if she used the name Matthew. We all said we would be thrilled to have her honor my brother that way. I think its a wonderful idea and asking the family is the appropriate thing to do. If anyone else reacts like your father, it may just be too hard for the family to handle just yet. Have you asked your aunt/uncle yet? Congrats on #2 and the name Silas is great!

Congratulations on the upcoming arrival! Ultimately, what you name your son is you and your husband's decision. I can't imagine that if you tell your Aunt that you want to give your son your cousin's middle name as a way to honor him, that she would be unhappy about that. I would run it past her only. I think she will be touched, not unhappy. Silas Matthew is a lovely name. Best wishes.

Just tell your aunt that you'd like to honor your cousin by giving his name to your son as a middle name. I'll bet she'll be happy about it. God Bless.

My mother-in-law Michelle was dying of ovarian cancer when I was pregnant with my daughter and we were fortunate enough to tell her that if we had a girl (we chose not to find out the baby's sex) that we were going to use Michelle as the middle name. She was so touched and honored that she immediately started crying. I can't imagine that your aunt would be offended. I wouldn't worry too much about your dad's reaction. Men in general don't always react appropriately to things. I would just approach your aunt and let her know that you love and miss your cousin so much that you'd like to honor his memory by using his name as your baby's middle name. I'm sure she'll be just as touched.

Hi,

I am sorry for your loss. I truly believe in my heart that you would be honoring your cousin by naming your son after him. Unless for a religious reason, I don't understand why anyone would be upset with your decision. My dad just recently passed away suddenly and if I were to have a son, I would immediately name him after my dad. I would not care about other's opinions. Remember this is YOUR son and you are not doing anything wrong.

All the best to you!

What a great idea. You shouldn't give up on the idea of naming your son after your cousin. It's a great honor to name your child after someone. My two kids have middle names for their grandma and grandpa. I also think your aunt would be thrilled. Mention it to her. You could just say you would like to give your son Matthew for a middle name in honor of your cousin and ask her if she would be ok with that. I would think she would be honored by your gesture. Go with your gut.

Honestly, I do not think you have to ask to name your son after someone. Besides, Matthew is a biblical name and millions of people have it.

I named my son after an uncle that passed a couple of years prior (cancer). I didn't ask my grandparents, nor did I ask his wife. Everyone found out his name when they received his announcements. Nobody complained, and nobody said - oh, you should have asked first!

My brother's son was born two weeks after mine and named after another uncle of ours. He didn't ask either. And our uncle feels honored by the gesture.

I personally feel, this is your child and you have the right to name your child whatever you like. Don't let someone else ruin this special name for you. Besides, most people only go by their first name - it's not like he will be running around at your aunts house with you yelling after him calling him Matthew.

I am very sorry for your family's loss. I think it's nice that you want to honor your cousin but you should ask your aunt if it's okay with her. Since the passing of her son was under such tragic circumstances it may be tough to have another boy in the family with the name Matthew, even if it's just a middle name. If she objects, maybe you could use your cousin's middle name as the middle name for your son instead.

I would think they would be honored for you to name your child after him.