Name Change/Addition

The child should not be dictating name changes. In my opinion, you are the only one with a different name. If I were you I would change my last name to match the rest of the family instead of considering changing the children's and husband's last name. Just my opinion and seems more simplistic than three people changing their name.

I agree, four years old is too young to make a decision that will follow her for her entire life.

A person can use any name they wish, as long as they aren't doing it to commit fraud. There's a person's legal name, and then there is the name they "go by" and they don't have to be the same. She could start writing both names on all her school papers and every thing else. This doesn't mean you would have to go through the legal changes. After she has been doing that for some time, you could reconsider making the change legal.

I worked as an HR Manager and I was surprised to see how many people used names that were different than their legal names. The legal name needs to be on a drivers license or other government issued ID. In "onboarding" people into the company, I saw people with different first, middle, and last names than were on their legal IDs.

I took my family (maiden) name as my middle name after I got married. This saved me the problem of having two last names, but sometimes people do get confused about my names. That's OK.

I'm sorry, not to be rude at all, but I think this seems really extreme. She's FOUR - even if she's a mature four and has a good argument or whatever, I still think there's no way I would do this. I would tell her that's an adult decision and she has to be much older before she can make a decision like that. I don't know, I guess I don't know great reasons either but it seems bizarre to me to allow a four year old to do this. What if she then comes up with some other change she wants to make and then can't understand why she had power to change things before but not now. I don't know, sorry.

I would wait and let her do it when she is older (approx 18) because then
you have to change everything! (Ex. Social Security card etc.)
Plus having a long name in 1st grade can be difficult.
Just wait.
Hope that helps.

You can always let her have the full name as a 'nickname' (well, reverse nickname since it's longer!), and when she gets older you can change it legally. She sounds really bright!

She's four. Though it's sweet that she's so bright as to think about all this and to like your name....She's four. They get fixed on ideas at this age.

Distract her and if she brings it up again, just say, you can't change your own name until you're legally of age to do it. Then drop it.

I think you're giving her wishes a bit too much power in your own mind. She is exploring the idea of family connections and the thought of having your name makes her feel closer to you, perhaps, but this is too much for a four-year-old to get to decide. If you had wanted her to have a different name you would have done it at her birth, or could still do it any time, but it's up to you, not her. I'd drop it and eventually she will too. You say she'll bring it up again -- "You have to be 18 to change your name." Or whatever the law is in your state.

I wouldn't do it. I would explain that this is her last name. When she gets married, she will have the option to do what you did: add her married name after her maiden name. It would be incredibly cumbersome to add even another name to it. Imagine the future implications of this!

Good for her. She is proud of your names and wants them also.. She is becoming more aware of family dynamics.. That is pretty higher learning thinking.

I know in elementary school our daughter had a few friends who had parents with different last names for different reasons.. and the kids started to realize, that they did not have the "same names" and wanted everybody in the family to have a "Family Name"..

None of the families changed their names, but there was a lot of discussions about why the names were different but they were all still a family.

Just speak with her about names, families and choices that went into why your names are different.. Then I would wait a while (a few years maybe) to see if she still feels she wants her name changed.

Smart little lady! My parents told me that when I was little (around your daughter's age) I decided that when I got married my husband would be taking MY name. Now, this didn't happen, but my middle name disappeared and my maiden name took it's place. Who ever said that you should think about changing your name. . . it's just as silly as the idea of your daughters name changing meaning everyone changes their names. I have a friend whose siblings all have different last names because they decided to take last names of generations past (decided once they were adults). I never understood that, but it works for them! Having two last names is very common outside of the United States (particularly in South American countries) so I wouldn't sweat that. I never understood how they always end up only having two last names, but that's neither here nor there. ;) I say when she's older (maybe ten or older) and is still stuck on it let her go for it!

There is no right or wrong answer to this, just personal opinions. One thing that will help having the maiden names with the married ones, as you did is that with all the changes of DMV laws, it might save having to have so many legal papers to get the drivers license. You also have to concider if she changes her with your maiden name and then goes and adds her married name it will just get longer. I would be proud that she wants to use your family name, it shows that even at age 4 she is very family centered. That is so unusual for a 4 year old, ususally they want to change their names to something crazy like my granddaughter who wanted to be Candlelion for a time and wouldn't answer to anything else. You could let her use it and not change it legally so it will be easier when she is in school and grown up, just explain to her the difference. Personally I would concider it if she is that serious over it.

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There is no right or wrong answer to this, just personal opinions. One thing that will help having the maiden names with the married ones, as you did is that with all the changes of DMV laws, it might save having to have so many legal papers to get the drivers license. You also have to concider if she changes her with your maiden name and then goes and adds her married name it will just get longer. I would be proud that she wants to use your family name, it shows that even at age 4 she is very family centered. That is so unusual for a 4 year old, ususally they want to change their names to something crazy like my granddaughter who wanted to be Candlelion for a time and wouldn't answer to anything else. You could let her use it and not change it legally so it will be easier when she is in school and grown up, just explain to her the difference. Personally I would concider it if she is that serious over it.

I think that anything permanent should wait until she's old enough to understand all the implications of her decisions. Girls' brains aren't fully mature until age 23 or so! (Boys' brains mature around age 25, some even later :)

So if you feel up to being a good parent that will consistently enforce rules, tell her that she can do anything she wants after age 18 (legally) but hopefully up to age 23! I know you're not thinking of this yet, but how will you handle requests in the future about other "permanent" issues, such as piercings, tattoos, getting married, getting pregnant, name changes, etc.?

Tell your daughter to name her dolls whatever she wants. When she's older, let her go crazy with temporary tattoos, hair color, weird clothes, etc. But the permanent stuff really should wait.

I'm sure there are a lot of folks out there who regret some of the stuff that their parents let them get away with too early.

Unless your family is one that adds the wife's maiden name as a middle name for all their kids (I doubt that is the case or you would have done that when the kids were born), I would not do that.

Since you didn't do that before, I would not honor a request like that from a 4year old or allow her to make that decision for her sister. At this point, when she is an adult she can make that change when/if she wants. Besides, if she adds your maiden name and has her maiden name too, will she keep both when she marries? or will she drop one or both of them? Either way, it's an adult decision and she if just 4.