nAm I Crazy? Irrational Thoughts About Death

Sometimes, yes. Constantly, no. It's just a realization that I can't control everything, but I can't dwell on the What Ifs. I'm a control freak perfectionist, and if I do dwell on those things my anxiety goes through the roof. I have to acknowledge it as a passing thought and consciously push it away. That takes some practice, though, which I've had in my therapy.

Yay therapy.

Hi C.-

I have a 'medically fragile' kiddo who was NEVER expected to live (she celebrates her 16th birthday this october).

For a LONG time I felt this way about HER in particular...until a serious (unexpected) episode happened with one of my 'healthy' kiddos.

I have felt, since then...that 'we' cannot control the outcomes of ANY of our kiddos...or loved ones. We are called to rejoice 'in the moment' with ALL of them.

My eldest son recently deployed to afghanistan.

I worry for him MORE than I do for his younger sister.

I savored EVERY moment before he deployed...as I do each day with his younger sis.

I cannot 'control' the outcomes.

I choose to rejoice in what 'is'.

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Hi C., I think an occasional fleeting irrational fear of losing a child is something we've all experienced. The depth with which a mother loves her child is profound. But if it happens regularly, and only about one particular child and is bothering you enough to ask this question, perhaps it's time to investigate it.

Maybe you can ask your favorite doc about it.

And no, I don't think you're crazy.

:)

Once in a blue moon I will think what if this happens. It passes in less than a minute.

You may want to have a talk with your doctor because what your describing doesn't sound normal.

When I cuddle with my kids thinking I should enjoy this moment it is because I know how fast they grow up.

someone thought it sounded like a bit much, but well I had those feelings and actually I have a hunch there are more people out there who just don't admit to it. Somewhere in there we realize life is the proverbial 'short' and we begin to look at mortality a little closer after we have children. Our own and theirs. Obviously if it eats up your days and nights and you can't live your life then you need some help, but because you are able to identify these feelings and let us know I think you have a pretty clear head and will be very careful with your children. I grew up in a different era, and I am very aware of what can happen. My children survived in spite of me so far (in their twenties!) but even then I can't help but worry when they take on pursuits that involve danger or have illnesses and I can't help with a visit to the doctor and so I just turn it over to God. Hard to do, but I do. Perhaps a little prayer when you feel that way will ease this. And if not, see someone who can help you redirect the scarey feelings. And you of course sound like a person who will always take good care of your children. Give the little ones a snuggle from us.

I'm an insurance agent and have heard horrid stories of kids dying...mostly car/motorcycle/bike accidents, but also drownings are VERY common in AZ.

Anyway, I rest knowing that my kids are crazy about wearing helmets and putting on seat belts, even when I'm not there. I try to *teach* them to be safe in situations and hope that they still do that when I'm not around.

For each of my 3 kids, I have had a HORRIBLE nightmare about them dying, and realistically so, and jerked awake with my heart pounding and gasping for breath...those images still pop in my head once in awhile. But I'm not crazy about it and let it take over me.

I think you should talk to your doc about this and see if you can get some help. It sounds like a bit much. Good luck!

Ditto Theresa. For many moms, these feelings come and go. They don't stay 'present' for us all the time.

Dreams will do it to me, too! :)

I have these as well. They happen about once a month or so and for seemingly no reason. I have never suffered from depression or anything either, but I did ask my doc. He said it could be a number of things, ranging from guilt associated with the child (ie leaving for work each day and they are crying for mommy) to a little bit of left over postpartum depression (sounds like yours and mine both would be very mild, if any) to "normal" mom instinct that comes with some worry.

He told me not to worry much unless the thoughts become more frequent or severe. Sounds to me like you recognize you have them, realize they are "silly" and then move on within seconds to enjoy your "real" life in reality. =) Sounds perfectly normal to me, momma.

Please, do not worry and know this is very normal. Again, just keep remembering that all is ok and worrying does nothing. And don't be h*** o* yourself if you have a "bad" thought. Just move on, and kiss your baby again! And please do not be afraid to ask your doctor what he or she thinks.

Best wishes

You're not crazy, I've had those thoughts before too. It's usually an awful nightmare that will make them worse. Then I'll worry that the nightmare is a bad sign. But I have to remind myself that the things you worry about in everyday life manifest themselves in dreams.

Have you lost a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly? I never had these thoughts and worries until my dad died in 2006. Just got a phone call at work saying he died. Not he's in the hospital, had a heart attack, nope he was already gone. I never got a chance to say goodbye. So that did it for me, ever since then I've had an irrational fear of losing another loved one, especially my youngest, suddenly and unexpectedly.

God takes someone when it's their time and there's nothing that we can do otherwise. There's absolutely nothing I can change by panicking and worrying and freaking out. Nothing. So enjoy your children and cherish every moment by all means, but don't dwell on the what if's and crazy possibilities.

When you become a mother, lots of things happen. I know when I became one, I often would check on my son throughout the night, making sure he was safe and secure. Happy and asleep. You worry, obsess, and love them more then life itself.

With that being said, I can certainly understand your fears, and worry. However, when I have had similar thoughts, it is often after hearing something terrible that happened to a child. I think how terrible it is to lose a child, and I am so lucky to have a healthy, happy child. I don't think that I should enjoy the moment because they will die..type of thought. Their is a difference.

This fear will become an obsession if you dwell on it too much. It will start to interfere with your life, and your relationship with your child. If you continue having these thoughts, and feelings, I would talk to your Doctor.

While it is normal to worry and fear death in general, to continually have thoughts like this, it is a problem.

P.S. You aren't crazy..You are a mother, a very worried mommy. That happens to the best of us!

No, you're not crazy. Although it does sound like you are suffering from some anxiety these days. Depending on how old your youngest child is, it could be tied into some postpartum symptoms. If your baby is older then about 6 months or so, look at whats going on in your life:
do you have any new large sources of stress? Sleeping less lately? Consuming more caffeine then usual? Any or all of these could increase anxiety.

I would try to look at where the cause is (for example moving) and look at how you can make things better for yourself (checklists, meditation, etc.) If no cause can be found, or you have recently (within the last 6 months) given birth, talk to your doctor to see what you can do.

More than likely this is just a short term problem. Most of the time, a few simple changes will help eliminate anxiety entirely. But please don't be ashamed to ask for a little extra help. Sometimes we all need a little support in this crazy journey called life.

**source: anxiety patient for 5+ years**

Just a thought because I have over analysed this too...Maybe somewhere inside you know you are probably not going to have anymore children...this is your last baby? You are clinging on to babyhood knowing you might not have another one and that makes you relate that to her passing away? Just my thoughts.
-C.
ETA: no you are not crazy you just love your little girl!

Yes, it happens to me, not that they *will* be gone, but a fear of losing my kids young does distress me at times. Like you said, it only lasts a few moments. I know several people who have lost their children so I know it's something that is realistic, yet improbable. I drive very cautiously over bridges and it took me over a year to pump gas in the car with my kids in it...we walk to school and I'm extremely cautious and pass my caution on to my kids. My youngest is still in the SIDS age range, so I also also worry about her sleeping!

This is a very normal response as a mama. Becoming a mom is something that changes you forever. Along with that comes your undying love for your children. An all encompassing, all consuming ...love. You can't fathom anything happening to them because of that love. But you can't prevent it. Things may or may not happen. They may break a bone, hurt themselves playing or in sports or at a friends house, out of your care, but you will survive. My dad once told me that you can't worry about these things though, because they will limit your ability to enjoy the life that they bring to you in the "Now" That being said, enjoy them now, try to put those feelings in the back of your mind and pray and pray for protection over them. That's all you can do. (Besides helping them morally, and steering them in the right direction to hope they make the best choices later on in life) Enjoy!!!