Updated on April 04, 2008
L.R. asks from Oxford, MI
14 answers

My 14 year old nephew has an account on Myspace and so do I. He accepted me as a friend so I can go to his site whenever.

Now that my SIL knows this, she wants me to spy on him. She'll call and ask if he's online or who he's talking to. And what they are talking about.

At first I didn't see a problem with helping her out. But, now I am starting to feel a little guilty about it. I feel like I am invading his privacy.

I did tell her that her and my brother should have his password and his information so they can monitor it. But they haven’t done it. Then I thought maybe I should give her my information/password so she can go on as me and see his site.

Of course, if I ever saw anything dangerous or extremely bad, I'd let her know regardless.

Do I keep watching his Myspace or should I tell my SIL that she needs to do it?

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Thank you for the advice.
I think what I am going to do is tell my sil to get her own myspace account so she can monitor her own child. This way my nephew knows his mom can see what he’s doing.
I don't want to lose my nephew's trust by spying on him and giving up info to his mom or by giving his mom my password/id.
Obviously he knows I can see his account, I am one of his friends. And I plan to keep my account and just look every so often.

Featured Answers



answers from Detroit on

I let my sister use my account to spy on her daughter. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Whenever you can get the upper hand on those sneaky teenagers, you gotta take it!

More Answers



answers from Benton Harbor on

I have a myspace account and so does my husband and 17 year old son. Our house rule is that our son must make sure we always have the current passwords and usernames to all of his sites. If I try to access one of them and the password he has given me is wrong, I cancel the account. He knows Im serious because I actually cancelled his myspace once already (he had to open a new one after being grounded from the computer) These parents need to get involved and get serious about the internet. Its not going to change and the longer we stay disconnected, the more danger our kids are in. It is my JOB as a parent to stay up to date on the ways kids communicate these days (like text messaging) so I always understand the dangers that come with it!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Grand Rapids on

I think as part of the terms of him having an account, his parents should have their own account and be on his friends list. Then he knows that they can monitor his behavior at any time.



answers from Detroit on

Computers are a privilege that children have. Your nephews parents should have his password or whatever they need to monitor his computer use. I'm also a firm believer that the computer should be in public room, not a bedroom, and parents absolutely have the right to monitor. That is not to say he doesn't deserve some sort of privacy...but the internet can be a scary place.

He is not your child however and it is his parents responsibily to monitor his computer use.



answers from Detroit on

This might be different advice, but I think you should tell your SIL to let her son (your nephew) know that she has asked you to help protect him online. Then everyone knows and there is no sneaking around and your nephew knows he is in check. He will appreciate it later and your SIL will be grateful for the extra eye.



answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi Lola,
I think that the parents should have his password and monitor him themselves. My kids are young but already my 4 year old wants to go on websites like so that he can play the games. He can pretty much do it all himself so I monitor him the entire time so he doesn't accidentaly go somewhere else. When he is older I will have all passwords if he wants to use the computer.



answers from Detroit on

Hi Lola!

This is just my opinion, but...
I say stay out of it. Remove yourself from his friends list. She and her husband need to be the parent not you. Remove yourself from the situation all together. That might tick your SIL off, but it's her job not yours.

Good Luck,
J. in Macomb



answers from Lansing on

I don't think there is really anything wrong with her wanting you to keep an eye out, but if it's getting to be a daily thing--then that is the parent's resposibility. Maybe she doesn't have any idea how to navigate through the site. Those sites can be itimidating to those that are unfamilir or not internet savvy! Offer to help her out, since you sound like you know what your doing, she'd probably appreciate it!



answers from Detroit on

I used my son's account once to spy on my daughter. I was initially to make sure there was nothing on it... I found something about her dating an older guy.
She wrote
" I don't care what my parents say"

lol... (ok..)
So under my son's name I wrote

" Mom has read it... now remove it" He he... i loved it!

She was sooo mad at my son. I really should'nt have used his ID to do it. I really put him in a bad situation.
I don't want my kids to hate each other over something like that.

I really should have got my own account. My son didn't care, but I did after she reacted.

Here is what I did:

1. I opened a myspace account up

(YOU COULD help your sister open her own myspace up)or do what i did. I had my daughter actually help me set one up. It does two things. It'll help HER bond with HER own kid (notice I said OWN KID) and they like the fact that you are cool enough to have one. (no matter what they say... trust me)

Don't get me wrong... my daughter yelled and screamed at first. saying Im not going to invite you. Then we said.. No internet!! boy her tuned changed and she calmed down. To this day.. I still tell her if a picture is inappropriate. (no arguments)

2. I told my daughter she had to invite me

(or lose the internet) It's a privledge, not a right!

3. I told my daughter I would not invade her emails or anything.

(that is like a personal journal... kids say awful things about all parent... don't be shocked.. lol) Hey If I'm not a "Witch" (you know "B") then Im not doing my job as a parent. Im not trying to win the best friend award here! I want to raise a well respected young lady. And Keep her safe !!

Then I set the rules!!
Remember technically you could email Tom and get them banned from myspace because they aren't old enough anyway to use the site. He knows these kids are lying about the age. But if you rat them out. He'll lock them out!

But I Love myspace. I think the kids have a place to chat with friends and do some cool things. Personally I like facebook too... (lol.. i have one of those too !! )


I told my kids it had to be set to private.
They have to show you who their friends are and that they are friends from school. (had to be people they knew)

1. Set to Private
2. Only kids they knew
3. Had to show me who their friend were and I made sure I knew how they were. First name last name, and then I compared it to the yearbook.

4. No personal information on the site.
First name only. No Hometown. No last name!
These web sites provide too much information.
Schools. names... sports...
it won't take a perve long to locate someone if they wanted to. Remember sports are available to find practices and games listed on all school websites. (that is why private and only people they go to school with... or you can go one step further and you have to say Yah or Neigh to whom they invite and be present)

So to answer your question.

No .. I would not give her your password and screenname.
She needs to be honest with her child and either you help her set it up .. or tell her to have her son. They love to help when Mom is interested.

Now with my daughter I did do one sneaky thing... I wanted to test her. I did not continue to test her. Sent two requests and she ignored both of them.

I made up a fake myspace. I was Mustang Tom ... lol

I put a hot mustang on my page. Hot guy pic...
and tryed to get her to respond. I wanted to see if she would answer a hot guy....

She didn't !! Otherwise she would've lost the internet !!

So I hope that helps.
My son is now 19 and my daughter is 17.

They survived myspace.
But it's good that they care !! Tell them to keep caring...
but help your sister... get her page up and running.

She'll love it herself and will see why the kid like it...

:) Hope that helps. It's really only up to you to help if you need to, it's a parent's job to watch closely.

I have fun chatting my nieces !! and relatives.
Like you said... if you saw something hurtful or distructive... you'd call.

Here is why I say she needs to watch her own ...

My son recently changed his screen name to....

I hated it imediately and your thinking the same thing I was thinking... somethings wrong. He's upset. It's a negative screen name... I've tried to get him to change it.. lol

Do you know what he said to me..
Mom... you know with girls...
Nice guys finish last....

My heart broke.... he is 19 !!
I still hate that name... lol
and so does my husband...

so we assume that it's a bad thing when in reality he was just using that saying....

This is why parent's need to talk to their children...

Your the Aunt... Your suppose to be the Favorite !! lol
I know I am !! lol



answers from Lansing on

hey lola
i to havae a myspace and got it for the soul reason of spying on my five girls and my neices and nephew so i would keep on letting her know what going on



answers from Lansing on

Hands down every child should be trusted to make good decisions. If you give your child permission to set up an account then it should be made very clear that you want the user name and password and let them know that you will periodically be checking the website. If you are not up front with them, and go behind their back, then don't be surprised if they go behind yours. Remember they learn what they see.

It is your SIL responsibility to monitor her own child not yours. She allowed him to have an account and she should be the one to watch it.



answers from Detroit on

I agree with Lola. It's their job and if he has one then they should be monitoring. I personally wouldn't allow my 14 yr old to have one. However, I wouldn't lose him on your friends altogether. He'll wonder why and maybe start tension between him and his mother. Let her know you won't do it. But if you do see something really bad, fill her in. Maybe duggest she have one too. Then she can communicate with her son online as well.


answers from Lansing on

I do think that you should try to stay out of it as much as possible. The except would be if you do see anything dangerous or bad. I also think that she should definately have his userid and password. Maybe you could suggest to your SIL that she create a myspace page for herself and then friend request him so she can see things for herself.



answers from Detroit on

I definitely agree that they should have his account/password and also have their own MySpace page and add him as a 'friend' so he knows they can check up at any time.

I'd keep him as a 'friend' on yours - but don't feel like you have to frequently check on his site.

Personally, I have a MySpace page - but it takes so long to pull the pages up sometimes that I don't do it often. (Time constraints, more important things to get done, etc.) Just tell your SIL that you don't have the time to check frequently (recommend to them to get his info and start their own account), but reassure her that you'd tell her if you ever saw anything indicating serious trouble.

Best wishes!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions