My Younger Two Will Not Sleep in Their Own Room

Hi T.,

My son went through the same thing around the same age. He wouldn't sleep in his bed, he wouldn't go to sleep if I had him in his bed. I eventually broke down and bought a little pop up tent, and put it in my room at the end of my bed! It was terrible! (not really) It wasn't so much the lack of sleep, but the lack of any privacy whatsoever lol. But anyway, Tough it out, from the people I have talked to, they grow out of it eventually. Andrew did. He sleeps in his own room now, and is very very adamant about his privacy.
Hope this helps!
Kim

Hello!

I know you've gotten lots of good advice, but I'll give you one last idea. When our second baby was three months old I went to a family counselor for ideas on how to get our (then three years old) older daughter to sleep on her own. My husband slept with her when she went to sleep and would sleep with her again if she woke during the night and started screaming. This had been going on for months. I missed him plus needed his help with the new baby! She said that it's scary for little ones to learn to sleep on their own after having mommy or daddy so it's an easier transition with rewards. We got a calendar and put it on my daughter's wall, and a bunch of fun stickers. Each night she slept on her own she put another sticker on the calendar. Then she could cash in her stickers for a toy (nothing huge of course, but a reward). It made the whole process fun, and the mornings something for her to look forward to (as she got to pick which sticker to go on her calendar). After one week she just enjoyed the stickers, and really forgot about the toy reward. So, maybe you're young guys would enjoy being rewarded for being big boys, instead of punished for not. I figure it's sort of like working - I don't enjoy it, and definitely wouldn't put in much effort if not for the paycheck! : )

Good Luck!

K.

I just went through this with my 2 1/2 year old. She would scream and cry until I got her out of her crib - it was easier on me just to put her in bed with us. I was SO exhausted! 2 years of not sleeping through the night. Well - I finally determined that I would be a better mom if I slept through. So - my husband and I switched every other night. The first night I put her down - had the child proof lock on the INSIDE so she couldn't get out. I went in every 1/2 hour or so and did not talk - just put her back in bed. Eventually she fell asleep. My husband did the same the following night (I actually left the house.) It took a week - but she now sleeps in a big girl bed all by herself through the night. It was hard - but the kids are not learning to 'self console' if you are there. And yes - there were nights I sat outside her door crying - but only one week I tell you! You can do it - just ask for help from your whole family. Tell the older boys they will give them a 'suprise' if they sleep in their room all night. (A special quarter - or a trip to the park? Candy?) Everynight we go through everyone we know - "Grandma is sleeping in HER bed, Pappy is sleeping in HIS bed - the neighbors are sleeping in THEIR bed." They will get it - and - please follow up and let us all know how it goes! Good luck to you!

Oh my! I'm sorry, but that's just crazy! lol...how in the world is anyone getting any good sleeping? Kids will get away with what you ALLOW them to get away with. I don't mean to sound harsh...but...you need to nip this in the butt and finally stick to your guns. You do your nighttime routine...read a story, etc., love on them each...then, it's time for bed. Are there other factors, such as scared of monsters or anything like that? if so, there are some cute ideas for dealing with that...but if you feel this is truly just a battle of the wills, I would say, enough is enough. Right now they are in control and that is not healthy for anyone involved. I know that's hard to read, but they are surely calling the shots for you to have to go to such lengths.

I personally would make sure there is a gate placed at their door (two stacked on top if need be, if they are climbers, lol)...this handles any potential unsafe night roaming...as well as they actually might feel a bit safer, they can see what is going on outside of their room, yet there is a 'barrier'. They are certainly old enough at this age to comprehend...it's bedtime, we are going to sleep and we are doing so in our own beds. I also think from my own experience they are past the prime 'Ferberizing' time...and that the more attention you give their tantrums, the more prolonged it will be. I would occasionally say "it's time to go night-night (or insert your term here), I love you, now go get in your bed" I would explain that I will only tuck you in once...if you do not stay in your bed you will have to retuck yourself in. End of story. They may even fall asleep on the floor for a few nights...but trust me, they'll get the hint and realize whose won this battle, lol.

I usually go things hard core and just get it done...but I've heard of some people using graphs/charts...if say they sleep in their bed for 'x' amount of days they will receive some form of 'reward'.

*****EDIT**** sorry, I just realized you gave an update and that you have solved the problem, great job guys!! enjoy your peaceful sleep in your bed!! :o)

First off..YOU CAN DO IT!! I soooooooo know it's hard..we just went thru getting rid of drinks at bedtime and what a few nights of horror that was. I would suggest putting a lock on the door. Along with a routine like someone suggested. ALSO room darkening shades work really well in our house *just got them and am SO happy I did* also my son enjoys a stop light night light on and music where my daughter doesn't like either. Keep trying things..something WILL work. BE STRONG..crying will only last a week and just think of the great sleep you'll all have once you've succeded!!! HANG IN THERE!!! Let us know how things go

Yep, my 7 year old is doing the same thing. She thinks the best place in the world to sleep is on our floor. Weird, I'd want to be in a bed!

We've had to do crying it out and MAN that is hard but its what gets it done. We got a little lax after vacation but are buckling down this weekend to get back in the habit of sleeping in her bed, not on our floor. In the past when we've done the "mean mommy" thing of making her cry and fuss it out, its been hard for 2 nights and then its easier after taht. That's why we're doing it over the weekend!!

I hope something helps, I know how very hard it can be!

:) B.

When my son was 19 months he figured out he could climb out of his crib-at 3 or 4 in the morning he'd be trying to crawl into our bed. It was exhausting. I introduced him to his big boy bed and bought this little knob device at babies r us. Its like a plastic knob that goes over the door knob and it is pretty hard for any kid to open the door. Anyway, I tucked him in and shut the door. There isn't anything he can get hurt with in his room. For about 10 days he cried and banged his door and fell asleep infront of the door-but he learned that that was his bed and that's where he was sleeping, end of story. He also went to bed first so that he could have his screaming tantrum before everyone else was in bed. He goes to bed around 7:15. The first few nights the tantrums lasted about 1hr and 25 minutes...but they shortened and now, he goes right in bed and sleeps through the night. And when he wakes up in the morning he just knocks on his door. I promise-it didn't scar him-if anything it made him a happier baby b/c now he is getting a full night sleep. You have to be stronger than the kids...if you have to put them in a sit outside until they fall asleep so you don't hav to listen to them cry. I know it sounds mean-what i did-but I am telling you, we are all in a much better position sleeping full nights in our own beds.

Hi T.-
This is a hard one. What we do with our kids is have a VERY definite bedtime routine. We start the routine at the same time every night. We watch a short movie (wiggles or something about 30 mins). We brush teeth,go into the bedroom, read a book and get tucked into bed. They know that when this routine starts it's time for bed. We also say "lets watch your movie and get ready for bed". That way they know what is coming. We do not negotiate or give options, except for which jammies do you want to wear (given the choice of 2). Most nights we let our son take some toy,book, car, etc to bed with him. He is told that if he gets out of bed the item will be taken away. This usually works very well. He has a hard time if he doesn't feel good or is over tired. A really good book that my pediatrician recommended to me when my son was very little is called " Healthy sleep habits, healthy child" It has some really good info in it. Hope this helps.

I am having the same problem with my 3 and 4 year olds. They refuse to sleep unless I am right there. I too have been sleeping on the floor. I have got really fed up the past few days!! Two days ago I started sitting in the hall outside their door with the door open until they fall asleep. The first night it was 2 hours! Last night it was 1 3/4 hours. I'm hoping for less tonight if all goes well. I'll tell you that since you've been sleeping with them for 2 years you'll probably have a harder time. Maybe even a few weeks. Just keep putting them back in the bed. Sooner or later they'll goto sleep. Just be consistant. If they get in your bed in the middle of the night, put them right back in their bed. DO NOT LET THEM STAY IN YOUR BED AT ALL!! Not even for a few minutes. You are the boss. Hopefully in a few weeks you'll have won the fight. Good luck!! And don't let the crying wear you down!! Be strong. Just remember a good night sleep is only a few weeks away.

What has your pediatrician said? I'd bring this up with them too... (Mine has been great with advice/reassurance on our sleep issues).

I don't yet have that problem with two still in cribs, but I've heard alot of moms have had success with putting two baby gates on top of each other in the doorway to the children's bedrooms. This way they can't get over the gates to get out, but they can still see out and not feel so isolated. They can play in the room or they can sleep but they can't get out. You can also try camping out in their room until they fall asleep. Gradually move closer and closer to the door until you're out in the hall and then back in YOUR own room. At that point, you can tell them that if they need to, they can come in and sleep *on the floor of your room* in their sleeping bag. (This lets them have the comfort of being near Mom and Dad, but doesn't disturb your sleep or get you kneed in the eye at 4am... ;)

Good luck!

T.,
My thoughts would be to decide on a tactic with your husband. What we did when we transitioned them to toddler beds (they were much younger) was to put them in bed, shut the door, and get as far away as possible. It's a little more difficult with potty-trained children (you want them to get up and go) but a gate restricting them to just the bathroom and a child lock on mom and dad's room might help. You are the Mom...you make the rules...and you are strong enough to enforce them. Limits are essential for healthy children and that includes sleeping (both where and when). Decide on a good time to stick it out...and do it. Don't quit until you've accomplished your goal. Ask for help (ie someone to watch them so you can take a nap). And locking them in their room until they fall asleep is not going to harm them so long as their room is childproof. Make sure their bedtime is early enough to allow for several hours of drama before you go to bed. Even with mine I had to wait usually an hour or two before he gave up and fell asleep on the floor behind the door. I would then pick him up, lay him in his bed and close the door. If possible, let them have their own sleep space done up with sheets that they pick. Maybe make it a magic place that's only good for them if they stay there.
Most of all, remember that you deserve to sleep in your bed. That's your space and unless you are choosing to co-sleep, it's not theirs. Remember, You are Mom! Be strong and conquer the troublesome sleepers!

T.
A friend of mine had the same problem that you are having now. She started out by allowing her son and daughter to sleep on the floor by her bed, but never in bed with her and her husband. She then moved them out into the hallway and kept her bedroom door open. Eventually, she moved them to the floor of their own bedroom and into their own beds. Granted, this was a bit of a process for her and you have to be a light sleeper in case they try to sneak into your bed. She stuck to her guns though and she thought it a much better alternative than letting them cry it out. Although, I think letting them cry it out can be a faster, but more painful method.

We had problems with getting our now 3 yr old to sleep in her toddler bed when we converted from the crib. Her dad took her to target and they picked out a whole new bed set with matching lamp-shade, pictures, curtains, rug...the works. Have your kids design or pick a design for their "big boy room". If they don't agree on one thing use separators if you have to. The point is to create a space that they can identify as theirs.

Hi,
My 4 year old sleeps with mom and dad every night except when we are at our cottage. We put her in her own room while we are there and she stays all night. I have to lay with her for quite awhile but it works. I haven't tried this at home for about a year now. It is so much easier to put her to bed with us but of course there is no alone time to read or watch TV in our room. Up north we have one wall seperating us from her room which seems to reasure her that we are right thier beside her. The same goes for our house so maybe that will help next time I give it a try. Plus we don't spend much time in her bedroom and Iv'e let the clothes pile up on her bed which doesn't help. I think I will tidy up her room and start laying with her about the time she goes back to preschool. Maybe by doing it together she will appreciate her own space. I don't have the answers but the same type of problem.

Hi T.,
Wow, 4 boys; it's such a blessing but at night I know it feels more like a curse.... I had the same problem with one of my sons and we handled it by telling him that if he doesn't sleep in his own room, then he gets a MAJOR privledge taken away like a favorite tv program or playing outside with his bike, etc. Likewise, he would get a reward for sleeping in his room all week, like swimming, a movie or night out of his choice. At first, it will seem more of a punishment to you because it's hard to eliminate the tv or playing with friends, but be consistent and it does work! good luck to you!