My Young Daughter Wants to Be a Boy

I agree with JoDee. I've seen many little girls enjoy being a tomboy during their early years. My youngest preferred playing by herself and I'd find her sitting in a favorite spot in a tree anytime I missed her. She loved lizards and cicadis and frogs. She still loves wildlife and reptiles and is an active fun-loving Girl Scout leader now with two boys of her own. And, as a 34 year old adult, she still craves time to herself and takes her troop of 8/9 year old girls on all kinds of adventures.

My girls had race tracks and cars, played sports and jumped wheelies on their bikes during their growing years and have grown up to be beautiful, well-rounded young women with active and happy families. They became feminine when they were ready for it.

I wouldn't make an issue of it. The more you make of it, the bigger problem it will become and she'll feel she has to hide things from you. Just enjoy her antics and one day, when the time is right, she'll discover the princess within.

http://www.missBrenda.com

I was SUCH a tomboy growing up! I played g.i.joes with the neighbor boy and made boobie traps, and played in the mud. I loved to ride dirt bikes, play tackle the man football with my cousins and brother, and I even wanted to be a WWF wrestler when I got older. Looking back now, my mom never said anything about it. She just let me do it. The older I got I kind of just grew out of it, except for wanting to play sports in which later sports payed for alot of my college b/c of a scholarship..I say let her do her thing! She is having fun and thats all we want is for our kids to be happy..Your a great mom!

I too have a tomboy for a daughter. I have an older son and was excited to have a girl to "dress up." That did not work out as planned.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. My daughter is 8 now. She seems a little more extreme than what you describe. She does not play with dolls or barbie or dress up. I tried not to long ago to get her in a dress to go to a wedding! That was near impossible. She gets more dirty and has more holes in the knees of her jeans than my son. She has always had more "boy" friends than "girl" friends. In fact, she has never had a best friend that was a girl.

This summer though I have seen a change. She decided that she wanted to be a cheerleader. So I signed her up. She actually picked out clothes for school this year that we can agree on. They are not pink and frilly but they are very cute.

My daughter has never had a problem in school. In fact, last year the kids were teasing her and her best friend (a boy). They were saying that they were boyfriend/girlfriend. What's worse some parents even made comments about it! You would think that they know better. My daughter just set them straight and told them that wasn't the case and never seemed to think about it again.

I wouldn't worry. Just give her time. She'll come around and if she doesn't--well, as long as she is happy, right?

She's completely normal. I was a huge tomboy. I wore dresses until about 1st grade then stopped and didn't willingly until my first job after college. On occassion I would dress up (church - always a battle, Prom, formals). I remember slightly playing with Barbie but my fondest memories are with Johnny West and the Best of the West collection. Sherrif Garrett is staring down at me from a shelf at this very moment. My favorite tv show was Bonanza and I'm loving all the reruns on tv now and sharing that with my daughter and son. I started playing softball in 4th grade and played continously through freshman year in college. Afterwards I played with work friends and eventually met my husband because of the teams I was on. If I hadn't played sports I wouldn't have met him and would probably be single with very few friends. I had always had more male friends than female friends.
Funny thing is my friend said I'd have a girly girl and not know what to do with her. She cursed me because I do have a semi-girly girl and she drives me crazy sometimes. She will get dirty and climb around and play softball so she's not totally girly girl, thank goodness.
My stepmother's 3rd daughter, at some point in her early life, requested that she be called Joe. That went on for a while and she ended up married with 3 kids.
As long as your daughter is clothed, try not to obsess over the type of clothes she's wearing. Like someone said the adult perspective is different than the kids. Have you asked her why she wants to be a boy? I remember wanting to be a boy so I could pee standing up. She may want to be a boy because she admires someone who's male. Take a deep breath and relax.

I suggest that maybe you don't make an issue of it and let her do it. Then she won't be getting all your attention by fighting with you about wanting to be a boy. She will realize that you love her just the way she wants to be and it will fade. The key is having faith that it will fade. Hope this helps.

Dr. Phil had a really good show on this. Go to his website and search for it and you can read his advice.

Hi Sheila,

I have been through something similar with my daughter! She was a huge Spiderman fan in the 3rd grade! At first I thought she just really liked the movie but then when school was starting she wanted a Spiderman backpack. I warned her if she carried that to school she might get picked on by the other kids but she didnt seem to care. So there I was on the first day of school watching my 2 daughters walking up to the school, one with a Spiderman backpack and one with My Little Pony, praying that she would not be picked on. Once I picked her up from school and asked her if anyone said anything about her backpack she said the boys told her she was a boy and to my surprise, she didnt care, she said she wanted to be a boy! I asked her why she wanted to be a boy and she told me because boys are cool. I didnt ever want her to think that I was ashamed of her or that something was wrong with her so I let her live out this faze until she grew out of it. It felt like this faze lasted forever in my mind. She had me take her to Payless and buy her Spiderman tennis shoes, had a Spiderman themed birthday party and even dressed like Spiderman on Halloween!! Soon enough the faze passed and she is now in the 5th grade and is into girly clothes, has earrings and seems to be very happy with who she is. I guess my point is not be too concerned with this, her view about wearing boyish clothes could change overnight and if it doesnt then let it be. She needs to know you love her(which Im sure she does)and are proud of who she is! I truely believe, as hard as it is not to try to convince her to be more girly and to wear the cute things that everyone wants there little girls to wear, that she will eventually want to do these things on her own. I hope this helps to know your not alone.

You've gotten lots of good feedback already, but I thought I'd throw my take in the mix. I was very much the tomboy when I was little and wanted to grow up to be the Rifleman (devasted when I found out that I would grow up to be a woman and not a man... I thought I could be whatever I wanted). Anyway, it just seemed like most of the things I liked were more "boy" than "girl" and my mom tried and tried (and tried) to change my outlook and make me put on dresses and wear my hair a certain way. I hated it and thought she was never happy with me. And, I agree with what Brenda said about her wanting to hide things from you because that's exactly how it made me feel - like I had to hide my true feelings because they weren't the "right" ones.

Eventually, I began to want to more feminine things (still wanted to do most of the other things, like ride my motorcycle, hike and climb trees, etc) but I felt like I had to hide that from mom, too. It seems funny now, but at the time, I felt like it had been such a battle for so long - my mom trying to get me to be more feminine and me resisting it - that when I finally felt like being more feminine, I was embarassed that I wanted that and felt like I was "giving in" somehow on this long war and that my mom had "won". But, then, that's what she set up by making it a battle.

If I could offer my two cents, for what it's worth, just revel in her independence and wait and watch as she changes. I really wish my mom had accepted my ways because when my tomboy phase was over, I never really felt comfortable asking her for help with the feminine things that I hadn't learned when all the other girls did.

Good luck.

oh, and about the Rifleman thing... I eventually was extremely happy to be a woman, so that was really just the confusion of the 5 year old who respected what the Rifleman stood for and wanted to have that kind of strength... remember that the perspectives of children are not always what we see as adults. I didn't really want to be a "man", I just wanted to be strong and ethical like he was. Don't know if that made sense, but I hope so.

P.

I wanted to be a boy until I was twelve. I even begged my mother to cut my hair as short as my brother's. It is a phase some girls go thru and I would just ignore it. She will be more feminine as she reaches puberty if not before. If you call attention to it, there will only be battles, or it will make her feel something is wrong with her. Ignore it. This too shall pass.