My Trouble with "Healthy Sleep Habits..."

Oh my gosh - this is totally like my son! Although he was my first baby, I really struggled to get him to sleep longer at naptime (he slept great until he was about 3 months old, then started shortening his naps and started getting up at night). I tried everything, but my pediatrician said that he'll either start sleeping longer or he'll make due with short catnaps. That was not the advice I wanted to hear! BUT...he just started adjusting to short naps and I just had to accept it. Ugh. I think by about 8-9 months old, he handled it a little better. Finally, at about a year, I had to Ferberize him (I was 2 months pregnant and just couldn't get up all night with him). It was relatively easy (3 nights, 30 minutes of crying max). His naps didn't get better, but he did start sleeping through the night (he was weaned, in his own crib). I hope this helps!

I love the book to a point also and if you can handle another advice tome -- check out www.babygroupvideo.com. Donna Holloran, a baby guru in Los Angeles did a dvd that does an amazing job on sleep for the first year and several other topics. Even though I'm a repeat mom, I found it so helpful and best of all, you can watch it while you do stuff in the house and your baby/young kids will watch too because of the babies.

That said - your baby will keep waking up as long as you keep feeding her at 3. I totally understand doing it -- we all want to do the fastest thing to get everyone back to bed. Try turning her on her tummy and patting her back and shushing her to help her soothe herself instead. This may take longer for a few nights, but you know she doesn't need the calories to sleep thru the night and eventually you will get her back on track. Try not to pick her up because once she smells the milk it will be almost impossible. You might try spraying your robe w/lavender water to camoflage the milk smell (I was amazed that this worked, but it did).

As for naps, if you can't get help to let her stay home or ask fellow parents to carpool kids to activities so you don't have to interrupt naps every day, try implementing a consistent routine in her room w/music, lovey, etc and let her self-settle in car seat if possible if you know you will have to take her out mid-nap. At her age when they spend 5 to 10 minutes self-settling, they sleep longer and you will be so much less frustrated. The dvd does an excellent job on napping as well, with real moms discussing their real situations. Hope it helps -- I've been there!

It is true that you care deeply for your family. So, go with the flow. When picking up kids and on out-and-about, stop by on a good day...to air everyone for at least a half hour, properly dressed at the local safe park! The air will do the family wonders...Air out the room if possible, or your home while you vacate...just pull down the top window and have same for cross ventilation. When you get home, cover the children for everybody's nap time! Please don't air the kids after sunset as the dampness will cause ear infections or bronchitis. The same for you, as mother.
Using good formulas before sleep, such as oatmeal before sleep, or a little apple/plum or other fruit before sleep, will help due to the natural sugar. It's a downer. Sugar in the brain makes for sleepy minds! For minds alert, protein (bar), fish, beans without rice, etc. will help. Know your body chemistry and blood type. Get the book called Eat Right for your TYPE....truly amazing information to set the standard for a lifetime. GO BY THE BOOK!

hi stacy-
i read this book and used it with both our kids. the core of the approach is consistancy. it sounds like right now you don't have the luxury of having a consistant schedule for your 6 month old, and therefore you can't expect for her to have a consistant sleep schedule for day or night sleep. you may have to flex other areas to provide that consistnacy. i know that i signed my daughter up for after care at school so that if my younger one was still napping, or nursing i could pick her up right after-- it worked for me.... just a thought- it is give and take, and if you want for her to have a better sleep schedule you may have to flex other things.

Hi, Stacy:

I'm L., and I have a 6 month old as well, who used to sleep through the night, and then started waking up at 3am, as well. If there is any way for you daughter to be home and in her crib by 10am at the latest, she's likely to take a long nap. My daughter takes a 2 hour nap in her crib from 10am to noon, then another 1 hour or less nap between 3pm and 4pm. The afternoon nap is sometimes in her carrier, but I try to get her in her crib. However, she still wakes up around 3 and nurses. I think it might be related to teething and hunger. I'm now feeding her A LOT at night, with solids and supplementing my nursing with 4 ounces of formula at night, so that when I nurse her @ 3am, she falls back asleep and I put her in her crib. Bed time is solidly at 8pm, sometimes a little sooner. So, I don't know if this actually helps, but, I do suggest feeding your little one a lot prior to nap and bedtime...

I also would bring my son to bed with me to nurse, and did for a year and 2 months. Until my husband got tired of having to watch out, not to smash him. Now he only nurses to sleep not nap and doesn't wake up not once, from one day to another. He wasn't hungry he was just used to the breast soothing him back to sleep until he got used to not having it. So hang in there with the nursing at night.In the future it'll be hard to get him out of your bed though. I felt it was time to get my son ready for his crib and wean him off so I would only nurse him while sitting on the living room couch.For nap and for the night no other time. He was never to enter my room again. Yes, I hated sitting up and yes I would nod-off.But If I could go back I wouldn't have nursed in bed it was hell for a couple of weeks trying to get him in his crib.I even slept on the floor in his room to keep him from crying. As far as the naps I just try to schedule my errands and get a nap in when I know I'll be able to give him at least 1 hr. of uninterupted sleep.

First let me say, the worse thing you can do is bring a baby to your bed. At 6 months old she should be sleeping through the night, but if she wakes and you go get her, trust me she will wake up the next night too because the pattern has already been set, try giving her cereal at night before she goes to bed, and if she wakes up don't get her out of bed, you need to break this habit, my kids are grown, my youngest is 18, so I'm from the old school where babies slept on their stomachs, I run a home daycare and when i nap babies on thier backs, they only sleep 30 to 45 minutes at a time, but my babies slept 2 and 3 hours at a time on their stomachs. 6 month olds don't usually have a deisnated nap time, they usually sleep ay different times during the day, but you may want to sacrafice at least 2 hours a day here you just stay home, and try and see if that will help her nap. Hope this helps. J.

Not sure what kind of advice you're needing, but I was there a few years ago...I had my youngest child when my other kids were almost 2,4,5 and 6. All I can say is now that my oldest is 12, it is getting easier and yes after years of being very tired and not sleeping well I finally get a good nights sleep every night!

So hang in there. My husband is USAF, so no I had very little help when they were little... I say as long as baby is healty that the half naps during the day are not going to do baby any harm. Kids are pretty good at getting what they need when they need it, so stop stressing and enjoy your little ones while they are super little:0)

Mother of 5:0)

It's a whole different ball game with number four. As you said, you have things to do, places to go, other kids to drive here and there. Your 4th is growing up in a different environment, so her patterns will be different. It sounds as if she has adapted well to your lifestyle. I loved the pre-nap "rest" with my #4 - they were nice breaks in my busy days. As you well know, she won't be a baby for much longer. Hang in there, and you will be longing for her babyhood back in no time. :0)

I know this is much easier said than done, but if the baby's erratic sleep schedule is bothering you, maybe you should try to reschedule your day's activities around a fixed nap time for her.

I only have two kids, so I'm only running around half as much as you, but one thing I make sure happens every day no matter what we have going on is that we are home by 1:00 for my daughter's nap. I have had to turn down many invitations because they interfere with her nap, but she does not do well when she doesn't get her sleep, so getting her home in time is of the utmost importance - for everyone's happiness!

Try to figure out what would be an appropriate time(s) of day for her to nap (one that fits with her natural sleep rythms) and then build the day around that time. Choose classes for your older kids that won't interfere with her nap time. Run errands before or after. Like I said, easier said than done, I know! But give it a try for a month or two and see if there is any improvement in her sleep pattern.

Good luck!!

You have interrupted your baby's sleep pattern and that is why she wakes at 3 am. You need to get her back on track.

Stacy,

Check out The Sleep Easy Solution.... it is written by these women who have a store in Beverly Hills. They also do home consultations.

Good luck,
K.

Hi Stacy;

I have a couple of suggestions: 1. She may be waking up because she isn't getting enough in her stomache to carry her through the night. I learned early on if I nursed them to sleep the babies tended to not eat as much. My solution was to time each breast and keep waking them up until they had fully eaten.

Secondly, the baby may be nursing and sucking but your milk input could be alot less because of the addded stress of more children and more activities. A good way to check this is to pump your breast and gauge it against what you remember getting with your other babies.

Have you tried introducing formula and alternating between nursing and a formula bottle. I started switching between formula and breastfeeding early on 2-3 months with all 3 of my children. It was a wonderful alternative if I had to go out for an appointment and ran out of frozen breast milk or couldn't pump. It sure made it convenient leaving the babies with my mom or husband to run an errand on my own, for some quiet time. Who thought grocery shopping could be such a luxury with out a baby in the cart!

Thirdly, be very careful of the bringing the baby into the bed at night because you are so tired, believe me I have so been there. 3 kids in 5 years and the early years are the hardest sometimes concerning sleep deprivation. I learned quickly though that the babies latch onto routines so quickly especially snuggly cozy ones like sleeping with mom and dad. If i just fuss a little at night much easier to take into bed nurse and sleep, then rocking in a chair nurse and place back into the crib. Sometimes I found I was jumping up too quickly when the baby seemed unsettled and automatically just brought her into the bed nursed and slept. I started waiting and listening to make sure she was really about to get fussy and then started using a pacifier to suck on and that usually settled them right down.

Good luck! and let me share a story about craziness. One morning in getting the kids ready for 2nd grade and kindergarten, I drove down the street and left the baby in the car seat in our hallway. I had secured the other 2 in the car and the baby was sleeping in the car seat, she loved that thing and preferred to sleep in in during the day instead of her crib. Anyways, I was literally down the street and turning the corner when the kids realized she wasn't in the car. I couldn't believe it. I felt so bad and foolish. What kind of mother was I! Well my husband was great and pointed out that the last 2 nights had been rough ones and it was just sleep deprivation. How kind!!! My baby is 10 now and she always brings it up how I left her at home to fend for herself as a baby. Oh brother!!!!

Anyways good luck! S. C.

Girlfriend, you just do what you have to do. I personally would not spend too much time working on getting her to sleep if she is only gonna wake up later. It is a fact of life that she does not have the luxury of having uninterrupted naps, so why try to force it? I say go with the flow and if she is doing OK, then why stress? I can understand that the 3:00am thing is a drag, but soon, that will pass, too! Hang in there!

Hi Stacy--I had to write because I know exactly what you are going through. I have 5 kids ranging in age from 18months to 8 years old. When I had my 5th, my oldest was 7 and in 2nd grade--I also had one in kindergarden, one in preschool 2 days a week in the morning, and obviously one home with me--who napped also. It gets hard when you have older ones with schedules, to try and get your baby on a good nap schedule-- But, this is what I did. I took our kids out of every activity that we had. No sports, no church group, no mommy and me--so I only had drop offs and pick ups to worry about. I know it sounds like a big deal--but it is only for 1 year and with how busy you are with an infant--your children will love the extra time with just you--at home--with no running around. I would set up playdates at our house so my kids could still see their friends--and I would use the time while the baby napped to just hang out and play with my kids. Infants take a lot of our time and I was hugely guilty about the difference in attention my older kids got after each new baby came. Stopping all our activities helped out with that a lot. We are just beginning to get back into stuff (they are each allowed only 1 activity) and with my baby's schedule being so good--it is so much easier. I hope this helps!! Good luck!!

I struggled with the whole nap thing as well. My daughter always took 30 minute naps and would wake up screaming and still tired. I read every book under the rainbow, including yours. Every book had a little something that I thought was valuable, but most just didn't take into account that she went to sleep no problem, but just woke up like clock work. This is what I did find vaulable though: Try not to nurse your baby to sleep. I know it is hard. I would nurse her and if she fell asleep I would give her a little stir as I put her down, so she would wake up. That way she went back to sleep with out a nipple in her mouth. Try to put her down for at least the morning nap in her crib. My baby is almost always tired 1.5- 2hours after she wakes up. I just watch for her tired signs, change her diaper, put on her music, and rock her for a minute or 2, then put her down just barely awake. It is nice now, because she hears the music and starts to rub her eyes. Try to do a routine similiar to her bedtime, just shorter. I think if you could start trying to let her take that first nap in her crib, it could help her lengthen her naps. Who knows though really. I just know that for 6 months I was going crazy with a cranky, clingy baby, and now I have a little sanity (good days I get 2, 1.5 hour naps!!!). Good luck!

Hi Stacy,
Here is what worked for me with my two daughters, now 19 and 17, as suggested by my mom. First of all regular bed times. It sounds like your youngest was sleeping well through the night before, so I would say that all those little cat naps during the day could be the reason its's not working so well during the night any more. Try to stay home during the times you have set for naps, I would suggest two. One around 10:00 or 11:00 am the other 3ish. Getting my kids into routine really helped and I could rest too if I needed to. Secondly, don't bring the baby into the bed! When you do this, however tempting it is, you are training your child to need you as a passifier. They need to learn early on how to cope with bed time and meal time, you are the one who makes the schedule. If something comes up to interrupt it occassionally, see if the nap can be skipped, shorter is ok too, but I wouldn't exhaust yourself trying to get her down. She will really be ready to sleep at night. Maybe to bed a bit earlier in those situations. Play time and then a time of winding down, such as baths nursing,rocking and then to bed, whether she wakes up or not. Thirdly, I would try to stop nursing the baby to sleep. It's something they become dependant on and quite exhausting for you! It's about feeding her, not getting her to sleep by nursing her, so I would suggest setting a time on each breast, rocking a bit and then to bed. They have to learn how to cope with structure and I'm sure you know by now being a mom of three others, they start trying to fulfill all their needs at a very early age. I will be praying for you as you try new things and I hope some of this works for you! Blessings, J.

I don' t have much advice other than that my daughter, my only child was the exact same way. She would sleep 5 hours at night, wake, I 'd put her in her swing I'd get another maybe hour or two and she was up for the day. I had one twenty minutte nap from her and that was all. I knew a lady who had ten kids and asked her about this, and she said some kids just do this, and it is normal for them. If your baby isn't crying and cranky, it just may be the way this one is. Hey 1 out of 4 isn't bad. I have been scared to have another because my newborn literally slept only 8 to 9 hours a day. Hope it helps.

I read some of the advice you've received and I have to agree with the gal that said you may need to sacriice some of your errands and stay at home for a few hours.

My daughter wasn't the best napper at 6 months and she too would fall asleep in the car and not again inside since she already got her "20 minuter". It wasn't until I made a choice to stay at home (rather than being out and about) that I finally figured out her approx. nap times and then planned my errands around that.

If that is not possible, could your errands be planned out better? For example put baby in the stroller and walk to the dry cleaner, pharmacy, bank, etc? Or, could you save some of them for a Saturday morning and do them without kids (which would also be quicker)?

If and only IF you have started cereal, try feeding it to her right before you nurse her to sleep for the night.

If you have not started solids, try letting her sleep with you from the start. Then you can get her latched on BEFORE she really wakes up.

You could also try to fake her out with a pacifier after you nurse her at 3:00, try to swap your nipple for a pacifier. Don't get the clear ones, they don't suck right and they know Instantly it's not you!!

Where I live, I can leave the windows down and let my baby sleep in the car until she wakes up. (I live in rural Hawai'i) could you try that?

I'm on my fourth too. She has been soo easy, I feel guilty sometimes :) Good Luck!

Stacy,

It could be that she's a short napper, and it has nothing to do with the errands you have to run with your older kids. As you said, she often sleeps in the car and the carrier (I don't know what sort of carrier you use, but I believe that slings are probably the most comfortable for sleeping). In any case, for a 6-month-old to wake up at 3 in the morning is not at all unusual. What time does she go to bed for the night? For how many hours does she sleep interrupted? I think that 5-7 hours of interrupted sleep is considered "sleeping through the night." Enjoy your four-hour co-sleeping time with her, because her sleeping patterns will most likely change again soon. :)

My son is currently a year old and I've used that book as well.

Before I go into my situation, just food for thought based on my experience (what little I have) and what that book says: I know that book says that some children still may need to eat twice a night until about nine months old. If you think she still needs to eat, you may want to try feeding your baby in a chair when she wakes and then putting her back to sleep in her crib after the routine and see if that reduces the number of wake up/feeding times.

As far as my situation - since he is my only child so far, I can't help you in relation to working with your other children's schedules, but I can tell you what finally worked for us. We started out in a one bedroom apartment because we didn't think we could afford anything else, and now that we're in a two bedroom and my son has his own room, I wonder why we didn't move sooner! Because he was in the same room as we were, he knew that he could cry and get a response. To top it off, my mother-in-law watched him during the afternoon so I could go to work and there was a lot of compromise between the two of us as far as feeding, napping, etc. She thought it was perfectly fine to continue to give him a pacifier for his naps (and any time, for that matter), even though I wanted to get rid of it after three months. I gave in on that one because she was being really helpful and watching him for free.

Around 9 months, we finally moved to a two bedroom apartment and I became a stay-at-home mom partly because my mother-in-law hurt her back and could no longer watch him. It was a huge relief when I finally had more control because my son was waking up anywhere between 3 and 5 times a night, mostly just to have his binky replaced, but also to feed once or twice and I was a WRECK. Luckily, he was always very good about going right back to sleep in his crib after the whole routine. When we moved to a two bedroom, it took about a week after we were settled in, but I succeeded in weaning him off the pacifier and he was sleeping through the night - between 12 and 13 hours!

For my son, the best thing for him was learning to fall asleep unassisted and to have his own space.

I can't really help with the nap situation. Because of that book, my son won't sleep ANYWHERE outside of his crib. Curse that book for that! I try to be consistent, but he still often cries a lot during nap time. Sometimes I'll go two weeks with perfect naps, and then for three weeks he'll refuse them. I don't really understand it. Luckily, it hasn't really affected his night sleep because I just make sure he goes to bed earlier when he doesn't nap well.

Good luck, and I hope this helps!

Hi , my chidren are big now -
but I remember very clear - that around 3-4 o clock at night - baby would wake up crying -
this is a time where " much traffic" is happening in the " unseen " world ...
Please don;t think I am overpainting the picture -
but leaving a night-LiGHT on - HELPS !!!
Please try this !!
A Lightsource is a VERY GOOD THiNG - when there is no peace in the dark Night !

NO CANDLES THOUGH!!!

I hope it works !!

It did with my sweethearts! And it worked wonders !

Love , N.

It sounds like you and your baby have gotten into the habit of waking at 3AM. It is not that she's hungry, she just wants the company! Her sleep cycle makes her wake at 3AM and what she knows to do is cry and you will come get her. I have been there. At 6 months old, you can let her cry it out at night. I suggest put in some ear plugs (maybe do it when your husband is on a business trip), set the alarm for 7AM, try to sleep or at least not get her at 3AM and then get her as soon as she cries after 7AM. She might sleep in a bit the first night or two because she will be up crying at 3AM. Just remember that she needs to learn the skill of falling back asleep herself. She will sleep better in the long run. If it makes you feel better, make sure you feed her as much as possible during the day. Solids if you can. But, since it is always at the same time every night, it is probably not hunger. It is most likely her sleep cycle. We all wake up during the night but most of us just roll over or whatever, go right back to sleep and don't even remember it in the morning. That's because we know how but she doesn't. She only knows one way to deal with it - cry and mama comes and gets me. I love mama and this is working for me!

As far as naps, what can you do? I don't think there's much you can do if you have to run around taxiing your other kids. C'est La Vie - unless you can get someone else to pick them up sometimes. Maybe another mom can carpool so your baby is home at least some days. I wouldn't stress over it though.