My Toddler Won't Eat - Allen,TX

Updated on March 24, 2012
E.K. asks from Allen, TX
19 answers

Hi everyone!

My son (3 yrs old) doesn't like to eat. He won't eat anything. It's not like he's just being a picky toddler because it's not that he refuses to eat certain foods. He doesn't want anything! Not pizza, not chicken nuggets, not McDonalds, not vegetables. I've tried every food out there and he just doesn't want to eat. He will sit at the table and stare at his food for an hour and maybe take 2-3 bites.

The only foods he seems to actually like are some fruit(s) like apples, strawberrys, grapes and he'll sometimes eat pancakes, but even that can be difficult to get him to eat. We literally pick up the fork and feed him, even though he is capable on his own.

I should mention that he had texture issues as a baby and was in feeding therapy. He graduated from feeding therapy and things got better for a couple of years but have started to go downhill again. His doctor just tells me to try to get him to eat more caleries by dipping everything in Ranch. But, he is so skinny and now I am starting to get worried.

Has anyone else experienced this? Anything that worked? We've tried positive reinforcement for months, then switched to punishment for not eating. Now, we don't know what to do.

Please, please don't say that a kid won't starve themselves... because, yes, in fact they will. That is why there are hospitals with kids hooked up to feeding tubes. You might not hear about that so much, but it's something I found out when my son was in feeding therapy.

What can I do next?

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Can he get back into feeding therapy, or some other kind of behavioral therapy? Poor little guy, and poor you :(

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D.B.

answers from Dallas on

He needs to go back to feeding therapy. You'll probably need to re-address this every couple of years. It's not the type of issue that is permanently fixed with treatment. It takes ongoing monitoring and intervention as he grows and changes. Each new stage of development for kids brings different stresses, and with those stresses, their ability to cope is challenged and they can revert or develop new symptoms. Do not bother with the pediatrician first - most do not have specialized training in this area and give advice that is in fact counter-productive. Go straight back to the therapist you went to previously if you can. Get him in as soon as you can because it won't change without intervention. Best wishes!

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L.J.

answers from San Diego on

First off, as a pediatric nurse, I can assure you that a child who has a feeding tube has one because they are unable to ingest food orally, NOT because they don't want to eat! They almost always suffer from other medical conditions that contribute, such as failure to thrive. Your son does eat, just not what you think he should.
Has your doctor not told you that this is normal for a toddler? It is. And unless your son is steadily losing weight, the doctor will not be concerned. And yes, I have experience with this. My 2 1/2 year old grandson is going through the same thing right now. Some days he will eat nothing but drink all day long. His go to favorites are macaroni and bread. Not the most optimal diet for a toddler, but we buy the more fortified versions so we know he is getting more nutrition. He loves to dip his apples in either peanut butter or honey. Unfortunately, the best thing you can do is let him eat what he wants when he wants. Any nutrition is good. Have you tried any of the supplement drinks, like PediaSure? Milk is good, if he will drink it. You need to introduce him to some higher protein options so that he maintains muscle mass. Maybe yogurt or peanut butter? I know you said textures are an issue, so you may have to just try things out. Since your doctor is recommending more calories, it doesn't seem like he is concerned about overall nutritional intake.
How often does he have bowel movements? He should be pooping at least every other day.
And last, but not least, you need to stop feeding him. No, I'm not questioning your parenting skills. But you said he has already regressed from feeding therapy, so you feeding him will only facilitate further regression. You need to make him responsible for making sure he eats. Plus, by force feeding him, he is more inclined to not eat those foods later in life. If it means giving him a bottle to drink his fluids, then give him a bottle or a sippy cup. Trying taking him to the grocery store with you and asking if anything looks good. Even though he is 3, try some of the new toddler foods on the market. They are targeted for kids under 3, but if he will eat them, great! My grandson sits at the table with the family, but rarely eats. When he wants to get down to play, we sing the ABC song or count. It distracts him for a little bit and keeps him at the table longer. The longer he sits at the table, the more likely he is to pick at the food. Trust me, it's a battle I swore when I had kids that I would never fight. But each child is an individual, and I've learned that we must treat them as such. Also, I choose healthier snacks for myself, and when my grandson does ask me to share, it's a win-win. If you really think he is putting his health at risk, consider taking him back for feeding therapy.

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M.P.

answers from Green Bay on

Have you heard of SPD (sensory processing disorder)? I have heard of children with that who REALLY struggle with textures of foods. By no means am I suggesting that this is what is going on with your son - I am sure it takes a lot to diagnose a kid, but if you researched the disorder, maybe you might find some tips/tricks for getting your son to eat?

Some of the fruits he likes are softer (aside from the apples) - what about cooked veggies? Cooked carrots so they are more of the texture/consistency of a strawberry?

Does he do anything when eating things he "doesn't like"? Does he gag? Put them in and then spit them out? Or simply not eat?

What about going back to feeding therapy? Does he drink? Maybe you could try making him smoothies?

This might sound silly, but what about blindfolding him? That idea is really "outside the box", but maybe there are certain things about the foods that he doesn't like visually? It might be a way to get him to try new tastes - and try to really find out where his issues with the foods lie? Again, just an "outside the box" idea :-)

I think since he already has had texture issues, then feeding therapy might be something you need to consider returning to.
I bet it must be frustrating though. I wish you the best of luck!!!!

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

My daughter lost weight from 12 to 15 months. We were sent to a nutritionist. She was first of all put on Pediasure. You can simply buy it at the grocery store, there are several flavors. Mine liked the vanilla flavor and we added Neste Quick to make it chocolate (and add more calories). Secondly the nutritionist advised to add powdered milk or condensed milk to anything she does like, such as scrambled eggs, pancakes, frappes, etc. Again to add more protein and calories. Finally, it is OK for a child to eat the same thing over and over. My daughter eventually liked hotdogs and would eat them breakfast, lunch and dinner for 2 weeks which would make me sick, but she was fine. Then she switched to mac & cheese for every meal for several weeks, etc. Right now she is 12 and while still very slender and petite, she does eat more foods but still eats the same thing every lunch for weeks at a time. We also switched from Pediasure to Carnation Instant Breakfast vanilla flavor in 2% chocolate milk. She liked the Pediasure so much that she would drink 3 of them a day and not eat at all. This was fine for a while to increase her weight, but we also wanted her to eat real solid food.
I would ask to meet with a nutritionist. Our pediatrician said the same thing about just adding butter to everything she eats, which made no sense to me at all. I am not trying to give her high cholesterol!

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

That is so hard...our first child is funny about food as well. He would have times when he was a toddler that he did not eat much but he always liked to drink whole milk. He has sensory issues and he is still a very picky eater today at age 7...he's better in some ways and worse in other ways. His personality is that he is very stubborn and strong willed, so if we made eating a battle he will do anything to "win" the battle. We decided to just keep things positive - as much as we can anyway. We always make sure there is one food being served that he does like, so at least he will get something in his stomach at mealtimes. Will your little guy eat ice cream? Maybe every day give him some to help get some calories in him. Have you tried sitting him on the counter and have him help you mix things, bake, knead bread, pour in ingredients? My daughter is 2.5 and she loves to help...as she helps she is always putting food in her mouth to taste. If you made cookies will he have fun eating the dough? Have you tried putting him in a group situation with a table full of other kids and have them all serve themselves. If you don't chime in and let the bigger kids help him and then just watch to see what he does it might surprise you. Our son would eat more at preschool than he would at home and sometimes he would try new things there bc all the other kids were eating it. Have you tried serving your meals "family style" where your son helps himself from serving bowls at the table? Letting him take charge of what he puts on the plate. Have you tried letting him make the dinner menu and help pick everything at the grocery store? You say your son will eat some fruits....will he eat homemade smoothies? Make one with his favorite fruit and high fat yogurt and milk and add some sugar even at first. You can add protein powder too. If you have to pick up the fork to feed him, will he eat more? Our son wanted us to feed him when he was a toddler...he never wanted to stop what he was doing or make the effort bc he did not care about eating. He outgrew this over time and of course we tried not to encourage it. But at times I just wanted to get food into him and yes, I would just go ahead and feed him while he watched a movie. Our son never liked so many foods as a baby and he still does not like most of these foods. As I said though he really loved milk and he never got skinny when he was a toddler. He would happily drink as many glasses a day as you would let him. We did not want milk to take the place of food, but he did always get a lot of calories from it. Now that he is 7 though he is SO skinny. My friend had a very picky daughter and when she was about age 3 they made the no snack rule. Her daughter had to wait for dinner with no snacks after lunch. She suddenly became a much much better eater at dinner time. I never could do that bc our son would have huge meltdowns when he got overly hungry...but it really helped for their daughter. If our son (still even now) does not snack he gets overly hungry and grouchy and then refuses to eat at the next meal. His mood plummets and he will yell things like You can't make me EAT and I'm never EATING AGAIN. Then finally he will eventually eat and be his normal happy self again. When he gets like this we have to tell him no leaving the table till he eats something...this is the only time we are not all positive at mealtimes. He will sit and rant and rave for hours before he gives in and finally eats. This happens once every other month or so...he will go till mid afternoon and then finally give in and eat some food (it's even food he likes). Our second child is so normal when it comes to food and pretty much likes everything and has no issues with it. I have no idea why some children are born with these food issues and sensitivities and moods about food. It's very difficult. I worry that one day our son will find out he is extremely nutrient deficient from only eating the things he does. But I cannot control what he eats..I can only keep offering a wide variety of foods and just hope that he will one day expand his palate. I wish you luck - I know how frustrating this can be and how worrying. Let us know if you find anything that works with your son.

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I.X.

answers from Los Angeles on

Is your dr. concerned? Has he lost weight? is his height and head circumference on track? I have only ever heard of kids on feeding tubes because of eating eversions related to premature birth or digestive disorders like chrones disease. Not trying to argue with you, just seems like there is something else going on besides just not liking to eat (emotionally, sensory perception...?).
I have a daughter (20 mo) who has been off the growth chart and recently lost weight. We have been going in to weigh her every month. I did discover that she just got board in the high chair, so I let her run and then shove bites down her as she runs around the dining room table. But I think your son is too old for this. What about blended smoothies with full fat yogurt or milk? A Vitamix even grinds up seeds. Many a parent feels their child lives on air, if your dr. is not concerned, it will probably be all right.

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

He doesn't have any infections or anything right now that makes it uncomfortable to eat right?
What textures does he like eating? Crunchy? Mushy? The more we know about the textures he prefers the easier it is to develop meal plans to help him get the calories.
If he is really lacking in calories and nutrition, you might want to get him on Pediasure or similar product. Might have to experiment with flavors. If your son will drink those, they you can try making smoothies at home and mixing in/hiding vegetables, nuts (for healthy fats) or protein powder.
It is frustrating to not have your child eat, but feed him. Eventually he will get around other kids and see them eating and try eating things just because he sees others doing it.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have two of them myself and I was like this as a child. My mother made me miserable as a child with forced feedings and punishment. So I knew to not go there with my kids. But it is alarming nonetheless when you see them skinnier than their peer counterparts and get those well-checks showing them outside the ideal percentile in weight.

I finally had great success after reading up on something called "food chaining." This isn't to be confused with how critters eat one another to survive in the animal kingdom (LOL), but it's an actual therapy method used to slowly introduce foods to children with eating problems until they eat normally.

It doesn't matter the reason the child can't or won't eat either. So if it is medical, a sensory disorder, or just a picky palette, this method seems to really work.

Here are some links to check out:

http://www.parentguidenews.com/Catalog/HealthFitness/Food...

http://occupational-therapy.advanceweb.com/Features/Artic...

Here are a few really good books on how to do it, to check out:

http://www.amazon.com/Food-Chaining-Feeding-Problems-Chil...

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Effective-Challenges...

http://www.amazon.com/Diagnosis-Treatment-Disorders-Toddl...

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

My friend is going through this. She stopped trying to feed her daughter at the table because that's where the "war" begins. As soon as her daughter sits at the table, it's like the daughter is ready for the "I'm not going to eat" battle.

What has worked is her mom sets up snack cups of things she will eat and she lets her eat whenever she's hungry. She can walk over to a snack cup any time. There are cold snack cups in the fridge with fruit and veggies. She can have a fruit or veggie snack cup whenever she asks, and usually she just opens the fridge and gets one out herself. They are colorful cups.

She never eats at the table. While the family is eating, she plays with toys in the same room.

SO many people have criticized my friend for this, saying she need to learn to eat at the table, blah blah. The truth is she was where you are at! Every meal was a battle, she was skinny, wouldn't eat because of texture or taste issues, etc. This is the way she can get her daugher to eat, and even so she is underweight. But she is full of energy so evidently she is not sickly!

This was when her daughter was 2, and now she is 4. She has to sit at the DINNER table with everyone, but she still eats out of her snack cups. Usually she just colors at the dinner table while everyone eats. She is allowed to snack all day long for the other meals. What she will eat has increased gradually.

I don't know if it will work for you, but giving up the food battle was the first step. Good luck!

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K.L.

answers from Medford on

If you can get another toddler to come have a few meals it might help. Sometimes they need peer pressure to show them its ok to take part and do what they need to do. Also, give tiny amounts of a bunch of foods every meal. Apple slices, grapes, banana, bread, green beans, cookie, cheese, chicken lunchmeat. Lay it all out on the table and let him pick and choose and dont worry if he takes the cookie first. Its better than nothing. And he might like something else you hadnt thought of. I used those cute plates with several sections for a while and put 3 raisens in one space, and 1/4 slice toast cut in a triangle in another, a tablespoon of mac n cheese, and a slice of apple in one, and rolled up a thin slice of turky in another, with pudding on the side, and milk to drink. It helped, but really having another kid come over and share makes a world of difference to some.

I.W.

answers from Portland on

My daughter didn't eat till she was 5. She survived on pediasure. Sometimes she'd eat rice or steamed veggies or string cheese, but that was rare.

I don't know why 5 was the magic age for her, but I was so relieved when she started eating. I understand how you feel.

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

One thing that has helped in our family is not expecting my 5y to eat much. Some days like last night she had two helping of noodles. Most nights, I'm lucky if she takes 3 bites of food.
When my daughter wants a sandwhich, dad fixes her a full size one and she takes two bites. over half is tossed. I fix her half a sandwich and she usually eats the whole thing because I can convince her that she only has one more bite.
When she wants chicken nuggets, dad fixes her 4+. I fix her 3. On a good day she will eat 1 1/2, maybe 2. I don't feel bad tossing just 1 nugget.
- Try using a smaller fork, spoon, plate. May be the size of it is overwhelming.

There are several ways to add calories without dipping everything in ranch, although I do love to do that! Single servings are my life-blood.
- Gogurt,
- Breakstone Cottage Cheese
- Dannimals drinkable yogurt
- Yogurt (Activia, Dannon)
- Fruit cups
- applesauce

My daughter loves cereal. She sometimes eats it for lunch or dinner. As long as she's eating...

My daughter tends to eat/snack several times throughout the day. She sometimes isn't hungry at the same moment we are. We also have to hold back her drink at meals because she tends to drink it first and then not be hungry for the food.

Have you tried giving him just food that he can pick up with his fingers? Maybe its the needing to use a fork or spoon that is the problem.

Have you had him tested for food allergies?
It may be that something he IS eating is hurting his belly. My son used to always complain about stomachaches and not really eat. Then I noticed that he complained most when we had things with tomato sauce. Then we had him tested. He reacted to malted barley - its related to yeast, which turns out is in quite a few things. Including the sandwich bread, the name brand spaghetti I was buying AND the spaghetti sauce. So I switched to Italian bread, cheap noodles, and cream sauces. His belly troubles have gone down.

Has he been to the dentist lately? Maybe he has a tooth coming in, or has a cavity and it hurts to eat.

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A.F.

answers from Dallas on

E.,

Have you tried to give him shakes or smoothy? I work with Nutritional Food Supplements Company, they have great products for children under age 12 that has Brain food such as Omega 3 and more. The supplements for children comes in two flavors: Chocolate or Vanilla that will givv him all the nutrients his body needs to grow.

Let me know if you would like more information.

Wishing you all the best.

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L.C.

answers from Dallas on

GO BACK TO FEEDING THERAPY! He has sensory processing disorder and you need to work on it starting now. Where did you go? Baylors Childrens House? Its important to address it now!!
LC

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K.P.

answers from Dallas on

In addition to all of the other great suggestions you received you could try making some homemade bone broth (not store bought) and putting a small amount in a syringe (like medicine) and get as much down him as you can throughout the day. Some kids bodies hurt after they eat so eating is not fun for them. Bone broth is very nutritious and very easy for the body to absorb. Even if you just get a tablespoon in him each day it should help and maybe you can increase the amount over time. Add some "Real Salt" to make it taste better and add to the nutritional content.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't have any experiences with feeding therapy, but I do have one very picky eater, so I'll see if this helps.

Have you tried "bribes"? You may have already done this, but we will bribe our son to eat certain foods with food that he likes, such as, "You can have a strawberry, but only after you eat two bites of chicken." This doesn't work with our daughter, who is the truly picky eater, because she is too young, but it works brilliantly with our son.

Let your child down from the table. Our daughter will "snack" on foods that she is unwilling to eat while sitting at the table. I think it's more stress or something like that.

Try baby food. I have had particular luck with those baby-food "pouches," because they are often vegetables mixed with fruit to sweeten them, and both of my kids can feed them to themselves. Some of them even include grains or yogurt, all in baby-food texture (if that is easier for your child, I know some kids don't like the baby-food texture at all). If this might work, I recommend Plum Organics, although I know there are several brands (including Gerber) that make them. Pick up several fruit/veggie combinations, because you don't know what your kids will like. My daughter will not touch vegetables. Ever. We cannot force them down her throat. Carrots, corn, anything green, raw or cooked, she will not eat them. But she will down a Spinach and Pear baby-food pouch and ask for more, so it's worth a shot!

As a last resort, you might try more feeding therapy. Good luck.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son has been difficult to get to feed. While hubby has no patience w/it, I work WITH it instead of AGAINST it.

I will do what I have to do get him to eat.

He was born a bit preemie, had feeding issues then etc.

Here's what I have done:
-work with what he WILL eat
-try anything & everything (a sort of smorgasbord if you will)
-I've taken him out to eat (the diff in venue is attractive to him)
-I don't try & feed him when the rest of the world eats meaning it's noon
you have to have lunch. I guage when he should be hungry. Having said
that I have had to interrupt play time to get to eat etc)
-Dad & sibling get home very late so we eat our dinner together when it's ready. They eat when they get home. I sit w/them to catch up on our day.
-I serve him what he likes then always try something new that day
-my ped suggested I hide froz spinach in the spaghetti sauce
-also, what he loved 3 mos ago he's now moved on from. I attribute that
to their ever changing taste buds
-I found a protein shake that I drink that he actually loves so we share it
-If we are out, I will sometimes buy a fruit smoothie to share from one of those smoothie place
-yogurt
-sm froz yogurt w/mini carob chip topping
-tuna (first he would only eat it w/crackers, then alone out of bowl, now will eat it in a sandwich. See where I'm going w/this? It's ever changing.
I roll w/the changes
-cereal
-homemade smoothies
-grilled chicken served w/corn
-grilled chicken pannini
-applesauce
-ground beef tacos
-pizza
-chicken nuggets

If you know a certain texture does not work for him, try to find alternative food choice w/o that texture. To this day I do not like mayo b/c of the texture. Sad but true.

I do not use punishment ever.
Not good to associate punishment w/food that is needed to nourish our
bodies
I never make him sit w/us for an hour at the table
My object is to get him to eat & nourish his body.
I work w/what works for my child
I saw a lady at a park running after her child feeding him bites of his sandwich & yogurt thought it weird until I had my own child w/his own issues.
Hope that helps! Hang in there.

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