My Toddler Suddenly Refuses to Sleep

I agree with the other posts, it could be the new baby, molars or simply that he began to dream and it scared him. Whatever the case if he misses his nap he is probably overtired at night. I would sit with him on the couch, after baby has gone to sleep, and soon after lunch. Cuddle him and read him a story, dont tell him to sleep, but he has to sit and rest. Chances are he will be out in a few minutes, if not at least he will rest and not get too over tired.

First, congrats on the new baby. I hope you are adjusting well...i know how hard it can be.

I'm so sorry to hear about the shift in your son's sleeping. I have had the same problem on and off with my daughter who was an excellent sleeper until around 2 years old as well (she's now just over 2 1/2). I blamed ours on a move to a new home (she had a brother born when she was one) and we have been struggling for the last six months.

There were a couple of ways we dealt with it, all of which have helped a little bit but then stopped working (mostly because she has figured out how to get out of her bed - if she couldn't get out of her bed, I think we would have resolved a long time ago). First, she started sleeping with a few stuffed animals (not sure if your son does that already). Second, we started doing a slightly longer bedtime routine and even if the baby starts crying (I have a four month old), I keep to the routine and said things like "the baby has to wait because this is your time". We also made a list with pictures of our bedtime routine so that we could go through it together and it was clear what we were going to do and when it was going to be over.

On recommendations we tried music (didn't work - just got her geared up because she likes to dance), eliminating the nap (solved the daytime problem but made night-time harder because she was so exhausted), and changing her bed (you're now a big girl so you get a big-girl bed). They all helped for a little bit but she just wants to hang out with us instead of sleep.

The last couple of days we have tried the "your stuffed animals will keep you company while you try to go to sleep and I'll be right outside the door". Then I peek into the room every 15 minutes and if she is still awake I say "are you ok honey? Good night" and then close the door again. Just much easier than the struggle for that long. And I expect that eventually she will just stay there and know that we are outside.

Not sure that is helpful given that the circumstances are quite different. But thought I would share in case they spark something for you.

i hope this resolves itself quickly.

It most likely is the new baby, or just a phase. Not to alarm you in any way, but our son was a terrific sleeper until he was 3 and then he just stopped sleeping. We had him to the doctor at the time and he tested positive for Epstein Barr, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Since then, his sleeping habits are erratic at best. I have it too, I found out and have never been a good sleeper. My Mom too. My son is 11 now and coping, but it has never been easy with the sleeping. He is perfectly wonderful in every other way, including his school academics, socialization, etc. Just something to look into. Best of luck.

This sounds like deja vu, lol! My daughter went through this about 3 months ago at 18 months or so. After doing what you have done already (letting her cry at nap time, etc), I decided to lie with her for both naps and bedtime in the guest room, then transfer her to the crib when she was TOTALLY asleep. I think she needed security for a little while, because she is now "back to normal" napping and sleeping in her crib consistently. Another mother's response was dead-on when she mentioned some are afraid the child will get "used to it" (you sleeping with him), but it was not the case with us. Good luck. It seems like an impossible thing to deal with (esp. after he's slept so nicely for so long), but this, too, shall pass!

Things to think about:
Your son's reality/world has dramatically changed with the arrival of his new baby sister, have you unnecessarily altered anything in his room that would set him off kilter? Let him admire the little one, at night allow him to "help" put her to sleep, even if it is just going into her room and saying goodnight to his little sister. This may bring him some comfort.
If he doesn't have one, have someone whom he respects/admires give him a simple teddy, don't push it, just let him decide what he wants to do with it and when, he may want to take it out with him when you least expect it, so what, if it is meaningful to him and provides him some sort of personal security, identification, this is a good thing. Get him a little play stroller, $10 at Toy's R' Us, they are all pink but so what, you'll be surprised how he uses it to take care of stuffed animals, etc.
Best Wishes,
N.

Hi C.. Ive heard of kids who were "Ferebered" as babies having this happen. And it seems to coincide with a new baby or other major life change. Other times Ive heard of this, actually spending more special time together with one parent during bedtime can help a LOT. Yes, you do have a newborn, so maybe the person who takes this on is dad rather than mom, but by listening to his behavior, it seems that going to sleep is the time he is feeling most in need of something he is not getting. If you can find even 10 minutes each night to snuggle, read together, lie quietly together while you play a favorite lullaby, or even offer to tell a story of your own, this would at least "change the dance" for you both. One mom I know started using bedtime to tell stories of when she herself was a little girl. It became a very special ritual that her son looked forward to, and he would often fall asleep as she talked and rubbed his back or belly.

Good luck with all of this, and remember that whatever happens it is a PHASE, and this too shall pass!

~ Alex

Totally just a thought... maybe your toddler is ready for a big boy bed? With your new baby demanding lots of attention, a big boy bed may give your toddler something unique and special just for him. It will probably take some training, but a new sleep experience may be what he is craving.

Hope everyone gets some sleep soon! Good Luck!

A. L

If he's not sick or teething (could be 2 year molars), then I would assume it's the new baby. Such a huge change for him, and it could definitely make him feel insecure and clingy. I am a believer in allowing babies to soothe themselves to sleep, but I also think you have to follow their cues. If this were my kiddo (who has done similar things, believe me!), then I would actually lay down with him until he fell asleep for a few days. It makes some people worry that their kids will become used to that, but I've never found this to be the case.

My son is a fantastic sleeper most of the time, but every once in a while something kicks up trouble. A major milestone, or a trip, etc. On those occasions, I lay down with him after our bedtime ritual (bath, reading, etc.) in our bed. Once he's asleep I transfer him to his crib. I've never had to do this for more than a few days at a time, and then he gets back into soothing himself to sleep in his own crib quickly.

Your little guy may just need extra cuddles and mama time right now. Maybe give the baby to dad at night, and try it out with you and your toddler. And maybe you can lay between the two kids at naptime, until he's asleep. I bet he'll be ok after just a little bit of this extra attention.

Good luck!

No advice, b/c I'm trying to figure out why my 26 month old is fighting naps, fighting bedtime, harder and harder to put down (he always gave a fight even as an infant) but now its worse...falling asleep later, getting up later for both. We have no new babies, didn't just move and haven't really had anything major going on in the house except that its summer and the day/night has changed. I feel like ever since daylight savings time he's been off. I just feel like he doesn't want to miss anything and realizes he can stay awake when he tries now whether it be phsyically or whether it be by "playing" us. Its tough - we are trying to keep a schedule, keep it consistent but even still he just WON'T fall asleep...whats consistent is that he sleeps the same amount of time at night...weird huh...so aside from the fact that his schedule is not fully working for me, at least he's sleeping. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone! Good luck!

Probably has to do with the new baby. Is the new baby in his room? if so, maybe move baby. Can you possibly pat your son .. maybe put music on to soothe him. Try putting him down an hour later for nap.. maybe this will help too. He is probably feeling a little left out.. when everyone wants to hold the baby.. make sure when people are over.. they go to him first.. or you give them the baby and you just go to him. Kids feel something when a new baby comes along. Good luck.... hopefully he'll start sleeping better again. but if you pick him up out of the crib.. take him out for a few minutes.. calm him down.. then put him in again.. maybe read him a book but tell him he has to lay down.. read real low... good luck

My first started to act up around 6 weeks after my 2nd came. It's when the baby started to get more attention and not sleep all day. It's got to be the new change in the house. My bet is that he's seeing the baby stay up and thinking it's not fair that he has to sleep - jealous of the time you're spending with the baby. Totally normal I would imagine. When my oldest got jealous I tried to spend more time with him (even if it was just reading to him while nursing) and doing projects and Legos with him while the baby slept.
On another note, my second is now 2-1/2 and we took away his binky last month. Since then he has had a hard time falling asleep at naptime, and is so overtired at bed time that it's also a challenge. So I pushed naptime from 1-3 to 2-3:30 so that he's super tired when he lies down. I also lie down with him for a few minutes to help him fall asleep. I'm gradually making nap time earlier again and staying less and less time lying next to him. I'm hoping this will get him back into his schedule again while helping him to learn to sooth himself to sleep without the binky.
In any case good luck to you. Going from 1 to 2 is incredibly hard.

toddler's don't like to miss anything...thus the refusal to sleep or take a timeout to pee...is baby still up when you are putting big brother down for a nap??? I have always put my toddlers to bed and told them I was going to sleep too..we all need our rest :) or it also sounds like he could have an ear infection (the refusing to lay down/painful)he could be getting teeth(2 yr molars) I would try to give him something for pain about an hour before and see if that helps...it's tough when they can't explain whats wrong, but if it doesn't get better soon maybe take him to the dr just incase...my son had no symptoms(no fever) I took him in and told the dr she was going to laugh at me...ended up he was getting 2yr molars and had a double ear infection as well ...GOOD LUCK!!!!!

I totally understand. I have 22 month old twin boys. They are GREAT sleepers. Bed every night at 7:45 and nap at 12:30 for about 3 hours - Both of them!!!! Until recently, one of them had a real painful molar. I didn't even know when he got the first three molars but this one must be real painful. He didn't nap for about 10 days and was waking at night and crying himself to sleep at night. He is just finally getting somewhat back to his old routine. I thought he would never nap again. 2 weeks is a long time when you are use to having sleepers!!!

Have you looked inside his mouth?? I do agree with other posts, may be his new sister and jealousy. But I wanted to share my story so you don't feel alone and know it will soon pass.

Good Luck
J.