My son and I have moved qiute a bit. He's used to small school systems and small communities. He got into major trouble in middle school, and is attending an alternative school, which is referred to as the bad kid's school. He has trouble with his bus driver because of this. Yet he won't go to the school where we are moving. He's opted to stay with my Grandma so he can continue at the alternative school. I went a little nuts this x-mas when he visited his dad. I want him with me. Any idea on how to explain this to a 15 year old? So that he won't just tell me no?
Well, I just moved in last night, and my son is at my Grandma's house. I will pick him up Wednesdays for church, and Fridays after work. He has a cell phone now, so he can call me if he needs anything. He's agreed to live by Grandma's rules while he's there. I'll write more in a couple of weeks, when he's been there longer.
Is he doing better academically in the alternative school? If this be the case he may be feeling comfortable and afraid of falling behind entering a new school. If he is not showing improvement then he could be thinking he'd have an easier time with gramma instead of mom. How is his dad responding to this?
Hi E.,
Maybe if he is happy there and is doing well he could stay with his grandma. Let him know your expectations of him in order for him to stay there. For example, his grades have to stay up, no getting into trouble. Kids need stability and moving is really hard for them. My family moved a few times when I was younger and I had to keep making new friends and it was really hard. Think about the best situation for your son. It would be extremely hard to now have him with you everyday but maybe it would be easier not to move again. Just my opinion. Good luck.
Chris
I do know what you are going through. My 3 children and I have moved a lot and changing schools for them was very hard. I haved recently moved "again" and my 15 yr. old daughter asked if she could stay with her grandmother to finish school. I mean finish school. She has another 2 yrs to go now. I told her as long as her grades were good and there was no trouble from her then she could. I made it very clear that if those things changed then she would have to move with me and start all over again. I know how hard it is to be apart from your child but you have to stop and think about what is going to best for them too. Sit down and talk to your son and explain to him what is expected from him if he stays at the school he is at. Let him know that he has to show you that he can do this. Explain that if he gets into trouble and his grades are not exceptable then he will have to come live with you. My mother is very suppotive of this and I am informed of what is going on at the school with my daughter on a regular basis. Give you son the chance that he is aking for but don't over re-act if he screws up once in a while. Best of luck for you and your son.
He is 15. If you want him with you, tell him that and then move him-- he doesn't get a choice at 15. That isn't to say that he doesn't have feelings, and you should acknowledge them. But you are the boss-- not him.
Hi E., Well I want to know is this your mother the grandma that he wants to stay with and finish his year out with? Just ask your self did she raise you well? you can still collect your suport and send moneys needed to take care of him to the grandmother for suport of him. I think that moving around alot causes alot of strain i mean adults cant handle moving alot cant amagin what a child must feel like having to make new friends all the time. kids can be rough on one another. I say let him if its just to finish out the year. Then summer tell him he comes back with you. Give a little, set down and talk to him like an adult he is old enough to understand. But if he is getting into trouble at this school he is wanting to stay at then you as the mother should probley take the upper hand and just tell him like it is. And he mite just be rebeling against you with moving all the time, I think you should look at the mattern and see that this moving him from school to school is not going to help. I hope this helps. B.
I agree with Nichole...you're the boss not him. It doesn't matter if you've moved a lot. Military families do it all the time. What you say goes. Tell him he gets a clean slate at the new school and to make the most of it. Good Luck!
You stated that he got into alot of trouble in middle school. How is his behavior in the alternative school? My nephew was causing trouble in school, so they sent him to an alternative school. I was dead against this. I had the same prejudices that so many other people have. But, you know what? He turned into the model student at that school. My sister said that she thought they might have been thinking about the wrong kid, when they told her over and over what a joy to have in class he was. Now, he's just about to graduate, and is joining the Marines. This is the change that overtook my pot-smoking, trouble-making nephew in a few short months.
If your son is doing well in his school, maybe you should consider letting him stay there. If he's still up to no good, I'd give him an ultimatum. Straighten up in the school he's in, or move to the new school. Point out to him that he can do poorly at either school, and that he needs to give you a reason to believe this is the right school for him.
Hi, I also live in new haven mi. I'm sorry that your son is giving you a hard time about the school. Well out of my own life experiences I would say sit down, just you and your son and talk to him. When listening you have to REALLY listen, hear what he's saying. Listen to his side or responses and give feedback, Be sure to include lots of "now I understand that you feel like this (fill in the blank), I really do" and then go on with what you have to say and how it will benefit from it. I tihnk as long as he knows that you are understanding him and his feelings he might not automatically revert to the automatic teenage response of not listening to their parents. I hope this helps!
Honestly, I can't really blame him. If you have moved alot and he has had to endure a new school everytime, he has been through alot. It sounds like he is comfortable where he is at, his grandmothers and "the bad kids school" and you just want to CON him into believing THIS TIME is the right move and you have a new relationship too!!!!!! Man, You need to leave your son where he is at and give a chance at stability! I can understand a mother wanting her child with her, but him being with you.........is it in his best interest or yours???
