My son has been all of the sudden being at this age of 4 months is wanting to be held all the time. How can i stop this habit? What can I do to make him more comfortable instead of having him being held all the time? Help!
Hi D.,
Some babies like more closeness than others, but at 4 months, hold him. It's not a habit, it's a need. Soon enough, he will be too big to hold like this...
Anyway, do you have anything like a baby swing, the inside one (battery powered is easiest) or even a carrier that you wear and carry him around in? I liked the sling the best. Every month for the first year, babies go through something new.
Good luck!
M.
Hi D.,
My response is pretty much the same as Laura's. My first son, now age 9, wanted (INSISTED! SCREAMED!) to be held constantly. Trying to get any housework done, or even make a meal, was nuts. I finally deciced to quit fighting what my baby needed. And it is need, that's all they know. (God Bless the babies that the Ferber Method works for, it was just a fiasco for us.) I bought a "baby sling" to carry him in front, and a baby back pack. Carried him everywhere. Happy, happy baby, and mom got much more peace that way. Some babies just need that. I have also learned since then that there are some babies with neurological disfunctions who can't STAND to be touched and/or interacted with. Whew. That made me decide that a needy baby was not such a problem. I also stumbled upon a few great quotes. One was about how the chores can wait but childhood won't wait. The other was about which is more important, a child who feels loved or a clean house. I've learned alot about babies and kids since then, and those quotes are still true. But it's still really, really hard to be so needed 24/7, and exhausting. "This too shall pass". Until then, just try to pamper yourself in little ways whenever you can grab a few minutes, and don't forget to breathe!
C. N.
hold him!
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t051100.asp
before you know it he will be 3 yrs old & say "I don't like kisses!"
you cannot spoil a baby
a baby who is held feels attached & comfortable in the world
then he will be super independent!
when he is ready to not be held he will tell you just as he is telling you he wants to be held
this will not last forever
ENJOY THESE PRECIOUS MOMENTS as they pass sooooo quickly!!!
he will soon be off and crawling around & into everything!
hold that baby :-)
I agree that you can't spoil a baby and that you should hold him while he's still young.... but not 24/7. It's not good for either one of you for him to be held all the time. He needs to learn to comfort and entertain himself and the older he gets, the harder it will be. Try this--- anytime he starts crying, pick him up. Hold/bounce/rock/entertain home until he stops crying. Then put him down. If he starts crying, pick him up to console him, but the instant he stops crying, try putting him down again. I did this with my son around 4 months old to teach him to fall asleep on his own-- it took a while and a lot of patience from me, but he finally figured out that mommy will always "be there for you" when you need her, but you can do just fine on your own as well. At his age, he is just figuring out that you and he are seperate people and that you are not just an extension of him-- so that's gotta be a rough lesson to learn.
its very normal for a baby to want comfort. He feels safe with you. You can't spoil a baby of that age yet...
However if there is something you need to do(go to the bathroom, cook etc)put him down. Surround him with things to occupy him and go and do it. Its ok to let him cry so you can get something done. If I was cooking I would put my children in the bouncy or swing or even on the floor near me so they could see me. I would talk or sing to them as I got everything prepared. Sometimes they would cry sometimes not.
I know its a very frustrating thing, but ALL babies go through it.
Good luck to you.
The happiest baby on the block...5 s's
swaddle, suck, swing, side and shhhhh. If you need to confort him without holding but....the only way a baby has to communicate is to cry. When they are this little they only cry for a reason. They do not know how to "malipulate" you. If you have checked everything obvious and he is still crying, comfort him. He needs to feel secure and only you can give him that, and dad. I do not argee with CIO. It changes there psyche and also kills brain cells. I know when I am upset, the last thing I want is to be left alone. I want my Dh to hold me and love me and comfort me.
This is no habit by any means! Treasure these moments...they will be gone in a blink of an eye..
My dtr is over 2 1/2 and I miss the days when she was so small that I could hold her in a sling...hold your baby - he is letting you know what he needs...one small suggestion when you need to take a shower put him in the bouncy or swing - take the pajama top you were wearing and (safely) roll it up next to him so he can still smell you next to him - it worked for me for short periods of time.
hold him. get a slig or carrier. he will not be a baby for long and you build more character for him by holding him then having him play alone. i know there are things to do but you will be surprised how much can be done with him in a slig. i did everything with my daughter in a slig, she was content and i built muscle. now that she is walking and 15 months old she only lets me hold when she is really tired.
Hi, D.,
I just wanted to say I agree with the majority of your other responding mothers. Hold that baby. This is the most precious time you will ever have with them. If he needs your attention that much, give it to him. My Son Kevin is 4 now & was always a Momma's boy, I lived with him attached to my hip. He is becomming more independant & I am missing his extra attention.
So enjoy your baby!!!!! You will find time for all your other required adult duties, but it's just more fun to be the mother holding the baby.
Some parents believe that if a baby wants to be held all the time, he should be. My experience has been that increasing the holding increases the need. The baby never learns to soothe himself, a valuable skill at any age!
Sometimes babies who want to be held are craving the feeling of something against them. Try wrapping him snugly and putting him in a swing or hammock. I found it also helps to get down with him on the floor and lie close, but don't pick up. Slowly move away as you play.This weans him away from needing to be held. Massaging him after bath time may also help fill his need for contact.
A final thought, make sure to hold him rather than carry him in an infant seat when transporting him from car to house, etc.
Hey D.,
The only thing you can do really is just not hold him all of the time. The more you hold him all day the more he is going to get used to it. It may take a few crying sessions but that is really all you can do. One more thing, with my girls I found a sturdy mirror and put it in front of the jumparoo so they could look at themselves, it really kept them entertained. They would talk to themselves for a good while. Hope this helps.
How about a swing, does he like that? I bet you are just responding to his cries (I did this with Hannah). He might just want momma in sight all the time. It happens.
D.-first of all CONGRATULATIONS on your baby boy! I am a Mom of two boys myself. They are 91/2 years and 4 months. The baby was born on 1-5-2007, so I can relate to what you're going through. Take my advice and please-RELISH this time you two share. Believe me, I understand that it can be exhausting to hold the baby alot-I do it too-but at this age they are learning to trust adults to take care of their needs, and the more he's comforted by you attending to his needs, the more self-reliant he'll be later on in life. Hold him when he wants to be held, and if you simply can't take it anymore and you feel like your arm is going to fall off,put him down on a playmat,lie next to him and sing to him or talk to him. Hope this helps you:) take care!
