My Son Put His Hands Around a Girls Neck

You know what I don't understand? Back when I was in school, if there was an incident like this EVERYONE involved was called into the office and all sides of the story was heard. Then they decided what punishments would be applied. When did they stop doing that?

okay so here is the question I have- You sat and watched them do this, you asked them once to stop they didn't stop, that is when you get involved. Even if the teacher was just sitting there you should have called her attention to it and stopped it before it went that far. The part of this whole thing that bothers me is the your son ended up in the principals office for something you should have handled.

Did you state to the principal what you saw ?? I would make a complaint. Yes - what he did was wrong but I do see how it happened and that he felt "forced" into it as the girls wouldn't leave him alone. Where were the teachers during this time that they kept after your son ?

I am confused, did you see all of this??? WHY did you not go and stop it! Go to the principal and the teacher and make a complaint, a statement etc. so that they KNOW that you saw them not doing their job either---Everyone should be in the office together to talk about this and decide on the course of action. I wouldn't have let it get to that point. I wouldn't wait. I would do the complaint today!

Best wishes,

M

I would most certainly make a complaint and let the principal know what you saw. I would also mention that the girls need to be made aware that lying and bullying has consequences as well. They wanted to get a reaction out of him and they deserved it! Maybe the little girl who wouldn't through the ball will tell the truth about that happened. I wouldn't let it slide. And for the mother who wants your child thrown out of school, she needs to know that her child isn't the angel she thinks she is, but I'm sure she already knows that ; ) Good Luck. This sort of thing frustrates me to no end. It's always that kid that sticks up for themselves in situations like these that ends up in trouble. It's not right!

The girls didn't even stop when YOU told them
You NEED to explain this to the Principal.
You NEED to explain, that they were harassing him and teasing him and bullying him and did not even stop, when YOU told them to.

You document everything YOU saw. You are a 'witness' to it all.
You put it in writing... what happened and that these girls, NEED to be disciplined, as well.
They are instigators. And did not stop. Would not stop. Did not stop, even when YOU told them to.
AND that, your Son DID tell them, verbally to go away. Numerous times. But they did NOT stop harassing him. And that, they even told a 4 year old girl, to throw the ball AT him.
They used the ball, as a weapon. To hurt him.
And that, they were GANGING UP on him..... and would not even move out of the way, and that he was CORNERED. And that, YOU saw it.

You do not, let them get away with this.
You do not, let them get away with this.
You, speak up.
That is what a parent it for. AND to show your Son, an example, of what can be done, and what being proactive, is.
YOU will be the example for your son, about how this is wrong and that things can be done, about it.

So, of course you put a formal Complaint in.
BOTH sides, has to be, laid on the table.
Your son, was patient, verbally told them to stop, and they kept ganging up on him and harassing him. It was NUMEROUS girls, against, one.
6 girls, against him. Not stopping. Gang harassed.
You tell the school, this.

all the best,
Susan

I would tell the principal what you saw. Agree that what he did was inappropriate and, and do talk to him about it. But you're right that he was cornered, that he tried to get away, and that they were bullying him. Ask the principal what will be done about the girls' behavior (but not in a way that makes it seem you're trying to get him out of trouble - more like that you really want to solve the problem once and for all, which is your goal anyway).

Why didn't you put a stop to it before your son got so frustrated that he put his hands on the little girl? You're his Mom. I would have put a stop to it and then marched the little girls over to the teacher's table and had them explain what they were doing.

You need to tell the principal what you saw, you need to be the strong voice for your child (and since you were there and saw it they need to honestly trust you). Yes your son should not have done that, but this group of girls should not be doing this either and ask the principal for ways to handle the situation as a whole, and make sure you tell him that the teachers need to be more active in watching the kids and stepping in when need be.

The teachers should have stepped in ASAP when they see a group of people throwing something at one person. Did you bring it to the attention of the teachers right away, that is what I would have done. The teachers need to be made aware and keep this from happening again, they really should have stepped in when your son was cornered, and honestly if I was there I would have stepped in if they had not just for my son not to confront the other girls but help him through that situation.

You said your son asked you to stay... I kind of wonder if he asked you sto stay because this might have been going on for awhile and no one was listening to him. Ask him if these girls have done something like this before. Good for him for speaking up and wanting another adult there if this has been going on... now you have to be a louder voice and make sure this school gets this under control NOW.

First off, I would have intervened were it my son well before he found him self needing to fight back. I would most definitely go to the principal and tell her the whole story since it sounds like it was clearly the girls who were in the wrong here. Ask if they have a zero tolerance policy on bullying and what they intend to do about these girls bullying your son so he does not need to fight back to protect himself in the future.

Talk to the school if you haven't already. You were an eye witness to all of this. You even told the girls to stop and they didn't. Like another mother said, good thing you were there. The girls should have some sort of punishment too, your son was wrong but he was also cornered and these girls pushed the line too far.

Definitely make a formal complaint. Your son has to apologize to show he knows this is wrong, but the girls have to apologize too.

It is good you were able to witness it and it sounds like you maybe wanted him to fend for himself??? Were you waiting for the teachers to stop gossiping and intervene? I'm not sure I understand everyone's role in this--if the bullying was bad enough that you feel he had a reason to lose control and put his hands on her neck then you should have intervened--3 year old with you or not --and brought it to the attention of the teachers. If you thought he could handle it at the time and he "strangled" the girl then it is a little unfair to say how bullied he was because you too did not step in. Btw--teachers not monitoring the playground appropriately is a pet peeve of mine as a former teacher. I'm not saying the group of girls shouldn't have a consequence but your son was left by all involved teachers and you to fend for himself and he made a poor choice out of fear.

Wait...you were sitting there watching and didn't IMMEDIATELY get up, get your kid, and march over to the teachers and explain what happened? I"m sorry...I'm not trying to be rude...but I can't understand how you just sat there. You could have stopped it, before it got to that point. No, you SHOULD have stopped it. But you didn't. He knew you were there, and he didn't feel comfortable calling for you, or pushing through for your help?You didn't immediately tell the teachers what happened? And you didn't call the principal the moment he ended up there? All kinds of steps that should have been taken weren't. How sad.

Anyway, it happened...so now it's time to clean up the mess. She was 4, he is 8. There is no reason he couldn't have pushed past a 4 old. Yes, they were bullying, but they are half his age. Choking is incredibly violent, and I don't blame the other mom. It's extreme, a very extreme reaction. A dangerous reaction. Meet with the principal, tell him what you saw, have your son tell him what happened. Tell the principal the teachers were not monitoring properly. Talk with your son. Tell him the moment someone tries to pick on him, he goes and tells an adult. Make him understand, that the best thing to do would have been to push through them and tell a teacher. How in any circumstance would you rather your son choke a girl, rather then push her down and get help. He should ALWAYS find a way out of the situation to tell a teacher. Simple as that. If it means pushing here, fine. It's a better alternative then choking her.

Honestly...and I feel I might be ruffling feathers by saying this...you owe you son a BIG apology. You failed him. You were not his advocate. You sat by and witnessed him get bullied. You allowed him to be abused by class mated. You WATCHED. His mother watched him get cornered, bullied, and abused. He needs to hear you are sorry and that you will NEVER let that happen again.

You can tell what you saw to the principal and send a registered letter as well. These girls very likely do this from time to time in other ways.
I hope you give the teachers a piece of your mind. They were not on break.
My grandson has also done such things when harassed. He gets in trouble not the other kids so he has learned how to push is way out of the circle and go to an adult lunchroom monitor.

I would definitely go in and request a meeting with the principle and tell them EVERYTHING you witnessed. While I understand the scariness (which isn't a word) of witnessing your son put his hands on a little girl's throat, but you can talk to him about that and go through what he can do if this happens again.

you need to go in there and ask them where the teacher was while your son was being cornered repeatedly by a group of students. This situation would be different if you weren't there to witness the whole thing and this was all second hand information. I am impressed that you didn't step in before then because I try to to hover with my 2 year old but when he is sad- it just kills me. I try to do the 'tough love' thing and try to encourage him to brush things off, but inside- man! I wannt just cry!!

This is a tough situation because by the time he was cornered, there really wasn't any way for him to get out of the situation without hurting someone. You do need to go in there and raise hell by telling your side and not just letting them tell you what they think because you may find your son out of school faster than you know what just happened.

Good luck- I hope everyone keeps their head about them in this whole situation!

I have read this over several times but what I think is wrong is that your son is 8 and the girl he choked is 4. That doesn't seem like a fair situation. It sounds like he had the opportunities to run away and run to the swings. He should have kept running to the teachers. Although it's sad he felt cornered, he NEVER should have choked a little girl half his age.

I think it is incredibly lucky that you were there to witness this. I cannot believe that the girls were not punished at all. I also cannot believe that no teacher saw any of this going on. I would state your entire case and include every child involved. Evidently, your son felt like he had been pushed to his limit to have reacted in the way he did. I think all of the children involved did wrong and should be told how their behaviors needs to change. I think you should put a complaint in, if for no other reason than to set the record straight about how the whole situation went down.

I know we can tend to be a little blind to our own kids actions, usually siding with them even when they are wrong. You have to look at it this way, taunted or not he choked a girl 1/2 his age. Doubtful they are blameless but you have to see what is, and was right in front of you.

I would like to think that if he actually had no choice in the matter and was being ganged up on that you would have broken it up sooner. You need to adress this matter with your son and let him know it is never ok to choke someone. Especially someone smaller than him, and especially a girl.

You being the mom & witnessed all this going on why didn't you step up tell the teachers what is going on letting them know that you already asked the girls to leave your son alone.This annoys me when something happens that could of been prevented if someone would of just stepped up,usually the person who is the witness & the person whom is being bullied,now look what happened he put his hands around a girls neck the girls took action he laned in the principals office the mom is upset for this happening to her daughter your upset for sitting back & watching it happen it just all unrolled right in front of your eyes I don't understand why you didn't get up & say something to the teachers that is what they are there for & why were they sitting under a canopy & not up walking the playground to me that is leaving children unattended.

It seems you didn't stop this as it escalated. Yes, he was stuck and didn't see another way out. Is there a reason you didn't step in or is there something we are missing in your post? I don't think your son should be kicked out but he does need to know two wrongs don't make a right. He probably didn't know what to do and could have used help in the situation in resolving it as asking the girls to stop didn't work. If you weren't willing to step in why didn't you alert a teacher or someone who was supervising recess and enlist their help? What's done is done and I would focus on helping your son deal with deal as best he can in situations such as this. Just saw your post that the teachers were chatting. Maybe next time alert them with a "Hey, We need a little help here!"

How old is your son??

Girl or not he has the right to defend himself. My dad (a very wise man) used to say "You never hit a lady, but if she hits you first she's not a lady". I would never condone what your son did, but I certainly don't condemn it either.

edited after seeing your what happened: between the time you asked them to stop and the time they cornered him, had you seen them STILL chasing him and trying to throw balls at him? If yes ... then the lambasting is well deserved, because THEN was the time you should have stepped in and had him come sit with you or talked to the teachers.

If no ... then maybe you should have pointed it out to the teachers in the first place. A bunch of children ganging up on one and throwing balls at them shouldn't be acceptable in the first place. And the teachers should have been made aware of it.

Your son had the right to defend himself - he made a bad decision to defend himself from the 4 year old when it was the older kids that were the problem. But he was ganged up on, and decision making in an 8 year old isn't the greatest.

ALL THE KIDS and parents need to be spoken with by the school. If the school doesn't deal with everyone involved, I'd be pretty upset and put in the complaint.

Something else to bring up, and I don't know if anyone else thought of this, but the 4 year old girl was ALSO being bullied by those girls. They got her into trouble. That mother has the right to be upset about what your son did, but she needs to wake up about what her own daughter does to her little sister. I'm sure she's not going to want to hear that.

By 8 years old boys need to learn that they can't hurt girls, period. So, just tell him, "Honey, you CANNOT hurt a girl, okay?"

"So next time they corner you, don't put your hand around her neck, go get the teacher. Okay? You're a good boy. I love you."