My Son Is Turnning in to a Terror

I would try time outs. We started them at 12 months. This gives him a quiet opportunity to think about what he has done. You could put him in his high chair or crib for the 1 minute break. I like the book How to Discipline without Shouting or Spanking. Good luck, this sounds like a real challenge.

Hi C.,
What I advise and man doctors I speak with have advised me, is to what they do to you, you do to them and tell them if you don't like it then you don't do it to others. That's not nice. For instance, he hit you, you softly hit him, but enough for him to feel it and say you like that? He'll more than definitely respond no and you tell him then you don't do it to others and tell him it's not nice. Just as if he pulls your hair same thing, scratches pinches you, same thing.. of course you don't leave any marks becuase you're just making a point..if he bites you same thing...you probably get the jist..I hope this helps you.

This is an issue that takes some thought going beyond what is currently happening. Hitting is antagonistic, and although you may love him and not want to be too stern with him, other people, children and/or animals may not feel that way. Any type of aggressive action can bring out aggression in others. If he was running into the street and no cars were coming your reaction would be a strong and stern reaction because you know that eventually a car could be coming and his life may be in danger. Your reaction to hitting should be strong and stern. At some point he may hit the wrong person, child or animal. The reaction from the other child may be to hit with a stick, or to push him down. Reacting strongly enough to let him know you will not tolerate it at any time will protect him from the reaction of others who may not love him the way you do.

I work with toddlers and I can tell you this is very typical behavior for this age group. However, that doesn't make it acceptable. You are doing the same thing we do at the child development center: FIRMLY say "No hitting. Hitting hurts. We use soft touches." Then show him what a soft touch is.

Right now, he is probably exploring which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. You have to be consistent when using the approach above. It takes time and will not change his behavior over night. It should eventually work, he may just need a while to grasp the concept. Keep up the good work and remember to be consistent, firm, and respectful when redirecting him. It does not mean that he will grow up to be a bully. Just keep teaching him the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior (and good alternatives to the inappropriate behavior).

It can also help to make a really big deal about the times when he DOES use soft touches.

Talking about feelings and using words like "sad, happy, angry" etc. to describe them can help him understand that his actions have an effect on others' feelings. This is a concept he won't understand until he is just a little older, but it's not too early to start talking about it.

Another responder suggested doing back to them what they did to you, but I strongly disagree with this. I would be fired for this if I did this at work. It only teaches them that when they are hit or hurt, they should do it back. It doesn't teach an alternative, acceptable behavior. Any current child development research strongly discourages that method. It can also damage the relationship between you and your son.

best wishes, C.

I agree with Christine G and others who don't hit. Keep in mind that children are not neurologically capable of consistent impulse control until about age 3. That's why so much of what we teach about behavior just has to be repeated over and over and over. Even behaviors that they can get right sometimes are not consistent. They just are not entirely able to control themselves yet.

I'm sure you're on the right track!

When he bites tell him to bite on a carrot, corn, biter biscuit, etc...whatever it is he eats, or if he's still using the chew toys, give him one to chew on. Just say, Biting people hurts, bite on this.....

When he hits, tell him that nice hands give hugs and give high fives, etc......

Tell him that if he wants to hit on something he can hit a pillow. Show him how to hit the pillow and even get a pillow fight in, which is a lot of fun~

Good luck....

I agree with the moms who say put him down and walk away. He'll eventually realize that he won't get any attention from this kind of behavior. My son hit for a short period of time and it worked for him, I would set him down immediately tell him I don't like it when he hits and walk away. Then whenever he would give a hug or kiss, something like that I would praise him like crazy. Time outs might work depending on the exact age of your son. They general aren't very affective until your child is around 18 months and hitting him back just reinforces the same behavior you're trying to stop. Sounds like your on the right track, just keep reinforcing the gentle touch and try to relax this is no indication that your son will be a bully. Good Luck!! Keep us updated

Smack his hands hard enough he will cry and tell him thats a no!no! Then give him time out by standing him in a crner and if he bites you bite him back hard and he will quit.i know.A.

I think you could try using time outs. He may not fully understand, but he will realize atleast after several times that everytime he does this behavior he is separated from mommy for a while. If he doesn't like the separation he will stop the bad behavior. If a time out chair doesn't work, you could use a port-a-crib or gate him in a safe area.

you'll probably get tons of responses from this all saying that it's a natural phase every child goes through - that's what i'll say too! my 18m son does it too. i agree that hitting him probably is not the best option. we have been dealing with it for about 3-4 months now, and we always hold his hands and tell him "no baby, we don't hit mommy/daddy" or "honey that hurts mama/daddy! don't hit!" and then try to engage his attention elsewhere. he doesn't do it as often now so i think we're on the right track. your method of "soft touch" sounds like a great idea. stick with it! (we use a similar tactic for when my son wants to "play" with kitty- i don't know how many times i've taken his hand and pet the kitty with him saying, "be gentle!" - he just doesn't have quite enough dexterity yet to really control his hands that well, and still ends up grabbing and "petting" a little too roughly, but he does get the idea now) being consistent is the key i think. once he gets a little older he'll be able to tell you what is upsetting him and that will help a lot (at least that's what i keep hearing!). good luck and hang in there!

Its a phase they go thru, my son did it as well,he would only hit me and bite me. I never hit his hands I would grab his hand and in a stern voice say NO dont hit mommy that hurts and put him down, and dont pick him up when he cries, just walk away from him and dont look at him, you can say you hurt mommy and put him down, just to let him know that he hurt you. He will get it eventually. It worked with my son. It will take some time until he realizes that you mean business. I know it will pull at the heart strings to put him down and hear him cry but dont give in stick to your guns and just walk away from him.

Do 1 minute per age.

Good Luck.