My Son Is Starting to Notices "Changes" in His Feelings About Intimacy

I agree that your husband needs to talk to him. Not necessarily because of the bonding experience, but because he understands the, um, logistics of what's going on. If your son complained that "it's won't stop" then I would guess that is his biggest concern. He needs to understand that it's totally OK, every boy goes through it, but in the mean time, here's how to control it. And that's where your husband comes in- your son needs some specific information on how to handle this. He needs some tips from an inside source, and women are NOT an inside source. And that's what I would tell your son- that he needs to talk to his dad. I wouldn't just send in dad, because your son would feel betrayed. But if you encourage him to talk to his dad, or tell him that you're going to tell his dad so he can talk to him, he will fell like he's part of the solution, and not that you're talking behind his back.

Thank you Lord for giving me 2 daughters. I am really feeling especially blessed right now.

YIKES! Well, being a girl and all, I don't know exactly when boys start to get aroused and noticing things like that. I do think 8 is WAY young -- shouldn't it be closer to 11-ish?

I would go to the library and read up. I would offer to my son -- since you are the chosen parent for now -- to be there and answer any questions he has. And let him know that you're a girl and know all about girl things but that you think Dad might be more knowledgeable about boy things. If your son wants to talk with both of you, that would be okay. Or the two of you can learn together by going to the library or reading information on the internet (though you have to be careful to find "good" sites for that.) Maybe ask his pediatrician, too. I don't know that erections alone mean puberty is here -- is he growing hair/voice changing/etc?

you're not alone: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=2008092315305...

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/child/middlechildhood.htm

http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/Puberty.cfm

http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/precocious_puberty... (probably not what's going on!)

First find out if your husband wants to discuss it with him. If he would then next time you are in a "deep" talk with your son you can tell him that his dad went through the same stuff he is going through and try to nudge your son into talking to his dad about it. I always tell my son with weiner issues his dad has one. I only know some stuff about them since I don't have one. He laughs and goes and asks his dad.

Good luck J.

Wait until you and your husband can start a conversation with your son and as the subject approaches, you can quietly slip out of the room and your husband can discuss the masculine physical responses of desire, lust, and love. If your son asks you later, you can add the feminine responses of desire, lust and love. Your son needs to hear from his father first. Open discussions should be encouraged with all your children as they mature. You have a good start.

My husband didn't talk to our boys about sex, I did. Which was totally fine with me. I did tell the boys that if they needed to ask a boy question, they can still go to me if they felt more comfortable with it and then I would ask their dad to talk to them. They are just more comfortable talking to me about personal stuff and that's okay with me and my husband.

I give the 'big' talk at age 8yo, unless I don't feel they are ready to handle it. My oldest we did it at 8yo and my 2nd boy we did it at age 9 or after because I felt he wasn't ready.

We used the book called "How to talk to your child about sex" by Linda and Richard Eyre as a guideline.

I'll admit, we've never had the discussion that you had with your boys, but I'm guessing it happens at different ages for different kids. Good luck!

Hi K.,

My son is almost three, and the other day he woke up and came in my bedroom with his hand in his underwear. Before I could even ask what he was doing, he pulled it down and showed me his weiner and told me it was "big and strong" because he had woken up with a little erection.

I almost dropped my laundry basket on my feet.

As a divorced mom, there are a lot of things that I know I'll end up talking to my son about. Obviously, at 3, with my son, I just told him that that was normal and it was more polite to keep his hands off it unless he was alone.
But, from my experience as one of three daughters raised by a single father, it is absolutely great that your son feels he can talk to you about those sorts of things. If you are the person he feels he can share his secrets with, then you are the person that he would probably be more comfortable with having the "big talk."

Let me know how it goes -- I guess I'll have to do it in a few years, too!

Being the mother of 3 daughters and 2 granddaughters, I would tend to agree with some of the other responses. Encourage your son to talk with his dad, since his dad has probably experienced it before. I would let him know that it's perfectly normal but that dad would be able to explain what is happening to him. Of course if he refuses to, then drop the issue for now and maybe bring it up at a later date. Also, there is a book called "What's Happening to my body". There's a version for girls and one for boys. You may have to search on Amazon.com to find it but I bought it for my daughters. An eight year old may be a little young for it but you may find it useful to you in explaining things, if he would rather not talk with his father. Maybe your husband could tell you how to talk to him (kind of a go between) and what you should say.

Hi K.,
Pray about it first! I think you should be the one to discuss this with him now since he is so young and confided in you. There will be plenty of time for him to have deeper conversations with his father later in life. You may be able to just touch on an answer without really getting into "serious" conversation. You could mention when you talk to him that his father would be happy to talk to him too. God Bless! Good Luck!

Ahh, "youth is wasted on the young." (That's an old expression that originally had nothing to do with erections, but it sure fits, doesn't it?)

It's very sweet and touching that he chose to talk to you. The fact that he was very quiet and kind of shy sounds like he was nervous about bringing it up. I agree with the mom who said that if his dad suddenly brings up the subject, he may feel betrayed and clam up. I would ask him (your son) if it's OK if Dad talks to him about it, and if he's not comfortable with that, respect his wishes and talk to him yourself. You don't have to go overboard, just... answer the questions as they come as simply as you can.

And make sure he knows that nothing is wrong with him - you don't have to explain the details about sex, but at the very least say "No, honey. There's nothing at ALL wrong with you. It means you're growing up healthy. Your body is *supposed* to do that." You didn't mention what you actually *did* say to him, so if you weren't able to get that much information out, try to bring that up yourself - you don't want to wait if he thinks something is wrong with himself.

When he brings up stuff like this, even if you're shocked, try to look cool and calm, because you don't want him to be too nervous to bring it up. Kids are smart, many of them notice that even from a very young age you talk about their eyes, ears, toes, etc. and not so much about penises, etc.

The most important thing is not to overwhelm him with too much information. You know, waiting to have "The Talk" and having it be one big serious thing. That's really awkward for everyone, and it's very easy to give them more information than they are ready for. (Not to mention that if he's embarrassed, he won't be listening very well.) So I would try to keep it light and casual, especially if you're the one bringing it up. Just deal with one little tidbit at a time, so he'll have time to think about it and make sense of it all. Don't always wait for him to ask a question, bring it up yourself now and then. Sometimes the car is an excellent place for conversations like this, because it's not as confrontational. (He can look out the window if he's not comfortable talking, or just avoid direct eye contact.)

While it's true that there are books about "Where babies come from" that are geared for many different ages, you might do best doing a little research for yourself on how to talk to kids about this kind of stuff. I think that would help more with the... casual conversations.
I have a book called "The Guide to Getting it On" which is a funny (but quite explicit) book about... all things sexual (I do mean *ALL* - I wouldn't let my kids see this book before 18, but it should be required reading by age... I dunno 20 or something.) But in that book is a chapter called "Talking to Kids about Sex" which I found very useful. See if you can find that in your bookstore and see what they have to say, but keep in mind if you're reading in the bookstore that the authors are quite open and frank you'll probably either burst out laughing or gasp, maybe both. (It's not in the parenting section, but the section with self-help, psychology, marriage and intimacy books.)

Just don't do like my mom. She was very progressive in many ways, but she still wasn't comfortable talking about this. So when I turned 12, she gave me a copy of "Our Bodies Our Selves" and it was too much information. It kinda wigged me out.

I would talk to him a little about it being his body working normal and then suggest that his daddy might have some good advice for him too, that way he doesn't feel like you blabbed his secret. I would also suggest keeping a close eye on what he sees on tv and computer, even commercials are very sexual now adays and sex is being thrown in our childrens faces long before they are ready.