My Son Is Biting

MY oldest is now 16 and he bit as a young child. I personally used 1 minute per years old for time outs as a consequence for inappropriate behavior. This did not work in this case. I read an article years ago that explained that at this age children are unable to accuately vocalize frustration, anger and excessive excitement so they bite! This was the clue that I was looking for. I began to intervene whenever he became really wound up and helped him to chill out, the biting stopped. Hope this helps I just couldn't bite him back it felt too much like hitting to teach not to hit?

You might want to try putting him in his crib and closing the door in a "time-out" for 1-2 minutes each time as a consequence. Reinforce that there's no biting when you take him out. If he doesn't like being away from you both, it may be the consequence that makes a difference. Good luck.

Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. My daughter is now 22 months old - she went into the toddler room at daycare when she was around 18 months. She had been disobeying me and I asked her if she wanted a time out - I had never used that before - well she knew what it was from seeing the other children in the daycare receive time outs and she behaved immediately. I always explain to her what she did and why she shouldn't do that after the time out and the behavior is corrected. I know girls are different from boys at that age, but anything is worth a shot. The problem that my daughter had was that she was head-butting us - and she has a hard head! But since the time outs (it took a couple) she doesn't do it anymore.

Good luck.

Hi, I have a 3 year old daughter, and 26 month old son. I don't believe in the bite back concept. What worked really well with both of my kids was the time out in isolation theory, because I didn't want to take away their comfort toy. I think I started it around 18 months, and trust me, they understood even at that age. I wanted to put them in time out, but I knew that they wouldn't stay where I put them, and I didn't want their crib to be a place of punishment, so I set up a Pack N Play in my bedroom, and everytime they bit, I told them "No biting, no biting" and put them in for 1 minute, or two minutes. Then when I took them out, I hugged them and said "You don't bite anymore". It only took 2-3 times with my kids before they GOT IT. Good luck to you.

While I do not have a child that bites, my two kids have always been the ones being bitten. Literally, my 4 year old son has scares from where other children have bitten him so many times. It was really bad at around age 2-3 and I asked the daycare workers to have the child that bit him help with the "clean-up" per say...putting ice on the wound or maybe creme (or whatever) needed to be done. All the while, they were helping explain to the child that bit him that it really does hurts and that thier behavior was unacceptable. This helped a lot. The daycare workers told me that they would incorporate that lesson each time it happened and that they felt it was really making a difference having the biters help their "friend" they just hurt feel better. I am a big supporter of the "Naughty Chair" (as seen on Supper Nanny) and I started this around 2 years old and would have them sit in a chair when they did something "naughty" for 1 minute for each year they were starting at age 2. 3 yrs would be 2 minutes etc...My kids hate the naughty chair and just the mention of it gets them to do the right thing almost all the time now. One note on the naughty chair, there are several things that must happen - not just put them in a chair and leave them. You must get down to thier eye level (kneeling down) and warning them that if they continue the behavior, they will sit in the naughty chair. If it continues, simply walk them to the chair and tell them why you are putting them there. No yelling, raising your voice or anything - stay calm (but I know you said you already are a calm person - great, and more power to you with this technique) Then leave for the time alloted and when it is over, return to them and make them explain why they are sitting there. Yes, for a 2 year old, you may get a sorry (in thier little language) and that is it. That's fine!! they will get the concept as time goes on. My 2 yr old just has to watch her brother go in the naughty chair and she knows not to do what he just did. They are so intelligent and understand more than I think sometimes. Good luck and I hope that helps.

J.,

My kids did that when they were younger also. They are now 19 and 15. When my kids started doing this I asked my pediatrician what I should do? He told me to bite them back. That that will teach them how bad it hurts to be bitten. I know it sounds a little cruel. But it worked for me. After about the second or third time my children bit me, I bit them back and that was the end of that. I never bit them hard enough to cut the skin or leave a bruise. Just enough to let them know that it was wrong and how much it hurt. It worked for me. I dont know if it will work for you. Just an idea. My children were never the worse for it!!
Debbie

Hi J.,

At your sons age it sounds like he is trying to find ways to express his anger. It is all new to him with the changing of classrooms etc. He can't tell you in words that he is upset so the biting is an emorional outlet for him. I would definately nip it now, but personaly I don't agree with biting him back. It only re-enforces "it is okay to bite". I would try time out or place him in a secure place (ie packnplay) long enough for him to gather his composure, then explain to him that he hurt you or whoever he bit, it wasn't nice. One thing I that worked for a little girl a use to watch, was giving her a "bad bear". When she got upset she was allowed to take her aggression out on the bear, instead of the person she was mad at. We would praise her when she did this and after a couple of days it sunk in that it was okay to bully the bad bear and not the other kids.

I hope this helps. I have taken care of various personalities of children for the past 15 yrs.

Good luck.

Wow J....sounds like allot on your mind. Honestly, they all go through it especially at that age. All I can say is maybe try the hurt feelings. You know, he bites you and you cry and have hurt feelings. He loves you, so maybe that would help him learn. My trouble is that I have trouble turning on fake tears but I've seen it work.
My mother would say bite him back but I'm not going for that one...it only works with cats! Sorry, I was trying to lighten it up a bit...

I feel your pain. Literally. I have a son who's 20 months and he is going through the same thing right now. I stay at home full time with him, and he tries to bite me or my husband several times a day. He also pulls hair, hits, and throws things at us. He thinks it's funny and laughs when he does it, even though he knows he shouldn't do it. For example, he'll come up and bite us, then laugh and shake his head "no." He has not bitten other kids (yet!), but he does hit and push them. It's very frustrating for me at playgroups. He even ran up to a random kid at the mall the other day and pushed him before I could get to him. So embarrassing! He also is the best little boy 90% of the time, but for the past month or so, he has turned into a bully at times.

We have tried everything - timeouts, taking toys away, ignoring the behavior/not giving him attention, being stern yet calm with him, etc. I don't believe in spanking, so that's something that's not an option. Everyone in my mom's group keeps telling me to just be diligent and keep trying to find some form of discipline that will work for him. I've tried timeouts (for 1 minute), and they didn't really work well because he would just climb out of the chair. Then a friend recommended strapping him in a booster seat on a chair and putting him in another room so he's alone. That seems to have worked a little better, but still not great. He just doesn't seem to mind being in timeout. I just think he's too young to "get" the whole timeout thing. But it may work for your son, so I say it's worth a try. What HAS just started to work for us in the past couple days is taking away his balls. He's really into balls right now, so when he misbehaves, I put his balls on top of the refridgerator. He gets really upset and I think he's finally starting to figure out that he's going to lose his balls everytime he bites/pulls hair/hits/etc. I know you said your son doesn't really have any favorite toys that you can take away from him, but something to keep in mind in case he starts to favor a certain toy.

Unfortunately, I think this is just a hard age to discipline because they can't really make the connection between their behavior and the consequences. I keep telling myself it's just a phase and it will pass. Good luck to you!

J.,

Biting is normal at that age-- children bite when they are teething and also bite when they are frustrated or want something and do not have the verbal skills to communicate it. Hopefully it will pass. My son starting biting me occassionally and I would hold his hands so he would look at my face and sternly tell him "Do not bite" over and over. HE would cry (and it would break my heart) but I would let him for a minute or two. This was at about 15 mos-- at 18 mos we started timeout. Your son is not too young. You tell him before the timeout why he is getting one and then you pick a place (we use the rug in the living room so we can see him) and then let him sit there (one minute for each year) and then after 2 minutes tell him again why he was there, that you love him and comfort him. With Brendan (who wasn't biting all that much) this worked wonderfully. Now when he does something timeout worthy, we can give him a warning, if you do that again you will get a timeout and he usually complies.

Just a warning... the first few times are really hard. I wanted to go rescue him.

Good luck...

Hi J.!
My daughter, around the same age, was biting too. she did it out frustration when she didn't know what else to do. Mostly she bit my nephews, who are the same age, but the only that worked for was the "bite-back" method. I only applied a little pressure, enough to get her attention. she didn't bite again. i know it sounds cruel, but it is the only wzay to get their attention and let them know how they are making their "friends" feel.
J. C

Hello J.
My advice to you is to bite your son back. I know that sounds horrible. I have a friend who is a nanny and when my younger daughter went through a biting phase I asked my friend for suggestions. At first I was surprised at her response and said that I would absolutely NOT bite my child. But.... one day she bit me hard and I was so frustrated I bit her back just as hard. Not enough to break skin or anything but enough for her to feel it. She was shocked and angry and cried but I SWEAR to you she NEVER bit me again. I remembered that for my second child and it absolutely worked with her too.

I know this is going to sound mean but I had the same problem and I tried everything my son just didn't understand so one time when he bite me I LIGHTLY did it back not hard just enough to show him how it felt, trust me it sounds mean a co-worker told me thats what she did to her 2 boys and so I tried it he cried and I felt bad and I explained it to him. I know how can a 2 year old understand but guess what he has never bite anyone again so I know how hard it is but try that. Trust me it works and you can't hug him after you do it but explain that everytime he does it to someone else thats how it feels and make sure you tell him you love him

As my pediatrician told me...bite him back. I have two kids and when each one bit me--I bit them back--just enough to hurt. They stopped right then and there. AND they never bit anyone else again. Sounds cruel, but worked the FIRST time. I also explained to them at the time that if I found out that they bit anyone else, I would bite them again...harder.

I feel bad admitting to this, but I too did the "bite-back" method. It worked the very first time. My daughter was 23 months old and would bite any kid that came within an arms reach to her. I had tried everything I could think of including tons of advice from other moms, and was at my wits end. After trying all options I reluctantly bit her back gently and although it broke my heart, it worked instantly! She has never bit again. My second child is 31 months old and thankfully he has never went through a biting stage yet. If he did, I would use this methond again in a heart beat!

Hi J., my son is 20mths too. and he was biting a lot when he was 18/19mths, and I did the same thing. I bit him back and he has not bit, or tried to bite anyone since. Of course like the other two moms said, just enough that it will hurt. He also whent through the stage of pulling hair, and I did the same thing, I pulled it a little, and he has not done it.. the hitting well I am still working on that one. = (