He has lived with and known the girlfriend 2 years. The boy sees his mom on weekends and she is not really involved in day to day care or decisions. The girlfriend is 28 years old and has no children . she wants to be married and have children of her own , it seems to me she is using the boy as an experiment to prove to my son that she is able to parent .
And the boy is very resentful towards his father and his fathers girlfriend Family members have talked to my son but he has totally checked out and his girlfriend is the one in charge. How can we help the situation ? my son is 35 and my grandson is 8 , i see my grandson 3 times a week as i care for him after school and when school is not in session .
This doesn't sound like an experiment, it sounds like a women doing her best with her blended family despite her boyfriends mother working against her. Try supporting them all as they work the kinks out.
I think saying that she's using your grandson as an experiment is kind of odd. She's involved with your son who has a child. So if she's stepped up to be a parental figure, why is that a bad thing? I think the bad thing is that your son isn't involved enough, nor is his ex.
If it were me, I'd keep being a constant source of love and support to your grandson. He's likely going through some stress and changes in his life and you can just be there for him.
If you have to do anything, and I'd be cautious how you approach this, you could tell your son what his son is telling you. Watch your tone and don't judge. Encourage your grandson to talk to his dad and mom.
Perhaps your son believes his girlfriend makes good decisions and therefore agrees with her. Your post says nothing to indicate how this is a problem.
Is your grandson getting good care? Is he healthy? Complaining about parents is what children do. As a grandmother, I see my role as supporting the parents.
Why do you think the problem is the girlfriend making secisions. I wonder if your grandson is asking for more attention from his father.
This woman is being used by the bio parents. Shame on them. She is not doing an experiment. She is 'in-love' with a man and caring for his child since the man won't do it himself. Please start pointing the finger in the correct direction. Does your son work long hours and depend on this woman to care for his son? It may not be preferred by the son (your grandson), but it is a solution that allow the father to earn money to care for his child.
Do you enjoy your time with your grandson? i think it is wonderful he has you in his life. If this girl does get pregnant he will mostly need more attention from you.
It is easy to blame the step-mom figure.
I'm so glad people pointed out your son's girlfriend should be thanked, not criticized. And she should think again about having children with your son. Not sure how you raised him but he is the one lacking here. Do as much as you can for your grandson and appreciate and work with the girlfriend. And keep working on your son to step up and be a father.
welcome to mamapedia.
what is your question?
What do you want us to do for you?
you don't say how old your grandson is.
you don't say how old your son is.
you don't say how often you see your son or grandson.
Your son doesn't want to be a parent, obviously. He wants to be led by a female.
And?
I have to wonder if there is more to this. Is there rules, structure, discipline in all three houses?
so both bio parents are checked out and this little boy's one parental figure is the not-really-a-stepmother?
you can help the situation by baking her a coconut cake and asking her what you can do to be supportive and helpful.
khairete
S.
Really this is between your son and your grandson's mother. Your grandson doesn't like the situation but children will often say they don't like something if it gets them attention from others. If you don't like the girlfriend he's playing you with all of this.
If you want to help out then decide what you are willing to do and fly it past everyone. Do you have the room for your grandson to be there full time? Would his mother be able to take him during the week and have his dad see him on the weekends? Is the girlfriend doing a good job or could she use a little help since she doesn't have solid parenting skills?
I think you really need to talk to your son because while the girlfriend is here today there's nothing keeping her here so if she leaves then the next girlfriend steps into mom role? Not cool.
So she has been living with your son and grandson for two years. This isn't an experiment this is living together. Honestly, I don't have enough information about this. Does she mistreat him? OR does she have rules and he doesn't like that. Is he pissed because she has taken charge of the situation and dad's rules before were lax?
Too many unknowns.
What is your question?
If your son is just not that into parenting that he doles this out to someone else, maybe your grandchild should be spending more time with his mom, and your son should think about not having anymore kids with this girlfriend or anyone.
Additional:
There's nothing you can do except to show as much love to your grandchild as possible and don't bad mouth his dad.
Your son needs a vasectomy asap.
If your son makes it clear he wants no more kids then girlfriend will look for another guy.
It's too bad his Mom isn't involved either.
Poor kid is effectively an orphan and I can see how upsetting that would be.
Some people rise above having sucky parents - I hope your grandson can manage to do so.
Maybe you can suggest he be enrolled in a Big Brother program.
Your son has been dating this girl for 2 years, right? Now you're upset that she is sticking around and making a commitment to your grandson? Tell me what the problem is here, please.
Is your grandson being mistreated?
Is your grandson NOT being fed?
is your grandson NOT being housed?
What exactly is the problem here?
Has she EVER given you any indication that she is a bad role model for your grandson?
Has she EVER abused your grandson in ANY way, mentally, physically, any way?
I think you need to step back and see what is going on here. She has been with your son for TWO YEARS. Not two months, TWO YEARS. She seems to be committed to your son and grandson. I don't see what the problem is.
Sounds like you have time and ability to have a good relationship with your grandchild. That's what I would focus on. Perhaps your son doesn't really want to be the father figure and wants the girlfriend to make the decisions. Maybe he doesn't like parenting, you know, saying no. He might want to be the good guy that son sees as the fun guy.
I would just focus on his health and well being. If he's being abused or neglected then I'd take action. If he's just a kid who got in trouble for something then let the parent be the parent and let the kiddo know you still love him but he needs to mind her.
i want to thank all who replied . it helps to know that there are different ways to think about the situation .
What I would do:
Grandson, I know that you aren't always happy at home. I want you to know how much your Dad and GF love you and want what is best for you.
No one is perfect. They are doing everything they can to be good parents to you.
I hope you know I am always here for you.
And, then, sorry if this will offend you: I would stop undermining your son and his choices.
