My Son Doesn't Want to Cuddle, Help!

Updated on July 25, 2007
C.B. asks from Moorcroft, WY
7 answers

lol, i didnt know how else to put it, but im kinda in distress. my almost 11 month old is perfect, no health problems, no stress in the house ( between me and his father). i cant think of anything that is causing this. since he was 4 months joshua has not been a cuddler. he gets mad if i try to hold him, or anyone else. he hits hard on my chest and face. he pushs away or cries. its stressful to me because i AM a cuddler. i want to enjoy him growing up, but i cant because he is so independent, and i wasnt ready for it. he goes to sleep on his own, when he gets hurt he wants his bottle or "plug", but not me, his father, or anyone else. i want him to be little again, any suggestions on how to help myself? he doesnt have seperation anxiety, or any object hes obsessed with, its just wierd to me, so H E L P!!! thanks

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So What Happened?

well, you all were right. my son is not a cuddler, and his father addmited to me the other day that as a child he wasnt either, so im blaming him, lol. thanks for the advice, and i have a few times picked him up out of bed and cuddled with him, hes so "marshmellow-y" that i cant help but cuddling, lol. thanks again!

More Answers



answers from Des Moines on

I have a similar situation with my baby who is practically the same age (1st birthday on 8/7/07). He has never been a cuddler- I mean- when he was a newborn, he had no choice but once he could move at all, he'd push us away- he's breastfed and never pushed me away for that, but beyond that, you'd try to hug him and he'd push away. But he's healthy, happy, developing well- always smiling, laughing, sleeps well, all of those things. I too am a cuddler and was a little bummed out. Well, just over the last couple of weeks, he's started to give hugs and then over the last week, kisses too! Now, over that time he's been weaned. So I don't know if maybe he got enough closeness from the nursing that he just didn't want anymore and now that he is not being nursed he's ready for that closeness. Or also, my husband and I started to make it a point to hug and kiss each other in front of him. I still wouldn't call him a cuddler, but he doesn't push away anymore. Maybe your little guy just needs more time. I don't know if this is helpful, but I hope it gives you some peace of mind. Take care.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Omaha on

I agree with what everyone has said, you can't force someone, baby, child, or an adult, to be someone they aren't. You don't want to try to force him to be a cuddler either, it may just push him farther away. I'm lucky & my son loves to cuddle with me when he's tired, but doesn't cuddle his Daddy, and Daddy wishes he would. Make sure you are reading to him everyday, that may be a way for you to at least get some close time with him.
Enjoy every moment you have with him, it goes by way to fast!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Fargo on

There is nothing you can do to make him be a cuddler...some people just aren't and they really do need their space. I'm in the opposite position you are...I'm one to really enjoy my personal space and my husband and oldest are cuddlers/physical touch people. You can't make someone be something their not. Just enjoy the times when he does need a hug, but don't force it on him! :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sioux Falls on

My son is also almost a year old (in less than a week!) and he goes through phases where he doesn't want me to cuddle him, he just uses me as a step stool to get where he wants to go! He also pushes me away at times but I will admit that he likes to snuggle when he is sleepy and then I make the most of it! Maybe try holding your little guys hand when he is not busy playing, sneak kisses on his tummy, I find making my little guy laugh is a great way to steal a hug, and he will associate you more with fun than with you trying to restrain him. Also, remember that with your boy being as independent as he is he will grow up to be a strong person who will not get bullied or pushed around! I suggest hanging out by his crib while he sleeps and touching his baby-soft hair when he is not awake to push you away! I sympathise totally as mothers are just mush when it comes to their baby boys growing up and we never want to have to let them go.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Grand Forks on

Janie-there really isn't much you can do if he doesn't want to cuddle. Some babies just need their personal space to be personal, especially now that he is getting older. He will probably become even more independent. Just enjoy the times he will give a hug (when he is excited about an accomplishment maybe). If you are desperate for a cuddle-try picking him up when he is sleeping just so you can hug him!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Great Falls on

Some kids just aren't cuddlers. My youngest only lets me cuddle him for a few minutes before he goes to bed. He's always been that way. He'd squirm, push against me and cry if I held him to long. This happened even when he was just 14 days old. My oldest is the cuddler, or was until, this summer. He's 11. My youngest is 8. I know how you feel. I had a cuddler with the first one and I just expected my youngest to be the same. He wasn't and boy I missed it. Each child is different. Don't force him to cuddle, he'll just fight harder. Good luck!!!!!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sioux Falls on

My son was that same way, when he was a baby, though he was a daddy's boy on top it, which is just as bad, because even though I stayed home at the time, he would cry and cling to daddy when he went to work. There is a great self-steem boaster!! lol There really isnt much that you can do at this point, other then let him know how much you love him. He will grow out of it. I know because mine did and now at 7, he and I are very close. He is still very independent, and is a HUGE help to me, but he knows if he has a problem, he can come to me and we talk!! Its the best thing in the world. Yeah I wanted him to stay young too, but now I am glad he is older, because he is one great Kid! Good Luck!

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