Toddler My Son

I wopuld suggest that they see a marriage counsler , if they won't go alone then they should go on their own. I don't know what her issue is with his friends. Maybe she has a valid reason. Or is it all friends.

I hope you get some good advice on this. She may just be very jelouse and that can be a problem.

Sandy

Even in a good relationship, each person needs friends. I don't think it's healthy to not have friends. Unless his friends are doing illegal things she really has no right to tell him he can't have them. And if he did go along with her, he would only resent her later for making him give up his friends. If he chooses to spend all his time with only her than that's ok, if not then things will not end well.

In my opinion, the words they BROKE UP AGAIN is like a red flag screaming that this is going nowhere fast. But, if she is persistent and he doesn't have the oppurtunity to deal with this in his own time, it will just happen again and again.

It is sweet that you are involved in your son's life, but this is something he HAS to do on his OWN. Regardless of whether or not you are FRIENDS or have been FRIENDLY with her, this is not your call.

My sister has ALL kinds of ups in downs in her marriage but, I would never tell her to outright leave her husband. It is my job to support her and love her and respect her choices, and her husband is a decent guy whom I think is okay...just not with my sister. But, it's not my life.

I would politely tell her that you appreciate her feeling comfortable coming to you for help but, because of the nature of the issue you don't feel comfortable getting involved. Leave this up to your son, and respect what he chooses. He'll thank for giving him the chance to make his own mistakes...even though he might not see it now.

Good Luck.

Is your son an adult??? If so don't get involved, let him settle the problem and tell her that you can't get in the middle of things.

T., personally, I would stay out of it. I would leave it up to the two of them to work it out. You want your son to be happy and this woman seems like a roller coaster. They may get back together again and you certainly don't want him bring up to her anything negative you may have said while they were broken up. She will then insist that your not in the picture. Just love your son and let him know that you support him no matter what. Reassure him that you only want him to be happy and he has to make the decision as to what happiness means to him. If the girlfriend calls and you answer let her know hat you just want them both to be happy, but you have made the choice to stay out of it and let them work it out on their own. If she calls and you're not able to take the call, I would not call her back. I would just stay out of it.

The most diffcult part is not getting involved. Let him decide what's best for him and then love him through his decision. Best of luck to you all. - L

Give her a book called Love and Respect. If she really wants to make a great marriage she can use it.

Try to keep neutral on this issue, especially with your son's on-again off-again fiance. Anything you say can and probably will be used against you at some point. As for your son, try not to give unsolicited advise because, again, if you do, it may backfire on you. If he asks you for advise or your opinion, definitely do so but do it in a way that is like planting a seed of knowledge for him to ponder and come to his own coclusions rather than telling him what to do.

This girl sounds like she's a lot of drama and, from my experience, people like that don't mind conflict; just the opposite really, they thrive on it and seek it out where ever they can. Depending on your son's maturity level and emotional needs, she may or may not go away any time soon, in which case, you will not want to be starting world ward 3 with her anytime soon and risk having her alienate you from your son.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Pardon my saying, but they seem "young?"
Regardless, this is dysfunctional behavior of this woman.

When I was in college, and living with my parents at the time, a similar thing happened to me... I broke up with the guy....he was very possessive etc., and I cut it off. But, no, I did not love him....as I saw how dysfunctional he was, and that kept me in reality. He KEPT on calling... well, I told my Father, he picked up the phone, and told him off... he said that if he continues to "harass" his daughter that he will call the police and file a report AND get a restraining order.

Well, that was that. Never did the guy bother me again. Mind you, it was scary... he kept calling, and following me, and was highly jealous etc. Dysfunctional and "potentially" it could have escalated. I had to have my guy friends with me when I went out... so that I would be "protected" so to speak. But yes, once my Dad told him off and said the word "police" and "restraining order"... this guy stopped harassing me.

If your son is youngish (or not) .. and obviously still in your home... this woman is posing a problem for you and your home as well. This is just VERY "threatening" and un-nerving. You CAN do something about it. It is not right... this woman sounds a bit off.... this is not "normal" behavior.

Your son, he has to SEE this. No human should have to go through this. He is being harassed etc.

This woman should NOT under any circumstances be a "wife to be..." What a mistake. Love has nothing to do with it... your son has to see that t his woman is a PROBLEM, mentally.

I wish you all the best... really. You and your Son MUST do something about this. It is in your hands... you can take control of this... do not "let" this woman CONTROL your son... and your home... and your phone... and your privacy.. and your sanity... and your well-being... and your mental health... and potentially your "SAFETY."
Do NOT allow it.

Your son must NOT be a "victim" to her, to this, to this problem. Nor you.

Take care,
Susan

Stay wayyyyyyyy out of it.
You will loose.

STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!! Your son will make the right decision. She can't have him all to herself, that's just not realistic. He will resent her in the end. Just be there for him as a mother should be.
Good luck!

Stay out of it. Be a listening ear for your son but try not to give advice. If he asks what you think, tell him the truth. Best of luck to you!

My MIL of 12-years and I have a great relationship because from the day her son and I started dating - she stayed out of our relationship. She has never questioned the way I treat her son or grandchildren or given unsolicited advice on how to do anything. And, in the beginning, if I asked for relationship advice, she simply told me I was talking to the wrong person, that if I wanted to know how to please or change her son, I needed to talk to HIM and not her. If you do call her back, I suggest telling her that you are not a counselor, your son is an adult, and he will make his own decisions.

Maybe if you just tell her that you would love to give her advice, however you feel they would both be better served to seek out a counselor. That way you are not taking sides and giving out advice that apparently has fallen on deaf ears ("...they broke up again..."). She is seeking validation for her demands and you are not the one to give it to her. Good luck, I know this must be hard for you.

I think the best thing to do is to stay out of it. Just lend an ear if your son, or his fiance need someone to talk to but don't say anything, just listen. But to be honest--there is something wrong with her if she doesn't want him to have friends and socialize with anyone other than her. Who's not to say in a while she wont tell him not to have a relationship with you? or other family members? They should go and speak to a nuetral party like a counselor because maybe there is something they're not telling you. Maybe his friends are a bad influence or cheat on their wifes/girlfriends and this is what she's scared of? Just pointing out things from both sides. Good luck!

Hi T.~

Why don't you ask her gently, to examine within herself what her fears are. Her issues have nothing to do with your son. He is merely a "tool" for her to further understand herself. Also, it isn't of love to put restraints on a person and make them sacrifice other loved ones in their lives. Has she previously been hurt in the past by someone cheating on her or leaving her? Express to her that this would be an excellent time for her to choose growth of her spirit (rather than hinder that of your son's). At the moment, it's not healthy for them to be together. This occurring now is why they're together... not for marriage. It is fine for you to talk to her, but all in all, you will need to be honest with her. Be honest in a way that will enable her to search her soul and her fears. You may be the pivotal one here. Afterall, if she feels no confidence in your son, then the entire energy of them together is reckless. Right now, he is above it all. And prior to our arriving in our suits here on earth, or our bodies when we're born, we all have pre-programmed different people to mean different things throughout our lives, and to have them encourage different growth passages, if that is what we so choose. I don't get the feeling that this woman is at a point yet to be 100% honest with herself. But if she is placing blame, she will not grow spiritually, she will regress your son and drain you.

It is very important to realize that we are all such beautiful blessings to each other; and through every "negative" experience, there is an opportunity for amazing and extremely positive growth and self-expansion! Perceptions have to change in everyone; we cannot sit in judgement of each other any longer. We need just love and an understanding that there are things occuring for a higher purpose :). So just be patient with her and don't put any energy into negative stuff. Realize that is all of her own creation because if you do not, you will manifest something ugly of your own. If your son loves her, then letting her go now is his best thing. I don't foresee a marriage happening as long as he remains above all her "stuff". You can envision him in a golden and turquoise protection pyramid. He is inside of it. Nothing has permission to harm him or attach itself to him. You can do the same for yourself, however with you, I'm getting your colors would be indigo and gold.

For the record, I actually see him very happy in a marriage, but it isn't to this woman. The other one is close. So, however long they have shared together, is the time it has taken them to come to this point they're at now. This is a great thing! Your son can go in peace moving forward and he must know that! It is imperative he stay separated from her energy now because of how it can attach itself to him and affect him negatively as a result of how he cares for her. Also, he must not feel sorry for her. He can send her a pink Light of Healing Love. He has been her mirror... now she needs to have her time to examine things and herself without him around or he will be sucked back in and made the reason for things. It will be very telling what she chooses to do and how she responds. And also know that things happen for a reason. You said they broke up AGAIN. Things aren't flowing here, T.. Your son and she may have further "work" to do together in this life, but not at this now. And all this I've told you is not to suggest leaving a loved one in the time of need or anything like that. Sometimes space is the greatest gift of all! She won't have that space to grow if your son is around; and this will be true of you at some point. You will know when to let go. :)

Peacefully In Light and Love,
J.

She's looking for support, but it's just inappropriate to involve you in their personal decisions. Tell her that you do not want to discuss their private lives, and ask her not to phone you. Tell her if she does you'll refuse to pick up or hang up on her. Then do it.

Tell your son the same thing. Explain that it's BECAUSE you love him that you can't be involved in making decisions about who he dates or marries.

On a side note, there's no way to really tell if she's excessively needy or if your son's friends actually make her feel unwanted or are bad news. Either way, it's between HIM and HER, NOT YOU.

i think u should tell her the truth. that your son should still be able to have a life outside of her (as long as it is respectful of the relationship)& vice versa. they have possibly the rest of their lives to be together if she plays her cards right. she shouldn't try to be so smothering & to grow up! after that, u should probably let them work it out or break up completely if that's what your son decides to do.

Call her back. Be friendly and polite - it may work out and she could end up being your DIL. But be firm. Explain that you don't think it's healthy for either person to give up their friends and that you can't support her in that request. Explain that he loves her and if she is willing to give him space and share him with others, it will work out. If you like her, you can say that you hope it does work out, but you can't be involved anymore.