I am 35 years old and have no children but would absolutely love to be a mother-my younger sister, who has 2 children of her own, recently said she would have a baby for me. I think it is amazing that she would think to offer that but I told her to REALLY think hard about it and we will talk. I'm just wondering if anyone knows the legalities involved with something like this? Would it be as expensive and difficult as a "normal" adoption?
My sister was diagnosed with a condition that made it unlikely for her to have children. She has always wanted to be a mother, I told her if she could not have one I would have one for her. I meant it. But now that I have had children I can tell you I would never ever be able to give over a baby that came from my body. I think this is a dangerous proposition and one that could end badly.
Is she talking about adopting one of her and her husband's babies to you... or surrogated you and your husband's fertilized eggs via IVF?
There are so many children in the "system" that need a loving home. If you went through your state adoption system you wouldn't have to worry about having issues with your family. Just a thought.
I'm a little confused- she will be a surrogate- or give you a biological child of hers?
If surrogacy is what you are referring to,then it would be worth looking into. I have told my older sister several times that if she cannot have a baby on her own (she is currently in the process of trying invitro for the time) that I would be a surrogate for her. I had both my boys with little effort. I meant every word and would feel honored to do that for her, if it were to come to that- and that that baby and I would have a special bond always. But I also understand how so very difficult the act of carrying a baby for 9 months for some one else would be.
However- there is NO way I could give her one of my biological children.
So just be careful before you set yourself up for disappointment
I would seek two things counciling ... legal and mental to make sure ALL areas are covered.
Wow, I think this is an amazing testimony to Sisters! Thank God for them, huh?
But, sure, have a consult together, with a family attorney, if only for info.
And absolutely, make sure the MEN are on board.
:)
Hi L.,
What your sister is offering is extremely generous. But....I would really think about this alot. The possibility of something going wrong is very great and what if she changes her mind at birth? It would harm your relationship F.. Why not go through a surragacy program and find a surragate to host your baby etc. Then its no one you know and you can do it legally etc. Best wishes!
M
do a private adoption. my mom did that with my youngest sister. my aunt and uncle who couldnt have children adopted my moms baby. it was the best thing for her my mom could hardly afford my sister and i let alone a new baby. my little sister knows she was adopted and the story behind it. she has no hard feelings etc. its a hard decision and yes i agree she needs to really think about it. maybe have your eggs harvested and pick out a donor if you can afford to do that.
my older sister can not have children and i would have a baby for her.
I would assume it would be cheaper than a normal adoption.
My guess is that an attorney would write up the contract for you ALL to sign.
You would obviously pay for all the medical bills associated with the pregnancy and birth of the baby.
The "emotional" issues would be where the expense issues stopped.
O. expense you don't want to skip is an attorney.
I think this *could* be an incredible gift of love and life-- or-- it could be a nightmare.
I don't know you or your sister, so you guys will have to figure that O. out!
Good luck!
I don't have any first hand knowledge - none of us on here will, so definitely you will need an attorney.
Only you know your family dynamics. This would be a disaster in my family. My sister balked when I dripped wine on the shirt she loaned me to wear for the day when we had a change in plans one trip while traveling. For me to raise "her" baby would be a nightmare.
I would think it would be MUCH trickier navigating the emotions involved of having the bio mom still in the family. BUT only you know your sister and the relationship the two of you (and the rest of your family) have, so you can gauge what fallout there might be.
If it were me.... I would treat it as a "normal" adoption. So, the "fee" would be the same.
You didn't ask this.... but a single 42 year old friend of mine did artificial insemination. BY FAR the best of all worlds. It's all her baby - no messy issues to deal with.
Good Luck.
I don't think it would be that complicated legally since it is voluntary on both sides. Your sister (and probably her husband) would sign a termination of parental rights and you (and your husband if you have one) would go to court to finalize the adoption. There is probably a short wait in between in case you sister were to change her mind (I can't recall if it was 45 or 90 days in my state). I would consult with a family lawyer about the details in your state. You probably need a lawyer or officer of the court to witness the signatures on the paperwork and have it notarized.
I think you need to find a support group and/or program for surrogate parents and families and ask the hard questions. I have read that many recommend that the surrogate (be it a gestational surrogate or not) already have her won children so that knows what she is giving up. It may not be as legally complicated as one might think, but there are different levels of surrogacy and you need to find out more about how each would or would not apply to your situation.
Wow...You are so lucky to have a sister who would offer this. Even if you don't end up taking her up on it.
I am sorry about your issues with infertility; I had that experience after my daughter and it is tough. You didn't mention in which way she would help you...whatever you decide I think you should definitely consider it, if you have a good relationship with her. Someone on here mentioned counseling and that's probably a great idea.
What a loving, loving gift! Best wishes to you on your journey to motherhood : ) S.
Different situation: my stepsister adopted her stepbrother's son. It was less than $1000 all said and done. Just a simple attorney fee and doc filing.
LUCKILY. There was no real drama, no backing out on either side, etc. So I imagine it'd be the same or similar in your situation.
I would do this for my sister also and was considering it too before she finally got pregnant. Though I'm not sure how she would have felt because I never brought it up with her. I would go the turkey baster route though to avoid all the hormones and implantation process and the associated costs.
My husband on the other hand could not fathom the idea. So all hands on deck, we were not.
Lots to think about.
