My One Year Old Son DOES NOT WANT to GO to BED at NIGHT!! HELP PLEASE!!

Here is what stands out to me about your post:
"My son would sleep when he was a little ... I have not been able to get him to go to bed at a decent time without putting up with one heck of a fight from him."

Of course he is going to put up a fight. He doesn't want to go to sleep. And he has learned that if he fights you won't make him, apparently.

Read some sleep training books and develop a plan and stick to it. Trying something one night, or even two, isn't going to "fix" it. You have to decide to work the plan and then DO so. And that means more than just a couple of nights in most cases.
You said you don't believe in letting him sit in there and cry for an hour. Well, I don't know any actual sleep training books that suggest doing that. Everything I have ever READ says that you go in and check on them at intervals, you just don't get them up or pick them up or give them a bottle. You do NOT just ignore them the entire time. Did you read that somewhere or was that just what you thought "cry it out" meant? Because it isn't what it means.
The method I used (Ferber) suggests not to leave them un-checked on for more than (I think) 15-20 minutes. It's been a decade since I've used it so I can't remember exactly. You start checking on them after 5 minutes. Then the next check you wait until 10 minutes. Then the next check you wait until 15 minutes, but you never go past that. You just continue to check approx every 15 minutes until they are asleep.

It would seem to me that he needs to go to bed earlier and that a lack of sleep is making him overtired and therefore more awake.

You also mention that even when he doesn't sleep well you have him up at 9 a.m. What time does he get up when he has slept appropriately (or as close to appropriately as he gets)? My kids never slept past about 7:30. EVER. Well, until my son was about 9 yrs old. If you prefer them sleeping later, fine, but realize that that may be having an effect on how late he goes to sleep at night also.
My kids (at age one) were in bed by 7:30 pm. And slept all night.
Get a good sleep routine (PJ's, teeth brushing, goodnight kisses, story in the rocking chair, prayers, lights out) and do it EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT. Then put him to bed (and use Ferber's method checking at intervals).
Yes, he will fuss. Yes, he will probably scream (it has worked for him in the past...). It may take a week of this. It may take 10 days. For us, it took 3 nights, but there was no pattern of letting them stay up until 2-3 a.m. in place already.

Good luck. And don't give in. But have a PLAN, not just winging it every night.

Your older child is a "sleeper" as the people like to say. She naturally caught on.

Your son is not, and needs to be sleep trained.

Ferber, Babywise are both good books showing you step by step how to. You can likely google either and get more info.

Our son is 13m - and also was not a "sleeper". We sleep trained him at 4m.

Good luck!

At this age, it may be time for some tough love. Rock him, cuddle him, put him in his bed with a sippy cup of water and shut and lock the door.

With little babies I'm not a cry it out fan, but it sounds like your son is stubborn and mad and wants to get what he wants.

It may be two - three rough nights at first, and then every once in a while after that he will try again. It would be easier to do now than when he is older can can climb out of his crib and come running out.

The other option is to bring him to bed with you but that option pretty much means that he'll be in your bed for the next several years. This isnt a bad option if you dont mind a little person in bed with you. My son normally joins us at some point in the night. I have friends who have ALWAYS slept with their children who are now 3 and 5.

Good luck! And just think - when he is 15, you wont be able to wake him up...

Edit to add (after reading additions to your response): Put him in his crib to go to bed every night - that way he will get used to falling asleep in his crib, and when he wakes up in the night, will be more likely to fall back asleep. I'd try putting him in bed first (@ 8:00-8:30) and then your daughter at 9:00.

My children are 3 and 2, and share a room. Neither slept through the night until @ 20 months. They would fall asleep ok (or after about 10-15 minutes of crying) but then wake up @ 2-4 in the morning. I nursed them and then put them back in bed. @ 20 months, I just stopped getting up - they cried a little and fell back asleep.

As far as waking each other up - for the most part, they got used to each other crying at different times and sleep right through each other's fits. If one woke up he/she went right back to sleep.

I still suggest, if you want your son to sleep all night by himself, letting him cry. After a couple of nights, he will sleep the whole night. For those 2-3 nights, have your daughter sleep on the couch or in your room. Start the process on a Friday night so your husband doesnt miss a whole lot of sleep on a work night.

If letting him cry is NOT an option, than you have two choices - continue with the status quo for a year or so - until he changes on his own into some other sleep schedule, or bring him to your bed and be prepared for him to be there for the next five years.

My favorite sleep training book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Good luck!

Duct tape?

My kids fought sleep when they got old enough to realize they could fight sleep which just happens to be around one. Ya ignore the tantrum and you keep putting them back. Make sure there is nothing in the room they can play with.

Now I reversed the locks because my butt went to sleep sitting outside the door to nail the buggers when they tried to get out but if you are of the camp that that is cruel you can sit outside the door. Just so it is clear reversing the locks means you cannot leave that door locked when you are asleep! It is one thing to get them to sleep but for a child to wake up for whatever reason trapped in the middle of the night, well that is cruel.

Sorry I answered this like my kids, I just realized not everyone has escape monkeys. Your child may still be trapped by his crib, oops.

Pretty much if it is just the screaming, if his needs are met, ignore him. So long as you go in and interact he is getting what he wants and will continue.

C.:

he is testing you and winning. This is a tough time. I get it. Set the routine and make the consequences the same each time. Night time is sleeping time.

I will have to say this - this sounds like my girlfriends son - who has AD/HD and some other issues. He slept for spurts at a time and then would be spinning like a top, peter out and sleep again - cat naps. He's now 12. he is on medication and now sleeps the night through. It took about 2 years to get the proper diagnosis. My GF and her husband were at their wits end. he was 4 when they finally got the right meds for him...his dad is bi-polar so that factored into it as well.

I would keep him up until 9PM - then when he gets up - take him back to his bed and tell him that it is bed time. He does NOT get private time with mommy. He doesn't get TV time or game time. It is BED TIME. It is a routine. Find the routine that works best for you - bed time - bath/shower, brush (hair and teeth), book, prayers, bed/sleep.

Don't keep switching it around. It doesn't become routine until you do it for about two to 4 weeks.

If you feel out of control, you might want to try the Dr. Ferber Sleep Training book. The methodology, of periodic reinforcement gives you something to do that is constructive while you have your little guy learning how to go to sleep, and how to put himself back to sleep.

I like the one nap strategy, and the putting to bed later strategy recommended by others. Success breeds success. If as a consequence of being put to bed later, he gives you less of a struggle, and sleeps better through the night, you can count that as a victory, and then slowly creep his bedtime to an earlier slot that works well for your family.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I would rework your schedule. Up in the morning at whatever time it is you get up. say maybe 8 am? then a nap around noon. keep him in his room for a nap and then keep him up till about 8 at night. bath, bed and let him scream. he will get it eventually. I would not move him into your room. that sets up a whole new scenario where he won't go to bed unless your with him.

You don't say much about what your bedtime routine is or what times your son is sleeping. When my son was not getting enough sleep he would be very restless and wake up during the night. Is it possible he is ready to shift to one nap a day and then go to bed at 7? Maybe shift the nap to right after lunch and combine the 2. I think 15 months is about when we switched from 2 to 1 nap and at that age my son's bedtime was between 7 and 7:30. We had a very set routine-dinner, a little quiet play, bath, brush teeth, 3 books, 2 songs and then bed. If he wakes at 10 then just say "it's time for bed" and put him back. Of course he'll get up again and you then silently put him back in bed. Ignore the screaming and don't talk to him about it or reason with him. It will probably take an hour or two the first night, but it will get much easier each day as long as you are consistent. If you feel like you are going to crack and take him into the living room ask your husband for help. I know he has to get up early for work, but in the long run this will help him out.

My 1 year old sleeps 830pm-730am, with a nap around 1030 and sometimes a nap around 330 (he fights this one, so it varies every day). Our night time routine is bath around 8pm, then he will nurse before bed in his room with just the nightlight on (but he doesn't fall asleep nursing, he's awake when he goes into the crib). I think you need to get him up earlier and get him to bed earlier. I never had to let mine cry it out, he'd fall asleep most of the time before the first 5 minutes. Once they get too tired they will fight sleep every time. Try to find that time that he's drowsy, but not overly tired yet. 1 year olds need more sleep than your little guy is getting. Start the bedtime routine earlier, if he's not sleeping until 9 he'll nap earlier and be ready for bed at a decent hour (hopefully). Does he have any music or bedtime toys in his crib? My guy has a glow worm type toy that he'll turn on which plays music for 5 minutes and then turns itself off, he'll turn it on if he wakes up during the night or if he doesn't go to sleep right away and it seems to calm him down. Good luck, I hope you find something that works!

Your son is too tired by 10 pm for a restful night's sleep. If everything else if the same (wake time, naps) then that's the issue.
He's overly tired. Sleep begets sleep.
Start a bedtime routine at 7:30. Bath, book, lotion, song, prayers, whatever a bedtime routine "looks" like at your house.

Once the "window" is gone--it's a nightmare. Overly tired kids will NOT sleep well.
If he's up earlier, oh well. That means an earlier morning and afternoon nap and all of the planets will align. (Last nap ending earlier, he'll be more apt to be ready for the earlier bedtime.)

Good luck!

I have a 14 month old. This is my 2nd child, my first was an excellent sleeper from the womb. My son, not so much. The book that has helped me the most is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. You are probably not going to like this, but he would tell you to put your baby to sleep earlier, like 5:30 for a few nights, because when your baby is overtired, they are cranky and can't sleep. My baby sleeps 7 pm - 7 am, with a nap in the morning around 9 - 10 a.m. and then again from 1:00 - 2:00. Somewhere around 15 -18 months, babies drop their morning nap. Babies need their naps. It actually helps them to sleep BETTER at night, because if they are not getting enough sleep, they get wired and overtired and it makes for poorer sleep. I like this book because he gives lots of scenarios of different families and what they needed to do to get their child to sleep better. When you keep your baby up until 10:00 p.m., it is depriving him of a natural sleep rhythm. I know it's hard to put him down earlier, especially if you work late, but in the long run you will have a happier baby and all of you can sleep through the night. I highly recommend getting a copy of the book, because it has helped me tremendously at several stages, when my baby was super fussy and did not sleep at night. My pediatrician's office also recommends this book to all new parents.